


We'll be Okay

by Nova_Raven



Category: Sam and Colby, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bondage, Dissociation, Dubious Consent, F/M, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Filming, Rape Aftermath, Slow Burn, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-04-24 10:56:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 108,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19171861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Raven/pseuds/Nova_Raven
Summary: Sam and Colby are kidnapped by a group of contractors looking to fulfill a very specific client's wishes...





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head the warnings, this is pretty messed up

"Sam!”

Sam started to come to to Colby’s voice desperately calling his name. “Sam, please wake up, please.”

“Colby...” Sam slurred through a tongue that felt like a cotton ball, the fog in his head making focusing on anything a challenge. His face was cold, his hands feeling about ten times their normal size, consciousness slipping through his fingers like trying to hold onto water.

“Sam!” Colby called again, “Come on man, I need you with me right now, I can’t...” Sam heard a clanking of metal on metal. “Sam!” Slowly, the fog on his mind was lifting, and the sensory cues his body was trying to send him finally started falling into place.

The ground under his head was cold and hard, and Sam’s brain laboriously placed a name to the sensation. Concrete. He was lying on concrete. He shifted his body, moving to push his face off the ground but his hands weren’t moving like they should have been, seemingly stuck behind his back. Wait, did he even have hands still? He couldn’t feel anything where his hands should be. Panic brought him to full awareness, and Sam opened his eyes to finally take in his surroundings.

Gray concrete beneath his face explained the coldness he had felt, and as awareness seeped back in, he could also faintly feel the cuffs that bound his hands behind him. He sat up as quickly as his restraints would let him, trying to locate Colby.

“Sam, thank fuck you’re okay.” Sam’s wandering eyes found Colby on the other side of the twelve by twelve room he had woken up in. Colby was bound over some sort of table, metal cuffs holding his wrists, ankles and neck in place.

“What the fuck?” Sam hissed, taking in the BDSM contraption that someone had put his friend into. Colby was shirtless, leaving him in only sweatpants, the guy clearly cold and terrified. Sam lurched to his feet, trying not to topple over at the lack of balance due to his inability to move his hands. The blood slowly started to return to his extremities, sending painful pulses of warmth all the way down to his fingertips.

There were tears in Colby’s eyes as he approached, and the remnants of them on his face. “God, Colby...” Sam wanted nothing more than to hug his friend, but the restraints prevented him from doing so.

“I woke up tied to this thing, and you weren’t moving, and I thought you were dead and I was so scared,” Colby whispered, tears escaping his eyes as he gave a fresh wiggle against his restraints. Sam could see that his skin was already red from escape attempts.

“I’m okay Colby, I promise,” He tried fiddling with the cuffs holding Colby, but the padlocks and solid metal quickly assured him he wasn’t going to make any progress. “Fuck!” He snarled vehemently.

“I’ve been trying for like an hour,” Colby said morosely, “Nothing.” He stared up at Sam, eyes wide and terrified.  “Dude, what the fuck is going on?”

Sam shrugged helplessly, wiggling his fingers as feeling slowly seeped back into his limbs. The numbness had started to subside, and a ferocious tingling had taken up residence in his hands. He flexed his hands as he continued. “I just remember being at the hotel, and then I think you screamed, and then...” Choking, cloying air in his lungs as he struggled to breath through fabric pressed against his face, darkness creeping into his vision as panic and adrenaline did their damndest to give him a fighting chance, but slipping under anyway... “Someone drugged us,” He realized, tears of panic starting to well up in his own eyes.

He wandered over to the door to their room, hoping that perhaps it might be unlocked.  It wasn't, of course, and Sam retreated back to Colby.  It wasn't like he could leave without Colby anyway.   Colby didn’t speak for a moment, maybe letting the reality of the situation sink in. “Why did they tie me up like this?” He asked quietly, terror an undercurrent in his voice. “This table is like something out of Fifty Shades of Grey...” Sam couldn’t help but agree. With Colby bound so that his neck was pinned in place, his wrists out to either side, and his ankles spread about a meter apart, Sam couldn’t help the directions his terrified brain wanted to race down, as this looked way to much like someone was planning to...

“I won’t let anyone hurt you,” Sam promised quietly, interlacing his fingers with Colby’s. His friend’s breath was starting to slip into panicked hyperventilation as his mind had clearly begun to paint the same image.

“Don’t make promises you don’t know you can keep,” Colby warned brokenly, twisting his wrist to grip Sam’s hand better. “And don’t get yourself hurt trying to help me. I can...” He took a steadying breath, “I can handle myself.” Sam knew he was trying to put on a strong face. He shivered. “I don’t want...” he trailed off.

Sam squeezed his hand. “We’re going to be okay, man,” His voice was thick with emotion, and he very much still wanted to cry. “We can... we’ll keep each other safe, okay?” His voice broke. Colby nodded, tears falling from his eyes again.

“We’ll be okay...”

OOO

Sam was sitting with his back to Colby’s legs when the door opened. He automatically climbed to his feet, trying to put himself between their visitor and Colby. He received chuckles for his efforts. It was a group of five people, three women and two men. They all were probably in their late thirties or early forties, and all were looking at him and Colby in a way Sam immediately disliked.

Like they were prey.

“Hello boys,” One of the women started, and Sam saw that she carried something that made dread sink into the pit of his stomach: a camera. Taking a closer look at the group, he saw that there were at least two high value cameras between the bunch. “Who are you people?” Sam meant for it to come out as much more threatening, but as it was it was clear that fear had leaked into his tone, as the predatory gaze of the two men had sharpened on him.

One of them moved towards them. Sam braced himself, not exactly sure how he was planning on defending himself with his hands bound and Colby locked into place, but feeling like he had to do something. The man seized his arm, yanking him off balance and away from Colby. “No, no, please, don’t hurt him, what do you want from us?” Sam begged, hearing similar sentiments echoed from Colby. Sam yelped as a foot kicked into the back of his legs, and hard hands shoved him to his knees.

“Sam!” Colby cried desperately.

“Shut up you two, we’re not going to hurt you,” One of the other women said.

“Yet,” Another offered.

“You see,” The first one to speak spoke again. “We are private contractors of sorts. We take requests from clients and deliver upon these requests. Our newest contract, involves you two boys.”

Colby spoke, though his voice was tight with panic. “So someone wants us?”

“Our client is interested in porn of Sam and Colby,” The woman stated.

Sam blinked for a moment. “In what now?” He squeaked, trying to get to his feet again but a solid boot to the gut sent him to his knees gasping for breath. He heard Colby cry out in distress, and looked up to see his friend with his eyes tightly shut, face tucked into the table as though he could escape. “But Colby and I don’t,” He protested, he knew his face was red, that every emotion was showing across his face but right in that moment he didn’t care, “We don’t have sex, at all, he’s my best friend, nothing more.”

The other man not holding him shrugged. “That’s not important,” He continued where the woman had left off. “The way they see it, they just want to watch you two fuck.” His eyes twinkled maliciously, “Whether that’s you two fucking each other, or us fucking you.”

“You want Sam to fuck me,” Colby put it together first, shaking against his restraints, “That’s why I’m tied up like this.” Sam watched tears drip onto the table Colby was restrained to, shock and horror eating up his insides.

The first woman shrugged. “Sam can or we can,” she shrugged. “Obviously he would prefer Sam, but exceptions were allowed if he won’t.” She glanced at him, “Or can’t.” Sam pulled again his restraints, hoping they would give, not sure what he would do against five people even if they did. And while they still had Colby.

Sam felt ice all in his insides. “I can’t,” He whispered brokenly, “I can’t hurt him like this. Please, just let us go. We’re just kids, we’re just YouTubers, please, you can’t ask us to...”

The man who had been explaining the situation strode over to Colby, who renewed his struggles against the cuffs, “Sam, Sam!” Colby called, “Let us go goddammit, please, please don’t make us do this.” Sam had only a moment to see the cameras move into position to realize what was going on.

And then Colby’s pants were pulled down and Colby shrieked before breaking into sobs, begging him to stop and Sam was yelling too, and Sam saw the man’s hand go for his pants and he cried, “I’ll do it, I’ll do it, don’t fucking touch him, I’ll fucking do it!”

The man backed away from Colby’s sobbing form, smiling amicably at Sam. “Well then,” he gestured. Sam froze, just now realizing what he had offered.

“I uh... I’m going to need some lube,” He said haltingly, “And maybe my hands free?” His heart was racing as the people around him started moving. Sam felt someone walk behind him, and almost jumped at the grip around his wrists.

“You try anything,” The woman said quietly, “We’ll give it to him twice as hard.” Sam shuddered, nodding his acquiescence as the binding between his wrist cuffs dropped, and his shoulders screamed as he moved his arms in from of him. Sam could see the cameras, one stationary on a tripod, the other one one of the women’s shoulders, so she could move around and... Sam shuddered at the thought. 

He walked over to Colby, placing a gentle hand on his back. Colby initially flinched, but then looked up to see Sam. His face was streaked from crying, and Sam knelt to get him at eye level. “I’m sorry man,” He whispered, but I can’t let them...”

“I’d rather you than them,” Colby grated out, “Just... be gentle okay? I’ve never done this before...” Colby was petrified, he could tell, and Sam cupped his face between his hands.

“We’re going to be okay, bro,” He promised, aware that he probably looked just as terrified and tear streaked as his friend. “I’ll go as slow as I can. I’m not going to hurt you.” And he pressed a gentle kiss to Colby’s forehead.

When Sam turned to look at their audience, he saw that a bottle of clear liquid had been placed at Colby’s feet, and his heart jumped back up into his throat. “We’re going to be okay,” He whispered, more to himself this time than anyone else. There was a camera following his hands as he popped the lid and poured a portion of lube into his hands. It was cold, of course it was, just like everything else in here. Sam rubbed it between his hands to try to warm it up before he touched Colby.

”Oh, and Sam?” Sam turned back to the people watching him.  One of the men cast him a threatening look.  “You’d best cum in his ass, understand?”  Colby cried out in shock and Sam’s eyes widened.  He was concocting a protest when the man said, “Our client wants cum in his ass, and its you or us.”  Sam gave a full body shudder, resigning himself to his fate.  

He wouldn’t let them touch him.  

“Colby, I’m sorry.”  Colby had gone back to crying silently, and Sam had to fight past the violation on his mind and Colby’s body to make his next move. It should be like girls right? Sam asked himself, realizing now that this moment would taint any sexual relationship he had in the future, because he would never be able to detach that from now. He rested a hand on Colby’s tailbone, trying not to panic at the shudder he felt from Colby. He looked up at their audience again, and one of the men looked at him expectantly, even tapping a foot threateningly. Sam felt a sob threatening to break out of his chest, but he bit it back, pouring more lube onto his right hand to hopefully cause as little pain as possible.

Both Sam and Colby inhaled roughly when Sam’s fingers brushed between Colby’s cheeks. Colby whimpered, pressing his face against the table and clenching his hands. “It’s going to be okay man,” Sam promised, continuing to gently stroke his way deeper, “We’re going to be okay.” He hoped his hand on Colby’s back served as some sort of anchor during this, something Colby could focus on that wasn’t...

Colby cried out faintly when Sam finally brushed against his hole, and Sam could hear the quiet pleadings of “No, no, please, no, please...” And it twisted into Sam’s chest to know that he was going to have to ignore Colby’s pleadings, because this was the lesser of two evils right? Would they even have given Colby any prep? Or would a dick ripping into his ass have been his first experience in this room? Sam shuddered at the thought.

He began gently pressing against the muscle, working lube into the opening little by little. Colby was letting out little gasps at each of his movements, giving the occasional whine at a deeper press. Sam was pretty sure the first time his finger slipped in it surprised both him and Colby, a shocked yelp coming from the latter. Sam tried moving faster after that, seeing the threatening looks that everyone had begun to send him. They read clearly:

Hurry up, or we’ll step in.

He got his whole first finger in without too much trouble, but the cry that came from Colby when he attempted to add another finger almost stopped him dead in his tracks. “Fuck, Sam, fuck, I can’t, I can’t,” He whispered frantically. “It hurts, man, I can’t do it, please.”

“Colby,” Sam whispered mournfully, wishing desperately he could retract his fingers and just set Colby free and run away. He could only pull his fingers out, add more lube, and return to his task.

Sam heard a loud whimper and several whispered swears but he was just trying to focus on getting through this at this point. This wasn’t even the hardest part over yet, he still had to get hard, he still had to fuck Colby.  How the fuck was he supposed to get off on this? On raping his best friend? He knew he had to try, he did. Or they would take over, and he told Colby he wouldn’t let them hurt him.

Sam took a break from fingering Colby to unzip his pants, stroking himself and hoping against hope that a little stimulation would help to perk him up. Reinserting his fingers, he tried to picture a different situation, fingering Kat open, listening to her moan and tell him how good it felt, closing his eyes and letting his fingers switching into an autopilot that would have Kat screaming.

Which is why when he heard a shocked scream from Colby it was a total surprise. “What the fuck was that?” He demanded, and Sam opened his eyes, moving his fingers again in the same hooking motion. “Oh fuck,” Colby groaned, “Sam, that feels...” His voice broke again. “Stop, please, I can’t, fuck, please.” But Sam noticed something.

For the first time since they had started this thing, Colby’s cock had twitched. Sam wracked his brain for what the hell he had touched, when a long forgotten conversation about male g-spots and prostates surfaced. Had he accidentally found... He pressed his fingers forward again, and he could feel it now, almost spongy in texture, rounded and towards the front wall of Colby’s rectum.  Colby whined at the stimulation, hips thrusting forward in an aborted movement.  He twisted around to look at Sam, lips parted, a confusion in his eyes.   

At least he could maybe help Colby enjoy it?

“Oh fuck, Sam, Sam...” Colby whined when he resumed his stimulation, turning to press his forehead back into the table. “Sam, Sam, fuck, please, please, I... please...” Sam didn’t know what Colby was pleading for. He wasn’t sure if Colby knew either. But with these noises Colby was making it was easier for him to slip into his head again, this time picturing Colby, picturing a scenario in which everything was consensual, in which he had three fingers deep in Colby Brock and Colby Brock liked it. And that was what finally did it for his dick, it finally rising and taking an interest in the proceedings. Oh thank God, he could get on with it.

“Colby, I’m going to... I’m going to fuck you now, okay?” Sam warned his friend. Colby’s body, which had almost relaxed during the prostate stimulation, tensed up again, and Sam heard a fresh sob heave its way out.

“Okay,” Colby whispered. “Please, just...” He trailed off and didn’t finish his sentence. Sam didn’t push. Hating himself for every second of it, Sam lined up his hard dick to Colby’s lube filled asshole and started to push in. Colby went rigid, and even as Sam didn’t want to do this his body couldn’t ignore the hot wet tight that almost immediately overwhelmed his senses, and Colby clenching down at the intrusion certainly didn’t help.

Colby whimpered, pressing his face into the table and shaking.  “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Sam saw new tears squeeze out of his eyes and Sam felt an immediate crushing guilt that he had come anywhere near thinking about enjoying this.  

He swallowed and gripped into Colby’s hips, giving little micro thrusts to simultaneously help stretch Colby and get his dick more with the program, as it was still having issues with the whole rape thing.  Colby grunted, his thigh muscles straining as he struggled to adjust to the intrusion. Sam eased forward until he was fully seated, balls deep in Colby’s ass, a place he sure as hell never though he would be. Colby was concerningly quiet, the sobs having tapered off as Sam breathed for a moment, his hands resting on Colby’s hips.

“Am I okay to move?” Sam asked, and he felt absolutely awful at how much he wanted to, because his dick was just feeling good sensations, no matter the context, and wanted to thrust and cum.

“Slowly,” Colby whispered, and his deep breathing told Sam he was trying to relax. Sam drew back just a little bit, the friction already amazing on his skin, and pushed back in lightly. Colby grunted, clenching hands rattling his cuffs. He thrust again, and again, and tried to lose himself in the mental image he had had before, where it was Colby actively wanting everything that he was doing to him, and that he was enjoying it as much as Sam’s dick, shocked that this actually made it easier for him to continue. 

Thankfully, it was over soon. Between Sam’s fantasy and his own natural instincts, he found himself coming into Colby’s ass much sooner than he expected it.  He warned Colby before he did so, and his friend shuddered clenched his hands into fists.  He half debated pulling out in the last few seconds, but couldn't let chance be there that he caused Colby any unneeded pain if their captors retaliated.  Sam’s head cleared almost immediately after the release of orgasm. He dropped to his knees, crawling around to look at Colby’s face as a camera follow behind him for a shot of Colby’s fucked out ass. His friend had clearly still been crying, but when he opened his eyes to look at Sam he whispered faintly, “Thank you.”

Something metallic hit Sam in the back. “Keys for his cuffs.” A female voice said. Sam jumped. He had almost forgotten they had an audience. Fortunately, it wasn’t for long. The group filed out with the video cameras before Sam could do anything.

Sam jumped up, snatching the keys from the ground and moved to unlock Colby’s restraints.  However, first he saw the fluid leaking out of Colby and shuddered, pulling his shirt off to give him something to wipe it off with.  “Colby, I’m going to...”

“Just get it out,” Colby whispered vehemently.  Sam could see that the facade of mild emotional control Colby had had was breaking down.  “Please Sam, get it out.”  

“Okay, okay,” Sam whispered, his own voice breaking, hating that they had made him do this, hating everyone involved in making him clean his own semen out of his best friend’s ass.  He did the best he could with the shirt, trying to finger out the fluid without hurting Colby more.  He did the best he could before wiping a final time and pulling his sweatpants back up.

He pulled the keys to the cuffs from the ground and started unbinding Colby.  He started with his neck, then his wrists and ankles. Colby tried to stand, but almost toppled over as the motion was too much for his stiff muscles. Sam caught him quickly, realizing that Colby was crying. Not the silent, terrified tears of before, but full on sobs, collapsing into his arms. A sobbing Colby in his arms didn’t bide well for Sam’s own emotional stability and soon the two were hugging and sobbing, trying desperately to come to terms with what they had just been made to do.

Sam was the first person to find his words again. “Colby, are you okay?” He backtracked almost immediately. “I mean, of course you’re not, I just fucking raped you.” Sam could feel the guilt that had been creeping up on him during sex poke its head out and remind him of its presence.

But Colby was already shaking his head.  After a pained noise from first trying to sit on his ass, he had shifted to lying on his stomach almost on Sam’s chest.  “Sam, you had to,” He whispered hoarsely, “They would have done so much worse. Probably fuckin’ ripped my ass open or something...” They both shuddered at the mental image. “So I mean, yeah, it fuckin’ hurt but like, I don’t think there’s any damage...so there's that.” They fell into silence for a moment before Colby blushed suddenly. “What the fuck was that thing inside me?”

“Uh, Kat called it a prostate?” Sam flushed, recalling his own reaction to Colby’s response to the prostate stimulation, “She was trying to talk me into letting her fuck me and said that guys have this g-spot up our asses.” Colby nodded, blushing harder and shifting uncomfortably. The guilt hit him again. What if Colby had hated it? “I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable, I thought if maybe you could enjoy it a little bit it would be less unpleasant and...”

“It was intense,” Colby looked at the ground. For a moment, Sam thought he might elaborate, but he didn’t continue.

There was a moment of quiet, before Sam asked, “So now what? They got us to fuck, what else are they going to do?”

Colby laughed darkly, “I guess it’s too much to hope they’ll let us go?”

Sam nodded faintly, curling up against Colby. “I’m scared,” He whispered, feeling tears pricking at his eyes again. “If this is how it starts, where will they go from here?” Colby shuddered, pulling Sam closer against him.

“We’ll be okay.” Now it was Colby promising.

Sam closed his eyes, forcing out a few tears. “We’ll be okay,” He echoed, praying that somewhere, people were already looking for them.

OOO

 

 

 

The video launched on Sam and Colby’s channel at 1:14 PST.  It only enjoyed a short 20 minutes of being live before it was taken down. At that point though, the damage had been done.  Twenty minutes of fans watching in horror as the creators they had almost come to view as friends were tortured.  Some called it a stunt, some called it real.  But they all made sure the evidence was tweeted out to the former trap house roommates, to make sure they knew that something was going on.

After viewing the sickening screen caps, anyone who knew Sam or Colby personally sent text after call trying to get in contact with their friends.

 The messages were never received. 

 The police were called 24 hours later.  

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

**Twitter:**

**__**

**SamandColby** _@_ samandcolby

Hey guys!  We loved performing for you!  If you missed the show on YouTube, check out that video and more at <https://tinyurl.com/snc12>...

1:14pm

__

 

“Fuck!” Corey hurled his phone into the wall, not seeming to care if it broke, “Motherfucking pieces of shit!”

Elton barely flinched, staring unblinkingly at his phone as the page slowly loaded.  The tweet had just been posted, and the assembled former trap house had hoped desperately it was a message from Sam or Colby.   

It was not to be.  

“I can’t look, what is it?” Kat had her face hidden in her hands.  She had been the one to spur the gathering, showing up at Devyn and Corey’s apartment in tears pointing at a screenshot that had been DM’d to her two days after their friends had been taken.  She had refused to get on social media after the message in an attempt to avoid the horrifying photos that were trending among their fan base.  

Elton couldn’t blame her.  He had been woken from a nap by his inbox exploding with screenshots from the short lived YouTube video depicting his friends.  He had found the all call to Corey’s apartment in the group chat shortly after that and had made a beeline to his friends.  

Elton felt sick as he scrolled through the page that had pulled up.  “It’s a site where you can pay for pictures and videos of them...” The photos and videos were blurred, promising clearer shots for sums of money.  It was the box at the bottom that made Elton close out of the site, feeling like he honestly might throw up from disgust.  “There’s a fucking suggestions box.  You can fucking pay for a request!”

Kat sobbed, burying her face into her hands and Devyn wrapped her into her arms, tears shining in her eyes.  Elton heard Corey and Aaron swear, and Jake’s solemn comment, “That’s fucked up.” 

“Who would do something like this?” Aaron asked quietly, his hands cross in his lap as Corey continued pacing angrily. “Like who would making them fucking...”

”Solby fans?”

“Fucking rape each other,” Aaron gestured wildly, finishing his sentence.  

“Don’t say that,” Kat uncovered her face, glaring at Aaron through red eyes. 

“That’s what’s going on right?” Aaron snarled, “They’ve got them in a room, fulfilling a bunch of fucked up fantasies for their fucked up fans..”

”Stop it!” Kat screamed.

”Hey!” Elton yelled, cutting them all off.  He nailed them a look that dared anyone to speak up, “We’re all scared, okay?  Let’s not start lashing out at each other. 

There was quiet following his yell.  “Sorry Kat,” Aaron apologized.  

Kat nodded, sniffling.  “I’m just so scared,” She whispered.  Aaron ran a hand through his hair, walking over to where the girls were on the couch and sitting down next to them.  He wrapped an arm around Kat and held her tight.   

Corey threw himself down into a chair.  “I should have gone with them,” He pressed the heels of his hands into his forehead.  “Maybe if I had gone with them nothing would have happened.”  Elton knew he was referring to the haunted hotel trip Sam and Colby had been filming when they had disappeared.  

Jake was already skating his head.  “Hey man, I was there and they just knocked me out and took them anyway,” Jake shrugged.  Jake had woken up the morning after they took Sam and Colby tied up in their hotel room.  He had been found when housekeeping had come in to clean the room the next morning.  As much as he had figured, someone had grabbed their friends at about nine at night.  Elton had seen the bruises that painted his face, chest, and ribs, but Jake hadn’t been forthcoming on where they had come from and everyone was a little too worried about Sam and Colby to press him.  

“They might have hurt you for fighting back,” Devyn pointed out, cutting off Corey’s protest.  He had stayed back for a getaway weekend the two had planned months prior.  They hadn’t found out about any of this until they had come back from the beach to dozens of text messages and missed calls.  “Or taken you too.”

 “I just wish...” Corey started, but fell silent.  They all knew.  

 Elton internally fought with himself as they spoke.  Part of him wanted to never touch the website again.  Part of him was desperate to know if the guys he viewed as his little brothers were okay.  But that would mean financially supporting the guys who took them, which left an awful taste in his mouth.  The view counter on the site that he had neglected to mention was bad enough.

 Sam and Colby’s families were both terrified.  They had received the news courtesy of the police shortly after Elton had called due to the explosion in his inbox and inability to get in contact with Sam or Colby.  He was in fairly constant communication with them now, both parties promising to keep the other updates with the news.  

 He was terrified.  Because he knew the basics of what Sam and Colby had been forced to do in the video that went live.  Had seen enough photos to figure out the sick plans their captors had for the duo.  He wondered if Sam and Colby knew even now that they were being filmed and that their suffering was being broadcasted to the internet, and that at least 2000 people were on those psychos’ website, watching his brothers be tortured... 

 

OOO

 

When Colby first came to again, he felt as though he must have had some horribly unpleasant nightmare, as he had this horrible, looming worry that something horrible had happened.  He shivered, feeling awareness slowly sink back into his body.  

 Then it all came back. 

 His next inhale came in as a gasp, and a shudder, as he instinctually curled into a ball to protect himself.  His ass hurt, his wrists and ankles were sore and bruised and there was someone pressed against him, almost on top of him...

 Colby yelped, eyes flying open and just scrambling away, body flooding with ‘get away, get away, get away now’.  Someone was touching him, someone was holding him down...

 “Colby?” Sam’s voice speaking his name brought him back to reality.  He blinked a few time, reregistering the setting, before looking up to see Sam looking at him, hurt in his eyes.  “You’re okay, Brother.  It’s just me.”  

 Colby nodded, still shaking, remembering everything that had happened, and warring between his instincts to get away from Sam because Sam had hurt _raped_  him and his knowledge that Sam was as much a victim as him.  He remembered huddling together crying in the corner of the room furthest from the door until the emotional exhaustion sent them both into a restless sleep.  He took a deep breath before releasing it, only just then realizing how tense he had been.  He lowered his arms from their defensive position and rubbed his face.  “Fuck, Sam.  I’m sorry, I just...”

“It’s okay,” Sam assured him quickly, looking away.  Guilt was painted all over his face.  “I fucking... I mean, of course you panicked.”

Immediately, Colby realized what was going on.  “Sam, no, hey,” Colby switched into comfort mode, crawling back to him, taking his chin and forcing Sam to look at him. “It’s not your fault, man.  That was... that was just as bad for you as for me.  I promise I don’t blame you.”  

Sam shuddered, breathing out slowly like he was trying not to cry again.  “I know, I know...” 

“Sam...” Colby folded his friend into his arms, tucking Sam’s face into his shoulder.  “Dude, I promise, I know you didn’t want to, I promise, I’m okay...”. Sam shuddered, gripping Colby tightly.  He didn’t speak,  and Colby breathed out, relaxing into the embrace, trying to ignore the pain from his backside.  His mind reminded him that Sam wasn’t really to blame for any of this, as much as his instincts fought against accepting the restricting hold. 

Colby already hated their captors for making him think about that.  He was a tactile person, easily sharing space and physical affection with his close friends, especially Sam.  He’d never really minded being manhandled, hell, even tied up when it was done by his friends for pranks over the years.  

Something told him that wasn’t going to be the same after this.  

He flexed his fingers, still able to feel the cold pressure of the metal cuffs around his wrists and neck.  That moment, waking up in that contraption was easily the most terrified Colby had ever been.  He hadn’t even been able to figure out how to turn his head at first, and when he had seen Sam...

For a moment he was sure Sam was dead.  Panic had overwhelmed his common sense to look for breathing and vitals signs.  He had started yelling, devolving to screams before the tears started, struggling with everything he had against the restraints even though they wouldn’t budge, wouldn’t give, and he just _needed_  to get to Sam.

When the initial panic attack had run its course, logic started returning to his mind.  He could see Sam was breathing, and it occurred to him that they wouldn’t restrain a dead body.  It had felt like forever before Sam finally woke up.  

Precisely long enough for Colby to figure out what plans their captors likely had for him. 

“Colby, did...” Sam started from his shoulder before he paused, rethinking his words.  “Bro, how badly did I hurt you?”

Colby froze for a moment.  “Uhhh...” 

Sam looked like he was struggling for words, “I don’t mean to pry but like, I just want...” He shook his head.  “Never mind, it was a stupid question, forget it.”

“No, it’s uh...” Colby took and released a deep breath.  He couldn’t deny he wouldn’t want to know the same answer in Sam’s place,  but the answer came with such a complicated caveat.  “Honestly dude, it...”. He struggled to find words from the maelstrom of emotions that had been earlier; the violation, the initial pain of the penetration, the weird, confusing feelings coming from deep within himself, a dick stretching him open and how he felt about Sam being the one to do it all.  “It uh... it hurt, but like...”

Because it had been Sam to do it.  He was acting on someone else’s orders because Colby knew he would had never done those things without that threat, because while they had come damn close to crossing that platonic line while drunk it had certainly never gone that far.  Because there was a point in their friendship when an interaction like that would not have necessarily been off the table.  Because if that whole damn argument hadn’t happened and Sam hadn’t started dating Kat when he did...

He shifted in Sam’s grip, and his friend backed out of the hug to look at him, emotional pain etched across his features.  It hurt Colby to see Sam so distressed, and he tried to find a way to explain it to him.  “It like, hurt my mind more than it hurt me, right?  Because like, for example, if that had been consensual between us...” _Shit, shit, shit, wrong phrase, uh... “_ It wouldn’t have hurt that bad, but like...” He was not letting his mind slide down that mental road, definitely not letting himself think the strange tingles prickling through his body, “It hurt more because I knew neither of us wanted it?  And like, it was fucked up that they made us do it?” He shifted again, moving weight off of the muscles of his rectum. 

Because Sam would have never done that with him given his own free will.  

Sam wouldn’t meet his eyes all of the sudden.  “I’m so sorry,” He started apologizing again.

“Sam, no,” Colby cut him off.  He wanted to be clear about this.  “I’m glad it was you.  I am so glad that it was you and not them.  They would have...” He was shaking as horrible images swam through his mind. “At least you... Like had it not been in front of people and on camera I might have...” He cut himself off this time, “You made it as painless as you could.” He finished.  

Sam met his eyes and there was a moment that almost passed between them before Colby coughed and changed the subject. He could examine the weird feelings swimming in his abdomen at a later time.  “Who the fuck do you think is paying for this?”  

Sam shrugged, moving his arms to cross over his bare chest, and Colby was reminded of why exactly Sam was missing his shirt.  “I don’t know,” He whispered.  

They had been careful, so careful with everything that they posted online, maintaining at least a little bit of privacy while still forming a close bond with their fans.  “Do you think they’ll post that video?” Colby asked.  

The way Sam’s whole demeanor changed told Colby that he hadn’t even thought of it.  “I don’t know...” Sam’s eyes were tearing up.  “I don’t want... our families, our friends could...” He closed his eyes, a few tears escaping.  

Colby didn’t even want to think about what would happen if his parents saw that video.  How much it would destroy them and his friends.  He hugged Sam, needing the comfort again.  Sam hugged him back, the pair falling into silence.  

They were terrified of what was to come.  

At some point, bodily needs started to rear their heads.  They had no idea how long it had been since they were taken, or since the scene this morning, but the fact was that there wasn’t a toilet in the room and Colby’s tongue felt like cotton in his mouth while his stomach growled its protests.  They ended up deciding on a corner and just trying not to think about it.  

After an indeterminate amount of time, they heard the door unlock.  

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tinyurl link doesn’t go to anything as far as I’m aware. I just made it up for this.
> 
> This is going to get worse before it gets better, but I promise there will be a happy ending.


	3. Chapter 3

The door swung open, and Sam immediately shifted in front of Colby, protecting him from the gaze of their captors.  Colby gripped tightly onto Sam’s shoulder, more than terrified of what could be coming next, but trying to keep a strong front.  The group was smaller this time, the two men with one of the women. She and one of the men held cameras.

“Hey!” Sam barked, “Planning on feeding us any time soon?  We could both use something to drink.”

A water bottle was chucked at them, and Sam narrowly ducked being hit in the face.  “Uh... thanks?” He uncapped the bottle, handing it to Colby to drink first. As Colby struggled not to down the whole thing in one go, the three new people in the room started talking.

“Our client was very pleased with the content you have provided so far,” One of the women started, “However, as you both know, good content can’t stop.”

Colby’s heart sank into his stomach.  He had a good idea where this was going.  “What are you going to make us do this time?” Colby glowered at the group as he passed the water to Sam.

He didn’t like the looks that spread over their faces.  “Our client though it was... unfair, that you didn’t get to cum last video, Mr. Brock,” One of the men spoke.  “It was requested that this changed.”

Ice raced through Colby’s veins.  Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck... He didn’t want to orgasm for these people, didn’t want to give them that.  It just felt... wrong. For all that he had been made to suffer earlier, he had been spared that. “Only if Sam gets to do it,” He stated, knowing it was the only thing that would make this tolerable, if even possible.  Sam was the only one who he wanted... Colby shut that thought down.

Sam cast him a look, and in it Colby could read his thoughts.  Always the one with the face like an open book, Colby could see every emotion passing through Sam’s mind.  Anger that they were being made to do this, concern for Colby and his desperate need to protect his friend from what others might do, pleading with Colby not to hate him, fear of hurting him, and a quiet resignation that this was what he would have to do.

“Our client always prefers that you two interact over us stepping in,” The woman smiled, “So that request can be more than accommodated.” Colby sighed in relief.  At least there was that. At least he wouldn’t have to tolerate them touching him.  “We don’t need to remind you that any resistance or escape attempts will be met with severe consequences?” She asked, looking at the two of them.  

They shook their heads mutely.  “Good,” One of the other men confirmed, and Colby saw a rather frightening looking device disappear into a pocket.  “I imagine you have no interest in being restrained again but we will do this if necessary.”

Colby shuddered, nodding.  He could still feel the phantom sensation of the cuffs.  He would do almost anything to avoid feeling that helpless again.  

The woman spoke again.  She nailed Sam with a grin. “So Sam, our client requested that you suck him off while fingering him.”

Sam’s eyes went wide, and Colby felt an answering twinge of pain from his rectum.  Fuck. But then something interesting happened.  He also felt an interesting sensation, one that almost could have been a twitch of interest had he not been in an place where he was so scared, at the idea of Sam playing with that spot inside of him again.

The sensation had been so foreign, a feeling that intense coming from inside his body.  The sudden sensation had made him yell at first, and Colby knew he had spooked Sam. He had just never experienced anything like it.  It had started as a really intense sensation, kind of like he had to pee but more, and then Sam had kept rubbing it, and these pulses had started moving through his body, pleasant in a way that had been hard to quantify.  It made him want to simultaneously demand that Sam stop and beg him to never.

He just hated that he was discovering this part of his anatomy because Sam was being forced to do this to him on camera for some unknown client.

Sam passed an apologetic look to Colby at the news of their expectations, eyes tearing up in frustration.  Colby shook his head. He turned Sam around to face him, one hand on his shoulder and the other touching his face.  “It’s okay, man. I trust you.” And Colby saw resignation settle into Sam’s shoulders, his head dropping pressure into Colby’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered, looking up to meet his eyes.  His hands had found their way to Colby’s chest and Colby shivered at the warmth on his skin in this cold room.  They had an almost tender moment, where Colby felt as though he could almost kiss Sam. It’s certainly what his instincts were telling him to do, but he wouldn’t force that on Sam, not when so much was already being asked of him.

Not when he knew Sam would not refuse it to give him comfort.

Colby chuckled a little bit through the emotions he could feel pressing out of his eyes.  “How do you want me, man?”

Sam cast a look at their audience, waiting to see if there would be any input.  When there was none, just the adjustment of cameras, he cleared his throat. “Just uh, where you are, I guess.”

Colby leaned back so that he supported himself on his elbows and Sam followed him back, eyes glassy with tears.  He looked like he was fighting some sort of internal battle and Colby felt like he had to say something. “Sam, I’m sorry...”

“Why are you apologizing?” Sam snapped defensively, and Colby flinched.  Sam’s face instantly crumpled. “No, I mean, sorry, I... fuck...”

“Sam.” Colby cut him off, pressing himself up again.  “I’m okay. Let’s just get this over with, okay?”

Sam squeezed his eyes shut, tears leaking out.  “I know, I’m sorry, okay, fuck, fuck...” He turned to their audience.  “Lube?” He asked shortly.

He was met with a shake of the head.  “You’ll be making plenty if you suck him off well,” he was informed.

Well that was frightening.  “Spit for lube it is?” Colby offered, unable to hide the trepidation that evoked in him.  Sam nodded. “Fuck...” Colby whispered.

Sam pressed a hand against his chest in comfort before pushing his waistband down. _Wait what?_  Colby looked at him in alarm and Sam offered him a tight smile in response.  “Gonna be hard to do it with these on.”

“Right, right, duh,” Colby glanced over at the camera as his whole body flushed with embarrassment. He was aware that technically the camera had seen everything while he was chained into that thing, but it didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want the camera seeing more.  

“Sorry...” Sam whispered, pulling them off his legs.  Colby cringed, flushing and curling in on himself in a vague attempt to hide from the camera as it moved to capture him.  He heard a whimper escape from his mouth and Sam looked like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. “Colby...” He breathed, looking at his friend.  He paused, seeming to be considering something, before pulling off his own pants.

“Sam, what are you...” Colby started in confusion.

Sam was already red, but he seemed determined in his decision.  “We do this together,” He promised, shucking the jeans off his legs. Colby’s mind oscillated between fighting Sam and letting him do it, landing on accepting Sam’s choice and the comfort gesture.  He finally decided on nodding gratefully. Sam took a deep breath, looking at the hand resting on Colby’s chest before he started moving it. He slid his fingers down his abdomen, locking eyes with Colby as he slowly uncurled his legs from his chest.  Colby blushed harder as Sam‘s hand neared his junk again, groaning faintly when his felt a light hand graze his shaft.

Sam was watching his hand but Colby was watching Sam, trying to read the expression on his face.  He was scared, terrified even, but there was something unreadable in Sam’s face, something Colby had never seen before and didn’t have a word for.  And then Sam’s hand gripped his dick and he was distracted from his psychoanalysis.

Sam was looking at him now, gently stroking him as he lowered himself down onto his stomach.  He was steeling himself, Colby knew that face, mentally preparing himself for what he had to do.  Colby was struck once again by how hard this had to be on Sam.  He was the one having to actually do all these things.  Even though Colby was the one feeling the bulk of it, Sam was still being forced to do things he had never done before and couldn’t be comfortable with.  He felt an overwhelming wave of gratitude to his best friend.  It would have been so much easier for Sam to let them them rape him.  But he was trying to protect Colby.  “You’re okay, bro,” Colby whispered to him. “You can do it. Take it slow.” Sam nodded, taking a deep breath.  And then there was a mouth on his dick.

Colby hissed in a breath through his teeth, unable to stop his body from recognizing the sensation as good.  He remembered Sam’s expression from earlier, as Sam had struggled to keep the instinctual enjoyment of the act off of his face for Colby, and tried to do the same.  His dick, however, had other plans, immediately perking up and taking an interest in the proceedings.

Sam seemed uncomfortable, unsure what to do about the flesh in his mouth.  Colby could almost see the gears turning as he tried to work out how to be on this end of a blowjob.  He moved his tongue cautiously over the head, trying a shallow thrust with his lips. He held the base of his cock with one hand, holding Colby stable and preventing him from slipping too deep.  

He closed his eyes, trying to breathe out slow and controlled.  He struggled to keep his hips from thrusting for more, his body reacting to the stimulus as it normally would, fear not even keeping the bloodflow shift at bay.  Sam seemed to be finding a rhythm, still keeping himself from going too deep but providing enough sensation for Colby’s dick to keep filling.

Colby tried to focus on that, getting this over as quickly as possible, to keep from thinking too much about the cameras watching him get off to his best friend being forced to give him a blowjob, other people watching as Sam fingered him until he came.

With that thought came a wet finger to his hole.

His next gasp was not a calm one.  He had thought he was mentally prepared for the contact until it happened and all of the emotions from yesterday came flooding back.  His eyes flew open and he might have thrown himself backwards and away from Sam had he not felt the gentle pressure on his right hand.  His eyes flew back to Sam’s with another ragged gasp. Tears were dripping down his friend’s face and Colby immediately felt guilty for his reaction.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’s me okay, you’re okay Brother.”

Colby nodded, gathering himself.  He shifted his weight up to his elbow and placed his free hand on Sam’s shoulder.  “You’re okay man, I just freaked out for a moment.”

Sam nodded, swallowing harshly and muttering a quiet, “Okay,” before wrapping his mouth around Colby once again.  Colby didn’t take his eyes off of Sam, couldn’t let himself get lost in his head again. This was Sam, Sam wasn’t going to hurt him, Sam was trying to protect him.  Sam signaled with his eyes that he was going to try touching him again, and Colby breathed out, nodding his consent.

The pressure wasn’t a surprise this time, and focusing on Sam’s eyes helped him remember where he was and who he was with.  Even as the cameras circled them Colby reminded himself that this was them. This was him and Sam and them keeping each other safe.

A particularly deep exhale allowed Sam to press a fingertip inside of him.  Colby winced, the muscles still sore from earlier.  The prior stretching didn’t seem to impact how much his butt did not want anything else in it.

Sam pulled off his dick, fully hard by this point, to murmur comfortingly, “I got you, man.  I’m trying to be gentle I swear,” His voice was thick, “Just pretend I’m some girl, and that there are no cameras, and you’re safe.”  He was struggling to keep a calm tone for Colby.

Always for Colby.

 _I don’t want to picture anyone else_ , was the thought that went through Colby’s head.  Because he didn’t feel safe enough to do this with anyone.  Despite the fact that he and Sam had never been -been able to be- sexual, his brain wouldn’t let him picture anyone else.  But he couldn’t say that. Sam was with Kat.

Sam had enough to deal with.

Colby hissed as the finger breached him further, trying instead to focus on the warm and wet around his dick.  His fingers wandered up into Sam’s hair. It was stupidly soft,how the fuck did he keep it so soft? Sam’s finger pressed up to the hilt and Colby couldn’t help the way his fingers tightened in Sam’s hair.  

Sam hummed quiet, trying to take Colby deeper and gagging harshly.  Colby’s hand almost pushed Sam down further because holy fuck that felt good and Sam looked so pretty- he stopped that thought in its tracks.  

He had almost gotten used to the first finger when Sam was pulling it out, spitting onto his fingers in preparation for another.  Colby cringed. This hurt. Two fingers hurt so badly last time and he had been tied down last time so he couldn’t fight Sam off but how the fuck was he supposed to just lay here and take this…?

“Colby.” Sam’s voice broke him out of his spiral and he focused on Sam’s eyes staring up at him.  “You can do this,” Sam whispered, “You’ve done it before, you can do it again. Come on Brother, breathe with me.”  Sam’s breath wasn’t that much further from panic, but focusing on something gave Colby the ability to regulate his own breathing and relax his sphincter muscles just a little bit.  Just enough for Sam to slide his fingers in.

Colby hung desperately to Sam’s gaze and the blue eyes he knew so well to get him through this.  He needed Sam for this. Would not have been able to keep it together with anyone else. As Sam started blowing him again, Colby kept a desperate view of Sam’s face, a sensory reminder in Sam’s hair.  The fingers in his ass were moving, he could feel them twisting and thrusting, prodding around inside of him. As he adjusted to the stretch, the pain faded, leaving behind an uncomfortable full feeling that somehow his cock wasn’t totally opposed by.  Just when Colby was thinking that he could probably get off like this if Sam kept this up, he hit it.

Familiar with the sensation this time, Colby’s whole body reacted with pleasure at the touch,  Unfortunately, that caused Colby’s hips to thrust and Sam to take his cock nearly to the hilt. Sam pulled off, choking and coughing.  “Fuck! Sorry Sam!” Colby cried desperately.

Sam coughed again, “It’s okay, you’re good.”  He hovered pensively over Colby’s boner for a moment, before asking, “Do you want me to try to get you off with it?”

There it was.  The real question.  Did he want Sam to keep taking advantage of that little spot inside of him?  To his confusion, he found himself answering, “If it will get me off faster, then yeah.” 

Sam nodded, seeming a little surprised but not going to doubt him.  “Up to you man, I don’t know what it feels like.”  

 

 

Colby chuckled, grunting at the increased movement inside him as Sam felt for his prostate.  “Maybe you next time then?” 

A laugh was surprised out of Sam.  “Don’t say that too loudly, dude,” He commented.  “Big Brother will hear you.” He sent a pointed glance at the camera watching them.  

“Big Brother can- oh fuck!” Colby was in the middle of his response when Sam slammed into his prostate, and he couldn’t hide the whine or the full body shudder that came from it.  It seemed his body had determined that “fucking amaze-balls” was the correct word for this sensation.  He practically convulsed as Sam continued to stroke it, almost forgetting where he was as 

“Fuck, Sam!” 

Waves of throbbing pleasure pulse through him, almost forgetting, until he opened his eyes to look at Sam and saw a camera almost right in his face.  The moan rumbling out of his chest died instantly as Colby remembered that every reaction he made right now was being recorded and sent to god knows where.  He froze, panicked tears welling up in his eyes again as he desperately sought Sam...

“Hey, Colby, Colby,” And Sam was there, pulling off his dick to be right in his face, getting between him and the camera.  “Look at me bro, it’s just me.  Just me and you, okay?” Sam pressed against that spot again and Colby whimpered, still terrified and exposed and humiliated and “Colby, look at me!” His hair was grabbed and his face steered to look straight into Sam’s.  “It’s just us man, okay?” 

Sam was practically on top of him, they were pressed groin to groin.  He felt something hard pressed into his hip and as he pressed against Sam he realized that Sam was hard too.  “Come on, Colby...” He was gently stroking Colby’s insides as they rocked together, blue eyes nailing into him, stroking the pleasure up into layers that built up to... fuck, could he cum like this, could he really get off in this situation...

“Cum for me, Colby,” Sam whispered, “Cum for me.”  And Colby did.  His whole body tensed and tightened around Sam, a high pitched noise escaping him as everything crashed over him.  He’d never had an orgasm that felt like this before, everything was just so much, too much, every inch of his skin felt like he’d grown a million new nerve endings, and he could feel every millimeter of the skin where he and Sam were pressed together.  

After his finished basking in the aftershocks, the world slowly came back to him.  He opened his eyes -when had he closed them?- to see Sam looking at him, that unreadable look back on his face from before.  His face was only inches from his own.  Colby subconsciously registered that there was a camera filming both of them in this moment, but he could almost ignore it while he tried to figure out what the hell Sam was thinking.  

He was vaguely aware of their audience wrapping up and leaving, the door locking behind them.  Colby winced as Sam pulled his fingers out, his asshole sore from the abuse.  Sam slowly uncurled his fingers from Colby’s hair, freeing his head but not dropping the eye contact.  Colby’s hips shifted a little, and this light shifting let him feel that Sam was still hard.  

A million thoughts raced through his head all at once.  Had Sam enjoyed that?  Did he need to cum? Why had Sam enjoyed that?  Was it a bodily reaction to stimulus or had there been something more going on?  

“Sam...” Colby reached up to touch Sam’s hair again.  “Are you...” He wanted to kiss Sam.  He really wanted to kiss Sam and feel and taste his friend solidly with him in that moment.  Their lips were only a few inches apart.  “Sam, I...”

Sam abruptly rolled off of Colby, landing next to him and fumbling for his pants.  For a moment it didn’t register, but then it did.  Colby felt his heart break just a little bit with the speed at which Sam had detached, his mind assuming the worst.  

Sam had hated it.

Sam was disgusted by touching him.  

Colby’s breath caught in his throat as a sob boiled up in his chest.  Fuck, what was he even thinking, enjoying this?  Sam was straight, Sam was his best friend and nothing more.  He was doing this because he had to.   What the fuck was wrong with him...?

“Colby?” Maybe it was because of the stress, the humiliation, vulnerability and fear that he had experienced, but Colby wasn’t aware he had started crying.  Sam pulling away had been the last wall on the tears.  The emotional wave broke and Sam suddenly had his arms wrapped around Colby tightly and comforting words were being whispered to him.  “Colby, I’m sorry man, I’m so sorry I had to do that do you, I’m so fucking sorry...” 

Colby shuddered, not even caring that he was naked anymore as he tucked his face into Sam’s neck and clung to his chest.  He breathed in his best friend’s scent.  There was body odor too, but mostly he could smell Sam, the scent he had known for so long, the only thing safe in this place.  He could hear in Sam’s hitching breath that he was trying not to cry.  “I am so sorry man, we just gotta get through this, we gotta survive, I’ve got you, I’m here for you.”

Colby was already trying to explain, feeling guilty to force Sam back to him.  “You just, you just pulled away like that and I couldn’t...” The crying was making it hard to be coherent. “I needed you.”  

“Shit, Colby, I’m sorry,” Sam tightened his hug.  “I didn’t mean to abandon you, I’m so sorry.”  Colby shook again, struggling to deal with the maelstrom of emotions twisting in his gut.  Fear, pain, worry, confusion about his feelings towards Sam and the shift that was happening because of everything they had already been through here, because Colby had been over Sam dammit, it had been years and he was over it but this... this forced intimacy and closeness... it was bringing it all back.  

Fuck.

They heard the door open and both of them tensed for another episode of violation.  However, a single tray was pushed into the room before the door closed.  

Food.

Finally.  

“Food!” They cried in unison, cutting off as they looked at each other.  Colby was the first to laugh through his tears, with Sam joining in afterwards.  

At least some things didn’t change.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More will be added as the muse is inspired. This came in about a 36 hour timeframe so I apologize for the typos and weird phrasing. I will fix it as I find it.


	4. Chapter 4

Dinner, or whatever meal it had been at this point, Sam had no idea what the date or time was, had been nothing fancy.  That didn’t matter.  He and Colby had devoured it.  He was pretty sure that was the fastest that he had ever eaten.  He never thought nameless meat and bread would taste so good. 

Colby had been quiet since they ate, his mind somewhere else entirely.  He was probably still processing everything that had just happened.  Sam still felt awful for earlier, remembering the way Colby’s face had crumpled as he pulled away because... Because he had needed to get away?  He was still beating himself up for being selfish in that moment.  Colby had needed him and he had... what?  Pulled away to save face in front of his naked friend?

No, Sam knew why he had pulled away.  And it hadn’t been because of anything Colby had done, not really... not... directly.

Sam hated being forced to do these things to his best friend, absolutely hated it.  Hated that he was taking these things from Colby that Colby had never given him permission to have.  Never would have given him if the circumstances had not been what they were.  

But that wasn’t everything that was going through his mind.  There were little moments in that scene, just little snap shots, where Sam felt like Colby might not hate him for everything, might actually enjoy what Sam was doing to his body, just a little bit.  And it was in these moments when he had fingers in Colby and Colby was moaning and whining and locking onto him with his damn blue eyes that... Sam couldn’t argue that he didn’t enjoy it.  He couldn't argue that it wasn't hot as hell.  

He wasn’t gay, or anything like that.  He’d wondered, like any other teenage boy he’d thought, what it might be like to sleep with his best friend.  They had been young and stupid and horny, who could blame them?  He and Colby had had many conversations that might have gotten a little too intense, trod close to the line between friends and... what?  Sam didn’t know.  

Unfortunately, his body had not been as confused as his mind earlier.  He hoped desperately that Colby had not felt how interested his dick had been at the end of their last session.  With the way Colby had been looking at him, staring into his eyes as he road out his orgasm... Fuck.  He shook off the slight tingle of arousal the memory had brought forward, immediately feeling guilty again.  He felt absolutely awful about it.  He could fantasize about Colby enjoying it all he wanted but at the end of the day Colby was being forced to suffer at his hands, and he was getting off on it.  Jesus Christ what kind of fucked up friend did that make him?  

“I don’t blame you, Sam,” Colby spoke from his spot by the wall.  Sam looked up, vaguely surprised to hear Colby speak.  At Sam’s questioning look, he elaborated, softening his expression. “I can feel you feeling guilty from over here.”

Sam sighed, pressing his face into his hands.  “It’s that obvious?”

“You were always shit at lying,” Colby smiled faintly, staring at nothing.  

Sam cracked a smile, shrugging helplessly.  “Some people would consider that a good thing.  Kat says that’s why my pranks on her never work.”  Sam wished instantly he hadn’t brought up his girlfriend, because he could see the shift in Colby’s posture, just a slight thing, but more than enough for Sam to recognize.  

Sam loved Kat, he did.  Was head over heels for the girl.  The way she looked at him and would smile and he knew that he would do anything to keep her smiling.  But then there was Colby, always this fluctuating figure in his head.  His best friend, roommate and... was there an and?

Sam was pulled from his thoughts by Colby’s voice.  “How do you think she’d feel about this?” Colby asked softly, now intentionally not meeting Sam’s eyes.  Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair, able to almost feel the phantom sensation of Colby’s hand in the same location.  

“I mean, she’d get that we’ve literally had no choice, like...” Sam’s voice faltered, his voice getting caught in his throat.  Guilt clawed up his insides again.  “I can’t... I couldn’t have let them...”

“Hey,” Then Colby was next to him, hand on his shoulder at he tried it catch Sam’s gaze.  “Hey man, you... you had to, you know that.  I know that.”  Sam grimaced and tried to look away but Colby just repositioned to be in his line of sight.  “Sam, please look at me Brother.”  Sam lifted his gaze to meet Colby’s earnest one.

“Seriously Sam,” Colby whispered, “I can’t stop most of what my body does because of everything but...” He shuddered, swallowing harshly.  

Sam moved his arm to grab Colby’s hand where it rested on his shoulder, squeezing gently.  Colby gave a ghost of a smile.  He tried for humor again.  “I guess if I had to pick anyone to fuck me up the ass it would be you.”  Sam’s eyes widened.  Colby seemed to realize what he had said and coughed faintly.  “I mean, you know, not that... uh...” His face searched Sam’s.  Sam wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but whatever it was, it seemed he hadn’t found it, as he looked away again.  

Now Colby looked like he was about to cry.  “Colby, fuck man,” Sam pulled Colby into his arms again, trying to comfort his friend.

His best friend.  His...

And there it was.  The undefined space in his chest that Colby occupied that could not be easily explained by any traditional labels.  Colby was his best, his closest friend, the guy who he was pretty sure he could call upon to help him get away with murder, but yet the cause of maybe the biggest conflict Sam had ever had.  

He wasn’t gay, he wasn’t.

But then there was Colby.  

He could still remember the night everything almost changed.  

He and Colby had had a party at their old place.  Sam, having met Kat a few weeks prior and being quite smitten, had invited Kat to join over Instagram.  When Sam had invited Kat, Colby had grinned.   _“Yeah, the more the merrier!”_  

Sam and Kat had flirted all night, playing off of each other with the joy of two young people who were discovering each other for the first time.  Sam remembered how Colby’s mood had changed through the night, his normal jovial self at the start, but more subdued at the end, hanging out mostly with Brennan by the couch.  Sam remembered the two of them watching him and Kat, murmuring to each other.  He gave them a big stupid wave, because he was drunk and happy, and why not?  Colby had halfheartedly waved back, an almost sad smile on his face. 

Kat had given him her number at the end of the night, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before climbing into to Uber with her friends.  Sam was over the moon, practically dancing his way back up to their apartment.  

Colby was moody, he still remembered that, because they had been drunk, and Colby was almost never moody when drunk.  Sam had been sprawled out on Colby’s bed, drunkenly regaling his friend with his ramblings on Kat. 

_“She’s just so pretty,” Sam slurred, flopping back into the pillow on Colby’s bed.  Colby sat up at the top of the bed, knees bent and feet planted on the bed.  “She’s got nice hair, and nice eyes, and she’s so great to talk to.”_

_Colby was fidgeting with one of his rings.  He didn’t wear as many back then, just two, one he had picked out himself, one Sam had gotten him as a Happy Moving to LA present.  “I’m glad you’re happy man,” He tried for a smile._

_Even drunk Sam could tell that something was up.  He rolled onto his stomach.  “What’s up dude?” He asked, scooting closer to Colby. “You’ve been in like, a mood, all night.”_

_Colby shrugged noncommittally.  “Just thinking about stuff.”_

_He was not giving up that easily.  “What kind of stuff?” Sam asked, pressing closer._

_Colby smiled faintly, looking away.  “Don’t worry about it man, I’m happy for you and Kat.”_

_Except Sam’s alarm bells were going off, because Colby didn’t_ sound _like he was happy.  And that had been a leap to just bring Kat up. “Come on man, you’re my best friend, what’s goin’ on?” He leaned his head against Colby’s thigh and made puppy eyes.  “Colbyyyyyy...”_

_Colby chuckled, ruffling Sam’s hair.  “Sam, you’re drunk, we’ll talk about this in the morning, okay?”  He was trying to distract Sam and Sam did not appreciate it._

_“You’re drunk too,” Sam pouted, squinting at Colby accusingly.  “If I don’t ask you now, you’re gonna forget to tell me.”_

_The look on Colby’s face told him that he clearly thought this would be for the best.  “Come oonnn, Colbyyyy,” He rolled onto his back and over Colby’s legs, pinning his friend in place. “Now you have to tell me.”_

_“Sam, let it go,” There was some anger in Colby’s tone now.  He shoved at Sam’s shoulders but Sam wasn’t giving up.  He was a bit irritated now that Colby wouldn’t tell him._

_“Not until you tell me why you’re being so weird!”  Colby shoved at him again, dislodging Sam but Sam only repositioned to grab Colby’s shoulders, trying to keep him from escaping.  Colby pushed at his chest, but Sam grabbed his wrists, pinning them to the wall next to his head as he moved to straddle Colby, getting right in his face so Colby couldn’t avoid him._

_Colby struggled against his hold, glaring at Sam,  “Let me fucking go, Sam.”_

_Frustration rose in Sam’s chest, driving the inebriation from his mind.  “No, you’ve been moody all fucking night and I want to know why.”  Sam was steadfast in his decision, pressing back again Colby as he struggled to free his wrists.  “I thought you and Brennan were happy for me.”_

_“We are.  I am,” Colby snarled.  “Just fucking let it go.”_

_Sam held on stubbornly.  “No.”_

_“Fuck you man, let me...” Colby bucked under him, trying to dislodge him.  Sam held on, but he was knocked forward into Colby’s chest by the motion.  When he pulled back, Colby’s face was centimeters from his own.  Sam blinked, taking in the expression in Colby’s eyes.  They were open in that moment, and Sam could see exactly why Colby was unhappy... unhappy he wanted Kat._

_Colby wanted him too._

_Sam fell back in shock, releasing Colby’s wrists and stumbling back onto his butt.  Colby’s eyes swam with a mix of emotions, fear, sadness, desperation, love..._

_Sam was not proud of what had happened next._

_"I’m not... I’m not gay,” He stuttered._

_It was like a brick wall had slammed down over Colby’s features.  He looked away, pain settling into his features.  “I know,” He said quietly, “I’m not either.  It’s just...”  '_ You...' _hung unspoken between them._

_Sam sat frozen there for a moment, his brain reeling from the fact that Colby... had non-platonic feelings him, and the fact that he wasn’t immediately put off by that._

_“Colby...” Sam started, “It’s not...” ‘_ just you’ _he wanted to say, but the words didn’t escape his mouth.  Because he didn’t even realize that he had realized it.  Not yet.  Not until Colby had asked him to leave his room and he was alone in bed still feeling the phantom sensation of Colby pressed against him, wishing he had just shut up and kissed Colby..._

Sam still wished he had handled that better.  He had been nineteen and stupid, way too immature to handle Colby’s feelings the proper way, to give Colby the respect he had deserved in that moment.  He had deserved much better.  

Instead, he had fled, like an idiot who didn’t know what to do with his feelings, too wrapped up in the fact that he _wasn’t_   _gay_ to realize that that wasn’t what this was about.  

They didn’t speak about it the next day, choosing to ignore it, choosing to pretend, at least Sam did, that he didn’t remember it.  Things were awkward for a few days, Sam went on a date with Kat, and when he came home Colby was the supportive best friend he had always been. 

Most days he could almost forget the whole conversation had happened.  And as more time passed Sam almost did forget it had happened.  Or that it had any bearing on their relationship.  Colby was his best friend, and Sam was in love with Kat.  Everything had changed for the better.

At least, he told himself that.  

Colby shifted in his arms, looking up at him from where they were snuggled together.  And Sam swore he could see a ghost of the look that he had seen in Colby’s eyes three years ago.  

Had Colby ever stopped?  Stopped wanting him like that?  

Sam fell asleep like that, with Colby tucked into his chest.  And it was like the argument that they had had never happened, because Sam was holding Colby, and his chest was warm, and his stomach felt like a swarm of butterflies, and Sam started to realize that he might want Colby too.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I took some liberties with Sam and Kat's origin story. No idea how they actually happened. 
> 
> Yay character development! Probably gonna be more torture next chapter then... well you’ll see...


	5. Chapter 5

Elton’s hands were folded under his chin, knuckles white with barely suppressed fury and terrible indecision.

It was four days after the guys had been taken.  Authorities were no closer to locating their friends and everyone was growing more anxious by the day.  Kat had flat out refused to go home alone, and was crashing with Corey and Devyn.  The trap house members kept casually checking in with each other, the boys’ families still reaching out with news of no news.  The tension was palpable when they were together, despite the humor they attempted to keep.

They were all terrified.

Elton, for his part, had tracked down anyone he knew with any tech knowledge, trying to get someone to traced the signal, or find out who owned the domain.

Unfortunately, their captors had been too smart for that.

Two days after the original social media post, Sam and Colby’s captors had posted a new video on their page.  New photos came with it.  They hadn’t even bothered with YouTube this time, but had posted a photo of the two of them on Twitter. In it, Colby’s head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth open, in reaction to something that was happening off-frame.  Sam’s eyes were dark and intense on Colby.

If Elton hadn’t known his friends so well, he could have almost misconstrued the photo as depicting a consensual encounter, the kind he was almost sure he was going to walk in on during the TFIL days.

Elton wasn’t stupid.  Rash and overly passionate sometimes maybe, but not stupid.  He had watched the two eighteen year old kids he had dragged around the world interact, living and breathing in each other’s space, watched how they looked and moved about the other, watched how their relationship developed, the dynamic they clearly had evolved; Colby pulling Sam out of his shell and Sam making sure Colby didn’t fly off the rails.

Elton knew Colby had it bad for Sam.  Drunken nights in the camper after Sam had passed out or been too tired or drunk to pay attention had told him that.  The shear number of longing looks he had to edit out of the TFIL videos told him that.  His heart ached for Colby, knowing his little brother had been hurt when Sam had started dating Kat, but he had hoped that had helped him move on.

He thought he had.

In all these years, Elton had never seen Sam appear to return any of those feelings.  He was pretty sure Sam was as straight as they came.  This photo though... Elton stared at it, trying to glean any information about what was actually going on in the photo from it.

The indecision was ripping him apart.  He so did not want to support these fuckers, at all, but he so desperately wanted to know what was going on with his brothers.  They seemed to be in one piece from the most recent photo, but it wasn’t... Elton scrubbed his face with his hands.

The over 100,000 views to the page told Elton that many other people hadn’t had the same moral concerns he had.  The site only accepted Cryptocurrency, a thing Elton had been on the internet long enough to learn how to acquire, but something that he knew would make their kidnappers much harder to track.

He wasn’t even sure he could watch the videos if he bought access to them, and it was not cheap, not that that was really the concern here.

He groaned.  This was so fucked up.

His mouse hovered over the button.

Whatever he did, he would hate himself.

OOO

Colby had no idea how much time had passed when he came to again.  He felt warm, and that immediately struck him as odd.  The last few times he had woken up so, so cold.  Something warm was under him, wrapped around him, his head pressed against something... something that was moving rhythmically.  Colby made a happy noise, wiggling his body deeper into the warmth.

And then the warmth gasped.  And everything snapped into context.  Colby opened his eyes to see Sam’s staring at the ceiling as though he were trying to distract himself.  Hands were gripping into his back, and Colby realized suddenly he was lying on top of Sam.  His head was snuggled into his head, legs intertwined, and something pressing into his stomach.

_Oh._

Colby gave an undignified squawk as he rolled off off Sam as though his best friend had caught fire.  Warmth flushed into his face, and he could see out of the corner of his eye Sam’s face had too, the flush stretching down into his neck.

“Sorry, I...”

“It’s fine...”

“I guess I...”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I-”

“You-”

They both just paused, looking at each other, Sam’s legs crossed uncomfortably while Colby tried to avert his eyes.  Which was stupid, really.  Wasn’t like he didn’t know exactly what it looked like- _felt like_ inside of him.

And even more stupid, because it wasn’t like they hadn’t woken up poking each other in the back before.  During the TFIL days he and Sam had shared beds all the time, and they had been nineteen with uncontrolled hormones.  It was inevitable that they woke up in compromising situations sometimes.  It had been a little awkward, but fine.  Worse once Colby had realized he had feelings for Sam, but something he had forced himself to get over.

All those nights he had almost been drunk enough to just say something, almost thought he had read permission in Sam’s face, dreamed that he might suddenly realize he had feelings for Colby, fantasied about just reaching over and...

But now here they were, in the same situation but yet... everything had changed.  And as the two stared at each other, Colby blurted out something that had everything that had happened to them not happened, he would have never been in the place to say.  But it had happened, and even though such a statement should have required so much more communication and dialogue in a normal situation, the two had just experienced so much trauma together and Colby was looking for, needed something to ground him.

“Do you need some help with that?”

Colby froze as he registered what he had said, and Sam did the same.  The initial flush had faded somewhat, but flared with new life on both of them as they considered what Colby had just asked.

A sudden realization of how fucking stupid that question had been to ask hit him.  “I mean, you don’t...” Colby floundered with his words. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_... “I just thought, since you had... Obviously, I’m not going to make you...” _This is it, he’s never going to talk to me again..._

“Colby.”  Sam cut him off.  The expression on his face was an almost comedic (if Colby had not been so terrified) mixture of confusion, shock, amusement, and... was that arousal?  There was a terribly long pause.  Colby was just about to start stuttering out another apology when Sam shifted.  His face was red, but he held Colby’s gaze as he relaxed his legs, and nodded.

Colby didn’t know how to take it for a moment.  Was that... Sam was giving him permission?  Much as his heart was racing with excitement he did not want to assume.  Not when so much permission had already been taken from them.  “Sam, are you...”

“Colby, I...” Sam’s face looked strained, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.  When he opened them, his expression was clearer.  “Colby, come here.”

Colby scooted back over to Sam, watching as his friend tried to relax his body posture.  When he was close enough to touch Sam’s face, Sam spoke, “I would... I would like that, if you’re willing,” he held Colby’s gaze earnestly, “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.  Not after everything.”

Colby’s chest bloomed with love and appreciation for Sam.  Sam wasn’t going to force him.  He never thought he would, but time in here had made his conception of what he was allowed to say no to a little skewed.  Sam’s statement made him even more comfortable to move forward.  He lightly placed his hand on Sam’s chest, like Sam had done earlier.  The bare skin was warm despite the chill of the room.  Sam looked to his hand, before looking up to meet his eyes.

“I’m all yours, man,” Sam whispered, “But only if you want me.”  He didn’t move his hands to direct Colby, just watched, letting Colby get his bearings.

Colby’s heart seized up a little bit.   _I’m all yours_? That was... His brain mulled over the words.  He probably didn’t mean it like that, probably just meant that Colby could touch him if he wanted to, not that he actually might...

Sam was still waiting on him, and starting to look mildly concerned that Colby hadn’t moved.  He started flushing again, drawing his legs together in sudden self-consciousness, “Dude, if you don’t want to...”

“No, I do,” Colby quickly assured him, his chest tightening at the admission.  Sam seemed to simultaneously relax and tighten up again.  Sam grinned nervously, an expression Colby returned.  This was a big step.  Neither of them had to do this.

But it seemed they both wanted to.

Colby’s fingers lifted to graze over Sam’s stomach, and he watched Sam’s abs contract at the sensation.  His breathing had picked up under his fingertips as he slowly traced down to his waistband.

What may have been a casual morning wood was now pressing hard against the seams of Sam’s jeans.   _Happy to see me_?  Colby wanted to joke, but it somehow felt inappropriate.  Sam was being vulnerable with him.  He was being vulnerable with Sam.  Colby met Sam’s eyes, making sure he was still on board with this, before he pressed fingers underneath the waistband of Sam’s jeans. Almost immediately coming in contact with the heated skin underneath.

Sam hissed in a breath through his nose, but didn’t lose eye contact with Colby.  Colby had frozen for a moment at the contact.  Holy shit, I’m touching Sam’s dick!  But because he wanted to.  Because he wanted to be the active party.  Wanted to be directly responsible for Sam falling apart, _not just a passive hole to fuck..._

Something must have shown in his face, because Sam moved his hands for a the first time since Colby had approached.  Making sure Colby saw him coming, he sat up, placing one hand on Colby’s shoulder and the other tentatively on his cheek.  The skin underneath Colby’s fingers throbbed, and Sam’s tongue darted out to lick his lips.  Colby’s eyes were drawn from Sam’s eyes to the movement.

Maybe that’s why he missed it when Sam kissed him.

He definitely missed the moment the thought occurred to Sam, might have missed watching Sam move in, but he definitely didn’t miss the feeling of Sam’s lips pressed against his own.  They were warm and soft, and it felt better than Colby had ever fantasized.  Colby juddered harshly, sucking in a breath through his nose and opening eyes he forgot about closing.

Sam broke away first, their faces inches from each other, breathing hard even though they had barely moved.  In that moment, Sam’s eyes were open and vulnerable, and Colby could see in Sam’s ever readable face that he was terrified that Colby was going to reject him.  His eyes searched Colby’s for an answer, and there was no way that Colby was going tell him no.  Colby leaned back into the kiss, pressing against Sam so that he laid back down on the concrete, Colby pressed over him.  He drew his hand out of his pants so that he could support himself and push fingers into Sam’s damn super soft hair.

It was like a damn of tension had released for Colby.  Sam kissed him, _Sam_ had kissed _him_.  It wasn’t exactly the way it had gone in his head at nineteen, but it was still the fulfillment of so many teenage wishes.  Sam whimpered into the kiss, pressing up against his chest, into his lips, giving as good as he got.  Sam grabbed his hips, grinding their cocks together and Colby realized how hard he had become, letting out a breathy whine and pressing back.

“Fuck...” They both breathed in unison.  Colby started laughing, and Sam kissed him again, laughing through the kiss.  He was just so happy.  Sam’s hands fluttered against his hips, on hand creeping up his back to hold him tighter.  Sam’s hips shifted again and Colby remembered why he had ended up in this position in the first place.

Pushing himself up on his arms, Colby watched Sam’s face as he pressed down against Sam’s groin.  Sam’s whole face changed, his eyes relaxing and closing, jaw dropping, lips parting in a quiet moan.

It was fucking hot.  Loving the fact that this time, he was the one with the power, Colby pressed back again, before setting up a rhythmic grinding that felt pretty incredible.  Made even better by the fact that Sam was here with him, wanting this, wanting him.  “Colby...” Sam groaned, gripping Colby’s hip and the back of his neck and pulling him down for another kiss.

They got off like that, pressing together and kissing and holding each other close.  Sam held him in the aftermath, and Colby allowed himself to relax into the embrace for the first time since they had been taken.  Sam was stroking his face, looking at him in something like wonder.

Colby wanted to ask why.  Why now?  He was pretty sure Sam was straight, could have easily just let Colby get him off but...

 _Sam_ kissed _him_...

Colby pressed down against Sam again, kissing him gently and feeling Sam respond.  There was a quiet sigh on his breath, and Colby smiled to himself.  He didn’t want to ask.  Right now, he didn’t want to know.  Right now, this was good and comforting, and in this place of little comfort he wasn’t going to throw that away.

He could feel the little crush that he had long since shoved away returning in full force. He was falling in love with Sam again.  But if he could read Sam’s face clearly, he might not be the only one.

The sound of the doorknob turning startled them both.  Sam rolled Colby over to his side opposite the door, repositioning himself as a barrier between the two.  Colby made himself small behind Sam, a jolt of terror racing through his body. The sound of this door opening had only lead to pain and violation.  Sam’s gentle hand on his chest did it’s best to comfort him as they both watched the door.

Fortunately, a figure was only briefly glimpsed pushing a food tray in before the door closed and locked again.  Colby saw at least four water bottles, two black food containers, and several sheets of paper.  Colby wasn’t sure why the papers immediately had his nerves on edge, but he instantly knew something was wrong with them.

Something bad was on them.

Sam waited for several moments after the door had closed to release his protective hand on Colby’ chest.  He glanced at Colby, and Colby nodded, confirming that he had seen the papers too.  Together, they both crept towards the tray.

Colby grabbed the papers first.  With shaking hands and Sam watching over his shoulder, he tugged the papers out from beneath the trays.

It was a screen shot of a website.  “ _Sam and Colby! What They Never Wanted You to See!_ ” Proclaimed the headline of the paper.  Colby’s stomach turned to ice and simultaneously froze up to his throat and the pit of his stomach.  He only had to catch a glimpse of the photos underneath the title, the numbers and letters next to them, before he was falling backwards and dropping the papers, pushing himself away from the evidence.

Sam’s face was white, but he picked up the fallen papers and continued reading them, his face growing paler and angrier as he progressed through the pages, devastation unrolling like an old scroll across his features.

Tears were boiling up in Colby’s eyes, he could barely see, think straight. People had seen them, _people_ had _seen_ them.  People had watched Sam fuck him up the ass, people had watched Sam get him off, people had... his friend had, his family...

“What the fuck!” Sam snarled, throwing the papers across the floor.  Angry tears raced each other down his cheeks.

White noise roared in his ears, twisting up with the pain and fear and confusion.  “Sam our friends, our families...” Colby whimpered, hands in his hair.  

“You had to pay to see the videos, they wouldn’t have...” Sam had stood and was pacing anxiously.  “They wouldn’t have...” Colby could hear that he was trying to convince himself as much as Colby.

Colby shuddered, curling in on himself, violation and humiliation closing in on him again.  “But our fans...” He whispered, “You saw the paid view counts, Sam!” There had been thousands on what Colby knew was the video of Sam fucking him...

Sam swore loudly. “Fuck! I know...” Colby shirked back at the shout and Sam noticed.  His face softened slightly, “You’re okay man, I’m sorry, I just can’t believe...” Mortification and hurt warred with fury across his brow.  

Colby’s brain was still going way too fast, tumbling over facts and fears and people had watched Sam rape him, watched the most horrifying moment of his life that he wasn’t ever going to tell anyone about, was going to have to try to move on from after someone found them... he wasn’t... he couldn’t... “Wait.” Colby looked up from his arms, the kaleidoscope of thoughts somewhat slowing its violent spinning. “Those pictures and videos are up there but... That means the police have to know.  That means someone’s looking for us.”

Sam nodded, pausing in his pacing and staring at a wall. “They have to know...” He agreed quietly, desperately.

Colby’s whole body was still shaking.  “They can’t... I didn’t...” He squeezed his eyes shut. His breathing was picking up in panic.  He still couldn’t get past the fact that people had seen it, watched them, watched him... “We didn’t...”

Sam paced rapidly back over to Colby, touching his shoulder lightly.  Colby jumped, not expecting the contact, lost in his thoughts but Sam didn’t pull back this time.  He pulled Colby into his arms, where Colby finally broke down into the sobs that had been brewing in his throat.  Sam didn’t sound far off when he breathed, “That means they’re coming for us,” Almost like a prayer.

OOO

Elton had been right.

He did hate himself.

He scrubbed his face with his hands, glancing up at the screen again.  It was paused, and didn’t think he could hit play again.  This was the 5th time he’d had to stop in the first 15 minutes.

It was worse than he had thought, watching Colby chained over that contraption, both of them crying as... He let out a snarl of rage.  God, those poor kids. Elton was trying hard to remind himself of all the reasons why going to jail for murder was not the best idea.

On the other hand, something good had come of all of this.

He knew where Sam and Colby were.


	6. Chapter 6

The unmarked passage of time was infuriating.

Colby sat back against the wall, arms wrapped around his knees. _How long have we been here_? He wondered quietly to himself. Sam lay next to him, eyes closed in a mockery of relaxed sleep. Colby knew he wasn’t sleeping. The agitated twitch in his folded fingers told him that.

 _How could Colby even think of sleeping_?

There was still a cold, sucking hole where their knowledge of the website sat. Colby had no more tears to cry over the over the matter, but still the void remained. It was freezing, unforgiving, stretching icy tentacles up into his throat and down into his gut.

 _How could they_?

He and Sam trusted their fan base with a lot. He saw it as a group of friends, hundreds of thousands of friends, people who believed in him and supported him when he wondered how anyone could. There were a few negative comments from time to time, but overall Colby had come to treasure he and Sam’s fan base dearly.

That’s what made this betrayal all the more devastating. Colby had thought, had _known_ , that their fan base had their backs. That if anything had ever happened to Sam and him, they would defend them. Sure it was only a few thousand in a group of over a million, but the wound was still deep and ripping.

 _They’ll know we had to_ , Colby assured himself. _They’ll know we’d never..._  Never post that kind of stuff anyway. But Colby couldn’t say that they never would have done it.

Not after yesterday.

Yesterday? Earlier?

Colby had no idea how much time had passed since he and Sam had... Since they had... what? Gotten off together? Made out? Had... Sam had kissed him... No one had made him do that. No one had forced them to do what followed, Sam kissing him desperately, pressed against his chest, hands climbing into his hair...

That had been all them. Done of their own free will.  Colby could blame the trauma, the forced intimacy, excuse it all as some desperate attempt to feel something actually good and wonderful... He could blame it on a lot of things but he didn’t want to. He wanted to believe that Sam had wanted it too.

The look that had been in his eyes earlier, when he cupped Colby’s face and stared into his eyes. The look that made Colby feel like he might not be the only one holding a torch.

But what about Kat?

The thought came almost out of nowhere and hit him like a knife, eviscerating those happy little butterflies in his gut. Sam had... He could look at the other times and argue that they had not been cheating because he had had no choice if he wanted to protect Colby, but this time... Sam had kissed him first. Colby might had offered to get him off but Sam had accepted.

Sam had cheated on Kat.

Instantly, Colby felt awful. He harbored no hostility towards Kat anymore. Had gotten over it when Sam had rejected him and he had a little while to process it. He had genuinely begun to enjoy her presence and appreciate what she did for Sam. He always smiled a little easier with her around, laughed a little louder. She had been wonderful to his best friend, and been an awesome partner in crime when pranking Sam.

And he had just helped her boyfriend cheat on her. With his best friend.

Colby groaned, pressing his hands into his face. Sam opened his eyes and looked over at Colby. “What’s up dude?”

Colby was sure there were infinitely many better ways to say it, but what came out of his mouth was, “Dude, what about Kat?”

Sam’s whole upper body went scarlet as his torso went rigid. “Uh...” was the only thing that came out of his mouth as Colby watched his breathing quicken. “She... I... oh fuck.” He covered his face with his hands.

God dammit, it was his fault. He had asked this of Sam and he should have said something - _He shouldn’t have said anything_ -... “I’m sorry Sam,” Colby whispered, shrinking into himself. “I completely forgot, I shouldn’t have...”

“Why do you keep apologizing?” Sam groaned, cutting Colby off, his face still covered, “You didn’t make me do it.”

Colby choked back another apology and the hurt that wanted to arise. He looked at the ground. God, he had been so stupid, he should have... “I shouldn’t have...” He started, “I shouldn’t have offered...”

“And I shouldn’t have kissed you,” Sam retorted matter-of-factly, and Colby tried to pretend like his heart hadn’t just ripped open a little bit. “I shouldn’t have... I just, with everything...”

“Hey man, it’s fine,” Colby shrugged, turning away from Sam, “I get it. Trauma and all that.” His breath caught, heart pounding, hoping against hope that Sam would deny it, hoping that Sam would disagree with him, his chest tight with anxiety.

It was an empty hope. Sam nodded, “Yeah.” His hands no longer covered his face, but he was still not looking at Colby. “Trauma.”

Well fuck. Now Colby wanted to cry again.

He pressed his head into his knees, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping Sam didn’t notice him crying. It had been stupid to think anything had changed. Sam had just needed him in the moment. If - _when_ , Colby harshly corrected himself- they got out of here, none of this would matter. Things would go back to the way they had been, before they were kidnapped, before Sam had fucked him, before Sam had _kissed_ him...

Colby let the silence be. He didn’t want to hear anymore.

Colby had no idea how long he and Sam let the silence sit, just that it was broken by a clicking of the lock to their room. Colby was almost grateful for it to break the awful tension that had formed between himself and Sam. But as he started to take in what was entering the room, he started to fear that something worse was happening.

There were only two men. One of them Colby recognized from the previous sessions but the other he did not. He couldn’t even see the guy’s face, as it was covered by the ski mask.

He had a bad feeling about this.

“What do you want this time?” Colby heard Sam ask. He glanced over at Sam, vaguely surprised by his nerve. But then, between the two of them Sam had always been the one to anger faster.

The question didn’t seem to phase the men. “One of you,” Their captor answered smoothly.

Sam’s bravado failed mildly, and Colby could see that underneath it his face was perplexed and a little bit nervous. “Just one?” Colby asked as he thought it.

“Just one,” He agreed. “The other one can watch from there,” He nodded at the table in the corner.” Colby’s insides clenched, memories of pulling fruitlessly at metal cuffs flashing through his mind. He wanted nowhere near that thing.

“Watch what?” Sam asked, although Colby was pretty sure what what they were getting at, and it was forming a sinkhole in the pit of his gut.

Their captor and the man in the ski mask smiled. “Watch him have fun with the other,” Their captor answered.

Colby’s stomach sank and Sam turned white. “No,” Sam stated, mostly in shock, “You can’t, I won’t, we won’t...”

The man smiled and gave a slow shake of his head. “He will have you,” He said definitely. “You just get to choose who he has.” He gave a predatory smile to Sam. “And I know you haven’t gotten fucked yet, Pretty Boy.”

Colby shuddered as Sam turned impossibly paler. He was shaking with anger and fear already. He knew Sam would do it too, he would give himself up to protect Colby.  But Colby never wanted Sam to experience that if he didn’t have to.

He had done it before. It wouldn’t be as bad for him, right?

Sam was still begging with their captors. “You can’t ask us to make that decision, you can’t, please just let us go...”.

A thousand thoughts passed through his mind, but they all ended in on pretty obvious conclusion. “I’ll do it,” Colby said, shocking pretty much everyone, himself included. “He can have me. Put Sam on the table.” He wasn’t sure exactly what was going through his head. His brain had emptied out of emotions except his knowledge that he had to do this, his chest feeling cold on the inside.

Sam had sacrificed himself to keep Colby safe before. He could protect Sam here, keep him being hurt like that.

“What? No,” Sam stated, then repeated it louder as he stood, “No! You won’t fucking touch him, I won’t let you-“ Colby barely saw their captor move, just heard the sickening thud as his fist collided with Sam’s face.

“Sam, no!” Sam fell to his knees, reeling from the impact and both men took the opportunity to grab his arms and drag him away from Colby. Sam tried to fight them, but he was too disoriented from the blow to really be very effective. His wrists were secured with very little effort. By the time Sam’s world stopped spinning, it was already too late.

It occurred to Colby briefly that he could probably run through the door left ajar, but he didn’t want Sam to suffer any more pain for what he was sure would be the consequences of his actions. He wouldn’t leave Sam alone.

“Colby! Colby, what the fuck, bro?” Sam thrashed at the cuffs that now held him, swearing as their captor shoved his face down to secure his neck. “Don’t touch him, I swear to fuck...” Colby winced as another blow landed on Sam’s upturned face. He hadn’t figured out how to turn his head in the collar yet and Colby could see that this hit really jarred Sam.

“Sam, it’s okay, I’m okay, I’ll be okay, man...” When had he started crying? He could feel the hot tears running down his face, dripping onto the concrete floor where they were promptly sucked up into the porous material. “Please just, let it happen. It would have been so much worse for you. I know what it feels like, I can...” He watched as the last blow did it’s part to stun Sam long enough for his ankles to be secured.

Sam continued to struggle futilely the two men backed away, setting predatory gazes on Colby. Colby felt his stomach drop straight into his toes, suddenly wondering what he had gotten himself into. He unconsciously pushed himself backwards on his butt, away from the two men approaching him with lust in their eyes.

“Stop it! Stop!” Sam screamed from the other side of the room, but words had dried up in Colby’s throat. He just watched the hooded man come up to him and kneel inches from his face.

Fingers in his hair jerked his head to the side and back, exposing his neck to the man. He took two fingers, tracing down the front of his throat. Colby’s heart raced, his breathing fast and shallow. He was sure the man could probably feel his heart racing under his fingers.

The hand reached his collarbone, pulling back briefly before closing around his neck. Colby choked through a suddenly constricted airway, hands coming up to pull at the hand choking him. The hand holding his hair released, but came forward to backhand him across the face; hard.

Colby tasted blood in his mouth and the world spun, stars bursting in front of his eyes. The hand around his throat loosened and he frantically gasped for air, not even thinking when fingers were shoved into his mouth and down his throat. Colby gagged on the intrusions, his first instinct to bite but his hair was pulled back again, and a soft voice warned him, “Don’t you dare bite or you’ll regret it.”

Colby nodded, locking eyes with the dark ones threatening him. Fingers were pressed down his throat again, and Colby’s throat spasmed around them, not able to gasp in air through the spasms until...

“So pretty...” The Hooded Man removed his fingers from Colby’s throat, letting him breathe. As Colby coughed and struggled to pull air back into his lungs, he felt someone grab his wrists and pull them behind his back. By the time he had the presence of mind to really react, it was too late; metal cuffs bound his hands in place.

He pulled fruitlessly against them, feeling panic rushing in his chest like a rip current, barely able to catch his breath before fingers were shoved back down his throat.

This went on for a while, this game of playing with Colby’s breath. There were several times Colby could have sworn that he was going to black out, but the fingers drew back just in time for the backhand to bring him back to dizzying, painful awareness.

Colby was only mostly conscious when he noticed something change. The fingers were pulled from his mouth, and he heard shifting before he felt something much larger pressing at his lips. Colby heard Sam’s yelling like a distant thing, opened his eyes and stared up into a dark gaze that quietly stated, “Open.”

Colby didn’t want to. He really, really didn’t want to. But he knew the consequences if he didn’t would be worse for both him and Sam.

So he opened.

Hooded Man’s cock was a lot thicker than his fingers. Colby’s throat completely balked at the first thrust, constricting and forcing Colby to turn his head so he could fucking breath and get ahold of the sensation. He got a cuff to the head for that, and fingers wove into the hair on both sides of his head, straightening out his face. His fingers tightened painfully and Colby yelped. “Don’t do that again,” He warned, and slid his cock back in.

Colby fought hard against everything in his body telling him to pull off, to stop the alien pressure bumping against the back of his throat. He forced the instinct down, trying to relax his throat as he felt Hooded Man’s pace pick up.

Colby felt awful for accidentally forcing Sam to deep throat him last time. It was an awful feeling, being unable to move air into or out of his lungs. His body screamed at him, but fear and two strong hands held him immobile as someone used his mouth as a hole to fuck, a thing to give pleasure.

His mind kind of retreated then, and Colby was privy to a very interesting sensation. He almost felt like he was standing apart from his body, over by Sam, watching from the outside as Hooded Man violently fucked his face. He looked at Sam, still crying, screaming. _I’m not in there_ , he wanted to reassure Sam, _it’s okay_ , but apparently words were not a luxury afforded to him in this state. He sighed. That was okay.

He watched from his disconnected place as Hooded Man tired of fucking his face and turned him around, throwing him on the ground and yanking his sweatpants off. Colby’s body didn’t even fight him, just quietly submitting to it.

It was fucking weird, watching someone hold him down and fuck him from over here. He felt like he should feel the violation, the violent thrusting, the pain and struggle... but he felt nothing. Just a weird emptiness in his chest. And for the first time since he was abducted, he couldn’t feel the chill of the room.

It seemed to take too long and no time at all for the Hooded Man to finish. When he was done, he tossed Colby’s body on the ground, nodding to their captor as he zipped himself back up. They said something to the two boys, Colby didn’t really pick up on it, and left through the door they entered, locking it behind them.

Still crying weakly, Colby watched at Sam called out to him. He could vaguely make out some of the words, mostly his name. But mostly he watched as his body laid motionless on the ground. Still breathing, definitely still alive but... not there.

He could feel hurt and humiliation and pain and violation emanating from his body, and the feelings got stronger as he stepped towards it. He stopped. That seemed distinctly unpleasant. He retreated back over to where Sam was held.

Sam was struggling against the restraints but Colby knew they weren’t going to give. He had been in them himself after all. He thought it was interesting how his body didn’t react to Sam. Sam was really being loud now, so it wasn’t like he didn’t hear him. He saw the key to their shackles sitting near Sam’s feet, leftover from last time they were bound.

If his body could just go get the keys, that would help Sam feel better, Colby reasoned, and waited to see if his body would do it. But it remained curled up, staring blankly at Sam. Come on, Colby growled at himself. Go help Sam and I’ll stay here.

But there was nothing.

Colby took a moment to watch Sam. The panicked yelling had stopped, and Sam was just talking quietly at him, reassuring him their captors were gone, that he was okay, that Sam needed him to come over and help him.

Sam looked absolutely wrecked, face red from screaming and crying, tear tracks running down his cheeks from red, wet eyes. His wrists were red, starting to chafe from how hard he was pulling.

Sam was going to hurt himself if Colby didn’t do something.

Colby sighed, realizing that he was going to have to help Sam because his body sure wasn’t going to. He just remembered that raw, broken emotion he had felt when he neared it last time... but no, for Sam. He could do this for Sam.

He crept closer, feeling the emotions and sensation come back to him slowly. He was starting to feel the burning in his throat, the torn, ripping agony in his rectum, the emotional violation of all of it.

 _Nope, nope_! Colby tried to jerk out, but it was too late.

Pain was the first sensation that washed through him. Everything hurt, his ass, his face swollen and scraped, his knees and chest worn bloody from the thrusting, hips and throat bruised from hands grabbing and thrusting... He felt the tears running down his face, noticed he was still crying.

“Sam...?”

“I’m here Brother, I’m here!” Sam’s tone lifted at the sound of his voice, “Can you come to me Brother? Please, please Colby...” He was begging, and Colby couldn’t stand to hear his friend beg. Not when he could fix it.

He staggered to his feet, falling the first time and scraping the hell out of one of his knees. “I’m sorry Colby,” Sam was breathing with his exhale. “I’m so, so sorry.” One of Sam’s eyes was blackening with a nasty bruise and the other eye sported a seeping cut.

He didn’t have the mental capability to address Sam being sorry at the same time as trying to free him, so he mostly ignored Sam as he knelt at his feet and scrabbled for the key to their shackles. It would have been a lot easier with his hands free, but he made it work until he could get Sam’s head and arm free, letting Sam free his other arm and Colby, before he got his ankles.

Sam almost tripped over himself in his haste to get to Colby. “Colby, I’m so, so sorry,” He whispered, reaching for Colby but stopping himself with a pained expression before he could touch him, “Colby... Can I touch you?”

Colby shuddered, faintly remembering the feel of a hot, heavy body on top of -inside of- him. “I... Sam...” he breathed, not knowing how to respond.

Sam’s hand dropped, and he swallowed hard. “Okay, it’s okay, you don’t have to,” He said, quietly but firmly. “I never wanted...” He blinked away fresh tears, hugging himself awkwardly.

Colby was beginning to get that Sam might be offering the contact just as much for his own well being as well as Colby’s, needing the physical reassurance. And he got that, felt like he had almost watched the violence along with Sam.

Sam didn’t know that. Sam thought he had been there the whole time.  Unfortunately, his body still remembered feeling trapped and crushed and violated, even if his mind couldn’t, and he still couldn’t imagine letting Sam hug him, feeling all that pressure against him again. But Sam needed something, anything for physical reassurance.  Colby throught for a moment, before he reached his hand out to Sam, nodding appreciatively when Sam didn’t grip it hard, just let it sit against his.

The hand to hand contact did help.

He found himself and Sam learning against the far wall, away from the table, holding hands. Colby lay on his side, the only part of him that didn’t really hurt right then, letting his forehead rest against the floor.

Sam looked pained, but asked, “Can you... Do you want to at least use my leg as a pillow?” He stretched his legs out, indicating them with his free hand. Colby blinked at them owlishly for a moment, before deciding that yes, he could do that.

He scooted over the last few inches to Sam, his shoulders screaming at the moments. He gingerly adjusted his face, trying to navigate the bruises on his own face, before settling, allowing Sam’s hand to drape over him just a little bit where he held it.

Sam took a deep breath.

“Thank you Colby.” The words sounded pained, like he didn’t want to have to thank him for this.

Colby couldn’t imagine he did.

Colby nodded, closing his eyes. “I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt you.”

It was most of the truth.

Sam was silent for a moment, then he murmured, “I wish I could have done the same for you.”

Colby let that one sit and fester between them, just like the gaping hole in both their psyches from today, bottomless with ragged edges that wouldn’t easily heal.

Finally, unconsciousness came.

OOO

Sam leaned back against the wall, eyes soft on the boy lying across his leg, still very naked and covered in bruises, blood, and... other fluids. Colby hadn’t seemed to notice and Sam sure as shit was not going to bring it up. Not after...

Sam’s body still ached. He could feel the bruises forming on his face, knew his left eye was swollen as hell, could see the ring of black bruises around his wrists and ankles from his struggles. He just... he couldn’t have just laid there while Colby offered himself up to be...

For as long as he lived Sam knew he would never get those images out of his head. He would never be able to forget watching Colby choke and gag as he had a cock shoved down his throat, would never be able to unsee that man holding his best friend down while he fucked him, so much rougher than Sam had, with no regard for stretching or Colby’s pleasure or...

All while Colby stared at him with the most empty expression he had ever seen.

That had been the scariest bit of it all. After the men had finished and cleared out, Colby hadn’t... reacted. Had just stared at him, non responsive to his calls or pleas or reassurances. Sam wasn’t sure how long he had had to just talk to Colby before his friend finally reacted, but it must have been close to an hour.

What had happened inside Colby’s head?

He was used to the crying, the screaming. Had seen that reaction already. That emptiness though...

That scared him.

He shuddered lightly, focusing on the warmth pressed against his thigh and into his hand. Colby was out, likely from the physical and emotional exhaustion of what had just happened. His eyes were closed in sleep, but Sam felt like there was still nervous tension in a body that should be lax with sleep. He longed to pull Colby into his arms, but he had see the struggle Colby had gone through earlier, how much he had not wanted to touch Sam.

He wouldn’t force him. He would never force Colby to do anything to protect him again.

Even if it meant getting raped himself.

He just couldn’t do it again, sit by and watch someone he loved be raped so violently.

He huffed. There was that infinitely confusing word. “Love”. He loved Colby, without a doubt.  He just wasn’t sure if he was “in love” with him, if there were feelings that went beyond deep friendship and a desperate need for physical comfort.  

Sam tilted his head back and took a deep, calming, pensive breath.

He had reacted badly to Kat being brought up today. He knew he had. And he knew his reaction had hurt Colby’s feelings. Could read that well enough even if he wasn’t the most perceptive one.

Did Colby... want him that way again?

He had thought it was all over when he had fucked it all up when they were nineteen, when he had seen the pain of rejection on Colby’s face. When he had reacted the worst way possible to his best friend trying to come out to him.

Maybe he hadn’t.

Maybe there was still a chance.

He was still pondering these things when he heard the first gunshots. “What the fuck,” Sam hissed, shaking Colby. “Colby, bro, you gotta wake up.”

A massive gasp of panic slammed into Colby’s lungs as he came to, eyes searching for Sam’s. When he found them, he momentarily calmed down, before the gunshots fired again. “Sam, what the fuck,” Colby repeated, pushing onto his butt and seeming to immediately regret the decision. “Fuck, ow, ow.”

Sam corralled Colby into the corner of the room furthest from the door, once again using his body as a human shield, protecting him from the outside world. He tried not to think too much about how Colby shied away from most of his touches. They heard more shots, some yelling, and then footsteps rapidly approaching the room. Several hard kicks landed on the door.

Sam’s heart was slamming against his chest, absolutely terrified to see who might come through the door. It took several tries, but eventually the door gave, and Sam had time to shield his and Colby’s eyes before the door slammed into the ground. Not sure what he was expecting, Sam looked up through the dust to see who had burst in.

Three guys in SWAT uniforms stood at the door.

For a moment, Sam could only stare at them, a faint hope growing in his chest but immediately quelled by anxiety. What the fuck was going on? Before the one in front pulled off his helmet to reveal a man in his mid forties. He looked at them.

“Sam and Colby?”

Sam nodded faintly, feeling Colby do the same.

“My name is Scott Rockwell. We’re here to rescue you boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoot! Finally rescue! But we’ve still got a lot of loose ends to tie up.
> 
> For all those wondering, what Colby experiences in this chapter is a form of dissociation called Depersonalization. It’s commonly a trauma coping mechanism. Nothing supernatural happened here. Please look it up if you’re interested. 
> 
> Hope you’re enjoying so far!


	7. Chapter 7

Elton was bone tired. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, opening them to look at the boy laying asleep in front of him.

Elton had spent his fair share of time in the hospital, either as a patient or visiting friends and family, and he hated how small and defenseless people always looked while they were admitted.  It was something about how they were stripped of their own clothing and jewelry, the defense of the insides by the dressing of the outsides. Colby’s lanky form, just starting to fill out, was dwarfed by the oversized blue gown he wore. His wrists wore matching bracelets of bruises, his left hand wrapped to protect the I.V. feeding fluid into Colby’s dehydrated body, providing the nutrients he had been unable to consume.

His face… God, Elton swore that if he was ever left in a room with Sam and Colby’s captors he would murder them nice and slowly. His face was bruised, both eyes swollen with impressive black marks, his lips split in placed and swollen… Elton shuddered, not wanting to think about what had likely caused that.

The ICU had single rooms only, so Sam was next door, a worried Kat and Corey and Devyn at his side. Elton sat quietly, watching Jake flip though the TV (there was nothing on) and Aaron tap away at his PSP. He’d been here almost 4 hours now.

Elton glanced at the clock on the wall. Almost noon. The end of the most chaotic and emotionally exhausting 24 hours Elton had in a while.

After watching the video again (desperately trying to ignore what was going on in the foreground) and about an hour of carefully cross referencing his own footage, Elton had concluded that there was a 99% chance that he knew were the guys were.

He had hated watching the footage of his brothers, but some good had come from it. He had recognized the wall behind them from an abandoned warehouse just outside LA he had debated bringing the guys to months ago, when Sam and Colby were still doing UrbEx videos on their channel. He had read about the location online, showing up to scope it out before he brought it up to his friends. After some climbing of fences, he had made it inside. The place had seemed promising, but he only got to see a few rooms before shouting and gunshots from security sent him running.

 _What the fuck kind of abandoned place has security_? He remembered grousing, beating the hell out of his body with the desperate speed at which he was moving to get out without a chest full of holes. A couple of careless leaps and tumbles later, Elton lost his pursuers and had definitely crossed that place off of his list.

But as he examined the video, and compared it to his own footage, he was pretty damn sure they were the same place. He had called in to the investigative team using the number he had been left in case their friends heard anything, and been told they would take his tip into consideration.

Elton didn’t sleep at all the rest of the afternoon or into the night. He might have caught a few hours of a very light doze before the ringing of his phone woke him up instantly.

It was the Brocks, tearful and joyous.

The rescue team had found Sam and Colby. They were being transported to LA Regional Hospital.

Elton’s whoop and yell of jubilance woke the whole house (it was nearly three a.m. and he was still crashing with Corey and Devyn and Kat). It only took “They found Sam and Colby” for the grumbles and cursings of his name to disappear and be replace with cheers and tears. The Brocks stated that they were on their way with the Golbachs and that they would catch the quickest flight out they could.

Elton thanked them for the information as he and everyone else threw on clothes to get to LA Regional as quickly as possible. Elton drove, white knuckled on the wheel, just hoping that he wouldn’t get pulled over for his driving.

Luckily, at three a.m. no one seemed to care how Elton drove, and the car tore into the parking lot of the hospital, all of them hurrying to the front desk. Elton was sure they looked quite a state, but the night shift staff barely acknowledged them as weird, a tired looking nurse named Patrice asking them who they were here to see.

Surprisingly, but thankfully, Colby had put Elton on his record as an emergency contact at some point, likely during the traveling the world phase of their lives, so Elton was allowed to know that they had arrived, but were being taken care of by the urgent care team. However, when they were ready for visitors, someone would come and get them.

It was another five hours of foot tapping and fidgeting before a blond nurse called for Elton. Her name was Ivy, as she explained, and she would bring them up to the ICU.

Four elevator floors later, they arrived at the Trauma ICU. Ivy held her badge up to a button on the wall, opening the doors for the group. “Security door for an ICU?” Corey asked.

Ivy shrugged non-apologetically. “We like to keep track of who’s coming and going.” Elton nodded.  He greatly appreciated that. After the doors opened, she lead them into the unit.

The front wall of each of the rooms was all glass, with some patients having curtains occluding the panels for privacy. Between every other room was an alcove with a desk, computer, and some sort of heart monitor. The group was lead to an alcove in the back, where they stopped.

The rooms on either side had their curtains drawn partially, but from the alcove, Elton could see into the rooms. He spotted blond hair in one, dark in the other. His heart rate picked up.

Sam and Colby.

He saw IVs and other machines and tubes he didn’t have names for. His eyes flew up to the monitor, looking to see if he could see Sam and Colby’s names, but they weren’t anywhere on the board.

Another nurse turned to face them there, turning away from the monitors. Her brown hair was pulled into a low bun at the nape of her neck, but it was the kindness in her eyes that immediately stuck out to Elton. The woman had some serious mom vibes.

“Hey, I’m Jackie,” She smiled at them, friendly but making it clear they were going to talk to her first, “Who are all of you?”  
Elton could feel the increasing need to just check on their friends from the people behind him, but he extended his hand politely. “Elton Castee,” He answered, introducing the others in turn.

Jackie nodded, visibly relaxing. “Okay, good. Sorry about the caution,” She apologized, “Your friends are flagged as people we have to be careful with visitors with. We’re not going to let just everyone up here.” Elton dipped his head appreciatively. It made him feel safer that people wouldn’t find his brothers again, let alone the wave of fans they would get if their location became public knowledge.

Jackie paused for a moment, looking at the floor. When she spoke again, it was quiet, somber. “You know why they’re here?”

The melancholy, heartbroken looks of the group must have told her all she needed to know. She sighed heavily. “Then you know you’ll have to be careful with them. I’m no psychiatrist, but…” She cast her gaze into Colby’s room, and Elton’s stomach twisted painfully. Jackie never finished her sentence. She tried for a halfhearted smile. “You are welcome to go see them.”  
Elton watched as Kat immediately moved towards Sam’s room, Devyn following after her. Elton decided to head into Colby’s room. He would hate it if the guy woke up alone.

That had been four hours ago. Corey had eventually retreated to his girlfriend’s side, and Jake and Aaron had shown up with food a few hours later. Colby and Sam slept on, the sleep of the drugged, Elton figured. Or the exhausted. Elton had no idea what had been done to the guys between the video he watched and finding them yesterday. The bruises to Colby and Sam’s faces were relatively new, even as Elton saw yellowing bruises on Colby’ wrists and ankles, likely from pulling at his cuffs _as he cried and begged, while Sam wasn’t able to stop…_

Elton juddered harshly, forcing the image from his mind. It was the price he’d pay to have his brothers with him again, but he knew those images would never leave him.

None of the others knew that was how they had found Sam and Colby. Didn’t know it was because Elton had given money to the very people who kidnapped and tortured their friends. Elton would argue that it was worth it, but knew the others might not see it that way. Might not agree with him watching what their friends had gone through.

He had spent more time talking to Jackie after his initial need to see Sam and Colby in person had been assuaged. He had asked if she knew in more detail what had happened to them (surely the critical care team would have done more diagnoses) but she only shrugged at him. “I don’t have access to that information,” She’d said, even if Elton was pretty sure that she wasn’t being completely honest. “You can ask the team when they round later.”

The team, a few doctors and some others got in their rooms around 9:30am. The doctors were in and out fairly quickly, checking with the Jackie to see if anything had changed since they had seen they guys in triage. Only one member of the team stayed behind, a younger man with PA underneath his name badge.

He introduced himself as Leon, a Physician’s Assistant. He sat down in Colby’s room, next to Elton. When pressed for details, he told them regretfully that as Colby was still asleep, and Elton was the only one of them on Sam and Colby’s file who he could actually share the information with, the rest of the group would have to step out. Elton hadn’t thought about it previously, but Leon shrugged regretfully, citing patient privacy policies.

The others looked ready to protest, but Elton nailed them all with a look. “If Colby’s okay with it we’ll talk about it later.” And they filed out, eventually, Kat throwing one last desperate look at Elton.

Elton watched them go. He might be on Colby’s record from a time long gone had something happened on another continent, but he wasn’t sure Colby would approve of him knowing this… these details. For all he knew, they still didn’t even know about the website. How would they react to knowing that their fan base, the whole world, knew everything…

Leon watched them go, taking a deep breath before turning back to Elton and asking, “You ready to hear this?”

Elton wasn’t. Elton would never be ready. He wasn’t even sure Colby wanted him to hear it. But he needed to know. So he gave an affirmative.

Leon couldn’t tell him exactly what had happened to the guys, but his description of their findings left Elton sick to his stomach, almost nauseous. They’d had to sedate the guys on the way over, as neither of them were tolerating contact from the EMTs, especially Colby, and Sam got himself sedated trying to protect his friend.

It had also allowed the team to do a “thorough” exam on the guys when they arrived at LA Regional. Sam had been mostly unharmed except for the bruises to his face and trauma from restraints. Elton recognized the marks on Sam’s wrists, ankles and neck from Colby’s, and concluded that Sam must have been locked over the table as well at some point. Colby on the other hand…

Leon paused after he told them the extent of the injuries and damage Colby had suffered. It was probably a good move on his part, as Elton wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have broken something, not too far off from an angry pacing session.

“I’m sorry,” Leon whispered regretfully, unable to meet his eyes. “I know it doesn’t change anything, but we will do our best to get your friends back to healthy.”

Elton murmured a gruff, “Thank you.” Leon asked him if he had any further questions (he didn’t) and took his leave.

The others didn’t ask about it when they came in. Something must have shown on his face, because none of them said anything. Elton was thankful. He wasn’t sure he could have explained without losing his tenuous grip on sanity.

Elton stared at Colby now, knowing that much more had happened to his friends than he had originally seen in the video. Sam couldn’t have… wouldn’t have… caused that kind of damage, hurt Colby like that. He wondered if that content was online. If he even wanted to know.

He wasn’t sure his sanity could take it. And if he couldn’t, who knew what state Sam and Colby would be in when they came to?

He didn’t have to wait long to find out.

Colby came to with a cry that broke Elton’s heart. He immediately flailed and Elton just had time to grab his wrists to keep him from yanking out his IV. “No, no, please, let me go, not again, please, Sam, Sam!” Colby begged desperately.

Elton grit his teeth through the tears that wanted to break through his eyes. “Colby, hey, Colby, it’s Elton, it’s Uncle Elton, okay?” He heard footsteps moving into the room from the hallway “You’re okay, you’re in the hospital, you’re okay, okay?”

Colby gave one more jerk against Elton’s hands before all of the fight went out of him and he relaxed back into the bed, staring absently at Elton.

“Colby?” Elton murmured, confused and fairly concerned. “Colby, hey bro, you okay man? Colby?”

“Colby?”

“Hey, Brother…”

Aaron and Jake crept over to the bed, eyes wide in concern. “Colby?” Elton whispered again, “Colby, what’s going on?”

Colby blinked, and then took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, and Elton watched tension return to his limbs. _What the fuck…_ “Elton?” Colby breathed out through a scratchy throat, not opening his eyes. “Fuck, did they get you too?”

Elton shook his head, a faint smile of relief twitching at his lips. “No man, you’re safe. We’re at LA Regional Hospital. You’re safe.”

Colby didn’t seem to register the statement at first, blinking and staring at him blankly for a moment, before the pieces seemed to click. “I thought I remembered… there was screaming…”. He sat bolt upright. “They fucking drugged me! Where’s Sam? Is he…”

“He’s next door,” Elton soothed him. “He’s still sleeping. But you’re both safe.”

“Sam…” Colby breathed, “Elton, I have to…” He tugged at Elton’s looser but still present grip on his wrists. “Elton, please let go of me.” He spoke through gritted teeth, and Elton realized immediately what a capital ‘B’ Bad idea restraining their friend was right then. His hands flew off of Colby like he had caught fire.

Jackie was at their side then. “Hey Colby, how are you?” She asked softly.

Colby jumped slightly at the unfamiliar voice, eyes flying to her face. She smiled gently at him. “Hey Colby, my name is Jackie, I’m your nurse for the day.” Colby nodded, pulling his arms into his chest, away from Elton. “We can go see Sam, but you’re going to have to let me disconnect you from a few things first okay? I just need to get a round of vitals and then we can get a wheelchair and head over.”

Colby glanced at his hand, seeming to see the IV for the first time. His breathing caught. “Can you, can this…” Panic bloomed over his face, and he started to pull at the I.V.

Jackie moved over to the I.V. quickly. “Colby, I need you to not pull at that, please?” She said gently but firmly. “That’s giving you a lot of nutrients and fluid you need. It’s not meant to trap you. It can come with you to see Sam.” Elton realized then what the problem was.

Colby saw the IV like a restraint.

How much time had Colby spent tied up?

Had they ever let him off of that damned table?

Elton didn’t realize how much his fury was showing on his face until Jake commented reproachfully, “Elton, stop it, you’re scaring Colby.”

Elton snapped back to reality, noticing how Colby had shrank back into his hospital bed, staring at Elton with obvious fear.

Elton schooled his expression even as pain lanced through his heart.

Colby should never have to worry he would hurt him.

“I’m sorry, Colby,” Elton whispered, “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.”

Colby shakily nodded, trying to school his own expression. “I know,” He assured Elton quickly, “I like… know that, but…”

Colby’s gaze lengthened to that of a thousand miles as he stared past Elton. He barely flinched as Jackie put a blood pressure cuff on his arm and a probe on his finger.

Now Elton was sure someone else had touched Colby besides Sam. He had watched Sam. Sam wouldn’t have caused the damage that Leon had reported, not doing what he did in that video. Colby wouldn’t be shying away from Elton if Sam had been the only one to touch him… right?

And as Jackie started moving cords and lines around to get Colby into a wheelchair to go see Sam, it hit Elton how much this was really going to impact Colby. No more would Elton be able to casually wrap arms around him, tackle him to the ground and hold him down over the last piece of cake, touch him in camaraderie without worrying that Colby might not realize that it was him…

“Elton, you want to help us?” It was Jackie’s voice again, breaking Elton from his spiral. She was holding Colby’s hand with the IV.

Colby was already shaking his head. “I’m fine, I don’t need…” He went to push himself up to standing but his legs were not ready to support him. He landed hard back on the bed. He grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut, looking honestly like he was trying not to cry.

“Colby…” Elton started, reaching out to his friend.

“I’m fine,” Colby snapped, but the catch in his voice belied his words. Still, Elton stepped back, meeting eyes with Jackie. She gave him a sad half smile, a knowing look in her eyes, and Elton felt that painful twist in his chest once more.

Colby went to stand again, slower this time, and with Jackie’s support he was able to transfer himself over to the wheelchair. He winced when he sat down and Elton did too, knowing why. “Do you want a blanket?” Jackie asked Colby softly, and he nodded, seeming anxious in this new location, but not wanting to seem it. Jackie passed an unfolded blanket to Colby, letting him wrap it around himself.

They walked to Sam’s room in silence. Colby’s eyes flicked nervously about in the hallway, strangely relaxing when he was back in another room. Then lighting up when he spotted Sam.

Kat’s face broke into a smile. “Colby! You’re awake! We’ve all been so worried!”

Maybe it was Kat’s cry of Colby’s name, but something roused Sam. He shuddered, then his eyes flew open. He sat up quickly.

“Get the fuck off of him, you-“ He seemed to register where he was. His eyes darted around, taking in his surroundings until they landed on Colby’s face. “Colby…” He breathed, eyes filling with tears.

Colby was fidgeting in his chair and Jackie rolled him up to Sam’s bedside. “Colby…” Sam started again, looking like he was mentally struggling with something. “You…”

Colby held out his hand without the IV to Sam. Sam paused, his face twisting in sadness but gratitude. He gently took Colby’s hand, the two of them sharing a long look.

“We got out,” Sam said quietly, and Colby nodded, squeezing his hand.

Elton started to feel like he was intruding on something. He cast a look around at the others and they seemed to have a similar feeling. Even Kat was backing away, tears in her eyes, smiling faintly at the two’s reunion.

Elton gestured with his head, and everyone quietly filed out. Jackie closed the curtain with a quiet, “Call us if you need anything.”

After quiet words of relief with the group, Jackie reminded them that they should probably go home and sleep. Elton longed to do so -he’d hardly slept at all in the last 24 hours- but shook his head. “I’ll wait until their families get here,” He assured her.

He’d just heard from Mrs. Brock that they had landed in LA.

Elton went to find a place to wait in the seating area outside the unit, Jackie assuring him they could buzz him back in when he returned. Finding a relatively comfy couch, Elton pulled out his phone, pulling up Twitter.

 

 **Elton Castee** @ _EltonCastee_

           Hey guys, they found Sam and Colby.   
           We are with them.    
           They’re safe.   
           More updates coming.

 

Elton didn’t even have to wait five seconds before his tweet blew up. He grinned faintly at his phone, before putting it on the couch next to him. His grin faltered as he considered what had just happened.

Watching Sam and Colby reunite, that… Elton looked at the ground, his chest feeling warm and grateful but also full of trepidation. They way they had touched, the looks they had given each other…

It told him a lot about what had happened to their relationship in that place. Knew that something must have changed, because he had seen that look before. Watched it through TFIL trips and personal channel videos before it had faded. Been sad but grateful when it faded.

Elton steepled his fingers in front of his face. He really wished the best for all of his friends, but he knew the next few months were going to be nowhere near easy for Sam and Colby. And not just because of the trauma they were going to have to get over.

It was because not only was that look he knew so well back in Colby’s eyes…

He saw it in Sam’s too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to get Elton’s POV for this chapter because one, I needed to explain how they were found, but also, kinda get a feel of how their friends have been (and will be) handling all of this. 
> 
> I know not too much happens in this chapter, but I wanted to get the hospital dynamics correct, because I used to work in hospitals and I’ve watched too many fics not know how things work with patients and HIPAA and the roles of doctors and nurses. 
> 
> Plus, what’s a kidnapping/trauma fic without the waking up in the hospital scene?
> 
> Alrighty, back to Sam and Colby next chapter! Hope y’all enjoyed, as always!


	8. Chapter 8

It had been four days, Colby found out.

Four days he had spent locked in that room.

Everything that had happened to him, that he and Sam had been forced to do, had happened over four days.

It was kind of mind boggling.

In that timeless place (a warehouse outside of LA, Elton had informed him), Colby’s life had changed.

Forever.

Irrevocably.

And he didn’t know how to handle that yet.

Sam had registered the date on the welcome board at the front of the room before Colby had. It was four days from when they had planned to do the haunted hotel stay over. Technically the 5th, if they counted the night they spent unconscious.

“Hey man,” Sam whispered, jerking Colby out of his daze. Sam was staring at him with less than subtle concern. “How are you doing?” His voice was still shredded from… Colby forced the memory from his head.

Unfortunately, as he went to speak, he realized his voice wasn’t much better. “I’m okay, I guess.” He tried to smile at Sam, but it probably came out more as a pained grimace, an expression Sam mirrored. “Just fuckin’… we’re out. We made it.”

Sam squeezed his hand. “Yeah, we did,” He agreed softly. He stared into space for a moment before murmuring, “It doesn’t feel like its over yet does it?”

Colby shook his head. “I still feel like someone’s going to jump us and try to…” He shuddered. The room was a pleasant temperature, and the blankets and chair he sat in were soft, but he could still remember fingers jabbing down his throat, _neck pulled to straining, pulling desperately against metal shackles that were never going to give, Sam screaming as he was forced to take it…_

“Colby?” Sam’s voice broke through the flashback. He blinked, shaking his head to look at Sam, just then realizing how his heart rate and breathing had picked up. He consciously tried to calm them. Sam met his eyes earnestly, but there was anger in them. Not at him, he knew that.

Sam wouldn’t hurt him.

Sam let out a long breath. “I wouldn’t let them,” He whispered, and Colby realized he was responding to his earlier statement. “No one’s going to touch you again, Colby. Not unless you want it too. I hate that…”. Sam was trembling now. Colby could feel it through where he held Sam’s hand.

 _Sam needs a hug,_ Colby thought to himself. Could he… could he give Sam that, touch him right now? He shifted in the wheelchair, watching where that damn IV was before moving. The motion caught Sam’s attention, and Colby watched him started to ask what Colby was doing.

“Colby…”

“Scoot over,” Colby tried to throw him a casual smile, but he knew when he felt it across his face that it looked forced.

“You don’t have to…”

“Sam, shut up.”

That at least got a startled laugh out of his friend. Colby sat on the edge of the bed, wincing slightly at the pressure to injured areas, before wiggling to try to scoot in beside Sam. Sam didn’t help or push him away, letting Colby take this at his own pace, a gesture Colby greatly appreciated.

Talking his brain down from panicking at the close contact was a difficult thing. As he pressed his shoulder against Sam’s he got brief flashbacks to hot body pressing him down, _choking, tearing, begging_ \- Sam. Sam was still looking at him with something like wonder- _love_ \- and Colby reminded himself why he was doing this. Because it would be so easy to never let anyone get close to him again but Sam needed him…

Sam’s voice was quiet when he asked, “Are you okay if I wrap my arm around you?”

_No._

“Just… slowly?” Colby whispered, just now realizing how badly he was shaking. Sam looked pained, but moved anyway, keeping his eyes locked onto Colby’s as he wrapped his arm around his shoulder, not even pulling, just laying it there.

Colby took a deep, deliberate breath in and out through his nose. This was Sam. Sam wouldn’t hurt him. Not on purpose. He struggled to reconcile the part of his brain telling him to get the fuck out of there because something was holding him down and the part of him that knew it was Sam.

Sam’s eyes were red, and he looked somewhere between sadness and anger, trying to hold tears in. “You don’t have to touch me, Colby,” He whispered thickly, “I mean, after he… and I…”

Sam was still blaming himself. “Fuck, Sam,” Colby felt angry tears of his own fill his eyes. “This isn’t your fault. You didn’t fucking…” He was shaking again, “Hold me down and shove your dick in my ass.” The words came out like he had been kicked in the gut, his abdomen contracting as he spoke them.

The words were meant to be harsh, meant to make a point, but Colby still felt guilty when Sam winced, looking away from him. “I know,” He said softly, “But I still hurt you. And you can’t tell me that I’m not getting mixed up in your head with him.” Colby took a breath to argue, but was cut off by Sam, his voice barely there when he murmured;

“You could still touch me before he hurt you.”

The breath left his lungs in a slow, sad sigh. Sam wasn’t wrong, even though it hurt him deep in his chest to admit it. “It’s not because I’m picturing you,” He insisted stubbornly. “I trust you Sam. Sometimes my body just…” He forced himself to relax into Sam’s side, trying to take the same comfort from the contact he knew Sam needed. Sam’s hand gently rubbed his shoulder, “You did everything you could.”

Sam searched his eyes, and it was just then that Colby noticed how close their bodies were, their faces. Close enough that with a little movement he could kiss Sam again, if he wanted to. Sam seemed to notice it too.

 _Did_ he want to?

Or was that just the trauma talking?

He opened his mouth to ask Sam about that whole conversation when Sam reached up to touch his face. Colby almost flinched back, the touch was so unexpected. Sam winced apologetically, but he still whispered, with a small amount of fear in his voice, “I really want to kiss you right now.”

Colby’s heart stopped, before restarting at an accelerated rate, racing out of his rib cage because what did Sam just say? Sam’s face was flushing, the eyes open and wide and vulnerable and Colby could almost imagine that he saw something like  _love_ in them.  Sam wanted to kiss him...

He realized he had taken a moment too long to react when he saw the start of regret in Sam's eye, his body already retreating with a self damning expression on his face and Colby couldn’t have that.

Because he wanted to kiss Sam too.

So he reached over, gently pulling a fistful of Sam’s hair and pressing him down into the pillows he leaned against. Apprehensive relief lit up across Sam's face, and he passively let Colby reposition him so that he was under Colby, letting Colby have control of this situation. Sam didn’t have to do it, but Colby so greatly appreciated him accommodating for his trauma, feeling the warmth permeate the cold cavity of his chest. It was the swell of love that Colby felt bloom in his chest that let him have no qualms leaning down and kissing Sam.

Sam’s breath shuddered in through his nose at the contact, pulling cold air across Colby’s face. His body tightened, the muscles of his abs and arms tensing but still he kept his hands gentle, one still resting on Colby’s cheek while the other lay lightly on his back.

Kissing Sam was just as good as it had been the first time. Warm, soft, receptive, and _comfort_. Sam kissed him back with as much gusto as Colby was giving him, but not pushing for any more, just kissing him, content to let their mouths move and bodies feel. Sam’s hand on his cheek moved to match his other on his back, gently holding Colby close.

Colby pulled on Sam’s hair, detaching their lips so that he could run his mouth down the column of Sam’s neck, letting himself feel and taste Sam. He hadn’t liked seeing Sam in this hospital gown before, but now was grateful for it, as it didn’t impeded his progress as he made it to the juncture of Sam’s neck and shoulder.

Both of them seemed surprised at the noise that came out of Sam’s mouth when he tongued over Sam’s skin there. The sound was akin to a broken whimper, aborted half way because there was no way that his room was soundproof and they both knew that. He looked at Colby with wide eyes, blood rushing into his cheeks as he muttered, “My neck is kind of sensitive.”  
Colby grinned then, because how could he not take advantage of this new knowledge?

“Colby, bro, they’re gonna hear-” Colby heard Sam slap a hand over his own mouth as Colby returned his mouth to Sam’s neck with new vigor. He pulled Sam’s hair harder to try to get him to stay still because he was squirming hard under Colby’s mouth, and he could feel Sam’s whole body reacting, feeling his hands clench on Colby’s back, his abs contract under the blankets, his feet scrambling for purchase, his cock…

It was like a mental record scratch. Colby froze, having mostly (not really forgotten but not really thought about) boners and what they were and how they happened and what they had done to him…

“Sam stop,” Colby gasped breathlessly, unable to make his body move.  Sam reacted instantly, glancing up at Colby and immediately stopped moving upon looking at his face.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He rushed out, “Are you okay? Colby, its me, it’s Sam, I’m sorry.”

“You’re okay,” Colby rasped, trying to take in all the sensory cues that told him it was Sam and not anyone else with him at that moment, Sam’s smell, the blue of his eyes, the faint beeping of the monitors and the hissing of Sam’s breath, the softness and warmth of the blankets.

This was Sam. He was safe.

“How can I help?” Sam whispered, looking afraid to touch Colby now.

“I…” Colby sat back, detaching from Sam, trying to just keep from panicking, words not coming to his lips.

Sam looked away, thinking, a tortured look on his face. Then he looked at Colby again and extended his hand.

Colby looked at it briefly, his heart fluttering a little bit. 

_I love you..._

The feeling washed over him suddenly and unexpectedly, almost stealing his breath in its ferocity.  His eyes combed over the planes of Sam's face, the blue of his eyes, the ruffled blond of his hair.  _Fuck..._ he had it bad,  Just like before.  Sam was just so good to him, taking into account what he might need without even having to ask.  He looked at Sam's offered hand; such a simple thing, but symbolizing so much more. 

So much for being over Sam.

Sam had started to look anxious at the long pause.  "Thank you," Colby finally whispered, taking Sam's hand and squeezing it gently.

Sam smiled faintly. “I’m sorry…” He started, but Colby was already shaking his head.

“You're fine,” He said, “I just got stuck in my head for a moment.”

Sam didn’t look totally convinced, but nodded anyway.

That what when he heard a knock at their door. He and Sam turned rapidly towards the noise, Colby’s heart warming as he saw the protective stance Sam automatically moved into, even as his chest tightened with learned anxiety.

Fortunately, it was just Jackie, her placating tone almost immediately relaxing them.

“Your parents are here,” She informed them. “Are you okay with seeing them?”

Holy shit, their parents were here?  In LA?  They must have taken a flight as soon as they got the news.  Sam almost immediately nodded, with Colby joining in. “Yeah, that’s fine.” Even if he wasn’t entirely sure if he was okay with it, he didn't want to deny their parents a chance to see them after they had been taken.

Jackie exited the room, and Colby turned to Sam.  "We need to talk at some point.  About..." He gestured between the two of them. 

Sam immediately flushed, but nodded.  "We do," He agreed. They didn't have time for anything else before the curtain pulled open.  

Seeing his parents was jarring, and more stressful that he had thought. Colby’s parents had moved over to the bed immediately, quiet, desperate expressions on their faces. For a moment, there was an almost terse pause between the groups. And then Colby’s mom stepped out from behind his dad.

Colby couldn’t help it. He saw his mom’s face and he started crying.

She was the first one to get a hug initiated by him since he had been raped. And that just made him cry harder. He caught a glimpse of Sam’s face over her shoulder and saw a look of mild jealousy on his face. Colby sent an apologetic look his way that Sam waved off.   _Not your fault,_ he mouthed.  

Not for the first time, he wished it was easier to just let Sam hold him.

Thankfully, their parents either didn’t want to discuss what had happened or were told not to. Colby didn’t want to discuss it. He could tell from the careful way that their parents were acting around him and Sam they knew something had happened. But they way they treated Sam and Colby equally gingerly told Colby they didn’t know the details.

He was okay with that. And he knew Sam wouldn’t contest it.

Kat came in at some point, settling next to Sam in a chair.  Colby didn’t watch the reunion kiss, the sick feeling in his stomach intensifying. He just gripped Sam’s hand where it held his, letting his shoulder lean a bit into Sam for reassurance.

They still needed to talk about Kat.   _Sam_ needed to talk to Kat.  What about, Colby wasn't sure, because while they could pass off most of what they had done together as what they  _had_ to do.  The kissing though... that was different.  Colby didn't let himself think about it.  It made his chest hurt.

His mom started rambling about her book club, his dad about sports, and though Colby had never particularly cared about either subjects, he appreciated that they weren’t trying to pick at what had happened. Just let him be there with no comment to how he gripped Sam’s hand like he might float away or sink through the ground if he didn’t.

Jackie popped in from time to time to check on them, and reset their IVs. After Colby had almost fallen asleep on Sam for the third time, she gently urged both of them to go back to bed. Sam tried to protest, but he wasn’t much off sleep himself. Jackie explained, firmly, that they were both recovering from a traumatic experience and needed more rest, making it clear that she wouldn’t make it easy for them to fight her on this.

Colby didn’t fight too hard. The twisting in his stomach from watching Sam and Kat was getting painful. And as Jackie helped him walk back to his room (he refused to get back into the wheelchair) he couldn’t get the thought out of his head.

It hurt his chest and stomach to watch them. Wishing he could curl up against Sam’s body like she could, without that spidery panic wrapping around his lungs. Not that he had any right to be upset about it. And he knew he should be happy for Sam, was happy for Sam. Was glad he had another person who loved him. But he couldn’t pretend the last four days hadn’t happened. Couldn’t pretend that Sam hadn’t…

_Kissed him._

_Fucked him._

_Held him against his chest while they cried over the shared trauma._

But then…

Anxiety forced him to consider that maybe that was all it had ever been. A response to trauma. A need for something good in that hellhole. Maybe Sam kissing him today was just bleed over from that mentality.  Maybe once they had time to actually reunite with other people and not only have themselves for comfort... things would change.

He remembered Sam agreeing with him quietly when he had brought Kat up last time.

_“Yeah… trauma…”_

Sam was his best friend. The only one Colby really felt comfortable with right now mentally, even if physically his body didn’t want anyone near him. Anyone… male. His mom had been alright. His dad once he had thought himself through it. But he knew his parents. He trusted them.

But he trusted Sam too.

So why was the idea of curling around Sam terrifying and comforting?

Colby wrapped himself up in the lackluster hospital blankets Jackie had gotten for him, pondering as his heart raced. Why had Sam done the things that he had done in that room? The things he didn’t have to. Kissed him? Gotten off with him as he ground down on him. Held him in the aftermath.

He could argue it was trauma. Hell, there was a good chance it was just trauma for Sam.

Sam… Sam wasn’t gay.

He remembered that much.

Remembered being told that at nineteen, when he was young and drunk and very much in love with his best friend. He thought be had handled it well, in retrospect, even though he was pretty sure it had felt the end of the world at the time.

And he had gotten over Sam. Was completely over him. Was happy for him and Kat.

And then Sam went and kissed him.

He flopped back against his pillow, pressing his hands into his eyes.

He needed to talk to Sam.

OOO

_Sam was kissing him again, warmth pressed against his chest, soft lips pressed against his own.  Sam was under him, pulling Colby down against his body.  Colby could feel the line of Sam’s erection pressed against his thigh but it didn’t bother him.  This was Sam._

_He trusted Sam._

_Fingers wormed their way under his waistband, momentarily startling Colby.  He felt his heart rate pick up, but it was okay because it was Sam, he was safe, he_ trusted _Sam._

_The fingers kept going, gripping around his junk, eliciting a started cry from his lips._

_No, he was not okay with this.  Not okay at all.  He needed Sam to stop now please._

_”Sam...” He pulled back from the kiss to meet Sam’s eyes but was met with dark eyes shrouded by a black hood._

_The Hooded Man._

_And suddenly Colby was under him, and fingers were jammed into his rectum.  Colby shrieked, struggling to escape but his limbs were heavy and wouldn’t move, wouldn’t obey his frantic thoughts of “pleasepleasepleaseplease stop!”  The ripping feeling was excruciating, abating only with the start of a slick Colby knew was blood._

“Colby?”

_There was a hand around his throat, and suddenly Colby was on his back, and the rippingtearingviolationplease was bigger, and worse, and Colby couldn’t fucking breathe through the chokehold and excruciating pain..._

“Colby, hey!” 

  _Stopstopstopstopstopstop_

“Colby!”

The voice finally broke through the clutches of the dream.  Colby heaved in a massive gasp, his eyes darting around, not knowing where he was, what was going on, _what the fuck..._

“Colby, hey, you’re okay,” Elton breathed next to him.  

Reality took a moment to set in.  “Stop...” Colby whimpered, and he heard Elton suck in a breath.

”Hey man, you’re okay.  You’re okay, it’s Elton.” He finally was able to register the voice and associate a name and a face with it.  He saw moment out of the corner of his eye, eyes jumping to identify the threat but... it was just a person in scrubs, another woman, poking her head in the check on them.  

“That’s Jenny,” Elton said quietly, “She took over for night shift, Jackie went home.”

”Nightshift?” Colby asked, eyes flying to the clock.  It had been 5 in the afternoon last he checked, when the psych team had finished talking with him... it was almost 11pm now.  “Damn,” He whispered.  “When did...” And then he remembered.

Psych had shown up at his room, had asked him about the last few days, and they had _known_  what had happened, had _known he had been raped_... He’d had a panic attack, he remembered that now.  He’d panicked as his parents tried to talk him out - _they had kept touching him and they needed to just stop touching him_ \- Jackie trying to lend emotional support to all of them... “Where did my parents go?” He asked quietly, already knowing the answer.  

“To their hotel,” Elton informed him.  He wasn’t meeting Colby’s eyes, but it didn't seem to be because he was lying.  More like there was more to the story than he was telling Colby.  

“They didn’t handle it well, did they?” Colby asked quietly, knowing at the pit of stomach that it was true.  

Elton shook his head.  “Not really...” He answered sadly.  

“Fuck...” Colby breathed, feeling unbidden tears swell up into his eyes.  “I’m a fucking mess.”

He felt it then, the self loathing that had niggled at the back of his mind when he was with Sam.  He was such a fucking disaster, why couldn’t he just _be_   _oka_ _y?_

“That’s not your fault, Colby,” Elton said firmly, the no-nonsense tone of his voice cutting off any argument Colby might had made. “I mean... with what you and Sam went through, I don’t think anyone’s upset with you.  I think... It was just a lot for your parents.  They wanted to be able to protect you and...” Colby’s eyes were briefly drawn to Elton’s clenched fist, having to remind himself that Elton wouldn’t hurt him either, even as the fist argued otherwise.  Elton followed his line of sight and relaxed his hand.  “Sorry,” He apologized.  

“You’re fine,” Colby squeezed his eyes shut, going to push his fingers through his hair, juddering as he felt the God damned IV pull at his hand again.  “I fucking hate this thing,” He glowered.

“They’ll take it out when you leave tomorrow,” Elton promised.  Oh yeah, he’d forgotten about that.  He and Sam were being discharged tomorrow back... home? That had been a bitter fight.  Their parents wanted them to come back to Kansas and recover.  He and Sam argued that leaving LA now would be even more detrimental to their recovery.  They needed to get back in the game, get back to what they had been doing, figure out how the _fuck_  they were going to explain this to their fans...

And...

Colby didn’t want to be separated from Sam.  While they lived in separate apartments Sam was never more than few feet away.  He needed that to not change.  Not when it already felt like his world had shifted on its axis.  

Elton was thinking.  He knew that face, clear on Elton as he leaned back in his chair.  It was Elton’s I’m-thinking-about-something-but-you’re-not-going-to-like-it face.  “Elton, what’s up?” 

Elton looked like he was debating saying something, but shook his head.  “I’m good, bro.  Just tired.”

”Okay...” Colby didn’t believe him, but let it go.  He didn’t have the mental energy for a fight with Elton right now. 

It was quiet for a moment.  Colby listened to the beeping he could hear from out in the hall, some raised voices that he couldn’t make out.  He almost had started to ask about that when Elton spoke.  “How are you and Sam doing?”

Colby was a little jarred by the change in subject, floundering for words for a moment.  “Uh... I mean... you saw how I’m doing earlier...” He started bitterly, but Elton was already shaking his head.

”No, I mean, not like, you guys but like... your relationship?” 

Colby felt his stomach drop.  Elton couldn’t know, could he? “Uh... he’s been...” He didn’t know how to answer the question.  “I mean, he’s been there for me through everything that happened and like... He’s my best friend...”

”I know that,” Elton said, leaning forward in his chair, slightly closer to Colby.  “But like...” He stared at the floor, thinking, as Colby’s heart thundered in his chest.  

“So...” He started, still not looking at Colby.  “You and Sam have always been... _close._ ” Colby nodded.  “Like, much closer than average... _guy friends_  are... soooo...” Elton looked like he was waiting for Colby to speak but Colby kept his mouth shut, waiting to see where Elton was going with this.  

Elton sighed, looking at Colby.  “I’m awful at being subtle.  I know you had it bad for Sam during the old TFIL days.”  Colby’s eyes went wide and his face flushed red.  

“How...”

“You were fucking obvious,” Elton rolled his eyes.  “Come on, man.  Give me some credit.  It’s a damn miracle that Sam didn’t figure it out.”  

Colby groaned.  Elton wasn’t wrong.  Except...

”He did figure it out though...” Colby said quietly, hearing Elton’s intake of breath, “He’s not gay, Elton.”  He paused for a moment, thinking about it, “I don’t even know if I’m gay, it’s just...” He colored, “It’s just Sam.”  Just Sam, his eyes, always being there for him, with them.  

There was that whole confusing thing  where they had made out and gotten off together, and then Sam had kissed him earlier today, but... Colby still didn't know what that was about.  He shouldn't have let himself kiss Sam when he still didn't know what  _the fuck_ they were. 

Elton was quiet for a moment, “I’m sorry that didn’t work out for you two.  But that makes me worry because...”. He fidgeted with his hands, staring down at them.  “Because of the kind of stuff they made you guys do.”  

_Fuck..._

Colby’s heart dropped again.  “How... how much do you know?” 

Elton chewed his lip.  “So... do you know...”

“About the website?”  His stomach felt like a dozen live worms, all twisting and coiling.  “They showed us screenshots.”

"Yeah..." Elton's face was dark. "People PM'd all of us screenshots."  Of course they had.  That statement had been accompanied by another weird twitch in Elton's face, but with the subject matter it was understandable.  "I'm just... afraid you're both going to get hurt.  And you two really need each other right now," He continued, "Maybe he's not gay, but a lot happened to you two together.  It would bring anyone closer, and because I know you had the feelings for him before..."

Colby nodded absently, still pretty mortified that Elton had fucking known all those years... 

"If you two want to do... stuff, like cuddle and shit," Elton gestured with his hands, "That's on you.  But I don't want either of you going into this with misconceptions about what's actually going on.  Trauma can make your brain do weird shit."

His heart sank.  More fuel for the trauma-did-it fire.

His face must have shown something, because Elton reached for his shoulder, before pausing and drawing back. "I'm sorry Colby.  It'll be okay."

Colby tried to blink away the unwelcome tears in his eyes.

He really fucking hoped so.   

OOO   

Next door, another conversation was taking place.

"Kat... there's something I should probably tell you..." 

 


	9. Chapter 9

“ _Kat… there’s something I should probably tell you…”_

She looked up from her comfortable position curled into Sam’s side. It was late into the night now, Sam’s family and most of their friends had retreated to their beds after a long and emotional day. Kat knew Elton was with Colby at this point, a decision they had tried to talk him out of because _“God dammit Elton you need to sleep_.”

But Elton had always been a little more protective over Colby, and wasn’t going to let anyone talk him out of it. “ _I slept plenty out in the waiting room_ ,” he’d insisted. “ _You guys go home_.” It was bullshit, but no one wanted to fight him too hard on it.

They didn’t want Colby left alone either.  Especially after the fiasco with his parents.  

Oh they had faked it well enough in front of him, saying they were fine.  But Kat had watched the meltdown out in the hallway, heard it grow fainter as they walked away from their rooms, eventually leaving the hospital floor altogether.  She had spoken angrily to Jackie about it while Sam took a nap, unable to understand how they had been able to leave.

 _”Some people can’t handle watching the people they care about suffer,”_ She had said sadly, _“We see it all the time here.”_

Elton had been napping out in the waiting room when all this had happened.  After being roused by Colby’s parents’ reaction, he had firmly planted himself in an armchair in Colby’s room.  He may have gone back to sleep, but he was refusing to leave. 

The rest of their friends had headed home soon after, and now she and Sam were alone. After initially being afraid to touch Sam (she had seen the handholding scene earlier with Colby), her boyfriend had stretched out his arms, making it very clear she could get as close as she wanted. She had immediately snuggled into his chest like she’d been longing to do for days now. Sam only hugged her tighter and kissed her head.

So it must be Colby who needed the more careful handling. Was it because of Sam?

She knew better than she wanted to what they had been forced to do together. Had initially found out they had been kidnapped when one of their fandom sent her a graphic photo of Sam being forced to have sex with Colby. Had cried about it for hours, even after calling the rest of their friends together. She knew Sam loved Colby, knew it must have ripped his heart to pieces to have to hurt the guy he thought of as a brother.

Kat wouldn’t dare bring it up. Instead, she talked about pointless, inane things, trying to make Sam smile and laugh again without that haunted look in his eyes, the sweeping gaze towards the doorway that she knew was him looking for Colby or potential threats.

Kat thought she knew Sam pretty well at this point. They’d been dating for over two years, and he’d never shirked at revealing himself and how he felt about things to her. It wasn’t like Sam was ever all that good at hiding his emotions, but Kat found it endearing how much he really wore his heart on his sleeve. Mama Golbach had raised a son very in touch with his emotions and not afraid to express them.

Taking all of this into account she figured she knew before Sam did that they needed to have some sort of conversation. Knew it was going to have to happen before she walked in the room that morning but still dreading it. She’d just had a slightly different conversation in mind before she watched them reunite, come back in after giving them time to find them holding hands.

It was obvious to her that something had changed between them in that room. And she knew Sam well enough that when he told her there were things he needed to tell her, she knew she was going to find out what.

“What’s up, babe?” She asked, looking into those blue eyes she loved so much.

Sam was struggling with something, maybe trying to find words. His eyes cast to the curtain granting them some privacy and back to Kat. “Do you remember the first time I invited you over to our apartment?” He asked suddenly.

Kat furrowed her brow, slightly confused by the train of thought, but nodded anyway. “Yeah,” She smiled at the memory, of how young and new they both had been to each other, watching Sam awkwardly try to impress her. His infatuation was clear on his face even then, before she had learned to read him as well as she had. “You were trying so hard to be cool.”

Sam blushed, grinning too, “Dang, call me out why don’t you?”

“It was adorable,” Kat pecked him lightly on the cheek, just like she had done that night, and saw the symbolism was not lost on Sam. He leaned down to kiss her gently, hand in her hair. She indulged him for a moment before pulling back to look at him.

God, she had missed him. She hadn’t been able to sleep these past few days, so scared he was dead or being tortured, terrified that he would come back in a body bag but… here he was, whole and fine.

Physically anyway. She was starting to realize that there were so many invisible wounds she couldn’t see.

“Why do you ask?” She prodded, trying to get Sam back on topic.

Sam looked away then, worry dancing on his face. “How much do you know about everything that happened with me and Colby?”

Kat bit her lip, her stomach twisting as she recalled the photos she had been sent, the tweets she had read when she thought that social media might help. It hadn’t.

At all.

There was a lot of support and condolences from their fans but... the sheer number of tweets condemning and cursing Sam for “raping Colby” when she knew there was no way he had any other choice…

“Katrina…” She didn’t realize there were tears running down her face until she felt them soak into Sam’s hospital gown as he pulled her into his shoulder.

“No, no,” She shook her head into his chest, frustrated with herself. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying when you were kidnapped, it was just…” She shuddered, “It was so horrible. For all of us.”

She steeled herself because _it was not her turn to cry_ and pulled back.  When she looked up at Sam’s face, she saw his eyes wet with tears too.  He was clearly trying to fight it back but he was losing the fight.  “Oh, babe!” She hugged him this time, feeling a silent sob shake his shoulders. It started out quiet, and she knew Sam was still trying to school his emotions, but Sam had never been good at that.

“You’re okay, babe, I’ve got you…” It took some hair stroking and soft words but it wasn’t long before Sam fell apart, sobbing and shaking in her arms.

 _When was the last time Sam was allowed to not be okay_? She wondered quietly to herself, feeling for her boyfriend. _He’s had to be so strong for Colby he’s not been able to deal with his own emotions_. She saw the night nurse, Jenny, poke her head in, and signaled to the nurse that they were okay. She appreciated knowing that someone would be checking on them if she fell asleep, but felt like Sam needed some pseudo-privacy right now.

Sam’s emotional outpour lasted a while, long enough that Kat kind of stopped paying attention to the time, focusing on her clearly emotionally exhausted and traumatized boyfriend, wondering what had happened off camera. Not that the little she knew wouldn’t be justice for this reaction, but she couldn’t help but feel like there was more to this story.

Sam looked drained by the time the crying tapered off. He looked Kat and she swore he had aged about ten years in the past week. He kept opening his mouth as if he were going to say something, but shutting it again. “Anything you need to talk about, I’m here, Sam,” She whispered, running her hands through his hair. “I love you.”

An almost _nauseous_ look passed across his face and he almost looked to be considering crying again. “I love you too,” He breathed brokenly. “And I don’t… I don’t deserve you Katrina. I…”

“What are you talking about?” Kat demanded. “Don’t talk about yourself like that.”

“You don’t understand,” He insisted, a tortured look on his face. “I... I cheated on you, Kat!”

Kat froze, having to fight her visceral reaction to those words before she reacted. _Sam.. cheated... what?_   Then she realized what he meant.   _He means with Colby._  A wave of relief washed over her. That was it? “No, Sam, you… what those sickos made you do in there doesn’t count. At all. I know you wouldn’t have had sex with Colby if you didn’t have to.” Sam flinched, the look on his face not abating.

“But that’s not…” Sam started, pausing again. He seemed to be absorbing the fact that she knew.  “So… you know they made me fuck him?” He asked, clarifying, and Kat nodded, cringing a little bit at the harsh verbiage.

“Someone sent me a screenshot of that part of the video…” She said quietly. “I’m sure there’s more in my inbox, but I’ve been trying to stay off of social media because...” She was not telling Sam about all the hate and toxicity right now, “We didn’t know…” She trailed off, restarting, “And either way, it was none of my business. If you wanted me to know you would tell me. If you made it out…” Her voice choked up and she had to swallow back more tears.

Sam needed her.

Sam nodded, processing.  “So, there were… other things, they made us do,” Sam said, staring into the corner, seeing something in his mind’s eye that Kat couldn’t. “I had to… God, Kat, he was in so much pain…” His voice broke. “He begged me not to but I couldn’t stop because if I didn’t do it then they would and they were _so much worse_ …”

 _Were_.

Not _would be_.

That was when it became clear to Kat that something else had happened. That there was something Sam hadn’t brought up. 

In that moment, Kat was sure that someone else had raped Colby.

All of Sam’s reactions suddenly made sense, the guilt wracking his body, all of Colby’s reactions to what Sam had done earlier and his reluctance to let _anyone_ touch him when their families came.  She brought her hands to her mouth, fresh tears coming to her eyes as Sam continued. “I mean, he was chained to a fuckin’ table Kat, what was I supposed to do?”

“I know you did everything you could,” Kat promised, her chest aching with how much pain she could feel radiating from Sam. She squeezed his hands in hers, trying to provide some comfort.

“He was so scared Kat…” Sam whispered, eyes haunted. “And then he had such a hard time with me touching him, he had a panic attack the first time when he woke up after…” Sam’s eyes were leaking tears again, “And then…” His fingers fidgeted in her hands, “After they made me get him off,” Kat cringed at that, “He…I… and then they had to…” And with that line they he all but confirmed Kat’s suspicion.

Someone else had hurt Colby.

And it was her guess that Sam had had to watch.

“I know you did everything you could to keep him safe,” She promised, kissing him gently.  She hugged Sam closer to her, wanting to know nothing more but afraid of the directions her horrified mind would travel in without concrete answers.

Sam didn’t fight the hug, wrapping his arms around her quietly. He didn’t speak for a few moments, anxiety clear in the darting of his eyes and twitching of his hands. Kat tried to be patient, not sure what was about to come out of Sam’s mouth but terrified of it.

“So… that night you first came over…” Sam started, startling her with the subject change. “I don’t know if you noticed it at the time, but Colby was acting really, really weird all night.” Kat shook her head. She’d barely been aware of Colby’s presence at that point, just knowing of him vaguely as Sam’s best friend. “Well, he was. He was acting really fucking weird, and I confronted him about it later that night.”

Sam took a deep breath through his nose. “We were both drunk, but I pinned him down and…” His shoulders dropped with his exhale. “Colby... I figured out that Colby had feelings for me.”

Kat’s eyes widened, shock blooming through her body. She had _not_ been expected that. “And you… didn’t?” She asked, starting to get an inkling in the back of her mind where this was going, and along with it a sinking feeling in her gut.

“No, yes, I don’t know,” Sam grappled for words. “I mean, I was nineteen! As far as I knew I was straight. I didn’t… I didn’t handle it well,” He sighed, freeing his hands from Kat’s to run them through his hair. “I told him I wasn’t gay, and we had just been talking about you and then…”

Kat could feel her rapid heartbeat in her chest as she started to put the pieces together, pulling from what she had just learned and everything that she had witnessed in the last twelve hours. The hand holding, the lips that had been a little more swollen than when she had left. “You have feelings for him,” She said simply, knowing in her heart that it was true.

Shock made Sam jerk in her grasp as he looked directly at her. “I… I don’t… maybe?” His voice was so small and confused. Kat’s instincts told her to comfort him. Her mind reminded her that her boyfriend had just admitted he might be gay for his best friend. And that apparently he had cheated on her.

“And you cheated on me, so… something happened outside of what they made you do?” Kat asked, already knowing the answer as he looked away.

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered, not meeting her eyes. “I kissed him Kat. And no one made us do it.”

Hurt was the first emotion that crashed through her; hurt that he had kissed someone else, that he had kissed Colby of all people. A blade twisted in her gut, and for a moment it felt like the world was falling out from under her. But as she took a moment to process the initial hurt and betrayal, she had another realization.

She wasn’t surprised. Sam had always been closer to Colby than to her over the years. Colby was his go to person, whereas Sam was hers. And she couldn’t deny that their various “Are We Gay?” videos over the years hadn’t gotten a bit… too real. Especially the prank video where she had walked in on the two of them together in bed. She had almost believed them that time, and they hadn’t just been through hell together.  “This isn’t a prank right?” She asked dryly, “Because this is awful timing for a prank.”

Sam cringed, seeming to have similar thoughts to her line of thinking. “Not this time.” He met her eyes honestly, “I’m sorry, Kat.”

She nodded, still processing, exhaling heavily through her nose. “So…” She spoke slowly, working out her thoughts as she spoke, “Where do you want to go from here?”

Sam seemed taken aback by the question. “Uh… what do you mean?”

“Do you want to date Colby?” She watched the question seem hit him and bounce off of his forehead, as if the thought hadn’t really occurred to me.  It bounced to fall to the bed between them, as both waited for a response.  

“Uh… I don’t know?” He said weakly. “I hadn’t really gotten that far. I just…” He cast his eyes at the curtain, and she could see the panic and worry in his eyes, “Until today… I didn’t know if we were going to make it long enough to worry about it.”

Pain lanced through her chest at that thought. Of losing them- _him_. But it was a valid point. If Sam was just now figuring this out, he hadn’t really had time to work through what Colby was to him.  Especially given the nature of what they had been through together.  Her whole body felt strange, like it was full of helium as she considered what she was about to offer.

“Well, if you want to… you have my blessing.”

Sam looked like he had been punched in the gut. “Kat… are you… are you breaking up with me?”  His voice wasn’t surprised, as if this was the inevitable end he had pictured in his head.

Kat found herself shaking her head, a strange emptiness in her stomach. “Not… really?” She wasn’t really fully sure herself what was going on, the idea forming even as she spoke. “Look, you... you and Colby have been through a lot together, not just this week. And it’s not like this is the first time I’ve been told you’re gay for Colby,” She considered for a moment, lips twisting into a wry smile, “You should have seen how my inbox used to get,” Sam blushed, chuckling awkwardly,  “I’ve had time to think about and get used to the idea.”

“But I’m not even sure I’m gay at all,” Sam interjected, “I don’t like guys, I like girls, its just…” He watched his foot tap anxiously. “It’s just Colby.”

Kat nodded, not surprised. She had never thought of Sam as gay. He was right.

It was just Colby.

It was always Colby.

And while part of her argued that it was probably just the last few days that were making Sam feel this way about his best friend, she knew Colby had always come first. She wouldn’t make him change that now.

“I’m not going to say I’m thrilled about it, but… I mean you and Colby are so close already that like…” Kat said quietly, her torso humming with uncertain certainty. “I love you Sam, and I think you need some time to figure out what’s going on in your head before anything… permanently changes. You just went through the most traumatic thing you’ve ever been through. I’m not going to make you pick between me and Colby right now.”

The sheer amount of relief she saw on Sam’s face made her smile sadly. “Look, you take the time to take care of him in… whatever way you feel you need to. We’ll cross the other bridge when we get to it.” If it was just trauma based, it would resolve itself when they both recovered. If it was something more… well, then they would tackle that then.

“Thank you Kat,” Sam whispered, tears in his eyes, and she let him fold her against his chest. Only when she knew he couldn’t see her face did she let the tears fall.

OOO

They were discharged around 11:30am back to their apartments.

It had been a long, bitter fight, during which Sam had almost lost his cool and that in turn had almost triggered Colby, starting to raise his voice through tears in his eyes, at which point Elton snapped that “God dammit I kept them safe across the fuckin’ globe I’ll keep them at my place.”

It was a shaky compromise, but still a compromise.  

However, no sooner than Elton had them in his car that he asked them if they really just wanted to go home to vehement nods from both of them.  

And so here they were.  Both standing inside Sam’s apartment where Elton had left them after he was politely, and then not so politely, asked to stop parenting them and just let them breathe.  

 _This apartment is too open,_  Sam thought quietly.  He had loved the open design of the place when he and Colby had moved in, but now couldn’t help but picture all the places someone could be hiding, ready to jump him and Colby and drag them back to that place...

”Sam.” Colby’s voice cut through his thoughts.  Sam looked back at his best friend, looking surprisingly small and lost standing in the entranceway, his arms wrapped around his own body.  He took in his bright eyes, the angles of his chin and cheeks, the fear in his body language.  Colby glanced at the door- _locked, they both had double checked_ \- and then back at Sam.  

“We gotta talk bro.”  

Sam nodded, “Yeah, we do.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This all came a lot faster than I thought it would. I wanted to try to do Kat justice and not make her a villain in this, but also give her realistic reactions to what happens in this chapter. I don’t have as good a read on her personality as the other characters, but I did my best and I’m okay with the outcome. 
> 
> Next chapter, the conversation we’ve all been waiting for.


	10. Chapter 10

_“We gotta talk, bro.”_

“Yeah, we do” Sam nodded, his heart rate picking up. This was it. “Couch?”

”Couch,” Colby agreed.

The two moved almost in unison to Sam’s couch. Sam sat down first, waiting to see where Colby would sit. Colby paused for a moment, looking conflicted. Then he slowly and deliberately sat next to Sam so that their thighs and shoulders were touching. Sam didn’t move as he slid into place, feeling the faint trembling in his friend’s body as he initiated the contact. When he was fully seated, Colby paused, grinning faintly to himself.

“Proud of you,” Sam whispered, gathering what was probably going on here. Colby flushed, but the grin widened as he turned to Sam, and he felt little butterflies take flight in his stomach. Well _fuck_ , that sure told him something.

Sam had been turning his conversation with Kat over and over in his head. He hadn’t at all been expecting her to be so… it wasn’t that he didn’t think she wouldn’t be able to understand his tumultuous thoughts but that he hadn’t been expecting…

Sam went into that conversation fully expecting Kat to break up with him. He wouldn’t have blamed her. Might have done the exact same in her shoes, had Kat come to him in love with her best friend. Or maybe not, considering his own experience with the matter.

_But wait… Was he in love with Colby?_

Kat had been right about one thing they talked about last night. He didn’t know how much these feelings were influenced by the last few days and how much of them were… him. Just him with feelings he didn’t know what to do with.

Colby’s grin faltered as he took in Sam’s face. “So…” Colby started, breaking through his train of thought. “Sam, we… what the fuck are we doing, man?”

“We’re…” Sam didn’t know where to even begin with his own thoughts. “I don’t know. I’ve been…” He floundered for words, not wanting to say nothing, betray the earnest look in Colby’s eyes. “A lot of really confusing things have been going on in my head, y’know, since we got kidnapped and everything happened. And now we’re safe… and I’m still trying to work out what happened.” He fidgeted with his hands, watching Colby watch them.

Colby nodded slowly. “I’m.. at about the same place I think,” He said quietly. “Obviously I… well… you know I used to like… _like_ you,” He stumbled over the words a little bit, his cheeks turning pink. “But uh… I think we both know how that ended and I honestly did get over it.” He sat up, pushing his torso back with his hand. “But like… God, I feel like I’m going fucking crazy over here, man. Because you like, told me you weren’t gay,” Sam cringed, “And then you… you fucking _kissed_ me, bro. And I kissed you back and like…” His face was wide and agitated, a hand running through his hair.

“I just… I’m scared, bro,” He finally breathed. “I’m getting all these conflicting things from you and that’s not even including all the shit that you had to do to me and the…” He voice choked off and he swallowed hard. “And the fact that I can’t even fucking touch anyone right now without freaking out. I just…” He rested his arms on his thighs and looked at Sam. “There’s so much other shit going on right now that I can’t have you being another thing. I just need to know what _the fuck_ we’re doing and what we are so I can either just, get you out of my head or…” He chuckled sardonically, “Fuck, I don’t know. Does that even make sense?”

“It does,” Sam quickly assured him, his heart racing because fuck that was a lot. “It completely makes sense, because I like…” He took a deep, calming breath, trying not to let something impulsive race out of his mouth.  He halfway succeeded. ”So I talked to Kat last night.”  

Colby went rigid. “You told her?” His voice was quiet.

“I told her that we kissed,” Sam explained, stomach clenching because fuck was he not supposed to but how could he not... “and that… I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Because of everything that we’d been through, because no one made us… She knew about... some of the other stuff but not that.” He wanted to kiss Colby, he really wanted to kiss Colby, and hold him, and soothe that scared little look off his face.  But he didn’t, because they really needed to talk right now and just just suck each other’s faces off.  

“And what did she say?” Colby asked with faux nonchalance.

Sam took a deep breath.  He had to tell Colby.  Even if confessions were scary.  Because he didn't know if Colby still felt that way about him.  “She told me... that... she wanted me to figure out what the hell was going on in my mind before anything permanent happened.  Figure out if I actually... like, had feelings for you.”  

There it was.  Colby’s eyes flew up to his, something like hope shining in them.  “You think you might...”

Sam nodded, relief at his response quelling the previous panic.  “There’s... something I can’t explain about you that just...” He blushed, laughing.  “Like, I saw you smile at me a few minutes ago and like... I got butterflies, dude.  And like, even now, I want to like... kiss you and stuff.  Hold you...” Colby’s smile faltered briefly at the mention of physical contact.  Sam winced.   _Bad timing_.  “Dude, I... it’s okay.  I don’t have to have that with you now.  I want you to like, be comfortable with it first.  I would never make you.”

Colby nodded, a faint smile still on his lips.  “I know you wouldn’t.  I just...” His face darkened, and Sam immediately wanted to reach out and pull Colby into his arms.  Instead, he slowly reached for Colby’s hand, stopping before touching it to get Colby’s consent.  Colby nodded, and he gently intertwined their fingers, wondering when this had become such a comforting gesture.  

Colby was thinking, and the look on his face made Sam nervous.  “So like, this is great and all man, and trust me I’m like, so happy you have no idea but like... where did this come from?” Colby's leg had started to shake nervously.  “You told me three years ago you were straight.  And you’ve been dating Kat since so...” He looked away from Sam.  “Why now?”

Sam’s chest tightened, realizing what Colby was asking.  The same thing Kat had asked.   _Why now?_   “I don’t... know? I mean... I don’t... so like, I told you I was straight and like, I think I mostly am but then...” He stared at their hands, feeling Colby’s warmth against him.  “But then there’s you, dude.  Because if I hadn’t been so fucking stupid and... _terrified_  of the idea of being gay then... and if Kat hadn’t been in the picture... _fuck,_  man, I don’t know.”

Colby was quiet, looking to be digesting what Sam had just said.  “So... you’d thought about it before all of this?” He asked, “Us like... dating?  Being a thing?”

”I thought about kissing you,” Sam admitted.  “That night, after everything happened.  I made it back to my room and wished I had kissed you.  But I was... so fucking stupid, and like... I could get stuck on what-if’s for forever but...”

“I just don’t want you to do anything with me because of _this_ ,” Colby cut him off, gesturing wildly to encompass everything that had happened. “Because of... _trauma_ , or something.” His tone was bitter and Sam instantly knew why, remembering his casual comment.

_Yeah... trauma..._

Sam cringed.  “I’m sorry, Colby,” He breathed.  “I shouldn’t have said that."

”I just... fuck,” Colby pressed his hands into his eyes,and Sam hated the tone of honest distress in his voice.  “I just can’t have you be unsure about why you’re doing this.  Because I can’t handle that right now.  Because I’m falling in love with you again and I either need you to be on board or...” His voice was faint when he continued, “I need to start getting over you again.”

Sam was frozen, shocked at Colby’s admission.  He had known Colby had had feelings in the past, knew he had been into their interactions (except when Sam accidentally triggered him), but he hadn’t realized the depth of the feelings he was dealing with.   _Colby was falling in love with him again?_  

He instantly felt guilty.  Colby really didn’t need his shit right now.  But he wanted... what did he want?   _Colby._  He knew that part.  And how... how would dating Colby really change who they were? Their friendship?  The only think Sam could really see changing was that he would be able to do all those things he wanted to to Colby.   _Kiss him, hold him, feel every plane and angle of his body pressing into him as Colby fucked him nice and slow..._

_Wait... what?_

Where the fuck had that come from?

He felt his face grow hot.  It had crossed his mind that he’d probably have to... _bottom_... if he and Colby ever got to having sex if they wanted to do _that_ , just to keep Colby’s trauma under control, but he’d never expected to he particularly turned on by the idea.  

He had to admit it wasn’t an unattractive thought, the idea of feeling Colby over him, around him, _inside him_...

”Sam?” Colby.   _Fuck_ , he was still waiting on an answer from Sam. 

“I want you.” Sam said, and it wasn’t the elegant response Sam had hoped it would be, but when the words started coming, they didn’t stop.  “I want you, I want to date you, and hold you, and be everything that we already are but like... more.”  He looked earnestly at Colby.  “I need to give this a try because... I’m going to regret it if I don’t.” 

There was a moment as they held each other's gaze when Sam thought that this was going to be it.  He had put his feelings out there and Colby was going to either kiss him or leave him.  It felt like a small eternity that passed with his heart beating hard in his chest as he held Colby's gaze. 

Colby was the first to look away, his face contorting with emotion.  “Colby...” 

"I talked to Elton last night," Colby stated, staring at some unknown thing on the wall.  "He asked about us... our relationship."

Sam blinked for a moment.  This was not the response he had expected, but he tried to get on board. "You mean like..."

"I guess he knew I used to like you," Colby broke briefly into the ghost of a grin as Sam's stomach dropped in surprise.  "For a guy who will take every opportunity to embarrass us he sure kept that quiet."  Sam nodded, kinda shocked at the statement.   _Why didn't he say anything?_   Sam wanted to demand, but he thought he knew the answer.

At nineteen, Sam Golbach had wanted to be straight.  He had told his best friend as much when Colby had trusted him enough to come out to him.

And fucked everything up.

"Sounds like Uncle Elton," He said instead, feeling guilt swirl nauseatingly in his gut.

"Yeah," Colby agreed, still not looking at Sam. "He... he just wanted to make sure that we didn't launch into anything because of... _everything_."  His eyes dropped, "he's worried about us." 

Sam understood Elton's concern.  He knew the guy looked at them like his little brothers, but he also knew that Colby especially had wormed his way into the prankster's heart. 

He was good at doing that. 

But it didn't override the fact that this was someone else weighing in on how he should live his life, inputting their opinions on  _his_ relationship with Colby.  And he didn't appreciate it.  A little ball of irritation formed in his chest and it pushed out through his mouth.  "Y'know, I was ready for Kat to break up with me last night," he said simply, but the words spoke volumes to Colby. 

He looked straight at Sam for the first time in a while, his eyes wide.  "What do you mean?"

"When I told her," Sam repeated, "I knew there was like, a chance that she would break up with me instantly.  Because I had kissed you.  And had some sort of feelings for you, even if I didn't know what they were."  His chest hurt, hating that he had had to hurt the girl he loved like that. Grateful, but at the same time disappointed at how understanding she had been about the whole thing. 

Because if she had broken up with him then he wouldn't have to choose between them. 

Even if he subconsciously knew how that choice would end. 

"But you love Kat," Colby sounded confused, bringing Sam back to the moment.

"I do," Sam whispered, "God, I do.  But... she's not... you," Colby's cheeks flushed pink, and Sam smiled a little at how adorable that was. 

_There had never really been a choice, had there?_

Sam continued, "I... I needed to be honest about us to her because I couldn't stand her being lied to.  Because..." His voice cracked, and Sam jumped, not even having realized how close to tears he was.  "It's always been you."

Colby searched his face.  "Sam..."

"It's always been you," Sam continued, realizing it as he continued to talk, "You're my best friend, Colby.  And I was okay with her breaking up with me as long as I had you."

There was a moment of silence between them, as Colby looked for something in Sam's expression.  And then Colby was in his face, twisting fingers into his shirt as he kissed him hard.  Sam inhaled harshly, one hand immobilized as Colby pressed it into the couch behind them but the other free to groped blindly for Colby's shoulder, his back, any part of his that he could touch as the breath escaped in a low moan.  Colby's free hand pressed into Sam's chest, pushing him to lay back on the couch, Colby kneeling over him, so that he could kiss Sam harder. Sam's head was pulled into the cushions by hand twisting into his hair, a whine escaping Sam's mouth from the pleasure pain of the pulling. 

 _Fuck_ _, he loved this._  

Sam whimpered as Colby detached from his mouth, twisting Sam's head to the side and instantly latching onto the spot on his neck that he had discovered yesterday, a broken moan being wrenched from his vocal cords at the sucking pressure to the spot.  His abs tightened, and he desperately wanted to pull Colby down against him but restrained himself.  He'd take this contact and intimacy any day over triggering Colby all over again, especially when they seemed to be working things out.

_And God, was kissing Colby hot as hell._

" _Fuck_ , Colby..." Sam hissed, gasping again as Colby bit into his shoulder.  "Colby, you're gonna fuckin' leave a hickey, bro." 

Colby broke off from his neck, lifting heated eyes to Sam's.  "Sorry," he apologized, not really looking too sorry for it.  "You just sound so _good_..." He twisted Sam's face the other way so he could get at the other side of his neck.  

"Fuck, bro..." Sam groaned, free hand grappling on Colby's back for something to grab, and while he probably should have thought about it, he ended up grabbing into the muscle of his ass, pulling Colby down towards him.  Colby hissed, and it wasn't a good noise.  Sam opened his mouth to apologize because _goddangit_ _he had one job_ , when in a sudden move, Colby unwrapped his fingers from Sam's hair, using both hands to trap both of Sam's wrists and press them above his head.  

Shock was the first emotion to pass through him, then mild panic as his brain flashed back to being tied up before, having to watch _and being unable to do anything his face still throbbing with pain, as Colby was held down and..._

"Sam?" Colby spoke, and Sam could hear no panic or pain in Colby's voice.  He opened eyes he didn't realize he had closed to find Colby's bright blue ones staring into his.  "You okay, bro?"

Colby.  It was Colby holding him down, because Sam had grabbed his ass.  And Colby had panicked, and then grabbed Sam to stop him,and then... Fuck, was that what Colby had been going through when Sam accidentally triggered him?  "I'm okay..." Sam whispered, pressing against Colby's hold on his wrists.  "You wanna let me up?"

Colby blinked for a moment, and then it seemed to click.  "Fuck!" He released Sam's hands, pulling his own tight against his body.  "Fuck, I'm so sorry Sam."

"It's okay, you're okay, I'm okay," Sam whispered, sitting up. finding Colby's face and holding it with one hand while the other supported him. "I've just got some triggers too I guess..."

"I'm so sorry," Colby breathed, his breathing picking up, averting his gaze, "I didn't mean to... I should have known..."

"Hey, no, it's okay," Sam assured him, "I just won't grab your ass and you don't hold me down, okay? Colby?"  Colby looked back at him, sorrow in his eyes.  "Oh Colby..." He leaned forward and kissed his friend, trying to convey every bit of how okay he was into the kiss.  

It took a few soft, loving kisses before Colby responded again, but when he did, it was not in the gentle way Sam had been kissing him.  Colby kissed him back almost desperately, like a drowning man pulling at his last chance of rescue.   This time however, Sam responded differently.  Instead of letting Colby push him back, Sam kissed him back as hard as he was being kissed, gently threading his fingers into Colby's hair, climbing onto his knees through the kiss until he was kneeling over Colby, still sitting with one leg bent on the couch and one leg off.  He saw Colby register that Sam was over him, saw as he took a breath, released it, and pulled Sam down to kiss him hard, accepting the position.  

 _Proud of you,_ Sam thought in his head, even if his mouth was a little too busy having any chance at coherent kissed out of it.  Somehow, they ended up with Colby's back pressed into the back of the sofa as Sam knelt with his legs on either side of Colby's hips.  He was careful to not press his erection anywhere near Colby, remembering way too well the way that had ended in the hospital.  If Colby wanted their dicks involved, he would tell Sam.  

He never wanted to trigger Colby again.  Not now that he knew even a piece of what Colby was going through.  

Colby broke off the kiss first, just grinning up at Sam like a doofus.  Sam's heart danced in his chest.  How had he never realized how amazing Colby's smiles were?  "So..." Colby breathed, "We're doing this?"  Happiness and hope lit up his face, the happiest Sam had seen Colby since they were taken.

Sam nodded, smiling back at him, "If you want to."  

Colby nodded too.  "Yeah... I want to."  

"Cool." And Sam kissed him again.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're still a long way from healed, but we're on the right track.
> 
> And this fic is a long way from over! We still have a lot of loose ends to wrap up, a lot of heavy conversations to have. But let's enjoy the happy for now, shall we?


	11. Chapter 11

Colby had always joked that he had no body hair on his upper body. Sam knew it wasn’t a lie, he’d seen Colby half dressed (and now naked) plenty. What he hadn’t thought about was how soft the absence of coarse hair would make his skin.

He smiled softly to himself as he gently stroked Colby’s arm, Colby watching him with some curiosity but mostly casual pleasure. They had paused their desperate kissing as it had quickly become clear that they could either escalate this thing they were doing (something neither of them wanted to chance), or back off. And after some thoughts about Elton in a tutu, Sam had gotten himself under control, even if every part of him begged him to  _plead_  for Colby to please touch him.

It had been some time since that now, and while Sam had some new mental porn for later, he was okay with just being here, touching Colby. Feeling close to him. Appreciating that he was allowed to touch without having to mask it under the guise of friendship.

“What’re you smiling about?” Colby asked softly, looking up at Sam.

Sam’s smile stretched larger. “You,” He answered.

Sam would never tire of making Colby blush. It was just so adorable to watch his usually playful, joking friend get flustered. Colby rolled from his back over to his side, closer to Sam. “Sam,” He started as though he were going to continue, but stopped, just reaching up to touch Sam’s face, stroking his cheek absentmindedly. Sam winced a little as his fingers traced over the bruise on his cheek. “Sorry…” Colby whispered, and Sam got the feeling that he was apologizing not just for touching the bruise, but the events that lead up to it.

“No big,” Sam responded, “I’d do it again.” And he would. In a heartbeat for Colby.

Colby grimaced. “You shouldn’t have, dude,” He whispered, guilt on his face, “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“I wasn’t going to let them do it without a fight,” Sam retorted, catching a glimpse of the yellowing bruises on Colby’s wrists. “Someone had to tell them that they couldn’t just have you, you were…” He felt emotion well up in his throat. _Fuck_ , all the terror and anger and horrible, horrible guilt from the ordeal were rising up into his chest again. “God, Colby…”

“Sam, I’m f…”

“Goddangit Colby, if you say you’re fine…” Fuck, this had been such a nice moment and here Sam was making Colby worry about him when Colby had been through so much worse…

Colby paused, considering his words. “Okay, I’m not like, 100% right now, obviously…” He conceded, “But like…” He reached for Sam’s hand, gripping it lightly with his own. “You’ve been so worried about me that like…” He paused for a moment, before asking, “How are you doing, Sam?”

Sam blinked, before shrugging, trying to pass it off casual.  “I’m fine, dude. A little bruised but pretty much okay.”  He didn't want to worry Colby.

Colby was looking at him, not at all convinced. “Sure…” He looked away for a moment, and Sam watched thoughts pass over his face. “I was just thinking about it because... So like… during the…” He took a shuddering breath, “While you were tied down and watching…” Sam nodded, letting Colby know that he knew what Colby was talking about without Colby having to say it. Colby nodded back gratefully.

“So… my brain did something really weird,” Colby admitted. “So like… during the first part where he was…” His words faltered and he pointed weakly at his mouth. Sam nodded his understanding again. _When the guy had been shoving his dick down Colby’s throat…_ “I kinda like, so…” he was looking at his hands, fidgeting with his fingers, looking like he was still looking for the rings that had been taken when he was.

Sam tried to recall what Colby was talking about, and almost instantly remembered; vacant face, body passive as Colby’s empty eyes stared at him and Sam couldn’t get to him, couldn’t stop the violation that was happening… he mentally shook himself, trying to focus on Colby here and now; safe.

“So I wasn’t, like there,” Colby said, struggling for words. “Like, I know my body was there, and taking it but like…” He looked up at Sam. “It felt like I was standing over there with you.” Sam’s bafflement must have shown on his face, because Colby quickly explained, “Okay, I know it make no sense, dude, but like… that’s honestly what it felt like. I don’t… like I remember what happened but only because it feels like I watched it happen to my body.”

Sam blinked, trying to register what the hell Colby was telling him. “So that whole time…”

“I like…” Sam watched Colby toss words around in his head. “So that’s the weirdest thing about this touch thing for me, because I don’t remember it happening but like my body does? I don’t… fuck man, I don’t know.”

Sam nodded, brow still furrowed, “So what was it, like an out-of-body experience or something?”

“Or something,” Colby agreed. “I just…” He shrugged, smiling halfheartedly. “Just thought it might make you feel better to thing that I wasn’t like, actually there while uh… all that was going on.”

Sam nodded, his thoughts still racing. “But that doesn’t… I mean… It’s not like it’s not still affecting you.”

Colby sighed.  “Well, no but like... I don’t remember what it felt like when he...”

“And I appreciate that, dude,” Sam cut Colby off because he didn’t want to think about it and the memories it was bringing up.  He lowered his eyes. “But like... I still had to watch and I couldn’t protect you, bro. I tried so hard…” Fuck, there were the tears again. It felt like all he did these days was cry.

“Sam…” And then there were arms around him.  Momentarily stunned by the fact that it was _Colby_  hugging him, Sam inhaled harshly, the sound coming out as more of a sob than he would have liked.  Colby just held him tighter, kissing the side of his head in comfort.  “Sam, your trauma is valid too,” Colby breathed.  “Let me help you too.”

Sam just shuddered, taking the opportunity to hug Colby tighter.  As they hugged, Sam took the opportunity to try to register what Colby had told him, wondering if that made the whole thing better or worse.  Colby apparently hadn’t... been there?  Couldn't remember the latter parts of that ordeal.  Sam remembered watching the vacant look take over Colby’s features halfway through the throat fucking.  

He was grateful Colby didn’t remember the violence that had come after.  

He was distracted from his thoughts when the comforting kisses to the side of his head turned into much more interesting nibbles.  Sam sucked in a breath, groaning faintly through his teeth.  “Colby, are you...”

”I know what I’m doing,” Colby responded in his ear, and Sam had to stifle the embarrassing moan that wanted to escape as Colby started licking at his neck.  

“I never should have told you about that spot,” Sam grumbled, with no real irritation in his voice.  His false pretense was immediately busted when Colby bit down lightly on the spot, and Sam’s hissed in breath turned into a moan.  “Colby...” He whispered, his abs tightening as his dick got interested again.  

Colby backed off from the hug so that he could run the fingers of one hand down Sam’s chest.  Sam’s breath hissed in sharply as Colby’s fingers brushed over his nipple.  Colby looked up at him, a teasing smile on his face.  “Is that sensitive too?”

”Shut the fuck up, Colby,” Sam kissed him roughly as Colby laughed into his mouth.  Sam whined as the accidental brush turned into intentional strokes.   _Fuck..._ Leave it to Colby just find all of his spots.  Colby’s other hand joined it’s twin on the opposite side of his chest.  “Fuck.” That was intense.  

Sam wasn’t even aware of the noises he was making until Colby sent him a weird look.  “You okay there, bro?”

”I hate you,” Sam groaned.  Colby grinned and lifted his hands from Sam’s chest. “Don’t stop,” Sam glared at him.

Colby chuckled, “Not stopping,” He said.  His hands flitted down to the hem of Sam’s shirt, fingers worming under the fabric.  “Can I?”

Sam didn’t have to think about that answer.  “Please!”  

Sam was just helping Colby help him worm out his shirt when there was a knock at the door.  “Hey guys, it’s your Uncle Elton!” 

Elton.  He had promised he’d be back later.  

Colby froze next to him and Sam was about to worry about Colby and his reaction to doors when Colby groaned, “Are you fucking joking?” Sam sighed in relief, laughing a little bit at Colby’s reaction.  “We’re coming back to this later,” Colby threatened him, hopping off the couch.

Sam even saw him readjust himself in pants.  

And in that moment Sam could almost forget that Colby had been raped.

Sam glanced at the clock.  It was almost 5.  “Tell him if he doesn’t have food he’s not allowed in,” Sam called as Colby wandered towards the door, covertly adjusting himself as well.   _Think non-sexy things, non-sexy things..._

Elton was let in after a check through the peep hole, the wonderful smell of pizza following him in.  “Hey guys, how’s it going?” Elton’s face was a little tense, but relaxed upon seeing both of them there.  He walked in a set the pizzas down in the counter.  He paused as he got a good look at Sam though.  Sam could almost see Elton connecting the dots.  “You uh... you’ve got a bit of a hickey going, dude,” He gestured at Sam.  “Might want to get a sweatshirt or something.” He sent an accusatory look at Colby, who had frozen.  “Colby.”

Sam’s stomach dropped.  He hadn’t necessarily planned on telling Elton right away.  Sam’s hand moved up to the sensitive spot Colby had bitten down on, color flaring to life on his face. “Uh...”

”Elton, we...” Colby’s face was red as well.

”Look, I’m going to keep this short,” Elton cut them both off, crossing his arms.  

Irritation ignited in his chest again. “Elton, you can’t...” Sam started to retort but Elton glared at him.

”Shut it, Sam,” Elton said firmly.  He leaned against the counter. “I told Colby this last night, but I’ll tell both of you this now.  You guys just went through something really fucked up.  Something where you could only count on each other.”  He directed his gaze at Sam.  “I watched this one pine after you for a year, dude,” He gestured with his head at Colby.  “Don’t hurt him because you’re confused.”

”What the fuck, Elton?” Sam demanded, “It’s none of your business.” He looked at Colby, whose face was somewhere between confusion, disbelief, and a slight trace of worry.  

“So long as he’s happy it won’t be,” Elton uncrossed his arms.  “Okay, that’s all I’m going to say.  Pizza?” He pushed himself off the counter and started digging into the top box.

Sam was getting ready to retort when Colby cut him off. “I’ll be okay, Elton, really,” Colby tone was low but firm.  “I trust him.”  

“I know, Colby,” Elton sent half a smile his way.  It may have just been in Sam’s head, but it felt like the smile was placating, condescending. “Pizza?” 

Anger still boiled in Sam’s chest, but he settled for just glaring at Elton.  Elton looked at him nonchalantly.  “Dude, seriously, pizza?  I know you’re hungry and you’re going to need the fuel.”  His face darkened, and the deliberate ignorance of the tension dropped.  “We have a lot to go over tonight.”

Sam grumbled internally, but got up to go get pizza.  He could yell at Elton later.  

The pizza was a goddamn miracle food after the lackluster food they had had while captive and then in the hospital.  The full throated moan Colby let out at the first bite gave Sam goals for the next time he got Colby alone in a room.  Elton chattered about TFIL plans, mostly nonsense at they ate.  It wasn’t until they had finished two pizzas and most of a third one and had migrated back to the couch that Elton’s demeanor shifted.  

“So I told you guys to stay off of social media right?” Elton asked. 

Sam nodded.  Their phones had disappeared when they were kidnapped, but both Sam and Colby had been warned by their friends to not look at their social without someone there.  Sam had had half a mind to just pull it up on his computer when he got home, but one thing had lead to another with Colby and he hadn’t had the chance.  He squeezed Colby’s hand where he was holding it, looking at him as he nodded back.  

”So... there was a reason for that.”  Elton was flicking through his phone.  “They uh...” He lowered his phone and met eyes with Sam, and then Colby, He sighed. “There’s no good way to say this.  The first video they took of you guys went up on your Sam and Colby channel two days after they took you.”

”What?” 

”It did what?” Sam yelped as Colby squeezed his hand in a death grip.  “You mean, the video where they made me... you can’t...” His thoughts tumbled over each other, not making any sense.  He latched onto one of them, “You can’t put that stuff on YouTube!”

”It came down in like twenty minutes,” Elton’s face was dark, “But enough people saw it and grabbed screenshots.  That’s how most of us found out.”  Sam’s chest was tight, heart rate rocketing blood through his veins, breathing turned shuddering.  He could feel Colby’s violent trembling from where his friend - _boyfriend?_ _-_ was pressed into his shoulder and holding his hand.

“They posted a tweet from your shared page with a link to the website a little bit after that,” Elton continued angrily, glaring into space.  “And well, you said you saw screenshots?” He looked at Colby, who nodded.  “Then that was a thing.  Last I saw there were only two full length videos on there.”

Sam heard as Colby breathed out a sigh of relief next to him.  That meant that maybe they hadn’t filmed the worst of it.  Sam honestly couldn't remember if there had been a camera in the room with them during... _that_.  He really hoped not.  

“So... that’s the background,” Elton gestured and Sam’s heart sank.  

“There’s more?” He asked mournfully.  It was bad enough that those videos were up at all.  He couldn’t imagine what could be worse.  He already felt violated knowing that the entire world had seen him naked, crying, and forced to fuck his best friend.  He glanced over at Colby.  Colby wasn’t crying yet, but he could see the telltale signs of wetness in his eyes as shock and horror sat like unwelcome guests on his face.  

“You know how the internet is,” Elton shrugged halfheartedly.  “They take everything and run.”  He pulled his phone out again.  “So, people blew up your social media of course.  Ours too but you guys’...”. He whistled.  “So, there were a lot of supportive people.  Lots of people who just wanted you guys to be okay and come back safe,” Elton smiled faintly, “There was actually a really cool subgroup of people who all started sharing their own stories of trauma, things for you to see when you were rescued, so you wouldn’t feel alone.”  

Sam smiled.  That made him happy. He glanced over to see a bit of a smile breaking through Colby’s face too.  “That’s going to make me cry,” Sam admitted, feeling a bit of warmth thaw out the ice in his chest.  “It’s amazing they feel like they’re able to share and that... at least something good came out of this.”  

Elton nodded, but Sam didn’t like the look on his face.  His smile faltered, and he waited for the other ball to drop.

”And then...” Elton was agitated, tapping his fingers on his knee as the other scrolled through his phone.  “And then there was the other side of the internet.  Some people thought it was a prank and publicity stunt, at first, you guys breaking into porn or something...”

Sam flushed red.  “We would never...”

”I know,” Elton cut him off, “but you know the internet, dude.” He paused, looking to be working through his thoughts.  He finally set his phone down, looking at Sam.  He hesitated for a nerve wracking moment, before quietly saying, “There’s a lot of hate out there for you right now, Sam.”

Sam felt like he had been stabbed, “Why?  What happened?  What did I do?”

”You...” Elton considered his words, maybe trying to put it in less of a blunt way, but Colby beat him to the punch.

”Because they think you raped me, Sam.”  Sam’s eyes flew to Colby’s, and his eyes were full of a horrified knowledge.  Elton gestured at Colby, confirming his statement.  

“Yeah, that’s pretty much the sum of it.” 

“But I didn’t... I... Colby...”

Panic, pain, guilt, horror, everything boiled over in a second.  The world went blurry again as tears burned out of his eyes, his heartbeat slamming in his ears, breathing catching on ragged sobs.   _He hadn’t wanted to, he had never... would never had taken that from Colby, never..._

“I know, Brother, I know,” It was Colby’s voice, in his ear.  He was responding to Sam’s thoughts now?  Or had he said that aloud?  “Sam, you had to, I know you did, Sam, please...”

The world narrowed down to the whirling he could hear and _feel_ in his ears, the desperate need for air - _why couldn’t he breath?-_   and the terrifying, horrifying knowledge that the people in his fan base not only had seen him naked, crying, and fucking Colby, but thought he had _fucking wanted it..._  

“Sam, please...” There was soft pressure on his cheeks.   _Kisses..._  Colby was talking to him, even if he couldn’t make out the words just that they were supposed to be comforting.  Why?  Why did Colby want to be anywhere near him when he had raped him...?

He should have... he should have...

”Sam, I don’t blame you...”

”There’s nothing you could have done...”

”Sam, it’s okay...”

”We’ll be okay...”

Slowly, it felt like, the roaring in his ears subsided, his panicked gasping sobs abated, and it felt like color returned to the world.  He looked up from where he had pressed his face into his knees, realizing he had pushed himself as far back on the couch as he could.  Colby was staring at him, worry setting deep lines into his face.  His arms were the pressure Sam could feel over his shoulders and around his front.  Elton watched from a few feet away, concerned, but trying to let Colby handle it, maybe a little bit curious as to what would happen from here.

”You back with me, Brother?” Colby asked quietly.

Sam nodded, still feeling tears wet on his cheeks.  “I’m so sorry, Colby...”

”Sam...” Colby launched forward and kissed him.  And it wasn’t a gentle kiss either, not a peck on the lips.  This was a deep kiss, a hard kiss, a kiss that spoke of love and comfort and reassurance that he was here and he was loved and Colby didn’t blame him for anything.  Sam returned the kiss, not trying to hold his own but just letting himself down in the outpouring of love and affection Colby was showing him.  

Elton cleared his throat in discomfort.  Colby broke away, glancing at Elton sheepishly.  “Sorry, I...”

”Oh, It’s fine,” Elton choked out in a high pitched voice, “Just wasn’t expecting it.  Maybe save that for later- Jesus, you guys are like my brothers...”

Sam was actually surprised into a laugh.  “Colby still owes me from earlier,” He said, his voice coming out ragged but still coming out.  

Colby looked at him, mischief overlaying with concern on his face.  “Oh hell yeah,” His tone dropped as he continued.  “It’s not your fault Sam.  I don’t blame you.”

”I know,” Sam responded, even as his heart clenched.  “I’m sorry I...”

”Don’t apologize, Sam,” Elton broke in, his tone serious again.  “I should be apologizing.  Fuck, I’m sorry, man.  I shouldn’t have brought it up while you were still so raw.”

”No,” Sam shook his head, “I needed to know.  Just fuckin’ sucks...” He scrubbed his face with his hands.  He looked back up at Elton.  “Anything else we should know before we brave the internet?” 

Elton thought for a moment, before shaking his head.  “Just be careful, dude.  Don’t let the negativity get to you too much.  They don’t know what actually happened and none of us are telling.”  

Sam nodded, sighing heavily.

They ended up playing video games for a few hours, Sam and Colby fucking around on Fortnite while Elton called commentary.  A few hours and the rest of the pizza later, Elton stood up, stating it was time for him to go home.  

“You guys take care, okay?” He checked in with them.  “Call me, or any of us if anything happens okay?” 

Sam nodded, and after a few farewells, Elton was gone, the door was closed and locked, and Sam and Colby were left alone together in Sam’s entryway again.  

“Can we go lay down?” Colby asked quietly, and Sam nodded.  It had been a long day, panic attack included, and he was exhausted.  He followed Colby to his own room, not even questioning that they were both going there.  Everything was just so natural with Colby.

”Can you close the door?” Colby asked.

Sam nodded, closing the door behind him, shutting them both in.  He had just turned back to Colby when his - _boy-_ friend was already in front of him, learning in and kissing him deeply.  Sam groaned, practically falling into the kiss as Colby steered them back towards the bed.  When they fell on top of it, Sam on bottom, Colby paused.  “Is this okay?”

”So okay,” Sam answered, leaning back up into the kiss.  Together they migrated to the middle of the bed, still kissing like their lives depended on it.  Sam thought his sanity might have.  They lost their shirts at some point, warm skin pressed against warm skin, and Sam found out his nipples were _so_  much more sensitive without the barrier of fabric.  

And for a while, that was how they stayed, Colby licking around Sam’s torso while Sam writhed in pleasure and _fuck Colby..._ Colby lay slightly to Sam’s side so that his pelvis was still on the bed, and Sam struggled to remember that he needed to be _careful_  around Colby even if this was going to be the third time his dick got excited with no payoff.  

Thought it was anyway, until a questing hand strayed lower than it had previously, and Sam’s eyes snapped open.  “Colby, what are you doing?” He asked.

He could see nervousness on Colby’s face, but there was determination there too.  “I want to... can I touch you?” He asked.

_Oh please please please please..._

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to,” Sam met Colby’s eyes. He never wanted Colby to feel like he had to give anyone pleasure ever again.  

“I want to,” Colby responded instantly.  “I think I... I’m okay with it.”  

“Okay...” Sam breathed, “Okay, lemme just...” He undid the button on his shorts, groaning at the relief the lack of pressure gave him.  Colby shifted around, getting himself oriented so he could reach into Sam’s shorts and...

”Oh fuck,” Sam whispered at the first bit of pressure on his dick.  “Fuck, Colby.”  He swore he wasn’t usually this sensitive, but something about right now, maybe the circumstance, maybe the previous tease and denial... Sam was fucking sensitive.

Colby pulled the fabric of his boxers away, leaving Sam exposed and waiting.  Sam propped himself up on his elbows so he could watch Colby look at him.  Colby was staring at his erection, no small amount of trepidation on his face.  “This is Sam, I trust Sam...” Sam wasn’t sure he was supposed to have heard that with how quietly it was spoken, but the fact that Colby was having to reassure himself in this situation broke his heart again.  

“Colby, you don’t have to,” He whispered, reaching forward with one hand and touching Colby’s face gently.  “You never have to.”  

Colby nodded and took a deep, steadying breath.  “I know I don’t, Sam.  I want you.”

Sam’s mouth twitched upwards as Colby looked up to meet his eyes.  “We both want it this time,” He murmured. 

An honest, true smile grew on Colby’s face.  “We do,” Colby agreed, and reached for Sam again. 

The return of warmth and friction set his nerves alight, Sam gasping in reaction after so much build up.   _He wasn’t going to thrust, he wasn’t going to push, this was Colby’s move, Colby could do what he..._  The broken moan at the first tentative stroke should have told him that he was in no way going to end this in any sort of dignified way.  

Colby cracked a smile, looking up at him.  “Sensitive everywhere.”

”Colby, I swear to God...” His reply was cut off by a deliberate stroke over the head of his cock pulling a groan from his lips.  

“So sensitive...” Colby murmured, and then he started stroking again, and after a few fumbling strokes he picked up a rhythm.

“Colby, Colby, oh fuck,” Sam chanted as the tempo and pressure started to build.  It felt so good, Colby felt so good.  He looked at Colby, bright blue eyes staring at him with something like wonder, desire rising in his eyes.

 _Fuck, this was what he had been missing._  This is what it should have been like the first time, what they should have been allowed to have.

“Do you want me to touch you too?” Sam asked, thinking he’d very much like to watch Colby fall apart too, watch him react a whine because he wanted Sam to touch him, wanted to be _touched..._   

Colby shook his head, gently letting Sam down.  “I just want to watch you right now,” He answered, “Maybe next time.”  His smile was almost forced, and Sam nodded his acceptance.  

He wouldn’t force Colby.  Never again.

It didn’t last long after that.  A rather embarrassingly short time later, everything was over.  Sam called out as everything that had built up in his groin released.  “Colby, fuck,” He gasped, eyes closing with the sheer intensity of his orgasm.  His face and fingers were tingling, brain floating up into the stratosphere.  Fuck, he had needed that.  

Because not only had that satisfied some primal sexual need, but also satisfied some element of needing to feel that close to Colby again, in that primal, sexual dance.  

He looked up at Colby from his position on his back, grinning up at him sleepily.  Colby was watching him, a soft smile on his lips. “Enjoy yourself?” He asked, a faint teasing tone in his voice.  

“I swear I usually last longer...” He grumbled, his face red, and he heard Colby chuckle next to him.  

“You can prove that to me next time,” Colby promised, and Sam felt his chest warm with affection and love for Colby.  

“Oh, I will,” Sam promised, and Colby’s face lit up with joy.  He pulled Sam up to him for a kiss.  The kiss was warm and comforting, and Sam finally could believe that, for the first time in a while, everything was going to be okay.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit more plot development here, and a lot more healing. 
> 
> We’ll see what happens next... Hope you’re all enjoying!


	12. Chapter 12

_“Now be a good boy and don’t bite...”_

Colby came to still feeling the flesh shoved down his throat. 

He gasped in violently, hands flying to his mouth to try to dislodge the occlusion because his lungs were burning and he couldn't fucking breathe.  There was pressure and weight against his side and he kicked out violently, trying to dislodge the thing he could only assume was choking him.  

_I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe..._

"Ow, fuck!  What the fuck, Colby?" There was a startled yelp from the body he kicked.

_Sam?  Sam was still tied up over..._ Then he remembered.

Air rushed back into his lungs through a throat that was no longer occluded.  He wasn't in the room, he was lying on his back in bed, with _Sam..._ He opened his eyes to his friend staring at him with concern.  Sam's hand was rubbing his side, and Colby put it together.   

He had a nightmare.

And he had kicked Sam.

"Fuck," he breathed out,  feeling absolutely awful, "Dude, I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay, bro," Sam assured him quickly, "I tried to wake you up, but uh... that backfired a little bit..."  He chuckled wryly, giving the spot on his side one more rub before removing his hand.  

"Fuck, Sam..." Colby lamented, but his heart was still racing from the dream, could still feel the phantom sensation of something blocking his airway... 

Sam read his face and body language almost immediately.  He had gotten so good at that... he caught his eyes, making sure he was aware of him before he moved.  Sam moved forward slowly, touching Colby's face, asking permission silently with his eyes before he kissed him, a permission Colby was more than happy to give.  

Sam's mouth was warm and comforting after the horrors of the nightmare, loving and gentle where the dream had been harsh and violent.  When he felt Sam's tongue brush his lips he knew it was because he wanted it, wanted Sam to be here, feeling him, touching him like this.  This, this kissing?  This was safe, wanted... consensual.

Just like getting Sam off last night had been.  

They had spent the rest of the night tiredly cuddling, Sam still floaty from his orgasm.  Colby knew it had been a while since Sam got off, knew _exactly_ when the last time was, but this wasn't about that.  Watching Sam cum, watching him fall apart because of Colby, because they _both wanted it_... that had been amazing.  Something Colby had thought that he'd never have with Sam.  Especially after everything they had been forced to do.

Especially because he never thought Sam would actually want him back in that way.

Colby’s mind was still trying to grasp the concept that Sam was here with him now, still wanted him now that they were safe. Still wanted him even though he knew he might lose Katrina.  

That had really been the deciding factor for Colby in trusting Sam about this.  Not that he hadn’t before, but Sam had reacted so negatively before that he had been afraid to try...  To even think about pursuing this after they got out.

One of Sam’s hand still rested on his face, the other had drifted to rest lightly on his chest, stroking lightly over his pecs.  This was okay, he was okay with Sam’s hand being there, even with Sam positioned slightly over him, he could still push Sam off if he really needed to, could still lay here and enjoy this knowing that he was safe and that he could get away at any time.

And that Sam would never, of his own free will, force him to do anything.

Colby made a surprised noise when Sam's fingers brushed over his nipples.  Sam stroked the skin, watching his face carefully as Colby processed the sensation.  It was enjoyable, but he was clearly not as sensitive as Sam. Colby shrugged apologetically.  "Not as sensitive as yours, dude."  He reached up to brush a thumb over Sam's, making Sam's abs clench and a whimper emerge before he could control it.  Colby grinned as Sam sent him a halfhearted glare.  

"Dude," Sam complained, "I'm trying to... where are you sensitive?"

Colby meant to responded in an entirely lighthearted way, meant to tease Sam with something along the lines of  _well, you're just going to have to keep trying to find out_ when he got a visceral flashback to Sam's fingers stroking over his prostate.  Colby hissed in a breath at the recalled intensity, before the sensation downloaded into the rest of his brain and he remembered his body's desire to never have anyone touch him there again.  He couldn't... 

"Colby?"

Once again, it was Sam's voice that brought him out of his head.  Sam's eyes were leveled on him in concern, questions and worry already lined up on his face.  Colby fought the feelings of guilt and worthlessness that wanted to push out of his eyes.  Sam wanted him, wanted to touch him the same way he touched Sam.  But Colby was too messed up to let him.  Couldn't get the sensory and emotional memories out of his head of pain and violation.  "I can't do it, Sam."

Sam blinked at him, not seeming to realize what he meant.  "What are you talking about?"

"I can't have sex with you."  It wasn't exactly what Colby hoped would come out of his mouth, but seemed to be the only words he could find at that moment.  The words came out harsh and bitter, and Colby watched Sam flinch in reaction.  He felt guilty again, but Sam needed to know, needed to know the mess that he was getting himself into.  

Sam let out a heavy breath, and Colby watched emotions race over his face.  Shock, confusion, disappointment and worry, but mostly concern.  "Colby, I'm..." He shook his head, "I'm not trying to have sex with you right now, bro.  We're not...  _I'm_ not ready for that yet," Panic and conflict clashed on his face.  "It's been like.. two days since we got out and I want... I _need_ to like... take this slow right now." He looked away, emotions twisting on his face.

Colby kept getting reminded that Sam had trauma too.  Just like when Colby had pinned him yesterday, Sam's face had been swimming with the memories of their kidnapping.  Guilt churned his insides like a hurricane, but Colby needed Sam to understand what he was trying to say.  "I just... Dude, I might never like... be able to..."

"I'm not sure I'd be able to like... top you again, even if you asked me to," Sam spoke quietly, and Colby lifted his eyes to him in shock.  Not that he had expected Sam to do it easily, but not at all?  Sam misunderstood his reaction.  Sam's face tightened and angry hurt turned his cheeks red.  "Don't look at me like that.  You think I'd just be able to... to _f_ _uck_ you again?  Like nothing happened?" 

"Sam, that's not what I thought at all..." 

Sam blinked harshly, probably forcing tears away.  "Colby, I can't... I can't even _think_ about doing that to you without hearing you in my head, crying and _begging_ me to stop."  

"God, Sam..." Colby had fucked up and he needed to comfort Sam in that moment, leaning forward and pulling Sam into him, kissing him comfortingly.  Sam responded by kissing him hard, desperately, pushing against him until he was positioned over Colby, Colby's back pressed into the mattress.  It registered in Colby's mind that Sam was on top of him, but not in a way that raised alarm bells, and he passively let Sam kiss him through the emotions he was feeling.

Of course Sam would be fucked up by that whole situation too.   

Sam broke the kiss first, turning his head and panting into Colby's neck.  They held that position for a moment, taking comfort in the physical contact.  When next Sam spoke, his words were quiet again.  "God Colby, I would never..."

"I know, bro," Colby quickly assured him, running his fingers through Sam's hair.  "I'm sorry I made you feel like I thought you would."  

"I just..." He hesitated, "I swear it's not that I'm trying to fuck you.  I just want to make you feel good too," Sam whispered, "I want you to feel the same way I do.  When you're touching me because we  _both_ want it.  And if we ever get to that point..." His voice trailed off, "I've been picturing you on top."  

Colby felt a strange sensation at the admission.  Part of his heart swelled with affection and appreciation for Sam, for adjusting his expectations for Colby and their shared trauma.  Part of his stomach felt faintly nauseous at the idea of having to do that to Sam, of having Sam experience anything close to the violation and pain that he had.  

But then, none of that had been consensual.  This would be.  And Colby had to admit to himself that there had been a point where his body had enjoyed what was being done to it when it was Sam and he could tune out everything else that was happening around him. 

Maybe it would be the same if he did it to Sam. 

"If we get to that point," Colby whispered back, angling Sam's head so he could watch his expression, "I... I can't make any promises but..."

"I'm not asking for promises," Sam said softly, "I just want you to be happy."  He met Colby's eyes resolutely.  

_Fuck._ It was moment like that that reminded Colby why he was falling back in love with Sam.  Because he looked at Sam and saw the earnest emotions in his face that he had fallen for the first time.  "Sam..." Colby started, but was unable to finish his sentence, simultaneously not wanting and not able to put his feelings into words. 

Sam seemed to know what he meant.  He leaned down and kissed Colby again, effectively ending the conversation. 

OOO

The next three days flew by on fast forward.   Sam and Colby struggled to get their lives sorted in the aftermath of everything that had happened. They learned that while several of the bodyguards that had been assigned to watch the complex they had been taken to had been apprehended, but none of the actual mercenaries who had spearheaded the whole thing.  They were still at large.

Naturally, this scared the hell out of the two of them.  But they were assured that police were watching their building, and with newly installed security they were as safe as they could be without moving, something that Colby couldn’t even think about doing right now. 

Their phones had disappeared when they had been taken, so several hours one day went into getting their phones switched over to new devices.  Their friends had already gotten Colby's car back to their apartment thankfully, so they didn't have to make a trip out the the hotel they had been taken from.  Colby never wanted to go back there again. 

His and Sam's parents stuck around for a couple of days after their rescue, which was simultaneously heartwarming and stressful.  Their parents were suffocatingly protective.  Colby knew they had been terrified when the two were taken, probably were just so grateful that they were alive and mostly unharmed but Colby was still having a hard time having Sam in his space despite him wanting him there.  His parents were harder.  It was a relief when their parents finally flew back to Kansas after three days in LA.

Social media had been... frankly awful.  Despite Elton's warnings to not go on without someone else there, he and Sam had sat down one afternoon and made the mistake of pulling up their accounts.  They had spent approximately three minutes on Twitter before they had stumbled upon a screenshot of one of the videos.  For better or for worse, it was only a picture of their faces, but Colby thought that might have been worse.  When it was happening he hadn't seen the tortured look on Sam's face as he had been forced to... Neither of them were well for a little bit after that. 

Colby remembered agonizing over the screen of his new phone, staring at the blank tweet screen and trying to come up with something to say.  Something that was short and simple but didn't give away how torn he was about their fanbase right now.  How sick he was knowing that people thought that Sam had wanted that, or that people were out there fetishizing what they'd been through.  Colby had glanced through their Twitters after Sam had refused to look at it any longer.  The edits had sent him into a tailspin of a panic attack.  Sam had found him in the aftermath, murmuring reassurances to him that they would be okay as he struggled to control his breathing.

People had seen them. 

People had seen  _him..._  

And they had enjoyed it.  

The tweet he sent out after that was brief:

**Colby** _@ColbyBrock_  
  
    Hey guys, we're safe but still processing some things.    
    We'll fill you in when we can.    
    

Sam was... Sam was complicated.  Sam was the only reason he was still moderately sane.  Or maybe Sam was falling mutually insane with him. He wasn't sure at this point.  All he knew was that he probably would have had a mental breakdown days ago if Sam hadn't been there.     

It probably wasn't healthy, and Colby was being made painfully aware of that by several people, Elton included.  Colby didn't know if it was, and only kinda cared.  He just knew he breathed easier when Sam was in eyeshot, and slept much better with Sam in the bed with him. 

They had pretty much moved in together at this point.  That had not been the original intention, but the need for it became clear after a failed few hours of separation their second night back home.  Colby didn't fully remember the horrible nightmares, just that he didn't fully snap out of until he heard his phone go off on his night table.  Apparently Sam had been unable to sleep as well, as the call proved.  With Sam gripping his hand and holding his hair back as his vomited into the toilet from the nausea the dream had brought, they realized what a stupid idea trying to separate had been.   

They didn't try again at night after that.

During the day on the other hand... 

Colby was determinedly playing Minecraft the evening after their parents left.  Sam had stepped out for a date with Katrina.  It wasn't like he wasn't upset with Sam or anything.  It wasn't like he and Sam were sleeping together, or he was getting Sam off, kissing him in the aftermath and holding and being held by him.  Definitely not upset.

He was fucking terrified.

He had known about this for a little while.  Sam had mentioned that he and Katrina were meeting up for dinner the day before.  It didn't stop Colby from fearing that this was it for his and Sam's growing relationship. 

It had occurred to him that while they had agreed that they were doing this whole dating/relationship, Sam was technically still dating Kat as well.  This lingering knowledge rubbed at him like a pair of ill fitting shoes.  He was falling in love with Sam, yes, and believed that Sam genuinely wanted to be with him right now.  But Kat was still in the picture.   

It just left him in a bit of an awkward spot.

Kat had been, Colby had to admit, a fuckin' trooper about the whole thing.  For all the hostility should could have shown him (and all the hostility he probably deserved) she had taken the news of them officially trying the dating thing surprisingly well.  She didn’t look super comfortable, but who would be?  

They had done a small group pizza two days night after they got back to the apartment, and Kat had watched the two of them interact solemnly.  Colby had been prepared for Sam to pretend like their relationship didn't exist in front of all their friends.  Would have been okay with it...mostly... but Sam hadn't denied Colby any of the physical affection that he had come to need from Sam, even tracking him down a couple of times when Colby stepped away from a situation. 

One time he caught Kat's face out of the corner of his eye as Sam kissed him in the bathroom hallway. 

When Colby had tracked her down later to apologize, she just shook her head, giving him a sad smile. 

_"It's okay, Colby.  Really."_

_Colby fidgeted with his rings, afraid to meet her eyes.  “I just... I know this can’t be easy on you,” Colby insisted solemnly._

_Kat stared out into the main room, her brow furrowed as she thought.  “Can we talk, Colby?” She asked finally._

_Colby’s heart jumped into his throat, but he nodded.  “Yeah, sure thing.”_

_Kat lead the way into Sam’s spare bedroom, just enough out of the way so that the music didn’t prevent normal conversation.  She didn’t close the door, just swung it to to cut down on the noise and give them some privacy.  He sent her a grateful look.  Either Sam had told her about that particular trigger or Kat was just more perceptive than she let on._ _She smiled at him, before sitting, gesturing for Colby to sit down next to her._

_“What’s up?” Colby asked as he carefully sat at the foot of the bed.  His body was still healing from the violation that had occurred, and he still had to be careful about sitting down too quickly.  Kat caught the motion and winced, sorrow washing over her face.  “I’m okay, Kat.”_

_She sent him the same disbelieving look Sam would, but let it go without further comment.  “How are you doing?” She asked softly._

_In the years Colby had gotten to know Kat, he had gotten fairly close with her.  He cared about her and trusted her with a lot of things as they bonded over their love for Sam.  Colby didn’t see any reason to lie to Kat about what was going on.  “I’m getting better,” He said honestly.  “It’s... less awful when people touch me.”_

_Kat nodded.  She had been there in the hospital when Colby’s aversion to touch had presented itself when an unfamiliar male staff member had tried to wake him the morning they were set to leave.  Had seen the fear on her face when he got himself under control again._

_That hadn’t stopped her from getting into the staff member’s face and yelling him out of the room, though._

_“I’m glad,” Kat said, staring at the half open door.  “So... Sam...”_

_”Sam...” Colby nodded, feeling dread worm its way up his torso from his gut._

_”How have you two been doing?” And Colby knew she didn’t mean health wise._

_Colby hesitated, not sure how honest he was allowed to be.  There were certain things that were still kept between only him and Sam, Kat not being in the loop.  He didn’t know how much of this was meant to be private._

_But then, this was Kat’s business, right?_

_”We’ve been...” Colby sighed.  “Like, we’ve both been taking it really slow.  There’s a lot of trauma that we’re both still working through.  With each other and just, like, in general.”  He hugged himself, fingers digging into the backs of his arms._

_Kat hesitated, before looking at him and asking, “Are you two like, physical?  Besides the kissing?”_

_Colby winced at the question, not sure how, or if he wanted to answer that question.  “Uh...” he squeezed his arms tighter, “Its complicated.”_

_Kat nodded, not at all put off like Colby expected her to be.  “Yeah, I thought it might be.” She looked away. “You and I haven’t really had a chance to talk since you two got back.  I talked to Sam a few nights ago...”_

_”Yeah, he filled me in,” Colby confirmed. “You wanted him to figure out what the hell he was doing with me.”  He hadn’t meant for the bitterness to bleed through, but the wounded look on Kat’s face told him it had.  “That’s not what I meant,” He started but Kat shook her head._

_”No, like, that’s a way to look at it,” She lifted her shoulders in a brief shrugging motion.  “What I_ meant _was that I needed him to decided where his feelings were for you before he made any decisions regarding_ our _relationship.  And to do anything that he needed to do to figure that out.”  Her lips twisted in a wry smile.  “I’m not exactly sure how he took that, but I did mean it.  To me, that included dating you and taking all of the time that would take.  Because I don’t think this is going to be clear to him for a little while.”  Her voice trailed off.  “I think he’s really confused right now.”_

_Colby felt the cold block in his stomach grow just a little bit at her words.  “Do you think he’s acting like this because of... everything?” He asked, voicing his greatest fear._

_Kat sighed, and her voice was weary when she replied.  “I honestly don’t know, Colby.” She turned to look at him again and her eyes were bright with tears.  “And I don’t think he does either.  Just that he feels strongly for both of us...” She blinked, and several of the tears broke free, tracking down her cheeks as she looked away.  Colby waited for her to continue, but she didn’t, just staring into space for a moment._

_“I’m so sorry,” Colby whispered, breaking the mournful silence.  “I didn’t mean to fuck up you guys’ relationship.”_

_“It’s not your fault,” She said honestly, but in a way that told Colby she had stated this to herself before.  “You didn’t ask for any of this.”  She drew a leg up to her chest, wrapping her arms around it.  “He’s an easy guy to fall in love with.”_

_Colby unwrapped his arms to press his face into his hands.  There was just one more thing he needed clarified.  “So... until further notice we’re both dating Sam?  Some sort of polygamy thing?”_

_A smile broke onto Kat’s face for the briefest of seconds.  “I think it’s called polyamory,” She said, no malice in her voice.  “I don’t think either of us is going to make him choose between us.”  She chuckled wetly, “but that’s mostly selfish on my part.”  There was something weird in her voice and_ _Colby looked over at her.  He could feel the questions on his face.  Kat tried to smile, but the sadness in her face bled through.  “If I make him choose he’ll choose you every time.”_

That had been a shocking revelation for Colby.  The night had ended relatively soon after that, Sam giving them both strange looks as they left the spare room together.  Kat smiled and quickly excused herself, Colby doing much the same.  Sam looked conflicted as to who to follow, but Colby waved him off, still trying to grasp what Kat had told him.  Colby didn’t know what went down after that, but Sam had returned to him after sending everyone home, pulling Colby into his arms.  

It was the first night Colby didn’t have any nightmares.   

Despite his and Kat’s conversation, it hadn't stopped the nerve-wracking dialogue between himself and Sam when Sam left Colby home alone for the first time in a week to go on a date with Kat.    

_"It's not really a date, Colby, it's like..." Sam was antsy, not wanting to look Colby in the eyes.  "We just need to talk."_

_"I know you do," Colby whispered quietly, terror and pain eating up his insides. "Just don't uh... forget about me, okay?"_

_"Colby..." Sam whispered, "Bro, it's not like that..."_

_"I know, I know, I'm sorry." Colby turned away.  Despite what Kat had said the other night, he had no right to try to stop Sam.  This was Sam's relationship.  Sam's_  actual _girlfriend.  Not Colby.  His best friend that he cuddled and kissed and... Colby hadn't been able to bring himself to let Sam do any more.  Too afraid of triggering something and scaring Sam off.  Triggering something and having to experience all that trauma again.  It would be easier for Sam to not have to navigate around someone else's trauma while healing his own._

_"Colby, bro," Sam stepped into his space and trapped his face with his hand.  He kissed Colby gently, just a loving, comforting kiss.  "It'll be okay, okay?"_

_Colby nodded, desperately wanting to believe him, not sure he'd be able._

That's what left Colby on the couch playing Minecraft, terrified and hurt and not sure he was prepared to have Sam come home.  He trusted Sam, he did, but a voice sounding surprisingly like Elton's voice still niggled at the back of his head, asking if he was sure Sam wanted him or the trauma did.  When they were together, Colby was sure Sam wanted him.  When they were apart... the doubts sneaked back in again.  

"Fuck!" A creeper had wandered up behind him while he wasn't paying attention and his screen now displayed the remains of his inventory and avatar's corpse.  "I can't, I'm fucking done!" Colby quit the game, throwing himself back in his desk chair.   

He needed Sam to come home.  

He must have dozed off on the couch because it was the door opening that brought him back to awareness.  His heart rate jumped into his throat, stomach clenching as a gasped ripped into his lungs before the other sensory inputs he was getting reminded him that he was home, and only Sam had the other key to _this_  door.  

Speaking of Sam... 

Sam’s cheeks were still flushed red when he came through the door.  He saw Colby staring at him from the couch, and silently closed the door behind him.  His eyes were still red, and he stared at Colby through pain filled eyes.

”Sam, are you...”

”I don’t know what to do,” Sam whispered mournfully.  

He knew what Sam was talking about.  “We’re not asking you to choose,” Colby answered back quietly.  “It’s a fucked up situation.  For all we know, we’ll both get better and stop liking dick.”  He tried to make a joke, but it was bad even in his own ears.  

Sam groaned, shuffling towards Colby on the couch.  He wrapped his arms around his body and pulled Colby in for a kiss.  “I don’t like dick,” He commented, pulling away from the kiss to press his forehead against Colby’s.  “I like you.”  Colby snorted in amusement, but returned to kissing Sam.  He would take it for as long as he could.

He could be okay with this for now.  

OOO

It was dark out, and the light of his screen blocked out the dark room around him.  His heart pounding, Elton stared at his computer, a sucking maw opening up in his chest and trying to swallow his whole body.  

He almost hoped it would.  

Sitting in his inbox, from an email that consisted of random letters and numbers, sat a two word phrase:

**WE KNOW**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting, friends. Real life got in the way, as it does.
> 
> This chapter had a hard time getting out, but I think I’m mostly okay with it. 
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy!


	13. Chapter 13

It was about a week after they got back that Colby caught himself staring at his body in the bathroom mirror before his shower.

It shouldn’t have been anything but mundane.  He must have done it a thousand times before.  Same pale skin, dark hair, light eyes, lanky form with developing muscles he had been so proud of two weeks ago, the tattoos he had chosen to represent himself, mark his body as his own. 

Before someone else had tried to mark it as their's. 

The bruises around his wrists and ankles were yellowing, almost gone now.  He traced over the lingering spots on his neck from finger tips pressed hard into his skin.  The previously dark marks on his face were sickly green and yellow, taking with them the physical evidence that he had tried to resist. 

He bit his lip, twisting his torso to try to look at his back.  There had been the angry marks of tight hands curled into his hips when he had first seen them.  They were less angry now, but still bore the distinctive shape of a human hand.  There were more marks he knew, ones that he could feel rather than see, marks of _violation_ and _agony_ , but the physical pain those bore too was fading.

He really wished they would just go away.

He poked at a bruise on his wrist, watching the skin blanch before recoloring, a dull ache still throbbing from the mark.  

Evidence that he had tried to not let it happen.  

But soon they too would fade.  And then there would be no physical evidence that anything had happened, anyone had held him down and gotten inside him.  No evidence that he hadn’t just taken it, that he hadn’t _wanted_  it...

He shuddered.  Part of him was relieved the marks would be gone, taking the physical reminders of the memories with them.  Part of him was confused by the fact that he would almost miss them in a stockholm-y sort of way.  

They proved something had happened to him, something had changed.  

Colby felt changed.  And he felt like his body should reflect that.   

"Whatcha doin', dude?" Sam's voice came from the doorway to the bathroom.  Colby turned away from his pondering to look at his best friend.  Sam was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed casually.  His tone was lighthearted, but his face betrayed the concern he was feeling.  Colby shrugged, looking down at the bruises on his torso.   When Colby's fingers passed uneasily over the fingermarks on his hips, Sam's face cleared in understanding.  "They'll be gone soon," He promised, stepping slowly towards him.    

"I know," Colby responded.  "Just... it's stupid but like... "  He trailed off, looking in the mirror again, watching as Sam came up behind him.  Sam wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his chin over Colby's shoulder to join him in looking in the mirror.  Colby leaned back into the embrace slightly, letting Sam know that the contact was welcome.  He didn’t miss the gratified smile that twitched at Sam’s lips at his gesture.  He was pretty much always okay with affection from Sam now.  When he was first waking up it was still dicey, but fully conscious Colby was more than okay with hugs and kisses from his boyfriend.  

_Boyfriend.  He could say that now..._

Sam's own battle wounds were healing too.  The deep purple of his black eye had faded dramatically, the cut above his other eye scabbed and shrinking.  His bracelets of bruises matched Colby's: Yellowing and fading day by day.  One of his hands crept up Colby's chest to rest over his heart.  "What's stupid?"

Colby lifted his hands to intertwine them with Sam's.  "I like... want them to go away but also not?"  When Sam nodded for him to continue, he explained, "It proves something happened.  That something changed, that I..." He trailed off, eyes resting on the hand prints again.  “That I fought back.”

Sam’s face twisted with pain.  He hugged Colby tighter.  “I know you fought back,” He murmured.  “I know you didn’t want it.  And besides...” Sam kissed the side of his neck.  "You don't need marks to prove that something changed."  His eyes were earnest.  "What do you call this?"  He kissed Colby's cheek, squeezing his hands comfortingly.  

Colby turned around, releasing Sam's hands so that he could press Sam into the wall behind him and kiss him properly.  Sam sighed happily, looping arms around his shoulders and relaxing into the kiss.  Colby smiled. Sam's lips moved against his, warm and soft and reassuring and not at all threatening. 

He really  _was_ getting better about the whole physical contact thing. With Sam anyway.  Everyone else was still questionable.  It was incredibly frustrating, because it wasn’t just heavy contact, like hugs, but small things, like a clap on the shoulder, or someone brushing past him too close.   It had been a week.  Everyone assured him it wasn’t unexpected or weird that he would be reacting like this given _everything that had happened_  but it stilled vexed him to no end _._ He was mostly past panic attacks at unexpected contact, but he still couldn’t stop the jumping and heart racing and instinctual _don’t touch me_... 

But he was safe.  He didn’t have to worry about this anymore.  It was only his trauma talking.  

Colby broke the kiss first.  "Alright dude, I gotta shower, I reek," He chuckled, halfheartedly pushing off of Sam's chest. Today had been the first day back at the gym and every muscle in his body had hated him for the entire workout.  Something about missing two weeks of workouts...  It had felt amazing to finally get back to his routine, start doing one of the things that had always made him feel stronger again.  He moved over to start the water running but Sam stayed where Colby had left him, leaning back against the wall and looking at him with appreciative, soft eyes. 

"Would you like some company?" 

Colby paused, looking back at Sam.  The question could have been taken in a much more suggestive, lewd way, but the way Sam said it, it didn't come across as threatening.  It was an offer of companionship, and whatever else Colby wanted it to be.   Colby flushed at the idea of being naked in the shower with Sam.  That whole seeing each other naked ship had obviously sailed, but they hadn't tried it intentionally while back yet.  They had been shirtless in bed together, and he had played with Sam's -erect- dick, but Colby had always had at least boxers on, something to keep him covered.  Safe.  

Sam had never pushed for Colby to be naked in front of him, which he appreciated.  But he had caught Sam’s lingering glances down his body when they laid in bed together, had noticed when Sam’s fingers hovered at his waistline just a little too long.  Sam wanted this.  But did _he_? 

Sam noted his hesitation.  "Hey, no pressure, Colby.  I just thought..." Sam face was falling into panic, looking like he was regretting the offer even as he continued to talk. "Like, a shower might give you enough other stuff going on it might be easier for you to like... not freak out being naked with me...?  We totally don't have to like, _do_ anything but like..."  He groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "Nevermind, forget I said anything." 

"No, Sam, it's not a bad idea."  And the more Colby thought about it, the more is seemed like it might actually work.   

"Wait, really?" Sam seemed honestly surprised, and Colby thought he might be too.  But this was Sam.  He trusted Sam.  He  _wanted_ Sam.  Had for some time now, since they had started moving in this direction.  He had just been too raw after... and the idea of anyone else seeing him naked and vulnerable again. using it against him... 

He had been afraid of getting triggered again.  He'd had a run of a few days without any significant episodes and wanted to keep it that way.  But if he was in the shower with Sam... warm water, so different from the dry cold of the room... "I think it'll work," He said slowly, working through the logistics in his head.  

"But only If you're like, comfortable with it..." Sam said insistently, "I never want to-" Colby cut him off by pulling him in for a kiss, fingers twisting into his hair.  Sam sagged against him, groaning low in his throat.  Fuck, he loved Sam’s noises...  his dick was happily suggesting ideas for shower time makeouts in the back of his brain and Colby thought he might be down for that.  If they took it slow.  If Sam stayed in front of him.

He broke the kiss and met Sam's eyes.  "I think I'll be okay.  Maybe..." He cast an eye at the shower, trepidation making his heart race. "Maybe let me get in first?" 

"Yeah, yeah that's totally fine," Sam nodded, still a little dazed from the kiss and Colby could see the excitement and happiness lighting up his face.  The positive emotions warmed the part of his body that wanted to ice over at being vulnerable again, conflicting heavily with the insistences of his hormones.   _But this was f_ _or Sam..._  Sam broke into his conflicting thoughts.  "Just... uh... so you know, I might be a little..." Sam's cheeks were bright red, hips shifting a little.  "Uh... excited when I get in the shower? You don't have to like, touch me or anything, I promise.  The boner is a lie." 

Colby was surprised from his nervousness into a laugh.  "So you're not thinking about doing dirty things to me," A bit of anxiety crept into his voice, but it still had the desired effect.

Sam grinned at him, taking the bait. "I can't help that my dick thinks you're hot." 

He had set him but for it but still Colby blushed, looking away from Sam for a moment as his stomach erupted in happy butterflies.  He still wasn't used to that.  Didn't want to get used to it.  "I'll yell when I'm in," he tried not to sound as flustered as he felt.  The growth in Sam's grin told him he had failed.  

"Uh huh,” He teased, before sombering up his tone again. "Are you sure about this Colby?" 

Colby smiled quietly to himself, looking at Sam.  He knew Sam had been ready for this step for a while, but the fact that he was even now still trying to give him an out made Colby even more sure in his decision.  "Yeah," He responded, stepping forward and kissing Sam again.  "Now get out so I can get in the shower." 

Sam's smile was soft as he nodded and ducked out of the room.   

Colby looked back at the shower, taking breath and slowly releasing it.  Okay, he could do this.  He stripped off his gym shorts, tossing them to the side before stepping into the hot spray.  

Fuck that felt good.  He let the water beat down on him for a few moments, heart racing.  He wanted Sam in here, but he was terrified of having him in here, afraid he might trigger something.  But no, he couldn’t live his life waiting to trigger something.  That was never who he had been.  Never someone he wanted to be.

Taking chances was his whole thing.

”Sam!” Colby called, “I’m in, bro.”  He turned his face into the spray so that he wouldn’t have to watch Sam get in.  He heard as the door to the bathroom opened, footsteps, and then the slide of the rings on the curtain rod.  He pulled his face out of the water and turned towards where he knew Sam to be.  

Sam was looking at him.  Not looking down or checking him out, but earnestly looking at his face.  His cheeks were red, and a nervous little grin was perched awkwardly on his face, but he was here.  And everything was okay.  Colby didn’t feel threatened.  A little nervous and awkward maybe, but not in danger.  

A smile grew on his face too.  “Look at you,” He murmured.  

Sam blushed harder, spreading his arms in a ‘I’m here’ sort of shrugging gesture.  Despite looking like he felt awkward, Sam’s cock had clearly take an interest in the proceedings, making a valiant effort to join the conversation.  Sam caught the direction of his gaze and laughed nervously.  “Told you,” He shifted his weight from foot to foot, adorably awkward.    

It made Colby wanted to kiss him again.  He did the geometry in his head, and understood that this plan might bring him in contact with Sam’s groin.  However, the hot water was beating down on his back, and he was safe, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t felt it before, so he reached from Sam’s shoulder.  The other hand landed on his face, and Colby brought Sam in against him for a gentle kiss.  

A startled groan came from Sam at the contact and pressure to his interested cock, and he pulled his face back to look at Colby.  “Dude, are you...”

”I’m okay,” Colby assured him, and he was.  Sam was here, he was pressed pelvis to pelvis with him, feeling the hard line of Sam’s cock pressing against his hip.  The hard part was over, and he could feel the blood rushing south, zings of arousal crackling across his skin.  “I’m going to kiss you, okay?” At Sam’s immediate nod, Colby brought Sam back in for a heavy kiss.  

It felt right to finally be able to do this with Sam again, to feel Sam pressed against him head to toe without the barrier of clothes or possible assault and harassment.  Sam melted into the kiss at first, before pressing back and pushing back into it, deepening the kiss.  Colby felt the throb of hard flesh against his hip, and knew Sam had to be feeling about the same thing.  

This was Sam’s cock.  A very fun and nice one.  He had no reason to fear it.  

Colby almost had to catch Sam when he rolled his hips against his.  Sam’s knees buckled as a full-throated groan escaped Sam’s mouth, breaking the kiss.  The movement sent delicious friction dancing along his nerves from his cock and Colby almost missed Sam’s accusatory, “Give me a heads up next time, I almost died.”

Colby laughed, full of relief that this was okay for him, and mirth at Sam’s expense.  “It’s not my fault you’re so dang sensitive.” Colby took advantage of the fact that Sam had pulled away slightly at the unexpected friction to move a hand to Sam’s nipples.  Sam squeaked, fucking _squeaked_ , and Colby had to pull back because he was laughing too hard.  

This was what sex with Sam should have been like the first time.  Goofy and unscripted and just the two of them discovering each other's bodies for the first time.  Not the agonizing torture it had been.

Sam's face was flushed again as he tried to recover from the squeak.  ”I’m gonna find a spot on you and once I do, there will be no mercy,” Sam threatened, but any conviction he might have had in his voice died with a whimper as Colby pinched the sensitive skin gently.  “Colby, fuck, that's not fair...”  He complained, but let out a high pitched noise when Colby ran his thumb in circles around the nub.   

“God, I love the noises you make,” Colby breathed, leaning in to kiss Sam again.  He dropped both his hands to Sam’s chest, tweaking both nipples to hardness.  Sam whined, gasping in through his mouth and nose as he tried to maintain the kiss through the onslaught.  Colby just listened, feeling the trembling start in Sam’s body.  Colby loved this, loved the closeness, the way he felt, loved how Sam reacted and whined and loved  _Sam..._  

Sam gave a full body shudder.  “Can I... Can I...” Sam panted into his mouth, sounding a little overstimulated.  

“Are you okay?” Colby looked at Sam, easing up his attentions so Sam could talk. “Too sensitive?” He couldn’t help but throw a teasing tone. 

“I hate you,” Sam groaned, “I want... Colby, can I...” His hips stuttered and Colby connected the dots.  Sam wanted some stimulation for his dick, hard as hell against his abdomen.  Colby could do that.  Colby reached forward, wrapping his hand in a practiced motion around Sam's erection.  Sam inhaled sharply, before shaking his head.  He gently pulled Colby's hand off of him.  Colby was confused until Sam continued.  "No, that's not... I want to get you off too.  Can I..." He hovered his hand over Colby's cock, pulling with his heartbeats, hard and clearly interested.  "Can I touch you?"

Colby took a deep breath, and released it.  This was Sam.  He trusted Sam.  Sam had never intentionally hurt him before. And what’s more, he wanted Sam to.  He wanted Sam to be able to touch him without panicking.  He locked eyes with Sam, took in the damp air filling his lungs, the sound of the water, the feel of the shower on his back.  He was here.  With Sam.  He could do this.

He nodded.  "I trust you."

There was still some concern on Sam's face, but he smiled in response.  "Okay," He said.  His hand moved slowly until it wrapped around Colby's shaft, watching Colby’s face intently.   

Colby waited for it to not be okay, for there to be flashbacks and terror but they never came.  He only saw Sam, still watching him, his heart still racing in his chest.  He was okay.  This was okay.  It honestly felt good, and his hips twitched in a search for friction.  "I'm okay," He whispered to Sam.  "You can... you can keep going." 

Sam's smile finally widened in relief, and he looked down at his hand briefly as he gave the first downstroke, before meeting Colby's eyes again as he continued stroking.  

Fuck it had been a while since he’d felt this.  Colby knew when the last time _he_ had gotten off was, at Sam's hands fittingly enough.  But that time had been tinged with so much fear and humiliation, forced to orgasm in front of a camera, and as Colby would later learn, thousands of people.  He had wanted to get off then, but only so that everything would be over and they could be left alone again.  This time... it didn't matter to him if he came at all.  The fact was that this was Sam and him, doing this because they wanted to, because they wanted to feel good.  Because he loved...

"Oh!" A surprisingly intense feeling arched down his spine and straight to his dick.  Sam froze mid motion.  He had been running his fingernails down Colby's back, but the fingers had strayed down under his arms, sending a jolt of sensation as the sensation ran down his lats and across his ribs.  

"Are you..." Sam was already getting ready to pull back but Colby shook his head.

"No, do that again." 

Sam started moving his hand on his dick again but Colby interjected, "No, whatever you just did with your other hand." Sam traced the line of the muscle with his nails and Colby groaned.  "Fuck, Sam, that!"  He couldn't explain why the skin there was so sensitive, but it definitely was.  

He caught Sam’s chuckle as he resumed his movements, and his triumphant comment of “Fucking finally...” He smiled a little in response to Sam’s pleasure before pulling him in for another kiss.  Colby groaned as the dual sensations began to send little pulses of warmth and lust through his body.  It wasn’t overwhelming or scary.  It was just good.  Colby hooked his fingers into Sam's hair, pulling him in hard for another kiss as he tried to find an outlet for the feelings coursing through his body, love, lust, safety,  _Sam..._

"Fuck, Sam," Colby broke the kiss to look down to where Sam was touching him.  Panting, he watched Sam's hands stroke his cock, associating the feeling with Sam, with warmth and safety and everything will be okay.  He had missed this, the intimacy that came from being with someone like this, thought it would be gone forever after everything but then there was Sam...

Sam had also been looking down, but looked up to meet Colby's eyes; bright and blue, love radiating from them.  Colby wasn't sure what Sam saw on his face, but he groaned low in his throat, murmuring, "God, Colby, you look so beautiful like this."  Colby's heart slammed against his chest, and he almost missed Sam's next comment, "I'm so proud of you."

It was really the emotion in Sam's words rather than the motion of his hands that sent Colby over the edge.  "God, fuck, Sam!" Colby buried his face into Sam's shoulder, teeth gripping into the muscle as the sensation crested and broke over his body.  He knew some other kind of nonsensical noise came out of him, but that was all background noise in the sensations ricocheting across his nerves.  Sam just continued as he had been, scratching and stroking, murmuring quietly in his ear that he was so good, and Sam was so proud of him...

Colby surfaced from his orgasm slowly.  The heavy feeling that had settled into his limbs faded as Sam's hands dropped, and Colby took a deep breath, unlatching his jaw from where he realized he was still biting into Sam's shoulder.  It was Sam's faint cry that jerked him to full awareness.  His eyes snapped up to Sam's, worried for a moment at the noise he had heard, but Sam's face belied any worries he might have had. 

Sam was flushed, a pleased grin on his face.  But Sam had never been good at hiding his feelings, and Colby could also see that Sam was probably so hard it hurt.  "How are you- oh!" Sam's whole body convulsed as Colby wrapped a hand around his erection, pulsing headily with his heart rate.  "Colby, you don't have to..."

"I want to," And if Colby's voice came out in a growl that almost made Sam's knees buckle, it wasn't his fault.  Sam whimpered as Colby pressed his mouth into the other side of Sam's neck and reached with his other to start tweaking Sam's nipples.  The whine that came out of Sam's mouth almost was enough to make him consider getting hard again, but a tired twitch from his dick reminded him that probably wasn't going to happen.  That was okay, he could be happy with Sam moaning in his ear. 

Sam's legs were trembling violently, and it shouldn't have been a surprise when Sam almost fell against him.  "God, Sam..." Rather than stop everything, Colby wrapped his arms around Sam, pulling his back against Colby's chest, lowering them both to the shower floor.  It was almost easier from this position to keep touching Sam, bring out those whines and groans that he had gotten so fond of. 

It also lined them up for something entirely different, something that Colby couldn't help but think about as his pelvis lined up just so with Sam's ass.  Sam had brought it up a few days ago, but Colby hadn't been able to imagine himself being into that kind of thing, after having felt it for himself.  But for the first time, Colby could almost see the appeal of this, lining up to press himself into Sam in an entirely new way, able to truly feel him from the inside...

"Colby, Colby," Sam was practically sobbing in his arms, hips thrusting into Colby's hand as it stroked his cock.  "Colby, please!"  

_Yeah... that would be hot..._

"Colby, fuck!" And Sam was convulsing in his arms, coming hard across the shower floor.  

"God, Sam...:" Colby breathed, feeling the shudders still wracking his boyfriend's body.  Sam's breathing was still jagged, but he turned over his shoulder to kiss Colby; gentle, post orgasm kissed that sent Colby's heart aflutter.  He loved Sam, so much, none of this would have been possible without him.  "Thank you," Colby breathed into Sam's mouth.

Sam smiled quietly, pulling away to smile at Colby.  "We did it."  There was a happy, triumphant look on his face.

Colby nodded in agreement.  "We did it." 

Sam's smile was blinding and beautiful.

 _I love you_ , his brain supplied, not for the first time.  Colby hushed it.  He didn't need to over complicate things right now. 

He had Sam, and Sam had him. 

Everything was okay. 

At least, for now.        

     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... porn with plot? Kinda? 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed!


	14. Chapter 14

The emails were still coming to Elton’s inbox daily.

Three days ago:

**You cost us a lot of money, Elton Castee.**

Two days ago: 

**We know who you are.**

Yesterday: 

**We will get them back.**

Elton’s arms were crossed, the stillness of his body belaying the panic that was slamming against his chest.  

This was bad.  

He had told the investigative team still on Sam and Colby’s case about the emails after he had finished panicking the first time.  Unfortunately, nothing had resulted.  Searches of the warehouse and website domains had only lead them to more dead ends.  He had been assured that they were trying their best, and that he would be notified if anything changed.  

He hadn’t told Sam and Colby about the emails yet.  They didn’t need anything else new to worry about.  They had just been rescued a week ago, were still just working through the trauma that had been caused by these psychos.  Were still working on... them.  

He sighed, pressing his hands into his face.  He shouldn’t worry so much about it.  Sam and Colby were big boys.  And they looked happy, appeared to be healing.  This... relationship... with Sam seemed to really be helping Colby heal.  At least, it wasn’t hurting.  Elton wasn’t sure how much of Colby’s progress was because of Sam or time but he was doing... better.  He didn’t seem so sensitive to touch, seemed to lose himself in memories less, seemed... less raw.  

And Sam looked to be genuinely happy being Colby’s boyfriend. And surprisingly to Elton he was clearly not trying to hide it.  He had been clear about their relationship when Elton had been over the other night for their gathering of friends.  

_“So... obviously this stays off social media,” Sam had said firmly, even as he avoided everyone’s eyes.  “Colby and Kat and I have talked about it, and we’re... we’re doing the best we can.”  He looked at Colby, and Elton watched Colby smile faintly at him._

_”This... we need this right now...” Sam said softly, looking up to meet everyone’s eyes individually.  “We’ll keep you updated.”_

Elton had actually been impressed by everyone's reactions.  Everyone had nodded, not outwardly questioned it, not said anything that would clue Sam and Colby into the fact that they were anything but okay with the new development.

In the group chat that had resulted that night, however...

Corey had been the one to make it, including everyone who had been present at the party, minus Colby, Sam, and Kat.  " _So uh... since when were Sam and Colby gay?_ " The message was quickly followed by a,  _"Not that there's anything wrong with that, we just didn't see it coming."_

Jake responded first.   _"Okay, glad it wasn't just me.  Where did that come from?"_

Aaron.  _"Like I legit thought it was a prank until I saw them kiss."_

Jake.  _"Same!"_

Elton had felt like he needed to put a stop to this before it escalated, but he wasn't quite sure how to do that without compromising the knowledge he knew Colby would prefer kept a secret.  So instead he had waited to see what else was written. 

Devyn brought it up first.  _"But like, it's just a little weird that this came up after they got kidnapped."_

 _"Truuuueee..."_   Came Jake's response.

Aaron.  _"Like that's not healthy right?"_  

 _"Exactly!"_ Corey. 

 _"I dunno guys, they seem happy.  And like, Colby was touching people."_   Elton was thankful Jake had brought that up at least.  As mixed as his feels were about the whole thing, at least Colby was improving.  Their formerly physically affectionate friend descending into a panic attack over a hug had hit all of them hard.  

 _"But like... Sam was the one who... you know..."_ Elton's breath had rushed out of him when he read that message from Devyn.   _"I'm just saying..."_

 _"That wasn't his fault"_ Aaron's quick response came.

 _"That's not how trauma always works"_ Devyn replied.   _"Things can transfer."_

 _"Look, I've known Sam and Colby for a long-ass time, and if anyone could get over that and start dating its them."_ Jake was being the voice of reason, something that honestly surprised Elton.  The guy played at being a lot more stupid than he actually was, Elton knew that, but sometimes he forgot when something _really stupid_ came out of Jake's mouth.   _"Besides, I always thought Colby was a little gay for Sam."_  

That erupted into a whole debate that Elton had decided that he had no interest in reading through.  

He thought it was interesting that Jake had picked up on that dynamic of their relationship. But the guy had known the pair for much longer than Elton.  Maybe it made sense.  Elton thought it was what had given him the more balanced perspective on this new relationship.  The bewilderment from the others told him that none of the others knew that Colby had harbored feelings for Sam before all of this.  That he had spent years getting over his crush on his best friend.  That this was the fruition of years of pining.   And he had to admit, watching how happy Colby was when Sam showed non-platonic affection made him hope that it would work out.  

He just didn’t know what their plan with Kat was.  

Colby and Kat were both dating Sam what from what Elton understood, so it made sense that eventually, it would have to resolve.  He just couldn’t predict what way the dice would land.  

 _Ding._ Elton’s heart seized as he heard another email arrive at his inbox.  He moved his eyes slowly to the screen, not wanting to look but knowing he had to.  It was from the same random string of letters and numbers that had sent him the messages before.  Dread sank acutely into his stomach as he sat up to read the email.

The format was the same as before: no subject line, just an anonymous email and text.  Except this time, there was a video file attached. 

**Would you like to see more?**

Elton’s breath caught.  There was more?  He had only -guiltily- watched the first video, but knew there was a second one on the website.  Was this it?  He loaded a preview of the video, only briefly thinking that it might be a virus.  That didn’t seem to match the MO of these people, so Elton dismissed the thought.  The buffering circle ran for a few, agonizing seconds before loading.  

His breathing stopped as he caught sight of the screen cap.  

That definitely wasn’t the same video that was up on the site.  From the angle, it looked like it had been filmed from a body cam.  The image was blurry, but not so much to obscure what was going on in the screen cap.  It’s content was clear.  In it, Elton could see Colby’s tear streaked face, red as he choked on what was clearly a dick shoved down his throat.  

“Fuck!”  Elton pushed himself back from his computer, eyes wide and horrified.  He could almost hear someone laughing maniacally in his ears, laughing at his horror.  “Fuck you, you sons of bitches, I fucking hate all of you!” Elton’s chest was tight, and for the first time during this whole ordeal he felt tears burning at the back of his eyes.  “Fuck... No...” He breathed, heartbroken.  “God, Colby...” 

Things started to fall horribly into place.  This was his missing link, between the medical facts he knew from the hospital and the videos he had seen.  Knew it would shed light on the bodily damage Colby had suffered that Leon had explained to him back in the hospital.  The damage that Elton knew was too severe for Sam to have caused.  

He had no right to watch this, he knew that.  Absolutely could not justify it under any sort of benefit for Sam and Colby other than someone else knowing, something he wasn’t sure they would be okay with.  Knew Colby definitely wouldn’t.  He had seen how Colby had reacted to the hospital staff knowing the little they did from the physical exam.  

Colby would not be okay with Elton watching this.  

Elton strode back over to his computer, minimizing the email screen so that he didn’t have to look at it.  Then he flopped back into his office chair, the motion sending it rolling backwards.  “Fuck!” He shouted at the ceiling.  

He couldn’t look, couldn’t break Colby and Sam’s trust like that.

And yet, he needed to know.  

He was still mentally battling with himself when his email rang again.  His heart sank.  He hadn’t received more than one email from these people in a day.  What could it be this time?

He rolled cautiously over to the screen, hesitantly clicking on the new email from a nonsense address.

**Have you told them that you paid us to watch them fuck?**

“What the fuck...?”

Another email, almost instantly.

**Did you tell them that you liked it?**

Another.

**We’ll get them back.**

And another.

**You can see it in person next time.**

“Fuck you!” Elton roared, exciting out of his email all together. He sat in his chair, panting like he had just sprinted a 5K, his heart racing against his ribs like it might somehow escape.  There was pressure in his chest, building to climb up his throat.  He stared at his computer, wondering why the monitor was suddenly growing blurry.  Then something wet splashed against his thigh and he figured it out.  

“Fuck you,” He whispered brokenly, before burying his face in his hands.  

OOO

Colby stared at the Twitter Log In page with anxious indecision.  

Sam was still wrapping up in the shower (it had taken them a little while to finally get down to actually washing themselves) and Colby was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and boxers and staring at his phone. 

It would probably be fine.  And it wasn’t like he could run from this forever.  If he and Sam wanted to get back to life as normal they would have to eventually brave their fandom.  

And that meant getting back on social media.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”  Colby looked over to see Sam emerging from the shower, pajama pants hanging off of his hips.  Colby took a moment to appreciate where Sam’s hip bones traces down and into his pajama pants.  Sam caught the direction of his gaze and flushed.  He came over and touched Colby’s face lightly, smiling down at him.  “Hey there,” He murmured.  Colby just pulled Sam down for a proper kiss, relishing in the feelings of Sam’s lips against his.

Sam stopped the kiss, sitting down next to him.  He looked at the screen, the ease leaving his face.  “Colby, we don’t have to,” Sam reminded him quietly.

Colby sighed, looking from the screen to Sam.  “Sam, I... I have to do this, we have to do this,” He looked at the screen, cursor flashing innocently at the end of his password, “We worked too hard on this to let _those people_ take it from us.”

Sam nodded hesitantly.  He wrapped an arm around Colby’s shoulders in a gesture of comfort, but Colby knew it was as much for himself as for Colby.  Sam was just as nervous as Colby, maybe more.  Colby knew he was terrified of the hate he might be facing from some of their fans.  He kissed Sam gently on the cheek, trying to comfort him.  “It’s gonna be alright, man.”  

Sam shuddered, nodded slowly.  “Okay,” He breathed, “Lets do it.”

Colby clicked to log in.  

His home page was innocuous enough, the bell icon indicating that there had been activity on his page, but that wasn’t anything unfamiliar.  He looked at Sam.  “Should we check my page first?”

Sam shrugged, “I guess...” His voice betrayed his anxiety.  

Colby’s mental state wasn’t much better.  He navigated over to his homepage, scrolling down to see the replies to his tweet days earlier.  What he found almost blew him away.  

“Holy shit,” He breathed.  Along with almost 6,000 retweets and over 700,000 likes was what looked like an endless comments section.  

     ‘ _Take all the time you need, we’ll be here when you get back.’_

_‘Yay!  They’re alive!’_

_‘Glad you guys are safe.  I was so scared.  Please take your time.’_

_‘You and Sam will come back stronger than ever, I just know it!’_

The deluge of positive, supportive comments absolutely blew Colby away.  He had been so scared after talking to Elton about social media that he wouldn’t be able to tolerate looking at any of this.  But this wasn’t negative.  This was so supportive Colby didn’t know what to do with it.  “Sam...” Colby breathed, unable to put his emotions into words.  

Sam was already nodding though.  “That’s... better than I thought...” He whispered, and Colby thought he might have heard what could have been the start of tears.  

“They’re still supporting us, even though...” Colby started, and couldn’t find a good way to end the sentence.  Instead, he clicked out of the tweet and continued digging through his homepage.  

Fortunately, it was mostly positive.  Lots of people sending supportive messages, urging them to stay strong, to keep fighting.  It was the stories of abuse that really got to Colby though.  Sam had been right.  It did make him cry.  When Colby first clicked to reply to a particularly touching tweet, Sam caught his gaze.  “You okay with them knowing you’re looking at Twitter?” He asked. “If you respond, they’ll know we’re at least looking.”

Colby paused, but nodded.  “Yeah,” He answered, knowing in his heart that it was true.  He blinked away the wetness that had accumulated in his eyes from the previous story.  “She shared this story with us.  She deserves to know I heard it.”  And as he spoke he knew how true his words were.  He needed to let this girl who had shared a traumatic moment in her life on the internet that he had seen it, and that he appreciated feeling not quite so alone.

And so Colby replied, trying to give each story he stumbled across the appreciation and attention it deserved.  There were so many, so many people who felt that they could share, that they could be heard and that she was not alone.  He was full on crying after the the seventh one, and it took Sam gently removing his phone from his hand for him to realize it.  

“We have to make a video,” Colby whispered, feeling the impact of all the stories and the support and the love spinning within him in a chaotic waltz. “We have to tell them how much we appreciate everyone and all the support.”  

Sam nodded, and his eyes were misty too.  “We can do that, Colby.” He kissed Colby gently.  

When Sam gave him his phone back, Colby clicked off the stories to dig through he and Sam’s shared channel.  

This was where he found the first inkling that not everyone was as supportive as the fans whose stories he had been reading. The first tweet when he pulled up their page featured a video link, it’s title reading, “Another Sam Pepper?  10 Signs the Sam and Colby Kidnapping is a Publicity Stunt.”  The title screen featured a side by side of a screen cap from the Sam Pepper Prank, and a screen cap of Sam behind Colby’s bent over body, the details blurred with editing.  

“Okay, what the fuck,” Sam hissed from next to him.  Colby blinked, and then just shut down the Twitter app.  He put his phone down and pressed his face into his hands.  It came on slowly, but his ears were starting to ring, his heart rate picking up pace in his chest.  The way his brain was going he could feel his brain teetering between a panic attack and a total shutdown.  “Colby?” Sam must have caught that he wasn’t okay, and Colby felt his hand squeeze his shoulder.  “Colby, hey Brother, can you look at me?” 

Sam didn’t sound too far off a panic attack either, and it wouldn’t do any good to have them both panicking.  Colby took a deep breath in through his nose, and out through his mouth.  Then he looked up at Sam.  Like Colby had thought, the blood had risen to the surface of Sam’s cheeks along with his panic.  “I’m okay, Brother,” He breathed. “I’m still with you.”  As he continued to monitor his breathing, he found that the white noise in his ears was fading, the world feeling less like it was going to tunnel in on him.  

Sam watched him anxiously for a moment, maybe still waiting for a panic attack, but Colby felt less and less like one might happen.  He was... okay.  Moving towards being so anyway.  “I wish people would stop fuckin’ bringing up the Sam Pepper prank,” He grumbled instead.   

Sam groaned, but nodded, seeing the subject change and seizing it.  “No more social media for today?” He asked.

Colby nodded.  “Yup.”

Dinner seemed the only logical step after that.  Sam started spaghetti on the stove while Colby dug through Sam’s cabinet and fridge looking for some sort of sauce.  Because while buttered noodles were always an option sauce usually made it better.  “Any idea how old this is?” Colby asked, glancing incredulously at a half filled jar of red sauce.  

Sam turned and looked at the sauce.  He frowned.  “Uh... I bought it before...” 

Colby unscrewed the lid, sniffing the contents.  “Smells okay,” He commented.  

“Let me see that,” Sam wandered over.  

That was when Colby’s phone lit up.  Elton’s caller ID glowed across the screen, some stupid selfie he had set while half drunk.  It had used to make Colby chuckle every time he looked at it.  Looking at it now, Colby felt dread override his initial amusement at Elton’s stupid face.   He looked at Sam, who shrugged, before picking it up.

“Hey Elton, what’s up?”

”You guys doing anything?” Elton’s voice sounded wrong.  It was Elton, without a doubt, but his voice sounded strained, like he was absolutely exhausted, like he hadn’t slept in days.  That wasn’t even to mention the undercurrent of panic that Colby could hear in the sentence.  

“Dude, what’s going on?” Colby asked, his heart jumping into his throat.  “Are you okay?” At Sam’s concerned face, he put the  call on speakerphone so that Sam could hear too.  

“I’m fine,” Elton stated in a way that clearly indicated that he was not fine.  “Can I come over?” 

Colby glanced at Sam, and the two of them had a silent conversation that resulted in one conclusion.  

_Yes, but what the fuck is going on?_

“Yeah, sure, Elton,” Sam assured him, staring off into the living room, worry emanating off of him in waves.  “We’re over at my place.”  

“Okay, cool,” Elton’s voice hadn’t lost any of it’s worry. “I’ll be over there in about thirty minutes, okay?”

“Okay?” Colby’s didn’t like how shaky his voice was.  “Elton, what’s going on?” But he was already speaking to a dial tone.  Elton was gone.

“What the fuck?” Sam breathed, looking up at Colby, and it had been a while since Colby had seen that much fear and apprehension in Sam’s eyes.

A week, actually.  

“Maybe it’s a prank?” Colby offered helplessly, even knowing it wasn’t.  

Sam agreed with him.  “Elton wouldn’t pull that on us, not right now,” He shook his head, eyes darting away from Colby.  “He knows that...”

Sam nodded.  Elton had pulled some crazy stunts over the years, but he wouldn’t pull something like this.  Not knowing where Sam and Colby were mentally, what they had just been through.   

Something was very wrong.  

About thirty minutes later, as promised.  There was a knock at the door.  Sam checked the peephole against before allowing a very agitated Elton into the apartment.  They had been right.  Something was up.  Dark bags hung under his eyes, pale skin skin made paler by the sick pallor that had settled on his face.  He looked stressed, exhausted, and altogether quite the mess.  "Elton, what the fuck is going on?" Sam finally asked.

Elton pulled off his ever present hat to run a hand through his hair.  He took a deep breath, sighing it out.  "You're going to want to sit down for this," He said grimly.  

“Elton, you’re scaring us,” Colby said warily, but followed Elton to the couch.  

“I know, I’m sorry,” Elton apologized.  “I’ve just... been trying to figure out how to bring this up, because I wasn’t going to, until a little bit later...” He sighed, flopping back on the couch.  Colby looked at Sam, seeming if he had gotten anything more out of that statement than Colby had, which was actually nothing.  Sam shrugged worriedly.   _Great..._

Sam sat down first, pulling Colby into his side as he went to sit down.  Sam twisted their fingers together, squeezing Colby’s hand reassuringly.   Colby smiled at him reassuringly.  The smile must not have made it to his eyes because Sam didn’t exactly look reassured.  

“Okay... so...” Elton rested his elbows on his thighs.  His fingers were twitching anxiously against each other.  “Did you guys ever wonder, like... how they found you so fast?” 

“That was fast?” Sam growled.

Elton didn’t seem phased by the irritation in Sam’s voice.  ”When you guys were taken we were told it might be months before they found you,” Elton said quietly.  “They were going off of nothing other than knowledge that you guys weren’t here.  We didn’t know how much time had gone by between the when the first video was filmed and when it was posted, because it was posted two days after you guys were taken.”  

Colby’s heart seized in his chest at the idea that he could have spent months in that place.  What the fuck would they have even done to him and Sam?  Five days had fucked him up well enough.  Colby shuddered.  He could still feel the cold metal of the shackles he had woken up in...  “They filmed that a few hours after we woke up, but they had drugged us so...” his voice trailed off as he tried to suppress the emotions rising with the memories.

”Fuck knows when it actually happened,” Sam shrugged morosely, completing Colby’s thought. “We had no idea what time or day it was in there.”  He squeezed Colby’s hand again supportively.  

“So... how the fuck _did_ they find us?” Colby looked at Elton, realizing what he was saying.  “Like, we _were_  in LA, but they couldn’t have known that.” Suddenly, the details of the rescue no longer made sense, and Colby glanced at Sam quickly, before looking back at Elton.

Elton’s face was uneasy, and he didn’t immediately answer.  He just kept staring at some point in front of him on the wall.  A sense of foreboding grew in Colby’s gut.   _What was going on?_

“Elton?” Sam asked at Elton’s continued silence.  

Elton’s eyes flicked to the two of them.  When he spoke, his voice was low and matter of fact.  “They found you because I recognized the location from the video.”

At first, it didn’t click.  Colby blinked a few times, processing the words that had come from Elton’s mouth.  “But... the videos... you had to pay for them...” Elton just pressed his steepled hands to his mouth, met his eyes, and slowly nodded.  

“You watched the videos.”  It wasn’t a question.  Just Sam’s voice, flat and certain, like all the emotion had been sucked out of him... like water swirling down a metal sink drain.

Elton nodded again.  “Just the first one,” He clarified, wincing.  “I recognized the warehouse because I was going to drag you guys out there when you were still doing your UrbEx videos.  But then I got shot at and decided that was a bad move.”  His voice continued in that same low monotone.  “I told the investigators on your case that they should check the place out.  They found you about twelve hours later.” 

Colby felt ice crawling up his spine with little fingers that sunk into every little crevice in his torso.  He hardly even noticed the death grip Sam had on his hand.  

Elton had watched one of videos.  

Elton had _seen him..._

Elton didn’t seem to notice the hike in his breathing or heart rate. “I wasn’t going to tell you guys until a lot later,” Elton said, looking down at his hands.  “But then I started getting emails from them.”  He took a slow, measured breath, pushing it out through tight lips.  “They know I watched the video, and they know I’m the reason that they don’t have you anymore.”  He looked up at them.  “They want you back.”  

Something cracked.  Colby wasn’t sure if it was in real life or in his head but something had splintered, sending jagged pieces flying everywhere.  One slammed through his chest, one pierced his skull, and it must have been all in his head because he didn’t feel like there was blood everywhere, unless one of the splinters had flown through his neck and paralyzed his spine, and someone was screaming - _was it him? Maybe?-_ but his ears hurt and his eyes were closed and he couldn’t feel or process anything else but the cracking, splintering, jagged shrapnel digging into his body...

_Nonononononono..._

“Colby, Colby, hey, you’re okay, you’re okay...”

”I can’t...” That was his voice, he recognized it now.  “I can’t, I can’t, please, please...”

There had been hands on him.  Had been, and he hadn’t been aware of them, but was now because suddenly they were off of him, and he heard a muttered swear from the opposite direction.  “Sam, Sam, hey, you’re okay, man, you’re okay.”

 _Sam?  Was Sam okay?_ The panic had a direction now instead of ricocheting around his insides like some amorphous blob of terror and pain and horror.  Colby centered himself on the vocalizations he could hear from next to him, brain struggling to come back online because _Sam was in trouble_... 

Colby’s eyes opened slowly, registering that Sam was next to him with his face buried in his hands, shaking hard.  “Sam?” He breathed.

Elton glanced at him from where he knelt on the floor in front of Sam.  “You with me, dude?” 

Colby nodded, hands moving subconsciously his stomach and head to make sure they were intact.  “Sorry,” He rasped, his throat feeling dry.  He looked to Sam, clearly having a panic attack of his own.  “Fuck, Sam...”  He reached for Sam’s fingers, careful not to touch his wrists.  “Sam, bro, we’re okay, Sam...”  He intertwined their fingers, Sam not resisting as he pulled Sam into his chest, detaching one hand to wrap around his boyfriend.

Elton looked like he felt guilty as hell.  “I wish I could stop having to tell you guys bad news, fuck,” He murmured, staring up at Sam, who had at least stopped shaking.  “Or could at least find a better way to communicate it.”

”I can’t think of a good way you could have told us,” Colby said helplessly, stroking Sam’s back.  “Just... fuck...” His heart sank as he remembered.  “And you watched...”

Elton sighed heavily, eyes closing for a split second longer than a standard blink.  “I’m sorry, Colby.  I know you never would have wanted me to see that.”

Colby shook his head.  “I never wanted anyone to see it,” He whispered mournfully, “But I guess I didn’t get a choice there either.”  Elton flinched, eyes dropping to the floor.  “At least something good came out of it?” He asked rhetorically.  “I really don’t know what they would have done to us if they had had us longer.  They already...”

Elton shrugged hopelessly.  “I hope we don’t ever have to find out.”

Colby nodded, thinking about all the information he had just received.  His brain was really getting better about functioning post panic attack.  “You’ve told the police?” He asked.

Elton nodded an affirmative.  “That was the first thing I did.”  He looked at Sam, then up at Colby.  “I’m just worried.  The fact that we have zero leads on them...”

”They won’t hurt you again...” Both of them paused at the little voice from Colby’s lap.  It was Sam, and he lifted his head to look Colby in the eyes.  “I swear to God, I won’t let them hurt you again.  No matter what it takes.”

”Sam, you don’t have to...” Colby whispered, chest feeling tight at the idea of Sam being hurt for him.  “I don’t want then to hurt you instead.  What more could they do to me?  They already fucked me.” He heard Elton’s sharp inhale and cringed, realizing that Elton might not have known about that. _Fuck..._  his stomach sank.  He wasn’t going to tell anyone about that.  There wasn’t a video, they didn’t need to know.  “Elton...”

Elton looked pained as he spoke, “I already knew about that, Colby.”  His face must have clearly read his shock, because Elton started explaining.  “Someone at the hospital told me about the... extent... of your injuries.”  

Colby’s eyes widened, feeling a fresh wave of violation sweep over him.  ”How...?” 

“I guess I’m still on your record as someone they can share information with from the TFIL early days,” Elton said softly.  “Colby, I’m sorry.  I felt like someone needed to know.”  

Colby shuddered harshly, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to control the panic attack that wanted to rip out of his chest.   _Elton knew.  Elton knew someone had fucked him..._ “I didn’t want it,” He breathed out, quietly, brokenly.

”God, Colby I know...” Now _Sam’s_  arms were around him.  “I know, bro, I know...”

He felt another hand on his shoulder, looking up to see Elton staring at him with a serious look on his face.  “We don’t think any less of you because of what some psychos did you to,” He promised, “We love you.”  And something in his voice and on his face made tears break out from Colby’s eyes.  

“I love you guys too.” And that was easy to say, because Elton was lumped in, so that made it not weird to say in front of Sam.  And as Colby examined the maelstrom of emotions ripping around in his chest, he realized he did forgive Elton for watching the video.  He did it with best intentions and Colby knew that, even if he wanted to shrink away with humiliation that Elton had watched Sam fuck him... “Thank you for telling us, Elton.  And sorry I... panicked...”

”Hey, it’s all good, dude,” Elton squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.  “Unless you paint my dog pink again, you don’t have to apologize for anything.”

That at least startled a laugh out of both Sam and Colby.  

Elton left fairly soon after that, promising that he would keep them both updated on any developments on his end.  Colby was even smiling and laughing again as he waved goodbye and closed the front door.  He made sure it was locked, before turning back to Sam.  Meeting Sam’s eyes, he inhaled deeply at the look on Sam’s face.  

Sam’s face was open, warm, emotions shining out of his eyes, emotions that spoke of affection, care, adoration, and love... “You know I love you, right?” He asked quietly, meeting Colby’s eyes earnestly.

Colby’s heart stuttered through a beat.   _What?_   He tried to recover, to blow it off.  “Yeah, of course,” He said, grinning at Sam crookedly.  “Love you too, dude.”  It came out forced and he knew it.

Sam shook his head.  “No, I mean, like...” His cheeks turned pink.  He approached Colby, reaching up to touch his face.  “I mean love like... in love.  Not like, you’re my brother sort of love because of course I love you like that but like...” He chuckled nervously, “Like, I love you, I love you, you know?” 

And in that moment, all of nineteen-year-old Colby’s dreams came true.  He stared into Sam’s eyes, seeing the guy he had fallen in love with staring at him the way he had always imagined.  “I love you too, Sam,” Colby breathed, pressing forward to kiss Sam gently.  

He felt Sam smile against his mouth.  And Sam was warm, and comforting, and everything he had always wanted.  

He might still be healing from a lifetime’s worth of trauma, but he had Sam with him.

How bad could it be? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter ended completely differently than I had originally drafted, but I’m okay with it. 
> 
> Lots of really emotional moments in this one. I needed to get back to the plot after the fluff and healing of last chapter, so here’s 5400 words of it! Lol *stares at the stories she has that are shorter than this chapter...*
> 
> Might be a little late on the next update. I should be fine to stick to roughly weekly updates but I’m in Florida and we’re about to get hit with a hurricane so WiFi may be sketchy for the next little bit if we lose power.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Hope y’all enjoyed the extra long chapter!


	15. Chapter 15

It was two weeks post rescue.  

Two weeks since Colby’s life had changed forever.  

Things were... getting better.  

Still not great, by any means, but... better.  

Getting back on social media was simultaneously the most healing and most destructive part of Colby’s life.  On one hand, the support and love that he was getting from his fans helped with anxiety that everyone would see him and Sam differently after everything.  After they had seen him get fucked, like they would tell him he deserved it, like he wasn’t good enough for them anymore, like they wouldn't... love him anymore.  

He was so thankful to be proven wrong.  Colby was still shocked by the sheer amount of love and support that was pouring across his social media.  He had posted earlier in the week that he and Sam were going to be somewhat limited in his social media interactions due to _some of the stuff_  that was circulating, and the change in their feeds was immediate and dramatic.  Fans were still posting the stories, the love, but now there were tags that were nothing but cute animals and happy things, his followers doing their best to drown out the negativity and triggering material that were making this so hard for Sam and Colby.  

There was only so much the supportive ones could do though.  It had been a struggle to get through the first couple of days before the tweet, to figure out what he could and couldn’t tolerate looking at.  Because of Twitter not censoring NSFW content, digging through his @‘s was still a bit of a minefield, as he never knew when he would come face to face with a screenshot of one of the videos.  A particularly graphic one had triggered another episode of dissociation, like the one he had in the room.  

This episode was significantly shorter, only about thirty minutes according to Sam, but he still had to bear witness to the strangeness that was his mind separating from his body.  And when he came back to his body he was reminded of the first time it happened, and that almost caused a panic attack in of itself.   

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Colby whispered some time later, not trusting his voice to not break yet.  

“You’re okay,” Sam murmured for the hundredth time, his hand gently stroking up and down Colby’s back.  “It’s not your fault.  That was... that was fucked up...” 

Colby ignored the snarky part of his brain that wanted to be bitter about how _Sam_  didn’t freak out over the photo.  At least, he didn’t fucking dissociate.  He knew it was stupid, and that neither of them could control how they reacted, but it wasn’t fair that he was always the one with the trauma.   

_Yeah, almost like you were held down and raped or something..._

“It’ll get better,” Sam promised quietly, as much to Colby as to himself.  “They’ll find something else to latch onto.  It’ll get better, man.”  Colby just groaned and pressed his face into his hands.  

There was a moment of comfortable silence, where Colby took in the presence of his body, being there and feeling Sam pressed into him, feeling the warmth of his hand stroking his back.  The dissociation made dealing with the trauma easier, but he would miss things like this, the simple comfort of Sam’s body.  

Sam was the one to break to silence.  “Was that... like the thing you did in the room?” He asked quietly.  “Where you were out  of your body?”

Colby nodded, not seeing any reason to lie to Sam.  “It’s fucking weird,” He commented instead.  

Sam nodded back.  He hesitated for a moment, before reaching for his laptop.  Colby watched as he pulled it onto his lap, pulling it open and typing into the search bar, ‘my friend feels like he’s out of his body’.  Colby watched something about depression pop up.  Sam shook his head, “No...” He murmured.  He added ‘trauma’ at the end of the statement.  

PTSD almost immediately popped up.  Colby cringed, looking away briefly.  It wasn’t the first time PTSD had popped up on his screen when he had googled things after this whole ordeal.  It was such a strange thing to think about, that he and Sam might have that... have PTSD.  It felt like that was something that only war veterans got, not YouTubers... not him and Sam.  

“Hey, look at this.”  Colby pulled himself out of his thoughts and directed his eyes to Sam’s laptop. Sam caught his gaze before he pointed at the Wikipedia page reading ‘Depersonalization’.  “Look, ‘ _detachment within the self, regarding one's mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself_ ’,” He read aloud, looking up at Colby.  “Sounds like what you were talking about.”  

Colby cringed, remembering the sensation of staring at his body with Sam, watching the Hooded Man hold him down and use him.  He leaned into Sam’s shoulder, scanning over the page. “‘ _Though degrees of depersonalization and derealization can happen to anyone who is subject to temporary anxiety or stress, chronic depersonalization is more related to individuals who have experienced a severe trauma or prolonged stress/anxiety_.’  Huh,” He read quietly to himself, brain faltering and retreating at the remembered sensation, “Severe trauma wouldn’t be wrong.” 

Sam turned his head to kiss Colby’s hand, sadness ingrained in the lines on his face.  Colby rested his forehead against Sam’s head as Sam continued to scan the Wiki page.  He clicked another link, and Colby saw ‘Dissociative Disorder’ pop up before he closed his eyes again, not really wanting to look.  

He didn’t want to be a fucking psych case.  He just wanted to forget about everything, wanted to stop panicking whenever someone fucking touched him, wanted the awful nightmares to just go away.  

“Makes me wonder if we shouldn’t be looking into therapists...” Sam murmured, pulling his eyes away from the screen to look at Colby.  

Colby chewed on his lip.  Sam wasn’t wrong.  It hadn’t taken long on the PTSD internet search before he had made about the same conclusion.  His feelings about it were... mixed.  He couldn’t deny it would probably be a good idea.  But then, he had a hard enough time talking to Sam about what had happened.  He couldn’t imagine how badly talking to someone he didn’t know would go.  “That feels like a panic attack waiting to happen.”  Sam’s face was slightly reproachful, and Colby added, “Just... I think I need more time to process... all of that.” He gestured vaguely with his hand.  “It’s all too.. fresh right now...”

Sam nodded.  “I get that.”  

That was when they heard a knock at the door.  

“I’ll get it,” Colby groaned, heaving himself off of the sofa, almost thankful for a chance to escape the previous conversation. A check through the peephole showed Jake, shifting back forth on his feet as he scrolled through his phone.  “It’s Jake, dude.”

”Let ‘im in!” Sam called from the sofa, closing his laptop.  

Colby undid the lock, pulling open the door to let Jake in.  “Hey man, what’s up?” 

Jake, as per usual, acted like their apartments were an extension of his own.  “Guys, I just had like, the best idea,” Jake said, sliding past Colby and into the room.    

Colby locked the door behind them, following Jake to the couch and sliding back down next to Sam.  He watched Jake sprawl across the side of the couch opposite of them.  “What kinda idea?” Sam asked, reaching over and squeezing Colby’s thigh in affection.  

“So like...” Jake’s normally easygoing tone had an unfamiliar touch of nervousness to it, “I was thinking that since like, you guys aren’t really in the mindset to be making your own videos, you might want to be in mine!” Jake’s nervous grin sat like an awkward guest across his face.  “Because like, I was thinking it might help you guys feel better about being back on camera.”  

Jake knew they were both a little edgy about the concept after an accidental instance of Corey surprising everyone with a camera during a movie night.  Colby had frozen, while Sam had started yelling in panic at Corey to “ _put the fucking camera away”._ Afterwards they both had to be comforted by everyone there.  It had been a few days ago, but the memory was still fresh in their minds. 

Colby glanced at Sam, looking to see what Sam’s thoughts were about it.  Being back on camera made him nervous, made sick butterflies limp around in his gut, wings twitching grotesquely.  He still couldn’t help but remember the last time he’d had a camera pointed directly at him - _Sam’s fingers twisting in his rectum, hand around his cock as he pleaded for Colby to look at him, focus on him-_  because that would have been the last time his fans had seen him on camera.

”What’s the video idea?” Sam asked evenly, squeezing Colby’s hand where he gripped it.  “It’s okay, Colby...” 

Jake’s eyes moved to Colby, worry pinching his forehead.  “Shit bro, we totally don’t have to...”

”No,” Colby interjected, “What’s the idea, bro?” He cast warning looks at both of them.  He was still here.  He might be a little on edge but he could still make his own decisions, goddammit.  

Jake looked at Sam, as if fearing reproach, but Sam shrugged, “Let’s hear it, dude.”

Jake nodded.  “Okay, so like...” He leaned forward in his seat, excitement lighting up his face. “I was messing around on YouTube last night, and I found videos of like, old vines and shit, and I was thinking we could like, react to old vines.  Do like a whole nostalgia thing.”  

If Jake had floated this idea out three weeks ago, Colby might have rolled his eyes and told Jake that it was kinda boring, that they had done stuff like that before, that he probably wouldn’t get the hits and views he was looking for.  But it wasn’t before.  It was now, and Colby knew that Jake’s video would explode just for having Sam and Colby in it, in their first appearance since the internet had watched them be tortured.  

It would be a little bit stressful, but it could be fun, watching old vines and laughing without having to worry about it being his video.  

Might be what he needed.  

Colby nodded before Sam did.  “Yeah...” He said, looking at Jake.  “I’m down.”  

Sam smiled at him, a bit of nervousness flitting around his features, but determination was there too.  “That would be fun.”  

Jake fist pumped.  “Hell yeah!” He rejoiced.  He jumped to his feet.  “Okay, so, I thought you might say yes, or at least,” He shrugged, “I hoped so, so it’s all set up over at mine if you wanna do it now.”  

Colby’s smile faltered just slightly as his heart rate jumped.  He hadn’t realized Jake meant now.  Sam squeezed his hand, and he took a calming breath.  He wanted to do this.  He _needed_  to do this.  “Yeah, sure, lets do it.”  

“Cool, lets go!” Jake darted out of Sam’s apartment, probably to go finish setting up, and Colby went to follow him.  

A hand landed on his shoulder, catching him.  Colby turned quickly to look back into concerned blue eyes.  “Colby, are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Colby nodded, and he knew it was true.  He leaned in to kiss Sam gently.  “I think it’s a really good idea actually,” He admitted.  “I think it’ll be good for us, and the fans, for us to be on camera again.”  

Sam nodded, concern still in his face.  “I was thinking the same thing.  I just know that last time we were being filmed...”

 _Fear, pain-_  “I’m trying not to think about it,” Colby said honestly, looking away.  “But we can’t just stay off camera, Sam.  This is what we do.  I’m not going to let them take that from me, from _us_.”  

Sam squeezed his hand again.  “You’re right,” He agreed.  He took a breath in and out.  “Okay... let’s do this.”  

After making sure that Sam locked the door behind them, Colby and Sam followed Jake into his apartment.  Jake already had the lights and camera set up, pointed at a spot on his couch.  His laptop was perched on the coffee table, open to YouTube.  He had cleaned the section of his apartment that would be visible to the camera, and was currently fidgeting with the angle of one of his lights.   

Colby was actually kind of impressed by the prep work.  Jake had put some thought into this.  “Looks good, dude,” He commented to Jake appreciatively, wandering up to the light Jake was fussing with.  

”You actually cleaned,” Sam didn’t manage to keep the surprise out of his voice, but took the sting out of his words with a teasing look at Jake.  He filed in behind Colby, leaning against the sofa and taking in the set up.  

Jake shrugged, grinning a little.  “Hey man, I try.”  His smile faltered slightly, “Had a lot of time to clean while I was trying to figure out if I should even bother asking.”  

Colby paused, looking at the insecure expression on Jake’s face.  “Hey man, we appreciate it,” He moved towards Jake, clapping a hand on his shoulder.  Jake’s face actually managed somewhere near forlorn, and Colby felt guilt leak into his heart.  Jake was trying.  “I know it hasn’t been easy, dealing with us.” 

Alarm lit up on his friend's face.  “No, no, no, that’s not it at all,” Jake rushed to explain, “I just, don’t wanna mess you guys up more.  Like... fuck, man, you’ve been through enough that I don’t wanna fuck you up more with like, asking you to be on camera before you’re ready.”  He looked down at his feet.  "You guys getting kidnapped fucked  _me_ up dude, and I wasn't even taken."

Colby nodded absentmindedly, before something occurred to him.  Jake had been in the room with them when they had been drugged and seized the first time.  Jake was okay now, but what the hell had happened to him?  "Jake, dude, what did they do to you?" 

Colby could tell that the thought hadn't occurred to Sam either, because his boyfriend froze and looked at their friend.  Jake's face dropped, any trace of a smile disappearing.  And uncharacteristic darkness took up residence on his face.  "Uh..." He fidgeted with his feet.  "It's not a big deal.  You guys sure you wanna hear about it?"

Colby glanced at Sam, the latter of whom had moved forward into a defensive position behind Colby.  It was a missing piece of their memories, knowledge of how they had been taken before they had woken up in that room.  But it was also Jake's story, and they had no idea what had happened to him.  And judging by the look on his face, it wasn't nothing.  "Yeah, Brother.  What happened?" Colby breathed. 

Jake sighed, running his fingers through his hair.  "I like... haven't like, talked about it with anyone yet.  Felt kinda stupid when we were all worried about you guys."  His eyes were sad, distressed, avoiding Colby's gaze.  

"Jake..." Colby breathed, squeezing Jake's shoulder.  He felt awful.  Of course Jake would have been affected.  He knew there was no way Jake would have let their captors take them without a fight, which meant that they were probably lucky Jake was alive.    

Sam said what he was thinking, "Hey man, trust us, we get the trauma thing.  Just because they did worse things to us doesn't mean that you didn't get fucked up too.  And you totally don't have to tell us what happened but... if you feel comfortable talking about it... we'd like to know."  Colby smiled faintly at the look on Sam's face.  That was his earnest, big blue eyes, you can trust me and I care about you face.  

Sam had used it on him before.      

It worked on Jake too.  Jake nodded, eyes moving rapidly like he was trying to organize his thoughts.  "Okay," He finally said, "Just let me know if you need me to stop talking."  

Colby's heart ached for their friend.  Poor Jake.  "Whenever you're ready, dude."  

"Okay, okay..." Jake seemed to be psyching himself up.  "Okay, well, you know how I was in the bathroom?" They nodded.  Jake saying that he had to poop was one of the last things Colby remembered before everything had happened.  Before the door had opened and someone had grabbed him, Sam had yelled, and the cloying, sickly sweet scent had stolen consciousness from him.  "Well, I heard the yelling, and came out to try to help you guys."  Jake reached up to twist his earring with his fingers.  "I came out and they had already knocked you guys out.  They were cuffing you guys and were bringing in this laundry cart type thing..."  Colby cringed, unconsciously rubbing at his wrists.  They were bare, as bracelets seemed to remind him just a little too closely of the cuffs that had restrained him.  

"I don't think they were expecting me, because they all like, kinda paused and I don't think it was because of the shit I just took," He tried for humor, his usually crass self but it fell flat because of the heaviness of his tone.  "I tried to like, run, and get the police but one of the guys caught me and punched me pretty hard..." Colby was pretty sure that Jake wasn't aware of the way he was rubbing at his cheek as if he could still feel the bruise.  

"I tried yelling but they kicked me because I was on the ground at that point.  They kept kicking me and fuck, I'm so fucking glad that my ribs didn't break..." Jake shuddered.  "They kept yelling at me to like, 'shut the fuck up', and like, shit like that."  His eyes stared at nothing, reliving the memory.  "Dudes, I was pretty sure they were going to kill me..."

"Fuck, Jake..." Sam was the one to murmur it this time.  

Jake seemed to rouse himself at Sam's words.  "Anyway, they drugged me too.  Must have taken them a moment to whip up some more of the stuff they knocked you guys out with," He shrugged.  "I came to cuffed on the floor of the room.  They'd duct taped my mouth, so I couldn't yell for help.  I was there all night until housekeeping came in the morning."

Colby's heart ached for Jake in that moment.  He waited for Jake to continue, but he seemed content to watch his fingers twist his rings.  He just looked so lost.  "Jake, dude, can I like... hug you?" Colby asked quietly.  

Jake looked at him in alarm.  "Yeah, dude, of course you can..."  Colby didn't move with any speed, letting Jake see him coming, just like everyone had begun to do with him.  He wrapped his arms around Jake, assuaging his need to comfort Jake.  Jake returned the hug a little stiffly, but slowly relaxed into embrace.  "Fuck, Colby..."

"I'm sorry that happened to you, bro," Colby breathed. 

Jake shrugged in his embrace, and pulled back.  Colby let him go, but still looked at Jake in concern.  "I'm okay, dude," Jake promised.  "Seriously, of anyone to be worrying about me it's not you."

"Yeah, but if anyone gets what you're feeling like right now it's us," Sam interjected, and Colby felt Sam's hand on his lower back as Sam came up behind him.  "If you need anything Jake, let us know."

Jake looked away from Colby's gaze, but he was smiling again, and Colby knew he had heard them.  "What I need right now," He started, and his careless lilt was back in his voice, "Is to make a YouTube video because I need to upload soon and I don't have any backup videos."  

Colby grinned too, letting Jake change the subject.  "Sounds good, dude.  Let's do it."  

OOO

Sam had been more worried about Colby being back on camera than Colby seemed to be about Colby being back on camera.  He still remembered watching Colby's face ice over when Corey had brought out his camera, and it hadn't even been on.  He still remembered watching and _feeling_  Colby's whole body tighten with fear and violation the last time a camera had been pointed in his face.  But it had been almost a week since the former, about two since the latter.  And Colby seemed to be handling being on camera with him and Jake just fine.  

As soon as Jake launched into his intro (which didn't really seem to be constant but rather however Jake felt like starting his video that day), Sam watched the heaviness that had been sitting on Colby's shoulders lift as he became Colby Brock, young entrepreneur, rather than the Colby had Sam had come to know.  Sam didn't miss when his own demeanor shifted into his social media influencer mode, being the most confident version of himself. 

It was... It was good to get back there.  To know that he still could.

To know that  _Colby_ still could.  After everything.  

 _I love you_ , his mind murmured as Colby roared with laughter at one of the vines, Jake having to pause the video so that Colby could catch his breath.  They bantered while Sam watched, a wide smile on his face.  

It had come to him rather suddenly, the realization that he loved Colby.  Loved him as so much more than the friend he had always been, loved him like the boyfriend he had become. 

 _"I mean love like... in love.  Not like, you’re my brother sort of love because of course I love you like that but like... Like, I love you, I love you, you know?”_    

He knew Colby had loved him for a while now, had seen the looks the guy was casting him even before Sam said anything.  It felt only right to try to give Colby the knowledge that he felt it now too.  Fuck, maybe he had always felt it, but was too scared to admit to it.  Too scared and too stupid to take a chance on Colby, on being more than friends with his best friend.  

Too scared of what everyone would think of him if he came out as gay for his best friend...

But the spark had been too strong to fully put out evidently, burning down the strings of fate to lead him to where he was now, watching old Vines six years ago with his best friends, one of which he was in love with and loved by.  

Maybe the way it should have been from the beginning.

Jake's idea had been good.  Watching back old vines brought a million memories from simpler, happier days, days when he and Sam were just trying to make it big on social media.  "Holy shit, I totally forgot about that one!"  Colby was still giggling, and he glanced at Sam with big bright eyes, the brightest that Sam had seen in a while. 

Colby caught the direction of his gaze.  "Hey dude," Colby commented.

"Hey, babe." 

It just slipped out, and Sam might have panicked just a little bit before Colby smiled at him, that soft, quiet, happy smile that that was reserved for only him.  "That's a new one."  Colby leaned forward, disregarding the camera and kissing Sam briefly.  "I like it." 

"God dammit guys, now I'm going to have to cut that footage," Jake complained, but there was no real bite in his words.  They knew he supported their relationship, one of their few friends who didn't have obvious concerns about it.  When asked about it, he had simply commented, " _I mean, I used to wonder back in high school when you guys would start dating.  Glad you finally figured it out_."

Jake's comment got mostly ignored by him and Colby in the moment, Colby firing back something along the lines of Jake needing to cut a bunch of footage anyway so that the audience didn't see the sheer number of times Jake checked his hair in the viewfinder, Jake snarking back that Colby was doing the exact same thing.  Colby did it again, dramatically, and Jake yelled at him about editing times. 

Sam just laughed and called, "Come on guys, we have a video to finish." 

Sam rode the rest of the night on an endorphin high, just so fucking happy that he was able to still be stupid and carefree on camera.  After they had finished filming, Sam and Colby promising the camera that they would be back to making videos on their own channels soon, the day didn't end.  Jake ordered pizza after stating that he wanted pizza, and Colby darted back to Sam's apartment to grab he and Sam's laptops so that they could all play Minecraft together. 

Somehow, between the mining and the crafting and the general fucking around, even if Jake did set Sam's fucking chicken farm on fire (filling Jake's house with obsidian was the only fitting revenge), Sam lost track of the day.  It was only when Sam looked up from his computer and saw that darkness had fallen that he realized how late it had gotten.  "Oh jeez," he muttered, looking at his watch, "Guys, its almost midnight." 

"Shit, really?" Colby asked, genuine surprise in his tone.  He glanced back at the screen, "Fuck, lemme just finish this thing..."

"Colby, why is there a giant koala in my strip mine?" 

"Because he likes it down there." 

Sam lifted his hands off the keyboard, yawning and stretching out his arms and back. "Fuck..." He groaned at the sensation, looking at Jake and Colby's faces, illuminated by their screens.  "I might head back to my place then."  He looked at Colby, waiting on his boyfriend's response.

"I'll be there in a moment," There was a mischievous look on Colby's face, "I just wanna finish this one thing..." 

"What are you doing..." Jake groaned, looking over at Colby's screen, the owner of which who promptly hid it.  "Colby, what the fuck are you doing?" 

"Absolutely nothing."

"Bullshit." 

Sam grinned, logging out and packing up his set up.  He threw everything haphazardly in his laptop back (he was going to be back at his in just a moment anyway) and wandered over to Colby.  "See you in a moment, babe."  Colby turned his head to kiss Sam, and Sam caught a look at the chicken apocalypse that was going on in Jake's fishing hut.  "Oh my God," he laughed, "That's awesome." 

"Dude, what the hell are you doing?" Jake looked more than mildly concerned, the taps on his keyboard increasing. 

Sam was just walking out the door when he heard Jake holler, "What the fuck with all the chickens, bro!"  Sam chortled, closing the door behind him.  

He wandered back to his apartment still riding the high from the day.  They had done it.  Gotten on camera and made a video.  Maybe soon they'd be able to get their own channels up and running again.  

He had already set his stuff down and settled on his bed before Jake's comment from earlier came back to him. 

_"God dammit guys, now I'm going to have to cut that footage."_

Sam groaned, setting his phone down from where he had been scrolling through Twitter.  It had gone without saying for the past two weeks that he and Colby weren't going to post anything about  _them_ on social media.  Made it clear to their friends that none of this was to go on the internet in any way, shape, or form.  

But would they ever tell their fanbase?  Fill them in on this very big change that had occurred?  Sam didn't know.  

Jake would edit out that moment on film, Sam knew he would.  But that was less so the concern.  It didn't change that if they continued like this sooner or later someone would catch them in public and break the internet with the news that he and Colby were an item.  

That he and Colby were...  _gay_...

Sam couldn't deny it anymore.  He was gay for Colby Brock.  He was, at least, a little bit just _gay_. 

The thing he'd insisted he wasn't on camera a million times.  

He knew that he wasn't completely gay.  Knew he still found women attractive, even if now Colby's face also filled his fantasies and his dick; Colby's face, Colby's chest, Colby's cock... 

_Fuck, he was totally not straight._

He had already encountered some hate on the internet as they got more popular.  Gay slurs were thrown about every now and again, but they had increased  in frequency after the videos.  After the kidnapping.  Sam still remembered talking himself down from a panic attack after seeing one such tweet: 

_Fucking faggots.  They got what they deserved._

Sam groaned, rubbing his face.  There were some drawbacks to growing up in a mid-western town. People had been calling him and Colby gay since the inception of their friendship, even back in high school.   Being gay was a thing that had never been treated with anything but hate and repulsion, maybe the odd malicious amusement.  Fuck, he had tried to not notice or care about it but even now he remembered the sneers, the disgust, the fear that one day someone might just attack him and Colby for no reason.  They'd already been shoved into lockers too many times for Sam to count.  But that was just casual high school bullying right?  Not... serious.  But he had always been afraid of it being worse.  He knew that kind of thing happened, had heard about one such attack just down the street from the park he and Colby spent hours at.  A gay couple just minding their own business and someone had decided that they needed to pay for it...

Fuck, if anyone ever hurt Colby again, kept him from being able to save him...

"Dude, you okay?" Sam about jumped out of his skin.  He looked up to the source of the voice.  Colby was standing in the doorway, his smile already falling as he took in Sam's face.  "Sam?" 

"I'm fine, Colby," Sam whispered, turning away from Colby, trying to get his face under control.  He could feel the heat in his cheeks, blood thundering through his ears, when had he started shaking...? 

"Sam, love, hey..." Sam flinched again at a touch to his shoulder.  "Sam, what's going on?  Are you okay?"  Colby's voice was panicked.  

"Colby..." Sam whimpered, pulling Colby hard against his chest.  Colby yelped, not expecting the hug, but quickly reacted to the desperation in Sam's body language.  He wrapped his arms around Sam, one around his back and one up around his shoulders and into his hair.  

"Sam, what's going on?" Colby breathed into his ear.  "We're safe, love, I promise.  We're okay, I'm okay..."

"I won't let anyone hurt you..." Sam whispered through a tight throat.  

"No one's gonna hurt me," Colby reassured him, "Sam, I promise, I'm okay..." 

Sam pulled Colby's mouth against his.  Hard.  Colby responded to the distressed kiss to the best of his ability, letting Sam kiss him as hard as he needed to.  He didn't even stop him when Sam pressed him down against the bed, just needing to feel Colby's body against his, feel him here and alive and not hurt.  

Colby's double tap against his shoulder was the first thing that broke through the fog of terror that had enveloped Sam.  As it receded slightly, he lifted his head, taking in Colby's face.  "Could you... Could you let me up for a moment?" Colby's voice was tight, and Sam realized how strongly he was holding Colby down and against him. 

"Fuck, I'm sorry," Sam rolled to the side immediately.  Colby sat up immediately, and he watched as Colby flexed his fingers a few times and took deliberate breaths, clearly trying to get his anxiety under control.  "Sorry," Sam whispered again.  He knew about Colby's triggers god damn it, why had he been so careless?  

"It's okay," Colby assured him.  "You needed that more than I needed up immediately."  Sam noticed that he still didn't stop the self soothing gestures though.  "Wouldn't mind knowing what  _that_ was though."  His tone was conversational, casual, but he eyed Sam carefully. 

"I'm sorry," Sam murmured again, "I just... I started thinking about... us, and what would happen if we like,  _came out_ to our fans."

Colby stiffened, his face tightening up again.  "What about it?" He asked casually.  Almost too casually.  Like he was trying to sound like he really didn't care about the answer.  

Sam knew that tone though, and knew he really did care. 

"I was just thinking about people... reacting badly," Sam said quietly.  "People wanting to... hurt us for being together." 

Colby's face relaxed slightly, but also darkened significantly.  He released a breath through his teeth.  "You were thinking about that time from high school, huh?" 

Of course Colby would know exactly what he was talking about.  And as Sam thought about it he realized that it had probably hit Colby harder than it had him.  If Colby had started to have feelings for him before, had started to realize that that could be him... "Yeah," He admitted.  "I know, its stupid to worry about but like..."

"I don't think it's stupid," Colby cut him off, darkness flitting in his eyes.  "It's something I worry about too.  Like, people in high school were such assholes, and that was just high school.  This is LA.  Everything is... more... here."  His expression was haunted, "Especially now that people have seen... you know..." 

Sam nodded, reaching for Colby's hand, gripping it with his own.  "I know..." He acknowledged.  They fell into a sort of uncomfortable, anxious quiet for a moment.  Colby's thumb absentmindedly stroked Sam's hand, staring into space as he thought. 

"Would you ever... be comfortable coming out to the fans?" Colby asked, and the raw vulnerability in his voice drew Sam's gaze.  Sam considered for a moment, breaking eye contact to think.  "Not any time soon," Colby amended, "I don't need the internet telling me our relationship is because of trauma but... eventually?" 

Sam bit the inside of his lip.  Every fiber of his being wanted to scream  _no, no, no, no._ Because telling his friends about all of this had been part of making Colby happy and healthy.  Telling the audience, telling his  _parents_ , they would have to know too.  "I don't know..." Sam murmured honestly.  "I don't know how everyone would react, and it definitely wouldn't be now but like..." When they'd had time to heal?  Time to process?

Colby's face had fallen.  "I'm not asking about now," He said in a hushed tone, "I just... it would feel like lying to me?  And I've thought about it, and there..." His considered his words, "There would be so many kids that we could make feel... okay, you know?  Like they're not alone, like there's not something wrong with them..." And the way Colby said it Sam knew he was talking about himself. 

"Babe..." Sam murmured, leaning in and kissing Colby softly.  "I... I hadn't thought about it like that."  And he hadn't.  Colby made a good point.  If they could help younger kids, help kids like Colby...  "Helping people was the whole reason we started this thing in the first place." 

Colby nodded.  "Exactly." 

Sam nodded slowly, processing.  "Once this whole thing... calms down a little bit... I'd be okay with telling the internet."  His heart pounded as he admitted it, but it was worth it to see the relief that collapsed through Colby's body, the gentle smile that pulled at his lips.  

Because Sam knew it wasn't just about their fans.  

It was about Colby too.  Sam being willing to claim Colby in front of their fanbase.  

And he'd do just about anything for Colby.

He reached out to touch Colby's face, stroking his cheek affectionately.  Colby leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.  "I love you," He breathed.

"Love you too..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter flew out in about 6 hours after the characters completely ignored my outline and did what they wanted. I am super pleased with this chapter though, especially the dialogue with Jake. 
> 
> Anyway, here's another 6,000 words. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed!


	16. Chapter 16

Jake's video went up two days after they filmed it.  

To say it exploded would be an understatement.  

Sam and Colby had both posted the link on their own social medias, but Colby hadn't really thought about just how big the video was going to be.  

It was almost instantly the most viewed, most popular video on Jake's channel.  Sam and Colby's communities reposted the video over and over again, until the views numbered in the hundreds of thousands.  It would have surprised Sam if the view count hit the millions by the end of the weekend.  

Their communities were elated, thrilled that they were back on camera, back to making videos, even if it was just on someone else's channel.  There were a couple of comments about the "loving looks" that Sam and Colby shared, or "#solby" moments, but it was no more than the average video they posted together.  Jake had done a good job editing.  

Their fans really were going to be okay with everything that had happened. 

That in mind, they had decided to try to get back to regular posting next week.    

It was a good thing that their slow rejoining of social media was going well, because there were so many other things that definitely were not. 

Things with him and Sam were great.  Sam was the perfect partner, everything he could have asked for and fantasized about. It was his best friend and love interest all rolled into one.  

Things with him and Sam and Kat... 

That was a little more complicated.  

Week three post rescue proceeded with an uneasy truce.  Kat and Colby were both trying hard to be respectful of each other.  Kat was nothing but wonderful and understanding and genuine when they were together.  He believed that she really was doing the best she could in a rough situation.  

It was just rough on Colby’s brain, knowing that at any time, Kat was still an option.  And while mentally he knew that plenty of people made open relationships and polyamory work... He didn’t want that.  

Kat didn’t seem to be taking it as well either.  She said she didn’t blame any of it on him, and to her credit, she never made him feel like she did.  

But Colby blamed himself.  For falling for Sam again, for messing up Sam’s perfect relationship.  For hurting Kat.  

For being too weak and in love to be honest about it with Sam.  

He would not be the reason they broke up damn it.

Week four dawned on Colby trying to brainstorm video ideas while Sam got ready for a night over at Kat’s.  "Trying" because thinking was absolutely not super productive while Colby was busy stressing over the fact that Sam was going to be gone tonight.

No, not just gone... With Kat.  

“You going to be okay, babe?” Sam asked quietly, looking at him in concern from the door.  

Colby, cuddled up on the couch, nodded.  “I’ll be fine, dude,” Not _Love._   Colby was a little too hurt for that right now.  

Sam sighed.  “I’m sorry,” He murmured, his face sad.  Colby knew the apology was earnest, knew Sam didn’t want to hurt him.   

“I’ll be okay,” Colby promised, forcing a smile.  “It’ll give me some time to catch up on emails and shit.  Maybe I’ll have Jake over or something.”

Sam nodded, pressing his lips together.  “Okay,” He said finally, “But you need anything... you call me okay?  I’ll be right there.”  

Colby nodded, “Okay, bro.  I will.”  

That was a lie.  Colby had no intention of calling Sam unless the world was ending.  

He wasn’t going to interrupt their date night.  

OOO

“How’s he doing?” Katrina asked as soon as Sam arrived at her apartment. 

Sam shrugged, a worried look on his face.  She knew it well at this point.  “I’m not sure,” He said.  “I’m just... worried about him.”

Kat nodded sympathetically, even as her heart hurt in her chest.  It was always about Colby these days, even when she was alone with him.  

She shook her head, clearing the thought from her head.  It was understandable. After everything, there was no way she could blame him.  

She knew he was trying.  

Sam seemed to also try to clear his head.  “You still down for rollerblading?”  He asked.  “Cyber Night starts at 5.” 

She nodded, smiling more genuinely at the prospect of their night together.  Rollerblading and pizza at their local venue, then ice cream and a quiet night in.  “Yeah, I’m excited!” 

Sam smiled then, and her heart warmed at his expression.  That was the boy she had fallen in love with.  “Okay, let’s go!” 

OOO

Elton hated himself.  

He didn’t want to move from the ball he had pressed himself into in his chair.  Didn’t want to disturb the fragile peace that not moving in this moment gave him.  He cursed his eternal, destructive curiosity.  If he hadn’t watched the video he wouldn’t be feeling this sick.  Wouldn’t be feeling the rage that paced across his nerve endings, not like someone on edge, but pacing like a caged predator who wanted nothing more than blood.  

_What sort of fucked up person would have...?_

Elton had watched the whole thing in a sort of horrified trance.  Maybe he had been desensitized from watching the previous video, maybe he had just completely dissociated watching the footage.  He just knew that he watched... and he remembered...

Elton shuddered, the first movement that had come from him in over an hour, feeling his stomach roil as his body registered it’s own presence for the first time since he had clicked play.  Disgust rumbled from his gut up into his throat.  Disgust and rage and fury at the people who had taken his brothers but also... at himself.  

Not just for watching the videos, because he knew Sam and Colby forgave him, but mostly... for the conflicting fact that he wished he had bought access to them earlier.  

Because maybe if he had called sooner he could have avoided having to watch Colby be treated like a sex toy.  

Could have avoided the whole event in the first place. 

He had no idea when the scene had been filmed, how early or how late, but judging from how fresh the bruises on Sam’s wrists had been... 

He might have been _just_  too late.  If he had just made the decision earlier and not fucked around and waited then Sam and Colby... 

Fuck, they’d still be fucked up but not _this_  fucked up...

Elton reached over to his forgotten beer, taking a drag of the now lukewarm liquid.  

Unlike the first two videos, at no point did Sam or Colby look at the camera.  And that told Elton that they probably didn’t know that the video existed.  And that killed Elton, because if this video were to ever be released... 

That was the threat sitting in his email today.  The reminder that he had access to the footage.  That there was nothing that he could do to prevent them from posting it in the same way they had posted everything else.  

They had to make up the money Elton had lost them somehow...

”Fuck...” Elton whispered, tears clogging his throat.  

What the fuck was he supposed to tell his brothers? 

OOO

”Alright, I can’t do it anymore.” Colby sat up, groaning, looking at the clock.  Fucking 9:30pm.  Too early to go to bed, too late to do much else.  He had spent the last few hours mindlessly surfing the internet, watching Netflix, anything to get him out of his head.  

It was fine that Sam was with Kat, his fucking girlfriend.  

He wouldn’t make Sam choose.

”Fuck it, I’m going grocery shopping,” Colby announced to the empty apartment.  “The fucking Walmart is open and I need ice cream.”  He didn’t even know why he was announcing it.  Not like anyone was there to hear him.

He needed to get out of the apartment, even if the only thing he got was snack food.  

The drive over was uneventful, thankfully.  The streets were clogged but what else was new? Even at almost 10pm people apparently always had somewhere to be.  Colby grimaced as he turned into the parking lot, still for some reason having to park about halfway back.  

Stupid Walmart.  

He groaned, shoveling himself out of the drivers seat and walking inside.  

It wasn’t too busy, just steady.  People were milling about, minding their own business, wrapped up in whatever drama was going on in their lives.  Colby smiled faintly, walking slowly through the store.  It was reassuring, in a way, to be here.  Here he wasn’t anyone significant to most of these people.  Just some random kid at a Walmart, another transient person in a 24 hour Walmart in LA at 10 o' clock at night.

He pushed his hands into his pockets, meandering up to the food section.  He grinned then, remembering the various antics he and Sam had gotten up to over the years at their Walmart back in Kansas.  It really was a miracle they hadn’t gotten arrested back then.  

His thoughts clicked jarringly back to Sam.  What was he doing right now? He knew they had been planning to go out roller skating.  Then go back to Kat’s place for the night.  Where they could cuddle, and laugh together, and maybe have sex...

”Fuck.” He shook himself.  “Chips... I need chips.”

OOO

Kat was laughing.  Full on laughing.  Like a real, full belly laugh like she hadn’t had in days.  Maybe weeks.  

The movie wasn’t even that funny, but then Sam had made some comment about how the guy looked like a fish and Kat had yelled, “Oh my God, he does!” And burst into laughter.  Sam had seemed to start laughing at the fact that she was laughing, and the cycle just perpetuated itself until they were both red faced and teary eyed from the force of their laughter.  

“Okay, okay, oh my God, I think we just missed like five minutes of the movie,” Sam was still giggling as glanced at the screen.  

“There’s nothing to miss,” Kat rolled her eyes through her grin.  “He’s going to decide that his dog is more important to him than the football game.  It’s his dog!”

Yes, they were watching a dog movie.

”Man, as long as the dog doesn’t die,” Sam commented, leaning back and wrapping an arm around Kat.  “I will turn this TV off if Oscar dies.”  

“It’s a kids movie, they won’t kill the dog,” Kat argued.  She settled back into Sam’s arms, her eyes pulled more to her boyfriend than the movie.  She traced her fingers over Sam’s chest, outlining the muscles she could feel under his thin, cotton shirt.  When her fingers traced up to her collarbone, Sam glanced over at her playfully.  

“Whatcha doin’?” There was a teasing note in his grin.  

She didn’t answer, dancing her fingers down his abdomen instead.  His abs tightened as her fingers moved lower.  She glanced up at him through her lashes.  His eyes had darkened, and his arm around her shoulder had tightened.  She grinned, leaning over to kiss him.  She made sure to purposefully align her hips so that they pressed into his own.  He groaned against her lips, pulling her in to kiss her harder.  

OOO

Colby was staring at a wall of chips when he first spotted the man.  

It should have been innocuous enough.  Another transient in a Walmart on a weeknight.  Colby barely paid him any mind, trying to decide if he wanted chips or he was just going to grab pretzels and say the hell with it.  

That was when he caught a momentary glance at the man’s eyes and froze. 

He knew those eyes. 

They had been stamped into his mind when he stared up at them through his tears as he struggled to stay conscious while his breath was stolen from him again and again...  

_The Hooded Man._

“Hey there,” Came a low voice, terrifyingly familiar.

_'So pretty...'_

Colby froze.  Everything in him demanded that he scream, that he immediately cry out and attract attention to himself, run away, do something other than just stand here and wait as Hooded Man approached him.  

He seemed to have realized that Colby had recognized him.  Unexpected pleasure lit up his face.  “You recognize me I see.  Long time, no see...” His voice was cloying and condescending, like he was talking to a child.   

Colby’s throat seemed to have closed up, his pulse flying, breathing caught in his chest, short, gasping breaths all that he seemed to be able to manage.  He needed to do something, bring some sort of attention to himself.  

But everything was frozen.  His body didn’t listen.  The terror held his body as immobile as the restraints had.  

The Hooded Man got up into his space, reaching out and brushing the back of his hand against Colby’s face.  Colby shuddered, closing his eyes with repulsion.  “We’ve missed you,” He still heard the man say quietly, almost sweetly.  “We’d love to have you and Sam back with us.”  

 _Sam._   That was the first thing that really broke through Colby’s paralysis.  They couldn’t have Sam.  Not again.  He shook his head in a short, jerky motion.  “No...” It was barely audible, but it was there. 

Hooded Man sighed dramatically, looking disappointed.  “I thought we had so much fun.  You know, that moment we shared really meant something to me.  I’d love to do that again.”

Nausea roiled in his gut.  ”Get away from me,” Colby whispered, forcing the words from his mouth.

Hooded Man frowned, “Aww, Baby...” And his tone had changed; harder, less babying.  

”Get away from me,” Colby repeated, slightly louder, finally able to make his legs work and taking a few steps back.  “Go away.”

Hooded Man matched his steps.  “Come back with me, Colby,” And his tone was firm and irritated.  His hands swiped for Colby but Colby dodged, his adrenaline kicking into the ‘flight’ mode and he needed to get the fuck away right now.

“Just leave me alone!”

That was his voice, finally loud enough to attract attention.  He saw Hooded Man register that, and stop following him.  Colby wasn’t sure why until a deep southern female voice came from behind him.  “Are you okay, honey?”

Colby jumped, turning around to see a middle aged woman looking at him in concern.  He turned back around quickly to see if Hooded Man was still following but the man had turned around and was rapidly walking away.  

And then it all hit him at once.  “Oh fuck, oh God...” A gasp ripped its way out of his chest and he felt his eyes start to prickle with the telltale signs of tears.  “Oh God, fuck, fuck fuck...” The Hooded Man disappeared from sight and with it went the brief amount of courage that he had summoned to get through that situation.  

The woman reached for him when he stumbled slightly as the shock started to set in and he flinched _hard._  She stopped in her advance, a sudden look of sadness and understanding opened up on her face.  “Do you want to go sit down, honey?” 

“Uh...” Coherent thoughts were hard.  Colby’s legs trembled, feeling like he might at any moment fall down.  “I’m gonna...” He really fell more than he sat down, but he could keep telling himself that he had put himself on the ground and not gravity.  The woman followed him down, still staying out of arms reach.  

“You’re okay, honey, you okay...”

Colby pressed his hands against his face, struggling to keep the panic attack from overtaking him.  He was in Walmart, he couldn’t afford to have a fucking panic attack in public.  “I’m fine,” He insisted, a whispered half sob the only sound that seemed able to come out of his mouth.  

She didn’t believe him, but seemed glad that he was, at least, talking.   “Is there someone you could call?” She asked quietly. “Your parents?  Your girlfriend?” 

 _Sam..._  fuck, he hated to do it.  He had promised himself that he would let Sam and Kat have tonight.  But his terrified and traumatized mind needed Sam.  “Fuck... uh...” He pulled his phone out, fingers able to call Sam almost on autopilot.  

He held the phone up to his ears, listening to it ring. 

OOO

“ _God,_  Kat, I’m so sorry...”

“It’s okay, Sam, you’re okay...”

”I just... I just saw his face and...”

”You’re okay, baby, I promise.” Kat rubbed Sam’s back comfortingly, holding his trembling hands with her own.   _Sam has a panic attack and the first thing he does is apologize to_ me _!_ Kat sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder.  Any of the _mood_  she might have been in earlier had been lost when Sam had withdrawn his fingers from her, face collapsing in sudden shock and horror.  He had drawn back from her naked body, staring through her at something she couldn’t see before pressing his face into his hands, shaking violently.

Kat knew that body language by now. 

Something had triggered Sam.  Something having to do with Colby.  

It seemed more and more that Colby was being brought into their relationship, and not in the threesome way that Kat had used to joke about.  Not that she would ever ask for that now.  Sam was... different around her now. She saw how hard he was trying not to let what had happened to him and Colby affect their relationship (although how could it do anything but?) but the changes were there, clear, at least, to Kat.  

 _God, it had been... what_? Kat thought to herself, almost a two weeks since they had tried to have sex?  And it wasn’t like she wasn’t trying.  Where before she would argue that Sam was the partner who initiated sex more often, these days it was her, longing not just for the physical gratification but more, for the intimacy that had come with it.  Used to come with it.  What she got instead was a minefield of triggers that she was just now starting to unearth.  

Apparently fingering was going to be one of them.  

Which she didn’t inherently have a problem with!  She had expected that Sam would have triggers from what he had been made to do.  But she had thought that... God, it sounded bad, but that he might work with her more to overcome them.  As it was... she felt like he didn’t want it as much as she did.   

And that would be fine!  If he wasn’t ready to try to address any sexual stuff until he had healed more she would understand it and control herself.  But... she knew he and Colby were physical.  The hickies that she kept finding were proof enough of that.

She felt awful.  She couldn’t exactly get angry at him but...

It was just a lot to process.    

The trembling in Sam’s hands had eased up, and he finally looked up at Kat with clear eyes.  “I’m sorry,” He whispered again.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Kat murmured again, sitting up and looking at him. His eyes were sad, red-rimmed, exhausted, an he met her eyes glumly.  “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked gently.  

He shook his head slowly, looking away again.  

Kat released a breath, leaning her head into his shoulder again.  “So... no fingering?” She asked quietly.  

Sam flinched, looking down at her again.  “I... we can try again,” He said quietly, and Kat’s chest hurt because she could feel how much he didn’t want to try again, and while she could understand that it wasn’t about her, it was about doing something that had triggered him again... it still hurt.  

”Maybe another time,” Kat said sadly, “I’m kinda not in the mood anymore.”  

Sam from before would have called her on being sad, on not being fully honest in her response.  But this Sam nodded, wrapping and arm around her shoulder and letting it go.  "Do you want to finish the movie?"  

Kat nodded.  "Sure."  As Sam restarted the movie, Kat closed her eyes, trying to accept the comfort where she could and just... let it go.

Through it all, neither of them noticed the phone ringing on the ground where it had been kicked off with the blankets...  

OOO 

“He isn’t picking up...” Colby breathed, hurt radiating out of his chest.  He wanted to be shocked, and he honestly kind of was.  But then...

_He’s on a date with Kat, what do you think they’re doing this late at night? Not looking at their phones..._

But Sam had said that he would be there for him, if he needed _anything_... 

His new friend cut through his thoughts.  “Anyone else who might help?” The woman was doing an amazing job of keeping him calm, despite the situation.  Her name was Martha.  She had told him while he was waiting for Sam to pick up.   

“Uh...” Colby wracked his brain, but it was hard to grasp at his thoughts as they raced through his mind in a frenzy.  Who else else would he call right now?   _Hey, the guy who raped me showed up at Walmart and I’m having a panic attack and I need help..._

Elton.  The thought entered his head with certainty.  He could call Elton.  

His hands were trembling where he held the phone.  He wouldn't be able to handle it if someone else didn't pick up. 

Thankfully, Elton picked up on the second ring.  “Hey.”

”Hey man...”

There must have been something in his voice, Colby didn’t even finish his sentence before Elton was asking, “What happened?” 

Colby could have laughed if his head wasn’t so fucked up right now.  “I went to Walmart and...” He would tell Elton about the Hooded Man later.  Martha didn’t need to know that detail, “Shit happened and I’m kinda having a panic attack...”

Elton swore loudly.  He heard hurried movement on the other side of the phone.  “Which Walmart are you at, I’m coming.”

”What, Elton, you don’t have come...”

Elton was having none of it, “Which Walmart are you at, Colby?  I’m coming.”  He repeated.  Colby didn’t feel like fighting Elton, quietly listing off the street name.   “Okay, cool, be there in like fifteen.”

After securing a few more details about Colby’s location in the Walmart Elton hung up, but not before he heard the door to Elton’s car open and close.  

He lowered his phone, staring at the call ended screen until it blacked out.  

_Fuck, why hadn’t Sam picked up?_

Martha was looking at him pensively, worry sprawled across her face.  “Do we need to call the police, honey?” She asked quietly.  

Colby’s eyes widened, looking at her in surprise.  “Uh... I don’t... why?”

Martha looked away from him for a moment, before meeting his eyes again.  “I work in social work, dear, I can tell when someone’s interacting with someone they shouldn’t be.”  

Colby shook his head, heart juddering in his chest that she was able to tell that just from watching them interact.  “He’s probably gone by now.”  

She pulled out her cell phone, manicured nails clicking on the screen.  “Still worth reporting, dear.”  She spoke as he held the phone to her ear, “Do you have a restraining order against him?” 

“No, I mean...” Colby looked down.  He twisted his thumb ring anxiously.  “I don’t even know his name.”

”But he hurt you?” Martha’s tone suggested she was asking, her expression told him she knew.  

“You could say that...” 

Colby was mostly down from his panic attack when Elton sprinted up.  “Hey, you okay?”  Elton was sweating, panting, looking like he had not intended to leave his house for the rest of the night.  Colby felt bad for calling Elton and dragging him out of bed.  But in the moment,  he just shrugged, not really having a better way to express what was going on in his head.  

Elton grimaced, looking over at Martha, still on the phone but glancing over at Colby frequently.  Colby knew she was still on the phone with the police.  “That’s Martha,” Colby offered quietly, “She’s kinda been taking care of me.”  He saw Elton take that information in, before sitting down next to Colby on the cold, Walmart tile.  

“What happened?”  Colby had known it was coming.  He grit his teeth, staring at the space between his knees.  He could say this, he could tell Elton what happened. 

Elton already knew the hard stuff.   

“The guy who... who _fucked me_ was here...” Colby whispered, hearing Elton’s sharp inhale of breath, saw his body tighten in anger. “He found me here and talked to me... told me he wanted me back...” 

“Fuck...” Elton breathed.  “Shit, Colby...”  

“I told him to get away from me...” Colby offered quietly, feeling stupid as he told Elton what had happened, “I should have yelled and ran, Elton, but I froze.  I froze and I couldn’t move, and if Martha hadn’t seen us and said something...”

”I said something because I heard you telling him to get away,” Martha was finally off the phone, wandering back over to the two of them.  She smiled at them, “Sorry, I don’t mean to eavesdrop but honey if you hadn’t spoke up, well... I probably still would’ve said something but someone else might not’ve.”  She met his eyes.  “You did great.”

Colby’s eyes were wide, not having expected the words of praise.  “Uh... thank you...” he murmured, a little taken aback.  

Martha kept talking, “Well, I told the police what I could.  They wanted to talk to you but I didn’t think you were in the mindset for it.”  Colby shook his head mutely, “Thought so.  They seemed to know who I was talking about pretty quick though.  You got a bit of a history, I take it.”  

Elton snorted, “Like you wouldn’t believe.”  He extended his hand to Martha, “Thank you for keeping an eye on him.” 

She nodded, shrugging and shaking Elton's hand.  “He needed help.  I helped.  Although he pretty near did it by himself.”  Colby cringed, but he didn’t say anything.  He disagreed.  He didn’t want to know what might have happened if Martha hadn’t been there.  If the Hooded Man had touched him any more than he already had...

”You two take care,” Martha smiled at them.  “Hope the rest of your night goes better than this.”

Colby groaned, “Fuck, me too.”  

Martha headed out, picking up her discarded shopping cart at the end of the aisle.  Elton cast a glance at Colby when she was gone.  “Nice lady.”

Colby nodded, “Yeah, thank God she was here.  I really don’t know what would have happened if she wasn’t.”  

Elton nodded in response.  He paused for a moment, before asking about the elephant in the room. “Where’s Sam?” 

Colby bit the inside of his lip, looking away from Elton.  “He’s on a date with Kat.” 

He caught the change in Elton’s demeanor at the statement.  “But you called him right?” Elton asked, before sighing.  “Dammit, Colby, tell me you at least called him.”

”I did!” Colby shot back defensively.  “He just... he didn’t pick up.”  And therein was the real problem.  

Elton groaned, “Of course he didn’t.”

Colby immediately felt defensive of Sam.  “It’s not his fault, he was probably busy.”

Elton exhaled a breath through his teeth.  “But he knew you probably wouldn’t call him without an emergency, because I know you wouldn’t have...”

”Just let it go, Elton,” Colby said tiredly.  He was exhausted and he still had to get home.  

“Okay, fine, fine,” Elton agreed, but Colby knew he still wasn’t convinced.  

“Okay, you wanna come over to mine or am I going to yours?” 

“I don’t need a babysitter, Elton.”  

“There is no way in hell I’m letting you go home alone...”  

OOO

Sam stretched and groaned, finally deciding that there was no way he was going to get to sleep with the state his bladder was in. He crawled out of the cocoon of warmth that the blankets and his girlfriend created, feeling like he hadn’t moved in hours.

_Fuck, what time is it?_

He cast his eyes around the foot of the bed, vaguely recalling Kat kicking his phone off the edge while they were fooling around.  Before he had panicked. 

He still felt super awful about that.  Kat was hurt, he knew that.   He had seen the look on her face as she drew away from him, as she accepted that he wasn't in the mental headspace to continue pushing after a trigger.  And it sucked.  Because it had been such a good night... almost like before it had all happened... 

And then he got triggered.  And fucked it up. 

There it was!  Sam's hand landed triumphantly on his phone, pulling it from the ground.  The screen lit up and his heart sank. 

12:36am

One missed call from Colby Brock from two hours ago.    

"Fuck," He hissed, moving quickly out of his room. 

"You okay, Sam?" Kat's voice came from the bed.  She had been sleeping, but now her voice was fully aware and concerned. 

"Colby called me," Sam was already dialing Colby's number.  "Fuck, I missed it."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know!" 

It was only a few rings, but it felt like he was pacing in the living room forever before he heard the call be picked up.  "Colby?" He asked instantly. 

"Nah, it's Elton," Came the voice from the other side.  "Colby finally passed out and I didn't want to wake him." 

"Is he okay?"  Why the fuck was Elton with Colby?  Maybe they had a bro's night, he tried to tell himself,  maybe it was nothing.

"So apparently the guy who raped him showed up at Walmart while he was there today," Elton said lightly, way too lightly for the news he was delivering.  "He had a panic attack and you didn't pick up.  So he called me." There was a mild note of disapproval in his voice.

Sam's whole body tensed, his heart jolting in his chest.  It felt like he had been punched in the gut.  "What the fuck?  Elton, what..."  He had to sit down.  Fucking Hooded Man had shown up where Colby was?  At a fucking Walmart? 

"He's okay now, it just kinda fucked him up a little bit.  I'm over at his place," Sam could almost imagine Elton casting a look at Colby. 

"Fuck..." Sam swore, pressing his face into his hands.  "I can come over."

"Nah, Let 'im sleep," Elton said quietly.  "He's been pretty messed up since it happened.  Especially when you didn't pick up."

A knife dug into Sam's chest and he cringed.  "I'm sorry," he murmured, not sure why he was apologizing to Elton.  "I should have picked up.  I should have..." His throat thickened, eyes burning.  

Elton was quiet for a long moment.  Sam had started to wonder if he had hung up before Elton spoke again, "You gotta get this thing with Kat sorted, dude.  He won't tell you, but it's killing him." 

Sam groaned, the pain in his gut clawing it's way up his gut.  "I know it is..." He pulled his knees to his chest.  "It's not easy for me either." 

"I know..." Elton trailed off.  "I just... I worry.  You guys have enough going on.  Especially now that your captors are getting more bold."  There was an interesting tone in his voice, and Sam might have questioned him about it if he hadn't been so focused on not crying.  "Just... Please be careful, with him and... just be careful," Elton finished.  "Goodnight, dude."

"Goodnight, Elton."  

Sam hung up the phone, letting it fall to the ground from his hand.  

"You okay?" Kat's voice was soft.  "Is Colby okay?" 

"He's safe," Sam responded, feeling her drop down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.  "I guess one of the guy who... took us showed up while he was at Walmart earlier."  Kat's horrified gasp matched his own reaction pretty well.  

"Holy shit," She breathed, "Did they call the police?" 

Sam frowned.  He hadn't thought to ask Elton that and now he didn't want to ask.  "I don't know," He answered helplessly.  

Kat's expression was sympathetic, "When did he call you?" She asked.

Sam shrugged, opening his phone and looking at the call history.  "10:24," He answered.

Kat touched his face, steering him to look at her, "Sam, you couldn't have answered the phone then.  That's when... when you got triggered."  Her tone was apologetic.  "It's not your fault."

"I should have... I should have been there, or something... put my phone on loud, fuck, Kat," Sam said desperately, hearing her argument but not wanting to let himself off.  

"Sam, you couldn't hear me and I was in front of you and touching you..." Kat argued gently.  "Please don't blame yourself."  Sam shook his head, still feeling awful for having left Colby to face that alone.

All because he had wanted a night with Kat...

Kat sighed heavily, before learning in and kissing him.  "It's not your fault," She breathed.  Sitting back, she asked, "Do you need to go?" 

Sam caught the hurt in her voice, and how much she very much wanted him to stay, but knowing that she would let him go to Colby if they both needed it.  But he shook his head, "No... Elton told me he was sleeping." 

Kat nodded, "Okay," She murmured.  She stood up, extending her hand down to him.  "Bed time?" She asked solemnly. 

Sam sighed, and nodded.  "Yeah, bedtime."  He accepted her hand and followed her back to bed.    

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lot's of POV hops in this chapter. I hope it's not too confusing! 
> 
> I had a really rough time with this chapter. Rewrote it about three times before I found a progression of events I was happy with. Long story short, these guys are not following the original outline I had for them. But, I'd rather post something I'm happy with late than something I'm not happy with that screws up my continuity later on time I guess. 
> 
> Forgot how heavy writing this story was until I wrote "Three's Company" Sunday. But, it did break the writer's block, so that's exciting. That's some lighthearted kinky smut with Corey/Devyn/Colby if y'all are interested. 
> 
> Alrighty, on that note, hope y'all enjoyed. Hopefully Chapter 17 is a little bit less of a pain. 
> 
> Cheers!


	17. Chapter 17

“Please don’t, please, please...”

”You’re okay, Colby, it’s okay, it’s Elton...”

Elton had forgotten how heartbreaking it was to see Colby like this.  At almost a month post rescue Colby had been doing so well, grinning and laughing and back to mostly his normal self.  At least, around Elton.  He had forgotten how awful it was to watch the panic and trauma consume his little brother, watch the horrors that had happened to him come back to haunt him.  

Colby woke up begging and crying twice that night.  Elton knew why, naturally.  He had seen what the guy had done to Colby.  Had watched in muted horror and revulsion.  Not that he was going to tell Colby that right at this moment.  For Colby to have run into him again... Elton knew the panic was only natural.  

It still didn’t hurt him any less to see the aftermath of.  Or to watch Colby’s eyes desperately scan the room for someone- _for Sam_ \- and watch his whole body sag as he remembered.

Sam wasn’t here.  Sam was with Kat.  Elton had told him to let Colby sleep, and to not come back.  But as he sat on the end of the bed and tried to calm a panicking Colby for the second time - _he couldn't touch Colby, touch made it worse_ - he started to wonder if that had been the wrong call.  

Colby was still trembling, but he seemed to at least be back in the present.  “I’m sorry, Elton,” Colby whispered through a throat still tight from sobs.  “You can, you can go, and like, get some actual sleep.  You don’t have to stay with me.”  

“I know,” Elton nodded, "Can I touch you?"  Colby nodded faintly, and Elton reached out, watching for Colby’s reaction as he rested a hand on the guy’s shoulder.  He just looked so small, his whole body trying to curl in on itself to get away from his attacker, maybe disappear altogether... Colby just sighed, relaxing into the contact, and Elton’s chest released just a little bit of tension.  “I would feel bad to leave you alone tonight.”

”I’m fine.”

”Bullshit.”

Colby groaned, grabbing a pillow and pushing it into his face.  “I hate them so much,” He whispered. 

“Me too, dude, me too...” 

“I wish Sam were here...”

It was almost unintelligible through the pillow, but Elton made it out just fine.  He sighed, squeezing Colby’s shoulder.  “We can call him back,” Elton offered.  

Elton saw the hair behind the pillow move as Colby shook his head.  “No...” He moved the pillow to look at Elton, bloodshot eyes peeking out over the folds of the pillow.  “I don’t want to bother him.  He should...” His gaze fell to the twisted blankets in front of him, “He should have one night where he doesn’t have to worry about me...”

”Colby...” Elton breathed, “Dude, I’m sure it’s not like that.  Sam loves you.”  Of that Elton was certain.  He just wasn’t sure where Colby fell next to Kat.  “I told him that you were sleeping.  He was going to come back.” 

Colby let out a heavy breath.  “I guess...” He murmured.  

Elton tugged on Colby’s shoulder lightly, guiding Colby to lean against his side.  Colby resisted at first, and Elton let up on the pressure.  After a moment though, Colby seemed to reconsider, resting his temple against Elton’s shoulder.  Elton wrapped an arm around Colby’s shoulders, thankfully not feeling a flinch from the younger guy.  

Elton was worried.  Elton hadn't pressed Colby for any information when they got home.  Didn't exactly feel like the right time.  It had been a moment since he had heard updates on Sam and Colby's relationship, and Elton was an older brother prone to worry.  Judging by the friction today, things could be better.   

“Are you two doing okay?” Elton asked quietly, looking down at Colby. “Like, with Kat?”

Colby shrugged.  “It’s uh...” His face darkened.  “It’s not great...”

Elton nodded.  He had known that.  He let the silence sit for a moment, before he ask the real question that had been bugging him, "What are you going to do if he never breaks up with Kat?" 

Colby shuddered hard, pressing his face back into the pillow.  "I don't know," He whispered.  "I haven't... I haven't been letting myself think about it.  I... I have to believe..." He shook again, and Elton squeezed him harder.  "I didn't really think this far out when... when I agreed to try this.  I don't... know what I was thinking really..." His eyes peaked out over the top of the pillow again.  "I guess I didn't think that this would go on for so long."    

Elton sighed.  That sounded just like Sam and Colby.  He kept forgetting how much younger they were than him, both so much more prone to react to their emotions as they felt them than to look at the long term.  And then there was the small matter of the trauma they had been through together.  Elton was still not entirely convinced that Sam loved Colby in the same way he knew Colby loved Sam.  He glanced at Colby, who was looking in the general direction of the door, as if Sam would appear at that very moment to prove them both wrong and profess his undying love for Colby.  But of course, the door remained closed, the apartment quiet.  

Elton hesitated before asking the question that made his chest hurt.  "How long are you going to let him keep this up?  I mean, dude, I know some people make non-monogamy work for them but like... that's never who you've been." Colby nodded slowly, and the painful acceptance made sadness sink into every bone in Elton's body.  Colby deserved so much more than someone who couldn't commit to him.   

"I don't know..." Colby murmured.  "I just... I won't make him choose."  He squeezed the pillow tighter.  "I want him to choose me because he wants to.  Not because I need him to." 

Elton nodded, his mouth twisting with the words he wanted to tell Colby.

_You deserve better._

"Okay, Colby," He said instead, and let the subject drop. 

OOO   

Sam stood outside the door to Colby’s apartment with a trepidation he hadn't felt before.  Colby was in there.  His best friend, his boyfriend, his... everything really... was in there, hurting and panicked because... 

 _Because_ I  _needed to spend time with Kat...  because i felt li_ _ke I needed to..._

And Colby had been alone when he ran into the Hooded Man.  And Colby had had a panic attack and he hadn’t been there to help him calm down.  He knew Colby’s trauma too well now.  There was no way Colby had slept well last night.  He knew that with certainty.  Neither had Sam, but at least he had Kat at his side to help him come back.  Had Elton stayed the night?  He hoped he had... God, he should have just gone to Colby last night...

But the way Kat had looked at him... 

He couldn’t have left her in good conscience.  He couldn’t... 

Long after Kat had fallen back to sleep Sam had laid there, worrying about his boyfriend.  When he did sleep, it was fitful and nightmare filled, Sam reliving having to watch Colby be held down and tortured, watched the blood, sweat, and other fluids drip from his best friend as his empty eyes stared into Sam’s soul... 

Breakfast was strained and quiet, Sam sipping at his coffee emptily, staring into space and wondering how long he needed to stay before he could get home and check on Colby.  He thought Kat might have picked up on his mood, as she was uncharacteristically quiet.  When she finally sat down at the table next to him she murmured, “I won’t blame you if you want to go.”

Sam shook his head.  “I don’t want to just run out on you.”

Kat huffed a short laugh.  “And I don’t want you to stay because you feel like you have to,” She looked at him, unable to full mask the sadness in her eyes, “If you want to go check on Colby... I’ll understand.”  

Sam stared into his coffee, his chest tight with suppressed anxiety.  “I don’t... I just feel bad,” He whispered, “Last night, today... was supposed to be about you...” 

Kat smiled wryly.  “I don’t want you to stay with me if you don’t really want to.”  She said softly, and Sam knew she wasn’t just talking about today.  

Sam tensed, his heart seizing just a little bit.  "It's... it's more complicated than that," Sam whispered, hands tight on his coffee mug.  

"I know," Kat murmured, and Sam could hear the tears in his eyes.  "I just... I want you to be happy." 

Sam nodded, choosing to take a sip of his coffee instead of replying.  

The rest of the morning passed in awkward silence, and Sam felt very much like he was running away as he hurried out the door.  There was no way he drove the speed limit back to his and Colby's apartment building, but luckily no one seemed much bothered on that Sunday morning.  He made it up to Colby's front door just fine, but found himself pausing when it came to actually knocking.  

He had to apologize, he had to... 

Fuck, he had to make it up to Colby somehow.  Had to do something to reaffirm to Colby that he wanted him, needed him, that he would never, could never be replaced with Kat, that he would do anything for Colby.

Anything...

He sighed, looking at the door handle for a long time before raising his hand to knock.

OOO

Colby jumped at the knock on the door.  He looked away from his phone, eyes turning to the front door.  

_Sam?_

He hoped it was Sam.  He wasn’t sure he was in the headspace to talk to anyone else right now.  He _needed_  to talked to Sam.  

Elton had left as soon as he was sure Colby was awake and aware of the world in the morning.  

_“You gonna be okay, dude?”_

_”I’ll be fine, Elton,” Colby insisted quietly, “Promise.”_

_“Okay...” Elton murmured, resting his hand on Colby’s shoulder again.  “You’re going to talk to Sam today, right?”_

_Colby looked away, his heart beating in his chest as though it were afraid of being crushed.  “I’m gonna try.”_

_”Just...” Elton sighed.  “Just remember that you deserve to be happy Colby, okay?”_

“ _He does...” Colby’s words cut off at a warning look from Elton. “Okay, I know what you mean.”_

_”Okay...” Elton dipped his head.  He released Colby’s shoulder and moved towards the door.  “Good luck.  Call me if you need me.  Seriously.”_

_”I will,” Colby said, “Promise.”_

Colby took a deep breath.  “Okay, okay, it’s just Sam.  It’ll be fine.”  He dropped his phone to the couch, pushing himself off the cushions to go answer the door.  

He peaked through the peep hole, and his heart melted just a little bit at how lost and concerned Sam looked.  Part of him wanted to just pull Sam into his arms and wipe that look off his face.  The more logical part of his brain (that sounded shockingly like Elton) reminded him that he needed to talk to Sam and tell him what was going on in his mind.  Because he was still fucked up from yesterday, _fucked from this whole month..._

“Colby?”

That was Sam’s voice.  Colby shook himself, just then realizing how long he had been just standing there on the other side of the door.  

This was Sam.  

He loved Sam.

He opened the door.  

Sam’s eyes flew to his the moment the door opened.  “Colby, I... I’m so sorry...” He breathed, and he practically collapsed into Colby’s arms.  Colby gripped him back, tightly, feeling the trembling that wracked Sam’s whole body.  “I should have fucking been there, I should have looked at my phone, I shouldn’t have left you alone...”

”God, Sam,” Colby pulled Sam into the apartment, closing the door behind them, locking it.  “Dude, I’m okay.” 

“No, you’re not,” Sam called him almost instantly on his bullshit.  

Colby shrugged, “Okay, I mean, I’m not amazing, but it’s not your fault Sam.  You had a date.  You were with Kat.”

Sam groaned like he was in pain.  “Yeah, but like, I told you I would be there for you.  No matter what.”

”Sam, I don’t... I don’t blame you for _that_.”  And he really didn’t.  Not really for not being there.  That was just a symptom of the real problem.  

He caught Sam’s face in his hands and kissed Sam gently.  Sam was warm and pliant against him, letting Colby kiss him rather than ask for more.  Fuck, he loved Sam.  Loved him so much.  Elton’s question came back to him:

_"What are you going to do if he never breaks up with Kat?"_

He still didn’t know the answer to that question.  He couldn’t imagine breaking things off with Sam, he couldn’t... not right now.  Maybe if this kept going...

But for how long then?  How long could he continue to be this secondary partner?  Where was the limit? 

Sam pulled away first, eyes red with suppressed tears.  “I’m sorry, Colby...”

”I don’t blame you for not being there yesterday,” Colby repeated gently, lifting a finger to wipe a stray tear from Sam’s eye.  Sam’s eyes closed, nestling into the contact, staring up at Colby with lost puppy eyes.  “God, come here.”  Colby managed to corral Sam to the couch so that his boyfriend could snuggle into his side like he had clearly wanted. “Love...”

Sam let Colby hold him for a moment, as Colby felt the shaking ease up, watched the tears dry.  Sam’s blond hair was all askew, and Colby smiled softly as he combed his fingers through it.  “You’re okay, love...”

Sam sniffled, nodding.  “What time did Elton leave?” He asked, changing the topic slightly.

Colby glanced at the clock in the kitchen.  “Uh... about an hour ago.”  

“I’m glad he was there for you,” Sam said sadly.  “I just wish...”

”Sam, love, that’s not...” _the problem..._  “It happened, it’s over with.”  God, Colby was such a wuss.  He couldn’t even fucking bring it up.  “How was your date?” 

Sam smiled faintly then, and Colby tried to not examine too hard how that made him feel.   “It was... it was nice,” He said quietly.  “We had fun.”

Why the fuck was he asking? He didn’t really want to know how well their date went.  He didn’t want to know about any of it. He just wanted Sam to be his, his and his alone, not the have to always share with Kat.  

“Colby?” Colby was jolted out of his through by Sam’s voice.  “Bro, you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Colby said firmly, but it came out so much more defensive than he had wanted.  

Sam knew him too well.  “Because of Kat?” He asked.

“It’s fine,” Colby shook his head, going to stand but Sam’s hand landed on his shoulder and pulled him back down.  Irritation burst in his chest and he turned to glare at Sam.  “Dude, it’s fine.”

“ _Dude_ ,” Sam repeated back at him, “Give me some credit.”  

“I can’t...” Colby cut himself off before what he really wanted to say burst out of his mouth.   _I can’t keep doing this.  I need to know that you’re mine.  I can’t have Kat always being there, always being an alternative, always having the chance that you’ll just get better and dump me..._  But that wouldn’t be fair to Sam.  Because Colby knew that if he said those things then Sam would break things off with Kat to make Colby feel better.  Kat’s words from the other night came back to him...

_“If I make him choose he’ll choose you every time...”_

And Sam was staring into his eyes, and Colby needed to know that this was Sam’s free, unpressured choice, because why in the world would Sam ever freely choose to give up Kat, who was beautiful and wonderful and perfect for him, for someone broken, damaged,  _Colby_...

“I won’t make you choose,” He snapped, breaking his gaze from Sam’s.  Anger was rising in his throat, because anger was easier than the sobs that wanted to rip out.  But if Sam kept this up he was going to lose control of that decision.  He needed to go.  Colby broke Sam’s grip and almost ran to his room.  Their room?  It had been just his, but now that they had been fucking living together the terminology had changed a little.   _Fuck, what the fuck was he doing?_

”Colby!” Sam called, and there was frustration in Sam’s voice.  “Goddangit Colby, don’t run away from me.”  Colby was through the door and turning to close it when Sam pushed his way through, getting in Colby’s face.  “Bro!”

“Sam, I can’t...” Colby said desperately, still trying to back away from Sam, still trying to escape.  “I need to...” He choked off each of the sentences before they could escape, because he wanted Sam to choose him without pressure from him.  

_He wanted Sam to choose him..._

Sam paused in his advance, letting Colby retreat and put the bed between the two of them.  The look on his face was hurt, desperate, agonized.  “You know I love you,” He breathed out, “You know I do.”

”I know,” Colby whispered back, because he did, he did know that Sam loved him.  “I know that, Sam.  I love you too.”  And that hurt coming out because of how true it was.  And how much he wasn’t sure what was behind Sam’s statement.  Because he knew Sam  _thought_  he loved him, but it had been three weeks of this uncertainty, and it  _hurt_...

Sam’s face was twisting in pain as he tried to come up with words, probably process his thoughts.  His eyes were red and Colby could see the start of tears in his eyes.  “What can I do?” He asked quietly.  “What do you want me to do?”

 _Choose me,_ Colby’s mind stated immediately, but he quelled it.  Sam was looking at him with so much conflict and he wouldn’t be the reason Sam and Kat broke up god damn it.  Instead, he vaulted over the bed and pulled Sam’s mouth to his.

Sam melted against him, groaning deep in his throat.  Colby growled in response, tackling Sam to the mattress and following him down without detaching their mouths.  It was rougher and harder than they’d ever done this but Colby needed Sam to feel this, feel  _him_.  Maybe he could make Sam understand what he needed.  He waited for Sam to stop him, to push him off and demand they keep talking but instead Sam was whimpering into his mouth, pressing up against his body and Sam was  _hard._

“ _Fuck_ , Sam.”  Without missing a beat Colby detached from Sam’s mouth and bit down at the sensitive skin of Sam’s neck.  Sam keened, and it wasn’t a bad sound, it was desperate and aroused and he heard Sam cry out his name and he loved that he could do this to his more introverted friend, make him loud, make him lose control...

From there, things deteriorated pretty quickly.  Clothing was strewn about the room, Colby practically holding Sam down with a hand on his dick and fingers on his nipples.  Sam needed to come, Colby could see it in his face, knew it well enough at this point, and was just about to give him enough stimulation to finally get him off because he figured he had tortured him enough when Sam gasped, “Fuck!  Colby, fuck me.”  

Colby froze for a moment, registering Sam’s words.  Sam whined loudly as the stop on the stimulation, his whole back arching before he settled back onto the bed, trembling hard, eyes wide on Colby.  “Sam?”  Colby panted, “What did you just say?”

Sam shuddered, eyes squeezing closed.  Something Colby couldn’t quite pinpoint passed over his face, but then he opened them and repeated, “Fuck me, Colby.”  

“You mean like...” Colby’s eyes darted down to his own throbbing erection, Sam’s eyes following his.  

“Yeah,” Sam nodded shakily, “With your dick.”  

Colby’s brain tripped over a couple of things in its struggle to comprehend  _exactly_  what Sam meant.  “But we haven’t even...”

”I know,” Sam said, closing his eyes again and taking a deep shuddering breath.  “But I want you to.”

Something was wrong, something was very wrong.  Sam’s voice didn’t sound right, his body language was all wrong.  His face looked wrong, like he was trying to process something and it wasn’t going well.  Colby watched his face, slowly reaching down to run his fingers along the skin behind Sam’s balls.  

Sam jumped, hard.  And that was when Colby identified the face Sam was making. 

Sam was  _terrified_. 

“Fuck, Sam, no!” Colby jumped back like he had been burned, the realization popping the bubble of aggression in his chest.  “What the fuck?” 

Sam opened his eyes, looking at Colby in confusion.  “Colby?” Yeah, that was fear in his voice.

”You’re fucking terrified!” Colby blurted out, struggling to keep from shoving himself off the bed at what he had almost done.  “I’m not going to  _fuck_  you when you’re fucking shaking like that, oh my God, Sam!”

It was the first time Sam seemed to notice how badly he was shaking.  He took a calming breath, and his body settled a little bit.  It did nothing, however, to settle Colby.  

"I mean, what the fuck?" Colby asked again, "I mean, Sam... what..."  He was at a lot for words, unable to comprehend why Sam would have asked him to fuck him when he was obviously terrified by the very idea. 

Sam looked up at him.  "I thought it might help you to like... feel better... about us..." Sam said, looking like he was regretting his own decision even as he spoke.  

And Colby's mind promptly imploded.   _What the actual fuck?_ Anger burst in his chest like fire along with panic, but once again he chose to cling to the anger, because he'd already had one panic attack today and didn't need another one.  He stood up, grabbed his sweatpants from the floor and started putting them on.  

"Colby, wait, what are you doing?" Fear was back in Sam's voice as he watched Colby, even starting to crawl out of bed towards him.  

Colby finished pulling his pants up, debating walking out right that minute because both the anger and the panic were starting to rise within him and he needed to do something about one of them.  He turned to Sam, not even attempting to mask the fury in his voice when he asked, "In what fucking universe did you think that asking me to fuck you when you didn't want it was a good idea?"  Sam's face dropped, red flushing his cheeks, and such was Colby's frustration that he didn't police his mouth when it said, "I would have thought you of all people would have understood that."  

Sam looked like he'd been stabbed.  His whole body shook, and Colby heard a wounded noise twist out.  The tears that had arisen earlier rose up again, and Sam looked at the bedspread when next he spoke.  "You're right, Colby.  That was fucking stupid."  

Colby nodded, not even trying to soften the blow.  He needed to hear what the fuck Sam had been thinking. He crossed his arms and kept listening.  

Sam blinked, and the tears rolled down his face.  "I just want to make you happy," He whispered brokenly.  "Because I know I'm stressing you out right now.  And I know this whole Kat thing is still a big thing... for both of us.  I just..." He looked up at Colby.  "I love you both."  And his voice was so sincere and emotional that Colby had to break his gaze, fighting back his own emotions. 

_He would not be responsible for their breakup._

"I'm not going to make you choose between us," Colby whispered for what felt like the millionth time.  

Sam nodded like he had heard it before. 

Because he had. 

A million times.

"But you want me to."  It was stated as fact.

Colby found himself nodding before he even realized it. "I want you to do what makes you happy," Colby said firmly, swallowing around the lump in his throat, the anger dissipating slowly, "I don't want you to make the decision to make me happy.  I'll be fine... whatever you choose.  I just...” He looked away. “I need a choice soon, Sam.  I can’t keep doing this."

Colby hadn't even noticed as Sam was creeping closer, but he noticed when Sam held out his hand.  He stared at it for a moment, then up at Sam.  Sam was staring at him evenly, even through the pain in his face.  "What makes me happy is what makes you happy," He murmured softly.  "It's always been you." His voice was soft, reverent.

Colby glanced down at Sam's hand again, before taking it gently.  He should stay mad at Sam, he really should, but he had never been good at staying angry for long.  Instead, he just felt exhausted.  "Just... don't ask me to take something you're not ready to give, dude, okay?" 

Sam rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb.  "I'm sorry..." he murmured.  "I panicked and I fucked up."  

"Yeah," Colby agreed amicably, "You did.  I mean, come on dude, we've  _literally_  been there before.  Think a little harder next time."

Sam nodded, wincing, before he cracked a halfhearted smile.  "My blood wasn't exactly up in my brain at the moment, Colby." 

Colby chuckled, "Yeah... that's fair."  It was quiet for a moment, Colby holding Sam's hand as the discussion slowly sank in.  He eventually sat back on the bed with Sam, letting Sam pull him into his chest. 

Sam broke the silence.  "I think I need to break up with Kat..." He said faintly. 

Colby's eyes widened, and his eyes flew to Sam's.  "What?" 

"You're right," Sam said, his face achingly sad but seeming to also be full of relief and realization.  "We can't keep doing this.  That... whatever that was, that we just did... that wasn't healthy.  This... dynamic isn't healthy.  That I felt like I needed to do that to prove to myself that I... fuck..." he shook his head.

He stared at some place on Colby's face as he talked.  "I guess what it comes down to it... Whenever I'm with Kat, I'm missing you.  And whenever I'm with you..." He met Colby's eyes then, "I don't want to be anywhere else." 

Colby tried to ignore every part of his body that wanted to demand that Sam think about this, that this was a big decision, that Colby _wasn't good enough_ for Sam, but his heart kept him quiet. 

It was the thing he had been waiting so long to hear Sam say.   He wasn't going to let his anxiety fuck this up. 

"Are you sure, Sam?" 

_Goddammit._

Sam shuddered, but then he smiled, nodding.  "I think... I think this is the first thing I've been sure about in a long time.  I'm sure about you.  And I want to keep you around.  And I need to stop hurting you."

"I've been fine..." Sam's disbelieving look halted his sentence in it's tracks. "Okay, not fine, but like... it's not because I made you choose, right?" Colby still had to clarify.  "Because dude, I couldn't live with myself if I ruin you and Kat's relationship and and I don't want you to choose me because I made you or-"

Sam kissed him, cutting off his statement.  He kissed Colby in a way that was so intense, but so gentle all the same.  It was a kiss that told him he was safe, wanted... loved... "You just... reminded me what I have.  And that I might lose it if I don't make up my mind to keep it."  He met Colby's eyes, and Colby swore he could feel the love coming from Sam almost like a physical thing.  "I love you, Colby." 

"I love you too..." Colby wasn't sure when he had started crying, just that Sam had pulled him back down into his arms and was hugging him tightly.  He groaned.  Here he was fucking crying again.  "Sorry," he apologized, "My feelings are kinda coming out of my eyes..."

Sam barked a short laugh.  "God, Colby, I love you," he was smiling, and Colby couldn't help but mirror him.

Curled up in Sam's arms, knowing that Sam had chosen him, Colby felt like everything was finally starting to look up.  "I love you too."   

 OOO

Unfortunately, the conversation with Colby was the easy part.  After more make up kisses and cuddles, Sam had to go back over to Kat's later on that evening. It didn't feel right to not do this in person.  Kat deserved better than that.  

For better or for worse, He didn't have to say anything.  Kat seemed to know why he was there before he even opened his mouth.  

"It's over, isn't it?" Her voice came out clearly.  Only the glassiness of her eyes betrayed her true emotions.  

Sam swallowed.  "Kat, I'm so sorry," he whispered.

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and wrapping her arms around him.  "It's okay," She whispered.  "I had a feeling this was coming..." Her voice broke on the last word.  Sam's heart broke a little bit just listening to her say it.  He wrapped his arms around his tightly and held her back.   

They held each other for a long time.  Sam was pretty sure he cried more than Kat did.  Kat just seemed resigned.  He had expected anger, disappointment.  But this... it really was like she had known the whole time.

"Kat, I'm sorry..." Sam tried again when Kat broke the embrace but she shook her head.

"It's okay, Sam," She wiped some tears from her cheeks.  "Like I said, I kinda like... knew this was coming.  You were always going to pick him.  If it came down to it... you'll pick Colby every time."  She smiled sadly to herself.  "It's going to suck, for a while, but... I'll be okay."  

Sam nodded, letting Kat step back from him.  "I'll be okay," She promised.  "Thank you, Sam... for everything.  Now go take care of Colby."  

And as she closed the door on him, Sam did as he was told.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez, that chapter was a long time coming. I'm not entirely happy with it and may still go back and edit it later, but I need to move on with the story (and my life). 
> 
> I hope this all read as realistic enough, with enough build up that nothing came out of left field. 
> 
> I've been sitting on that "fight scene" between Sam and Colby for about three weeks now. It wrote itself way too early and I've been waiting for the right time to bring it in as the final linchpin in the Colby/Sam/Kat arc. Hope it worked.
> 
> Now we get back to the other plot arcs... *it was supposed to be a short story, this was supposed to be a short story!*


	18. Chapter 18

“... he’s generally okay with touch if he sees you coming, but don’t like, spring anything on him or he might panic,” Sam explained quietly as Brennan nodded stoically.    

Colby and Brennen were going to be alone together for the first time since everything had happened.  Brennan had been out of town for the past few weeks dealing with family stuff while all of _this_  was going on, and therefore had no idea how to interact with this post-trauma Colby.  

But they were going to be alone together today, and while Colby had been really good recently about panicking Sam and Brennan didn’t want to chance it happening and Brennan not being prepared. 

“What if he does panic?” Brennen asked, his arms crossed in worry, “What then?”

”Don’t touch him, touch makes it worse,” Sam answered instantly, “You just gotta talk to him.   Tell him he’s safe, tell him you’re with him.  He hates having episodes in public, so if you can get him somewhere private before it gets too bad...”

”How the fuck do I do that if I can’t touch him?” Brennan’s eyes were wide, fear clear on his face.  

“Jeez, guys, I’ll be fine,” Colby walked back into the living room, pulling a hoodie over his body.  Brennan’s face turned to him, looking slightly sheepish.  “Brennan, you don’t have to worry about me.  We’re gonna go to the gym, film some stuff, and eat some food.  Everything will be fine.”

“Okay, dude...” Brennan cast a concerned look at Sam, who shrugged.  

Colby rolled his eyes, “Dammit Sam, you’re my boyfriend, not my mother,” He grumbled, and Sam winced.

“Sorry dude...”

“It’s fine,” Colby sighed, “Come on, Brennan.”  He darted over to Sam, pecking him lightly on the lips.  “Love you.”

Sam smiled despite himself, “Love you too, babe.”

”Gay!” Brennan taunted playfully, and just like that he was back to his normal, playful self. “Let’s go, dude!”  The door closed behind them, Sam still smiling after them.  

Colby would be fine.  He knew Brennan was a good guy.  He had been out of town while most of this was going down, but has been doing his best since to make it up to them.  

And besides, Brennan being out with Colby... left him some alone time to look up some things he didn’t want Colby in the house for... Sam flushed, knowing it was stupid to be embarrassed about this.  If Sam wanted Colby to stick his fingers up his ass there was no reason for him to be so weird about it.  

He and Colby had been moving towards  _more_  sexually as of late.  They were getting more confident in avoiding triggers, and Sam was taking full advantage of the fact that he could make Colby moan and gasp and cum so hard he saw stars and turn into a limp, cuddly noodle in the aftermath.  It seemed that in the days following Sam’s break up with Kat, Colby had become more secure in their relationship and more willing to try... _things_.  

But of course, there were things that they weren’t even going to touch.  

He hadn't even bothered to ask Colby if he wanted to try giving Sam a blowjob.  Even if Colby could get over what was likely to be a terrible trigger for him, Sam wasn't sure he could unsee Colby being throatfucked in front of him, unsee the tears, choking, gagging on flesh... he didn't even ask. 

He had optimistically thought that maybe he could blow Colby.  It hadn't been that awful, really, when he had had to do it last time.  And Colby with his legs spread, hard and panting was always a good thing for Sam these days, maybe it would continue to be. 

It wasn't. 

The workup was fine.  Kissing into Colby's mouth like he belonged there, feeling Colby's fingers already sliding to his nipples as he ground down against Colby's groin.  So long as he kept it light, as long as he didn't trap Colby's arms, Colby was okay with him on top.  Colby seemed more than okay with it right now, groaning into Sam's mouth as Sam's fingernails scraped down his sides. 

He loved it, loved that he could make Colby react the way he did to Sam.  Loved that he could make Colby's face twist up, his toes curl, his fingers scrabble for purchase on Sam's chest and back, see the way his abs tightened and his hips rose to try to get more friction for his erection.  Sam moved down Colby's body with sureness and ease, scratching down the sides of his thigh, pulling his boxers down and baring his cock to Sam's hungry gaze.  He didn't even need to look to Colby for reassurance, feeling his boyfriend's hands tighten on his shoulders.  He could do this.

He wanted this.

He got his mouth around Colby's dick just fine.  Some unpleasant memories but those were easily shoved down.  Colby's skin was warm, slightly salty in taste, but not unpleasant.  A broken noise came from Colby's mouth, and he looked up to see Colby looking at him, blue eyes dark with lust.  He swirled his tongue just under the head, a particular weak spot of his own, and watched as Colby shuddered, head falling back onto the pillow. 

Oh yeah, he could be into this. 

He readjusted his hands, needing a little bit more support from where he was pressed into Colby's groin.  He shifted onto his elbows, hands shifting to grip into Colby’s thighs and get him at a better angle, not really thinking about where he was touching when he heard a noise from Colby that was definitely not good. 

His eyes flew up to Colby's face, and he recognized that face. 

It was Colby's  _I'mnotokay_ face.  The very same expression that had been on his face the first time they had done this. An expression Sam was all too familiar with. 

Later, Sam worked out that he must have brushed too high on Colby's legs, brushed between his cheeks, straight into the trigger zone.  At the time though, everything just went a little blurry, as Sam was immediately assaulted with self-deprecating thoughts of  _what the fuck is wrong with you_ ,  _why are you hurting him like this, you monster,_ and it didn't help that the boy under him was trembling too, a desperate noise caught in his throat.  

Sam came out of it before Colby, able to separate his memories from reality because while Sam did well with physical contact coming out of these things Colby was the opposite, and it took a little bit longer before Colby looked up at him with tears in his eyes, almost falling forward into his chest as fully conscious Colby sought the contact that terrified triggered Colby.  

They were back, they were fine... but blowjobs were going to be off the table for a little while.  

Sam tried to explain when he and Colby were a little bit more coherent. 

" _I just... I just saw your face," He murmured quietly to Colby, tightening his arm around his boyfriend. "I saw your face and I just... shut down."_

_Colby was curled into his chest, tracing the lines of his abdomen absentmindedly.  At Sam's words however, he cringed, pausing in his touches to look up at Sam.  "I'm sorry," he murmured quietly._

_Sam swallowed the original admonishment that wanted to race from his lips; Why are you apologizing?  "You don't need to apologize, babe," He made sure that Colby's eyes met his before he continued.  "Things just... changed.  When they made us... do everything.  I'm still trying to... adjust."  He squeezed Colby again.  "God, the last person that I would blame for any of this is you."_

_Colby nodded, and the expression on his face made him look small to Sam, vulnerable.  It was a side of Colby he was getting used to seeing, but one that he would never take for granted.  "It's just... I feel like they took so much from us." He looked away from Sam to stare at some unknown point on the wall._

_"We'll get it back," Sam promised quietly.  God, what he would give to be able to just touch Colby without having to worry about triggering a nightmare for both of them.  He groaned from his chest.  Why was he still in the mood?  A thought occurred to him then, along with a quiet ache in his abdomen, "Hey Colby, would you uh..." He flushed, looking away from Colby. "Would you like to... uh... try like... fingering me?" He was certain he was about the same color as a tomato, but God dammit, he wanted to do more with Colby and blowjobs were clearly not going to cut it._

_Colby's eyes widened in shock, but Sam definitely felt something jump where Colby's hips pressed against his leg.  "Uh... yeah," Colby agreed, nodding pensively.  "You... you want to?"_

_Sam nodded slowly in confirmation.  The thought had been in his head for a few weeks now.  He had started to feel an ache in his body for more, more stimulus, filling, a desire that surprised him because it was something he'd never experienced before dating his best friend._

_A desire to be penetrated and filled, to feel Colby inside of him..._

_Colby's head moved in a nodding motion, but Sam was pretty sure he was just thinking.  "Okay," He whispered, "Okay."  He looked at Sam.  "Any chance you have lube, dude?  This uh... this isn't much fun without it."_

_Sam cringed, remembering.  He knew that._

_“I can get some.”_

And that he been the end of the conversation for the time being.  Colby had become distracted by the pink marks bright on Sam’s pale skin and had reattached his lips to them, cutting off Sam’s protests with fingers to his nipples.  

_Not fair._

Sam shook himself, feeling arousal race down his spine and straight into his dick.  He shrugged out of his shirt as he moved towards his bedroom, palming himself with a quiet groan.  

He wanted to try it with himself before letting Colby do it.  For all he knew, it would be a massive trigger, and he didn’t need Colby to see that if he could avoid it.  

Fuck, for all he knew he would hate the sensation.  He’d never done anything like this... _anal_  stimulation.  Sam pulled out his laptop, staring at the search bar, wondering if he was really going to google this.  

He chuckled to himself quietly, considering, not seriously, making this the next video he posted.  “Googling How to Have Gay Sex!”...  He and Colby had promised each other that they would post this Friday and Saturday.  Sam knew Colby was going to pull footage from his day with Brennan.  Sam hadn’t decided what he was doing yet.  

It was Wednesday.  He had time.  

He looked at the flashing cursor, feeling stupid for being so nervous.  It wasn’t like anyone would see this.  

Not that it was any worse than what they had already seen of him.  With that sobering thought, he quickly typed “anal fingering” into the search bar.  Sam cringed at the results that popped up.  “Just don’t look at the images,” He whispered to himself.  

The sites he found (the ones that weren’t just porn), weren’t super helpful. They talked about different techniques for stimulation, and reminded him about “cleaning out” before a session.  Sam found himself less and less turned on as he continued clicking through the pages, until he finally groaned, slamming his laptop closed (but not before closing out the tab because he was _not_  explaining that to Colby).  

He laid back against the pillow for a moment before groaning.  Well, there was nothing for it.  He was just going to have to try it his damn self.   He stared down at his legs, grumbling with himself until he finally shoved his thumbs in his waistband and push his pants down.  He felt too stupid with the pants bunched around his ankles so he kicked them off entirely, leaving himself naked in his bed.  

He flushed, context making it suddenly embarrassing to be naked.  Which was stupid.  He had been walking around naked talking to Colby earlier.  Because anything was worth getting to watch Colby walk around naked because he was comfortable in his environment, totally different from when he didn’t want it... 

“Fuck!” Sam swore quietly to himself.  This was too stupid.  Why was he like this?  He reached over to where he had housed the lube in his bedside table, clutching the little bottle and pulling it back to him.  Setting it on the bed next to him, he took a deep breath, held it, released it.  

For Colby.  He could do this for Colby.  

He propped a leg up, reaching down between his legs, past his dick and balls, to brush against the tightened muscles of his rectum.  It was an awkward angle, but Sam took the fact that he hadn’t immediately lost his mind at the contact as a good sign.  It felt weird but not... not bad.   “Hmmm...” He took his dick in his other hand, stroking absentmindedly as he circled around the opening, the skin feeling different than he had expected.  

His body wasn’t rejecting the feeling, even when he brushed over the hole itself.  If anything, the muscles tightened, seeming to ask for more.  The ache in his pelvis was back, the same one he had felt when Colby had had his hand around Sam’s dick, kissing him stupid as he humped into him from behind...

”Okay, okay...” The lube.  He needed the lube.   

He reached back over and squeezed a small amount onto his fingers.  Remembering how much it took him to get inside Colby though, he reconsidered, adding more to his hand.  He didn’t want this to hurt.  That was kinda the point. 

Lube made the slide of his fingers against his hole much more pleasant.  The area was fucking sensitive, just like everything on him apparently.

_Colby’s gonna love that..._

He smiled quietly, a gentle moan escaping as the pad of his finger caught on the rim, tugging at the skin and making Sam’s eyelashes flutter.   _That was new..._  He repeated the motion, and it was better when he did it intentionally, pressing the pad of his finger into the muscle.  The muscle started more rigid, but as he continued the pressing motion and worked the lube into his body, the muscle parted around his finger, and Sam hissed in a surprised and pleased breath as his finger pressed in past the sphincter.  

“Oh fuck...” He hissed, pausing, just then recognizing the trembling in his body.  “Fuck...” He was okay, this was okay.  A little strange (a lot strange) but not bad.  He was safe, it didn’t hurt (the opposite if anything) and it was fine.  He just had a finger in his butt.

He laughed suddenly at that realization, his hand falling from his rectum as his brain registered that fact.  “Just sitting around with a finger in my butt,” He commented to himself through his giggles.  “Oh God, that’s fucking hilarious.”  He exhaled on a chuckle, shifting his hips just a little bit, and the shifting reminded him of the ache that had set up residence in his abdomen.  

“Okay, okay...” He took a deep breath, reaching for more lube.  He wanted more in him.  At least, he thought he did.  And he had all this time to try to explore how his body reacted without the pressure of looking put together for Colby.  Although if he reacted nearly the same way to this that he did to everything else Colby was going to get a show no matter what.

He sighed as he returned his hand to the sensitive skin.  He pressed his middle finger in again, almost welcoming the stretch and feeling of pressure.  “Mmm...”  He was almost a little embarrassed at how much he seemed to be into this.  That was when the guilt hit.  He paused for a moment, fighting his mind telling him that there was something wrong with him for enjoying this sensation, enjoying feeling something up his ass, nothing wrong with wanting Colby to someday fuck him...

_Fucking faggots..._

”There’s nothing wrong with me...” He breathed, closing his eyes, “There is nothing wrong with this.  It feels good.  I want this.”  Fuck, he was glad Colby wasn’t here for this.  He didn’t want to imagine the hurt that would slowly grow on his boyfriend’s face, the doubt and insecurity that he would try to hide.  

He wanted Colby, wanted this.  He had no reason to be ashamed.

“Fuck...” He pressed a slow breath out through his lips.  “Okay, more...”. He pressed his finger in deeper, and it was fine.  Not painful, not bad, just kinda weird.  But the panic and insecurity still grew in his chest.  

“God, fuck!” He ripped his finger out, pressing his face into his clean hand while the other wiped itself off on his leg.  “Goddangit.” He pressed his fist against his forehead.  “Goddangit, there is nothing wrong with me for wanting this with Colby...“   And he did.  He wanted this so much with Colby.  “I want this,” He murmured, “I want this.” 

He wanted Colby more than he wanted anything else in this world. 

He groaned, reaching over and putting more lube on his fingers.  “I want this...” He breathed again, closing his eyes and pressing his fingers against his hole again.  

OOO

Colby didn’t get home until around seven that night.  Sam was curled back up on the couch, absentmindedly flipping through his phone.  His ass felt weird.  Not bad at all, just... over sensitized and... wet.  He had cleaned the outside as best he could but when he moved he could still feel lube moving inside of him, dripping out with a cough or laugh.  He huffed a laugh to himself.  If Colby wanted to try to finger him later, he was going to have to explain that.  He flushed, a faint smile on his lips.  

He really hoped Colby would want to.  

“Hey love,” Colby swooped in behind him, planting a kiss on his head.  Sam grinned, turning his head towards Colby and stealing another kiss, this time on the lips.  

“How was your day with Brennan?” Sam asked, watching as Colby darted into the kitchen, digging through the fridge.  He emerged triumphantly with a bottle of coke, twisting the lid off and taking a long swig.  

“It was really good,” Colby moved back over to Sam, flopping down on top of him on the couch.  Sam sucked in a surprised breath as he was reminded that he’d had three fingers in his asshole just a few hours before by the movement.  Colby didn’t notice, or if he did, he chalked it up to a reaction to Colby being flopped on top of his boyfriend.  Colby’s head rested in his lap, his hands gesticulating as he talked.  “We went to the gym, got food, and vlogged.  Brennan dragged me out to the new park down town, where that old apartment complex was, remember?”

Sam nodded.  That place had been on their list of places to potentially break into when they were still doing their old content.  The threats of biohazards in the air was too great for them to chance it with just barrier facemasks though.  

“Yeah, it’s really cool, dude, we should go hang out there sometime,” Colby’s face was bright, a ball of energy and pleasure.  “I really enjoyed it.  Got some good footage too.  I’ve got enough for this weekend’s video I think.”  

That’s awesome, babe,” Sam ran his fingers through Colby’s hair, smiling as Colby sighed into the contact, closing his eyes.  

“There was this dude making balloon animals at the park,” Colby continued.  “He made me a puppy but I gave it to Brennan because his blew away when he dropped it...” 

“You’re so sweet,” Sam scratched at his scalp and Colby nuzzled into it. 

“Gotta keep that Brolby clickbait going,” Colby grinned at him, opening his eyes to look at Sam playfully.  Sam’s slight shock and mild displeasure must have shown on his face because Colby’s smile slowly faded.  “Oh shit, dude, is that like... okay with you?”

”Uh...” Sam didn’t have an answer for Colby right then, and Colby kept talking.

”We just like... fell into it, dude, I’m sorry,” He cringed, sitting up a little bit to look at Sam on an even field, “I should have asked if...”

”No, like, it’s fine,” Sam wasn’t sure why it bothered him.  Colby and Brennan had been playing this game for their fans for years.  People shipped Colby with Brennan just as much as they shipped him with Sam.  It was just a game, just for the fans. So why did it bother him so much?  “You and Brennan have been doing this for years.  It’s fine.”

”Yeah, but we weren’t dating before,” Colby interjected.  “I get it, it’s... different now.” He looked away, chucking wryly, “Ya know, Brennan even asked me if I was okay with doing that bit, and I thought it was just because of the trauma but like...” He looked back at Sam, “He was asking about you.” 

Sam shrugged.  “It’s not a big deal.  I trust you and Brennan.”  And he did. 

He trusted Colby unconditionally.  

Colby shook his head.  “No, I’ll talk to Brennan about it.  We’ll back off on the Brolby bits.” He laughed suddenly, “Although it’ll give a whole new meaning to the “Boyfriend vs Best Friend” videos.”

Sam laughed too, not expecting the reference.  “Yeah, no kidding.  Whenever we come out to the fans.”

He had chosen to say ‘whenever’ intentionally, because he saw Colby’s eyes light up at the statement.  Still promising to Colby that they would eventually come out to the fans.  “Speaking of trauma,” Sam started, and Colby’s expression turned guarded. “No, like, just asking how that went today.” He clarified.

Colby shrugged, easy smile returning to his lips.  “Totally fine,” Colby answered.  At Sam’s incredulous look, he shrugged, smile turning sheepish.  “Brennan startled me a couple of times, but what else is new?” He relaxed back onto Sam’s legs.  “What did you get up to today?  Any progress on coming up with a video idea?” 

Sam felt heat flood his cheeks, remembering what he had actually been doing.  “Nope, uh... nothing particularly interesting.”

But Colby knew him too well for that.  “You’re fucking blushing dude,” He pointed out unnecessarily.  A grin split his face.  “You got up to something really interesting didn’t you?” 

“No, no I didn’t,” Sam protested, but Goddangit if Colby didn’t have the most effective puppy eyes ever.  “Fuck, okay, fine, I might have been experimenting with some uh... _fingering_...” The last word was so quiet that at first he wasn’t sure Colby made it out.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.  Colby sat up almost instantly, a combination of emotions taking up residence on his face.  “Fingering huh?” There was arousal, definitely, but also apprehension, a bit of the darkness that Sam knew was from Colby thinking about _bad things_ , but also interest and desire.  “Like, you did it to yourself?” 

Sam blushed harder, which he wasn’t sure was possible.  But it was, and Colby moved off his lap.  He climbed to his hands and knees, positioning himself so that he straddled Sam.  “That sounds hot,” Colby commented lightly, and leaned into kiss him.  Sam’s hands climbed up Colby’s back almost without his knowledge, pulling his boyfriend against his chest so that he could kiss him better.  

Colby broke from his lips to mouth around his neck to his ear.  “Were you uh... wishing it were me?” Colby whispered, and Sam shuddered, blood rushing straight down to his cock.  

“Fuck, Colby...” He groaned, keening as Colby’s teeth bit into his neck.  “Fuck, babe, please...” 

Colby lifted off his neck, turning lust blown eyes to Sam.  “Fuck, Sam... if you like... if you want me to...”

Sam kissed him again, hands crawling into Colby’s hair.  Getting off by himself had been hot this morning, but nothing compared to when Colby got him off.  That was a whole new level of intense.  “I would... I would really like that...” His heart beat in his chest, scared to admit it, worried about Colby, because while Sam was okay with fingers in his ass (more than okay if he was being perfectly honest) he knew Colby’s experiences had been significantly more traumatic.  “If you’re okay with that?”

Colby shuddered, and Sam was almost worried for a moment, but Colby shrugged.  There was some apprehension in his eyes, but there was definitely lust there was well.  “I should be fine, but I’ll keep you updated if I have a problem.  It’s not me bottoming...” There was definitely almost a sadness in his voice.  

“Colby...” Sam whispered.  

But Colby was already shaking himself.  “I’m okay,” He promised gently.  “Don’t worry about me, love.”

Sam still met his eyes incredulously.  Colby shrugged again, working his hands under the hem of Sam's shirt to encourage Sam to pull off his shirt.  Sam quickly obliged, tossing his shirt to the side, and Colby made a pleased noise, weaving fingers into Sam’s hair and pulling him down for another kiss.  Sam noticed Colby other hand dance down his chest to his nipple, but didn’t really register Colby’s full intent until Colby was climbing off of him and there was a _tug_  on his nipple.  

Sam gasped in a breath, pulling away slightly, eyes shooting up to Colby.  “Colby, what the hell...?”

Colby dropped his other hand, pulling at both nipples this time, moving to stand and  _fuck that was intense_ and was he planning on pulling Sam up by his chest?  He grabbed Colby’s wrists, gently, mindful of his triggers, but cast him a warning look all the same.  “Dude, they’re nipples, not a leash.” 

Colby let off on the pressure a little bit, but still rolled the little nubs between his fingers.  At Sam’s stuttered gasp, he just grinned.  “You don’t seem to mind...” 

“Shut the fuck up, Colby,” Sam groaned, and Colby pulled again, gently encouraging Sam to his feet.  

“If I’m gonna finger you, I want to be in the bedroom.”  Colby pulled him along by his nipples and Sam couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset.  It was just... intense... 

“Fuck, Colby...”  Hands remaining on Colby's wrists kept Sam from losing his nipples, but this, Colby taking control of him and of their sex lives... it made him smile softly. 

A month ago Colby couldn't even touch him without cringing.  He had come so far.   

Making it to Sam's bedroom, Colby pulled Sam to him, hands gripping into his back and kissing him hard.  "Colby... shirt... off now..."  Sam panted through the kissing. 

Colby seemed loathe to break the kiss, but whipped his shirt off in one quick moment, returning to Sam to press him into the bed that was suddenly behind him.  Colby corralled him up until he was at the head of the bed before his fingers returned to Sam's  _suddenly very sensitive_ nipples and Sam was whining against his mouth.  Colby ground against him and Sam found that he and Colby were both very, very hard, twin groans escaping at the pressure to sensitive areas.  Sam's nails found their way to Colby's lats, and Colby's broken moan against his mouth made Sam grind hard against him, cursing the fucking layers of clothing between them.  That now familiar ache had set up residence in his abdomen again, and Sam was reminded that fuck, he wanted Colby's fingers inside him like, now...

"Babe..." Sam whined, but words were really hard, just like Sam incidentally.  "Can we... ah!" His voice was cut off in a cry as Colby's hand snaked down and grabbed his cock.  "Fuck, Colby, Colby, Colby..." He whimpered, "Fuck, please, please, please..." 

The hand briefly left his cock, but he couldn't even complain because both hands were shoving his sweatpants down his legs.  They were lost somewhere off the side of the bed, and Sam's mouth was occupied by Colby trying to kiss the breath out of him, Colby's hand, sure and practiced at this point, stroking his erection in the most toe curling way.  Sam let out a full-throated moan, the ache inside him intensifying to the point where he was ready to beg Colby to just please... 

But Colby seemed to have gotten the message.  His other hand had left Sam's chest, and he readjusted from where he laid on top of Sam.  Sam felt the hand not stroking him trace it's way down his thigh and then... further in.  Sam tensed, his body warring between begging Colby to please just keep going and remembering that this might really fuck up his boyfriend. 

Fuck, when had he turned into such a bottom? 

"Colby..." He breathed instead, trying to meet his boyfriend's eyes. 

Colby's face was awash with anxiety.  The familiar darkness was back on his face, and his looked at Sam with quiet bewilderment.  "You want this?" He whispered, and Sam heard the panic he was trying to contain. 

"Please!"  Sam was almost embarrassed at how desperate that word came out of his mouth.  Almost, but then he saw how the tone of his voice affected Colby, the guy shuddering, eyes closing in response.  When he opened his eyes, they were intense on Sam.  "I mean, you don't have to..." Sam tried weakly to insist, but Colby saw right through him. 

"I can't..." Colby seemed to be considering his words.  When he spoke again, that sadness was back in his voice, bitterness clear in his tone.  "I'm okay... topping for this.  I think.  Just... really gonna be a long time before you can do it to me.  If ever."

"Colby, I'm not..." Sam was confused.  "I'm not trying to finger you, dude."  The opposite actually.  He was trying to get Colby to fucking... fuck him.  With his fingers at least. 

"I know..." Colby breathed.  He stared between Sam's legs for a moment, long enough that Sam started to feel uncomfortable.  He shifted his legs closer together from where they had parted to let Colby have access to... "No," Colby caught his thigh with a hand.  "I want this.  I'm okay."  He smiled halfheartedly at Sam.

"Colby..." That didn't seem okay.  "Babe, what..." His question was cut off on a quick gasp of breath as Colby's fingers pressed between his cheeks and against his hole.  Sam whined, all previous thought fleeing his mind because Colby was touching him, pressing against his sphincter and _fuck_ that was intense.  "Colby, fuck, please," He gasped.

Colby's halfhearted smile had transformed into his soft smile of wonder.  "You're so goddamn pretty," He murmured. 

Sam wished he had the words to reward Colby's compliment.  As it was, he just squirmed where Colby's fingers were touching, begging with his eyes for Colby to  _please keep going_.

"You got lube?" Colby asked softly.  Sam blushed, but reached under the pillow where he had stowed the little bottle after his session earlier today.  Colby chuckled, but there was a weird tone in his voice. "That was easy..." He commented.

Sam rolled his eyes, before noticing that the darkness was back on Colby's face.  He huffed a breath, gathering his scattered thoughts for a moment before whispering, "I want it, you know that right?"

Colby was staring at the lube with an odd look in his eyes.  "Huh?"  He asked, abruptly turning to Sam.  

Sam sat up, reaching out to touch Colby's face.  Colby leaned into the touch, exhaling softly.  "I want this," Sam repeated, "I want you to put your fingers in me, and... and fuckin'... fuck me with them, or whatever."  His face was red, but he was still talking.  There was no time for false dignity around Colby.  "This is nothing like then.  I want this. I want you." 

Colby nodded slowly, taking a deep breath, and Sam watched some of the apprehension drain from his face with the exhale.  "Okay," He murmured.  He looked at Sam's body for a moment, before gently taking one of Sam's legs and pushing it up towards his chest.  Sam flushed harder as the motion undoubtedly exposed him more to Colby's gaze, but he didn't fight it. 

He wanted this.

The lube was cold, but it was worth it to feel Colby's fingers pressing against him again.  "More please," Sam whispered, and he was not going to be embarrassed about this.  "I can take it." 

Wonder was back on his face, and Colby nodded.  Sam felt his fingers move, on finger wiggling itself into the muscle.  "Mmm..." Sam laid back, trying to relax and let Colby in.  He focused on the hand stroking his dick as something grounding with all of these new sensations.  "It's better when you do it," He decided aloud, meeting Colby's eyes.  "This is good.  Keep going."

Colby nodded, his face a battleground of arousal and anxiety. He pressed the finger further in, until Sam could feel the knuckles of his hand pressed against him.  The stretch was wonderful, and being able to look up and see Colby there... made it so much better.  Colby moved his finger in and out in a slow motion, seeming to be stroking the front wall of his rectum with the finger.  Sam wondered if he was looking for Sam's prostate. 

Sam had a hard time finding it earlier today, only really able to get at it when he twisted his wrist in a really uncomfortable way and pressed three fingers in as far as they would go.  But it hadn't been sustainable, even if that had been a hell of an orgasm.  He'd do it again, but he thought it might be much better if Colby did it instead.  "You can add another finger," He encouraged.  "I... I want you to find it."

Colby's eyes flew to Sam, as if shocked that Sam had figured out what he was looking for.  "Please..." Sam whispered, relaxing back again and trying to focus on the sensation of Colby's fingers inside him.

He heard a click from the lube bottle and then felt more pressure against his rim.  Sam let out a long groan, the volume increasing as Colby managed to worm the next finger in with it's partner.  "Fuck, Colby..." Sam groaned, "Fuck, please, fuckin' move.  More."

"Okay," Colby breathed, and Sam was rewarded for his patience by the fingers moving, a slow thrusting motion, Colby's fingers pressing against the walls of his rectum, feeling the hand on his dick begin to press all the happy tinglies in his groin in one direction as something began to build within him. 

Sam had his eyes closed, and therefore was surprised when he felt Colby's lips on his nipples.  "Oh fuck!" He cried out, eyes flying open and meeting the blue ones staring up at him from his chest. 

Colby had let out a groan too, and whispered, "Fuck, you just clenched around me, Sam, that's so fuckin' hot..."

He pressed his fingers in again, and Colby was really just a wiz with timing tonight because that was when he hit it.  Sam's whole body spasmed in unison.  "Fuck!"  Sam understood more what he had put Colby through now.  He couldn't really tell what the sensation was at first, just that it was a lot, and even as his mind registered that it was a lot of good, his body had already made that determination, and fuck Sam was gonna cum so fast if Colby kept that up.  

"Colby, you keep that up and I'm gonna cum in no time," Sam warned Colby, his voice uneven.  

Colby nodded, mischievous understanding in his eyes as he stroked over the spot again, sending Sam in another full body judder.  

"Colby, fuck, please," Sam groaned, thrusting his hips up against where Colby's hand was still wrapped around his dick.  He fisted his own hands in his hair because he didn't know where else to put them and he was going to fucking lose his mind at this feeling.  

Colby hadn't yet denied him when he asked nicely and this time was no different.  The strokes to his cock and to his prostate picked up speed and consistency, and Sam was going to have to bake their neighbors about a million cakes because fuck, he was _loud_.  

"Colby, Colby, Colby!" It seemed the only words left in his vocabulary were Colby's name, expletives, and pleas for more.  It all built up so high in Sam's chest, all the sensations flooding into a whirlpool of yes, good, Colby, please, yes... Some noise was caught in his throat, and he was probably due for a another pleading session with Colby when he heard his boyfriend in his ear;

"Fuck, I love you so much..."

Sam wasn't sure if it was the words or the teeth that sank into his neck afterwards, but something tipped the scaled on his orgasm and he was sent careening headfirst into the most intense orgasm he had on memory.  He yelled pretty loudly, he remembered that.  He remembered Colby biting into his neck long after the initial intense pulses had faded and he was just left with the aftershocks wracking his body.  It was only after he started to squirm uncomfortably (because that post orgasm prostate stimulation was  _a lot)_ that Colby finally backed off, detaching his teeth from Sam's neck.  The fingers pulling out of his ass warranted a whine from his throat, and an immediate relaxation of the leg that he had just realized was cramping like _hell_.  He vaguely noticed Colby's body shaking, before another burst of warmth told him Colby had gotten off too. 

Dammit, he had wanted to get Colby off...

Colby pulled Sam into his arms, not paying any attention to the semen dripping off of him as he wrapped arms tightly around Sam.  Sam shuddered, pressing his forehead against Colby's chest, tucked under his chin.  Colby's arms pressed against his back, holding him securely as he came down from the endorphin high.

He was content there for a while, just enjoying the warmth of the body against him, of his boyfriend holding him after claiming something that he didn't think he'd ever have to think about.  Proving that their sex life didn't have to be tainted by everything that had happened, everything that had been done to them... 

Colby broke the silence first, touching Sam under the chin to get his attention.   

"How are you doing?"

Sam's face broke into a soft smile.  "Good... so good," He stretched a little bit, only then really becoming conscious of the semen caked on his chest.  "Ew..." He groaned, his eyes falling closed.  It felt gross but he couldn't really bring himself to get up and grab a towel to wipe it off.  He heard Colby chuckle, and then a piece of fabric was wiping at his chest.  Probably one of their articles of clothing.  That was fine.  He would figure out which one and give Colby shit for it later. 

"Really?  You enjoyed that?" Colby's voice was still slightly anxious, and Sam squinted at him incredulously. 

"Did you see how hard I came?" Sam shot back, meeting Colby's eyes again.  "That was... fuck, babe..."  He let his eyes roll back in his head a little bit.  "We can totally do that any time you want.  Like, please..." 

Colby chuckled.  "You're not too sore?" 

Sam shrugged, doing a mental assessment of his body.  "No," He answered, "I mean, maybe I'll be doing yoga for my leg, because owww that is not meant to stretch like that."  His ass was sore too, but not in any way that Sam was going to bring up to Colby. 

Colby nodded, exhaling a laugh.  "Okay," He murmured, "Good, good.  I was just worried that..."

"I'm so okay, babe," Sam answered, repositioning to pull Colby against his chest, practically on top of him, slotting his head into Sam's shoulder.  "Please believe me."

He felt Colby nod against him.  "Okay," Colby said simply.  "I believe you." 

They fell into silence again, Sam stroking his hands through Colby's hair.     Eventually, Colby climbed to his feet, waving Sam down as he went to get them water.  He did toss a towel Sam's way though, after Sam moved as his ass felt  _squeltchy_...

It wasn't until they were both sitting up in bed, Sam with his arm around Colby, that Sam remembered a part of the psuedo-conversation they had had earlier that he wanted to ask about.  "Colby... why were... when you were getting ready to finger me," Goddangit, he would have thought that now that they had actually done it Sam would be a little less awkward about bringing it up.  He wasn't, clearly. "There was something else going on, when we were getting the lube and stuff.  Something that... didn't have do it with you fingering me."  Colby searched his eyes, seeming confused about his question until Sam added, "You seemed almost bitter?"

Understanding cleared on Colby's face, and with it came pain.  Sam cursed himself.  Fuck, this was heavy, wasn't it?  "I uh..." He looked away, shaking briefly against Sam.  

"You don't have to tell me," Sam said quickly, almost hoping Colby would take the out and not elaborate.  

But he was still happy when Colby did, knowing it took his boyfriend a lot to share what was going on in his mind.  "So I didn't..." He grimaced, glancing at Sam.  "I guess... there's more to why what they made you do to me fucked me up."  

Sam furrowed his brow, tightening his grip on Colby before thinking better of it and loosening it.  He thought back to those hours after he had fucked Colby, had fingered him to orgasm, trying to remember what Colby had told him.  Most of it came back as one big blur of trauma though, and he winced, shaking his head briefly to clear it.  "More?" He asked aloud, looking into Colby's face. 

Colby nodded, sadness back on his face.  "So..." He blushed suddenly, "When I had feelings for you, the first time, I always..." He laughed nervously, a smile fighting the pain on his face, "I imagined...  _things_ with you, you know, a certain way."  He had gone back to tracing his fingers through the hair on Sam's stomach.  "I don't... I don't know why, but like... I always pictured you like... topping, I guess?  I think that's the word for it." 

His eyes were glistening, and Sam pulled Colby tighter against him, hurt swimming in his chest.Colby was right.  That did make what they had done worse.  "So like, when they made us do that, it was like... some fucked up God knew what I wanted so he could punish me for ever wanting you..." He laughed brokenly, "And now like, that I can have you, I can't even _think_ about letting you do that to me again, isn't that fucked up?"  

Sam's heart hurt in that moment, and he reached down to gently bring Colby's face up so he could kiss him.  He didn't mention the wetness he could feel on Colby's cheeks. 

Colby had always joked about being the bottom whenever Solby stuff had been brought up. 

Sam didn't realize he was serious. 

"I'm sorry," Sam whispered against his lips.  "I'm sorry I had to take that from you.  From us."   

Colby shrugged, pulling away from the kiss to rest his forehead against Sam's chest.  "Nothing we can do about it now," He made a brief shrugging motion.  "It just... it made all of  _that_ really confusing.  Because had all of that been consensual... I would have enjoyed it... and then... getting to finger you..." He shrugged, "But for now..." He grunted and pushed himself up to meet Sam's eyes evenly, looking at him, "We make it work right?" 

Sam nodded, reaching over to stroke Colby's cheek gently.  Colby smiled at him, all love and perfect and  _Colby_.  God, how he wished he hadn't been so afraid of this years ago.  Because this was somewhere near amazing. "I love you," He murmured, "And I'm going to love you no matter what we do in the bedroom together.  Like, don't mistake this next part for me wanting anything right now, because don't get me wrong I could happily bottom for you until the end of time because that was _amazing_..." He was flushing again and Colby had noticed, tossing back a teasing smile in response.  "But if you ever want to try to like... tackle  _that_...  _those_ triggers..." He tried to keep it vague, but he knew Colby knew what he was talking about, "Let me know, okay?"

Colby's face worked for a moment as he tried to get a cap on the emotions that he was feeling.  "Okay," He finally murmured, nodding and Sam leaned forward to kiss his cheek softly.  "I love you too..." He tilted his face up to catch Sam's lips with his own.  "We can... not now, but like... later..."

"I'm not asking for now," Sam wrapped arms around him again.  "Whenever you're ready.  If you want to.  But if you just want to fuck me until the end of time, I'm okay with that too."

Colby chuckled quietly, and Sam didn't mention the tears leaking from his eyes as he pulled Colby against his chest, and the two fell into comfortable silence... 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I finally added all of my backloaded content so we are finally up to speed with my drafts. 
> 
> How's that happy chapter ending for you? May as well get some happy before we launch into the next arc. Y'all can thank my roommate for the lack of an ominous ending. 
> 
> As always, lemme know what you think. This chapter is a monster...


	19. Chapter 19

In the last six weeks, Elton was pretty sure he had developed some sort of trauma associated with his email, which was pretty goddamn inconvenient considering that a lot of his job came through his email.  He was trying to go about his normal life, but every time he heard his email go off, his heart rate spiked, his breathing shallowed and quickened, and anxiety seized his chest cavity.  

He always expected it to be an email from _them_. 

The emails weren’t quite daily, but were mostly.  Usually a single line, usually a taunt, sometimes an obscene picture of his brothers, sometimes a threat of what they were going to do to him when they came for him.  

Because they promised him that he wouldn’t get away with helping Sam and Colby escape.

The police knew of course, but there was fuck all they could do.  They couldn’t locate the people who had take Sam and Colby by any means yet, and Elton was worried that everyone was getting a little too lax.  He seemed to be the only person still being directly affected by them.

Other than Sam and Colby that was.  He knew those two were still working through enough trauma to last a lifetime.  Elton hoped that with the Kat situation resolved, things would get easier.  

Colby already seemed better.  

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and it was with dread heavy in his stomach that he picked it up to see an email from an unknown series of letters and numbers.

**You should be watching your twitter, Elton Castee.**

Elton’s heart sank.  God, what could they have possibly done?  He immediately clicked to his twitter page, checking to make sure that everything was as it should be.  

He saw the problem almost instantly.  

His most recent tweet; ambiguous enough to his followers, but Elton knew that he hadn’t posted this one.  

   

 **Elton Castee** _@EltonCastee_

Soon.

 

OOO

They were in bed together, just cuddling in boxers after sleeping in one morning when Colby asked, 

“Can I try blowing you?”

Colby’s timing was deliberate, voicing the question just as Sam had lifted his glass to his lips.  Sam inhaled his water, choking and breaking into a coughing fit.  Colby chuckled, patting his back while Sam hacked the liquid out of his trachea.  He wiped his mouth, glaring halfheartedly at Colby.  “You did that on purpose, you asshole.”  

Colby shrugged, still grinning, “I wanted to see what would happen.”  

“I hate you.”

”Love you too,” Colby chirped.  

Sam grumbled, setting his drink down and leaning back into Colby’s chest.  Colby wrapped him up in his arms, kissing the top of his head.  They were both shirtless, and Colby drank in the warmth from the skin on skin contact with his boyfriend.  

It had been almost two months since Sam and Colby had been rescued from their own hell on Earth.  And for the most part, things were back to normal.  Sam and Colby were both back to posting weekly on their channels, daily on their various social media platforms.  Neither of them had addressed _anything_  that had happened with their communities, but the fans seemed content to let that be, just happy that their boys were back and healthy and (at least for the camera) happy.  

And Colby... was happy.  Honestly.  The trauma that had lingered from their captivity lingered, but less and less Colby felt it’s effects.  The nightmares were still there, but they were much less frequent, and much less violent.  Being around people wasn’t really a problem anymore, Colby learning strategies that he needed to keep himself from losing it in front of people at unexpected contact.  Anything too... _trapping,_ was still a problem, but the only person who had that much prolonged and intimate contact with him was Sam, and Sam had gotten really good at knowing Colby’s limits and body language before even he did.  

He loved Sam.  Sam was... amazing.  And wonderful, and perfect.  

And Colby kinda wanted to blow him.

”So like, were you serious about...” Sam started, turning his head so that he could see Colby’s face.

Colby nodded.  “Yeah, like, I think... I think I want to try it.”  His heart skipped a few beats, but he met Sam’s eyes resolutely.   This had been on his mind for a while.  Colby had never been one to let people tell him what he could or couldn’t do, and the fact that this was one of the lingering things irked him to no end.

Penetration was... still too mixed up with other things in his brain to try, but this... He wanted this with Sam.  He wanted to take back this thing that was supposed to be so natural.  

He refused to let them keep it.  

“Are you sure, Colby?” Sam asked softly, dark memories flashing across his face.  “You don’t... you know you don’t have to.”

”I know,” Colby said, tightening his arms around Sam in reassurance.  “I want to.  I want to take it back.” 

Sam met his eyes, and there was something there, something that he was trying to hide from Colby.  But not really trying, because Colby could still call him on it.  He softened his voice,  “What’s up, love?” 

“It’s stupid,” Sam whispered, but Colby could hear the emotions in his voice.  Sam was worried about something.  

“It’s not stupid if it’s freaking you out,” Colby said, and then it clicked.   “Are you going to be okay if I try to blow you?” 

Sam blinked a couple of times, looking away and swallowing.  “I don’t know...” He answered.  “It’s stupid, because like, my hot ass boyfriend,” Colby huffed out a laugh despite himself, his chest warming, “Is offering to suck my dick and I’m not...” he swallowed again.  “I’m worried because I had to... I had to watch the last time and...” His hands worked anxiously in his lap as he trailed off.  

Colby brought him up for a kiss.  Sam whimpered, hands climbing up around Colby’s neck, seeking comfort from the images in his head.  Colby had forgotten.  He may have been dissociated while most of that was happening but Sam had had to watch the whole time.  Had to watch as Hooded Man... 

Colby shuddered, breaking the kiss.  Sam’s eyes immediately met his in concern but Colby shook his head.  “I’m fine,” He murmured, “This... this would be different Sam, I promise.  I know... I know you’re not planning on choking me out with your dick, so...” Now he swallowed, vaguely able to feel the phantom sensation of flesh pressing against his throat, choking... “And... I’d like to hold your hands?  If I could?  So I can be sure...” He exhaled shakily, not sure how to continue that sentence.

But Sam got it.  ”I’d never force you,” Sam murmured, and it wasn’t a defensive protest, more a quiet reminder.  

“I know,” He responded.  He knew Sam would never hurt him of his own free will.  “My brain just forgets sometimes.  It’s nothing personal.”  

“I know,” Sam said, and kissed Colby again, just a quick, chaste kiss.  Colby smiled.  He would never get used to that.  His gaze fell to Sam’s hand, resting softly on his chest, and an idea occurred to him.  A cock wasn’t the only thing thing that had choked him that day.  He reached for the hand, eyeing it speculatively.  Sam watched him, curiosity growing on his face.  “What are you-” He started to ask, but his words were cut off as Colby pressed the pad of Sam’s pointer finger into his mouth. 

The finger was soft, warm, lingering just inside his lips.  There was a finger in his mouth.  And it was fine.  It wouldn’t move unless Colby moved it.  He trusted Sam.  Sam wouldn’t use it to choke him.  The tip of his tongue darted out, running against the skin.   

“Oh...” Sam’s voice was surprised, but he didn’t seem opposed.  In fact, he seemed the opposite, eyes dilating rapidly and a breathy gasp catching in his throat.  He kept watch on Colby though, waiting for his next move.  

Colby wrapped his lips around the finger, swiping up the underside with his tongue, adding a bit of suction and doing it again.  Sam’s breath caught on the inhale, before exhaling in a shuddering moan.  “Colby...” He breathed out shakily.  

Fuck, he loved how sensitive Sam was.

But this wasn’t just about Colby.  “Is this okay?” Colby asked Sam around the finger, so it probably came out a little garbled, but Sam nodded anyway, his eyes darkening.  

“Yeah... this is... this is fine,” Sam’s eyes were focused on Colby’s mouth.  “You... you want to do this?” 

Colby nodded, as much as he could without dislodging Sam’s finger. “I like this,” He felt a little bit weird about liking it but... that was fine.  This was fine.  

And fingers were a whole hell of a lot less intimidating than a dick.  

Sam took a deep breath before releasing it.  “Okay,” He nodded, “Okay.”  And Colby took that as permission to continue.

Colby pressed more of Sam’s finger into his mouth, continuing to intermittently lick and suck the digit.  Sam’s eyes rolled back before falling shut, and as the stimulation continued, Colby felt Sam’s hips begin to move ever so slightly where he was tucked into Colby’s lap. He let out these soft little moaning sighs when he breathed out, and the motion, combined with the sound, was really starting to turn Colby on.  

_Fuck, he loved how sensitive Sam was..._

Sam full on jumped when Colby ran the hand not holding his boyfriend’s up Sam’s chest and across his nipples.  “God! Babe...” Sam yelped, and his eyes flew open to meet Colby’s.  Colby pinched, and Sam’s eyes fell closed again on a moan.  The touches, along with steady suction and licks to Sam’s finger, were certainly working as planned.  

Get Sam to relax.  Get Sam in enough of a headspace that he wouldn’t accidentally trigger either of them.  

Then get his mouth around Sam’s dick.  

And watch Sam loose control.  

Colby hesitated, considering his options, before he slowly released his grip on Sam’s hand but left Sam’s finger on his tongue. He caught Sam’s careful look at him, gauging if he was okay, trying to check on Colby even as Colby continued to assault his sensitive spots.  

Which is to say, everywhere.  

He sucked on Sam’s finger hard, matching it with a particularly hard pinch and Sam’s gaze was broken as he arched back on a  moan.  He pressed his newly free hand against Sam’s other nipple, able to tease both of them simultaneously with two hands.  Sam shook in his arms, whining softly at the added stimulus.  

Colby gave him one last swipe before pulling his hands away and pulling Sam’s finger from his mouth.  He wanted Sam relaxed, not so spaced out he couldn’t say no if he needed to.   “How you doing, love?”

”Oh... okay,” Sam panted, “I’m okay.”

”You... you still okay if I...” Colby gestured at Sam’s obvious erection.  

“Uh...” Sam flushed, nervousness climbing back onto his face, but he still nodded.  “If you really want to try... I’m game.” 

Colby nodded, “Okay, cool.”  He adjusted, climbing out from behind Sam and positioning himself in front of him.  Sam pressed himself back a little bit so that Colby still had room on the bed.  While moving, Colby caught sight of the new, not so small bottle of lube sitting on the night table.  He blushed, but turned to Sam.  “You want me to finger you while we’re trying this?” 

Sam caught the direction of his gaze, his own cheeks darkening.  His cock gave an interested twitch in his sweatpants.  “If you uh... if you want to...” 

“Do you want me to?”

”Will it help you?”

Colby paused, thinking.  His initial thought, besides immediately wanting to get his fingers inside of Sam to make him writhe and cry out in pleasure (and that was an amazing image that he wouldn’t soon tire of), was that yes.  It probably would help. Feeling Sam clenching around him... would help to remind him that it wasn’t him.  Because it was Sam.  And he’d be able to feel every twitch and spasm of Sam’s body around him, focus on that, and not the memories he was sure he would have to fight through.  “Yeah,” he answered finally, “I think it would.”

Sam grinned at him.  “Cool,” he reached for another pillow, tucking it under his hips.  They had learned, after several wrist cramps and a red faced google search later, that this helped both of them sustain the activity.  Which was always okay.  Except when Sam wanted to cum, and Colby wouldn’t give him enough stimulus to get off.  Then it was okay in a very different way in that it was not okay at all until _oh fuck it was so okay..._

“Colby?” It was Sam’s voice, and Colby was broken out of his reverie.  “Kiss me?” Sam’s eyes were soft.  A smile tugged at Colby’s lips, and he climbed back on top of Sam.  He pressed himself down against Sam’s body, grinding their hips together.  Sam groaned, arching up against him and wrapping his arms around Colby’s back.  “I love you,” Sam whispered in his ear.  

“I love you too,” Colby responded, smiling.  He shifted off of Sam, sliding his fingers down his chest.  Sam pressed against his fingers, shuddering lightly when they brushed over his nipples.  He leaned over Sam to grab the lube from their night table.

Sam’s eyes followed it as Colby brought it back between his legs and he blushed.  Colby grinned.  He loved how Sam never got any less bashful about them doing this.  It was adorable.  "You still get flustered over this... it's so fucking cute," He commented, pumping some lube into his hand.

Sam turned darker.  "Shut up, Colby... oh!"  His voice jumped in volume as Colby pressed his fingers against the muscle.  His eyes sought out Colby's, lips slightly parted, flushed red from kisses... fuck.  It was times like this that Colby wished they both weren't so fucked up about cameras and sex mixing.  He'd love to have that image on his phone.  Maybe... the idea still caused a lick of anxiety to race through his veins.  

"Colby?" That was Sam's voice. Colby blinked, realizing that he had slipped into his head again.  

"Sorry, just got caught in my head," He apologized, pressing his fingers in slow circles.

Sam groaned low in his throat, eyelashes fluttering for a moment before he met Colby's eyes again.  "You still okay to do this?"

Colby nodded, taking a centering breath.  "I want this," He answered simply.  "They don't get to keep this."  

Sam nodded, letting his head fall back against the pillow.  He shifted his shoulders, eyes closing as he pressed against Colby's fingers.  "In me, please?" He asked softly.

Colby smiled, pushing two fingers in.  Sam moaned loudly, his back arching in reaction to the surprisingly large first invasion.  "Fuck, Colby..." 

It fell into muscle memory after that.  Sam was so fucking pretty, the flush that had risen in his cheeks that had nothing to do with embarrassment, just pleasure as Colby's fingers pressed in and out of his body.  It would be easy to get lost here, to press against Sam's prostate until he came, screaming... but that wasn't why he was here.  Colby eyed the blood-filled erection pulsing softly against Sam's abdomen. 

He wanted that in his mouth... right? 

He remembered the feeling from before, remembered how overwhelming it had been, filling his whole mouth and pressing down his throat, how helpless he had felt, with his hands bound and Sam begging for help... how fucking terrified he had been that he was going to pass out because  _he couldn't fucking breathe..._   

"Colby."  It was Sam's voice again, jerking him back to reality.  He looked up at Sam, not realizing that his fingers had paused inside of Sam, Sam now looking at him in concern.  "You okay, babe?" 

Colby nodded.  Sam's face was apprehensive though.  "You sure?" He asked, "This is the second time I've lost you...  We don't have to do this tonight."

"I know," The words broke like brittle ice over his tongue.  Sam flinched faintly, and Colby sighed, "No, I'm sorry.  I just... I think I need to do this."  

"It doesn't matter to me," Sam continued to insist.  "I don't need you to suck my dick."

"I know..." It was softer this time.  "I know..." He looked down at Sam's dick, which had never hurt him of it's own free will.  Sam wouldn't hurt him either.  He wrapped his free hand around it, stroking absentmindedly.  Sam hissed in a breath of surprise.  "I want this," He repeated to himself, and readjusted his position.

Sam watched from between his legs as Colby moved so that his mouth was positioned a few inches above Sam's dick.  Sam's breath caught in his throat, and he watched Colby with big, blue eyes. 

"You're okay with this?" Colby checked again with Sam, to a tight nod from his boyfriend. 

"As long as you are," He answered, his face uneasy.  "I'll stop you if it's too much.  If it's... too much..."  

Colby swallowed, eyeing the flesh.  Sam's hands, twitching worriedly at his side, gave him pause.  "Can you... can you put your hands behind your head?" He asked, feeling like he would feel better if Sam's hands couldn't immediately get to him.  Because he was sure neither of them could handle any kind of actual restraint. 

"Yeah, sure," Sam nodded again, slowly moving his hands to Colby's requested position.  Half a wry grin broke out on his face.  "I feel like a bit of an asshole laying like this," He commented honestly.

Colby laughed unexpectedly.  "You kinda do look like one," He agreed.  Sam scowled at him playfully, startling another laugh out of him.  And it was that little bit of humor that gave him the strength to do what he did next.  

He shifted his grip around Sam's cock, moving it so that he could press the head against his lips. 

It was warm, almost shockingly so, feeling very different even though he was holding it with his hand as well.  Something vaguely unpleasant flashed across his mind, but he pushed it aside.  This was Sam.

He loved Sam.

"Breathe, Sam," He reminded his boyfriend quietly, a faint smile tugging at his lips.  Sam took a quick breath, nodding shakily, eyes fixated on Colby. "I'm okay."  

Another shaky nod.  Sam's muscles clenched around his fingers and he flexed them, hearing as a quiet moan came from Sam's lips.  

His hands were free.  No one was trying to shove anything inside him.  No one was holding him down.  

He wanted this. 

Colby's mouth opened, running his tongue under the head of Sam's cock.  The motion got a muffled whine from Sam, so he did it again, opening his mouth just a little bit further, top lip just over the head as his tongue traced the underside. 

A burst of bitterness ( _precum_ his brain helpfully reminded him) triggered an unexpected sensory memory.  He jerked back slightly, unsure why the taste was a problem until he remembered that was one of the lingering tastes in his mouth from when...

"I love you." Colby looked up to see Sam's eyes back on him.  His arms were shifting, but like he wanted reach down and hold Colby rather than force him to keep going. 

Fuck, he was so grateful for Sam.  Sam must have seen him struggling.  "I love you too," He murmured. 

And without letting himself think too much about it he wrapped his mouth around the head.  

He heard Sam's alarmed noise, felt the trembling in his hips as he struggled to keep himself in check, but he was a little more focused on the flesh in his mouth.  He pressed his fingers into Sam's ass again to ground himself.  A whine escaped Sam's lips, along with a quietly muttered "Fuck..." 

But when he looked at Sam again, his boyfriend was still watching him evenly, even if his breaths were a little more uneven.  _Okay?_   His eyes were asking.  

He nodded his unspoken response.  Because he was.  It was a little awkward, and he wasn't sure what exactly to do with it, but he was... okay.  The niggling feelings of anxiety at the back of his mind could be ignored.  And Colby was getting way too good at ignoring them. 

He moved his tongue at the same time he moved his fingers, and a gasp slammed into Sam's throat.  "Fuck..." Sam breathed out again.  "Dude, that...that's intense..."

"Everything's intense for you," Colby pulled off of Sam to comment. 

"Shut the fuck up." 

Sam shouted as Colby's fingers pressed directly into his prostate.  "Okay," He laughed, pressing again and delighting in the whimpers that this pulled from his throat.  "God, you're so fucking hot..." 

Sam whined, throwing eyes that were dark and wide with lust back at him.  "I'd be hotter if you fucked me harder," He grumbled.

Colby's eyes narrowed.  That was slander that could not stand.   

Sam seemed to realize his mistake, his eyes widened in worry.  "I mean, dude, you don't have to do anything, oh fuck!" Then there was nothing to be done about not proving Sam wrong.  Putting himself in that mindset, it was easier to wrap his mouth around Sam again.  And Sam made a very sexy noise, somewhere between a gasp and cry and a moan, and Colby was able to lose himself in making Sam get loud, the noises and movements of Sam's body, the now familiar clench of muscle around his fingers and the new feeling of the sensitive skin in his mouth.  

It wasn't... bad.  While the feeling of flesh in his mouth wasn't the most comforting sensation, everything else about the situation was different and  _better_.  Sam's noises were more intense than usual, and Colby could feel Sam struggling to control himself and not move his hips, something that he greatly appreciated.  He hadn't even realized how long they had been at it before Sam was panting, "Colby, babe, I'm gonna cum, you might wanna, fuck..." He whined, shuddering and clenching around Colby's fingers.  

Colby did not want cum in his mouth, so he pulled off, using his hand to get Sam the rest of the way there.  The motion was practiced, and Colby was going to have to soundproof their goddamn bedroom or find a way to muffle Sam because he was sure their neighbors didn't appreciate his noises as much as Colby did.  

Colby wiped the semen from Sam's chest with the towel they had learned to keep at bedside, before crawling up Sam's chest and pulling Sam tightly against his chest.  Sam made a contented hum, snuggling his forehead into Colby's chest.  "How are you doing?" He asked quietly.

"I'm okay," Colby answered genuinely.  "I'm... I'm really okay."  He looked down at Sam, his boyfriend looking up at him with a certain loving softness.

"Okay, good," Sam nodded, thoughts crossing his face. 

"How about you?" Colby asked, "Are you okay?" 

Sam nodded, but elaborated, "It was... good.  It felt really good," He thought for a moment, "It was... weird... watching you do that to me... because..." He bit his lip.  "But it was fine...  Would you... would you want to do it again?"

"Uh... I..." Colby considered, trying to think if he'd want to do again.  Sam's noises were pretty hot.  And he didn't... he wasn't terrified by the blowjob.  And it felt good to take something back.  Take something that  _they_ had tried to ruin for him... It was something he would have to keep in mind for if ( _when_ he corrected his brain harshly) he and Sam tackled...  _Colby bottoming_...  "I'd do it again," He answered.  "You?" He tacked on quickly, because this wasn't just about  _his_ triggers.

Sam chewed on his lip, but he was nodding anyway.  "I would... I would like that," He answered.   "Do you want me to try to...?" He gestured down in the general direction of Colby's junk.  

Colby considered, before shaking his head.  Everything that had just happened kinda hit him.  He was proud of himself, for overcoming that fear and trauma but... he felt just a little raw and exposed right now, the way he always did after treading too close to a trigger, even if it had a positive outcome.  And it had.  He had gotten Sam off, with his mouth.  He just felt... a little vulnerable at the moment.  He swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat.  His eyes burned with the threat of tears.  "I think I just need you to hold me right now, love."  

Sam didn't miss the body language.  He leaned up so that he could kiss Colby, softly and reassuringly.  "Okay," He said simply, and that was that.  He rearranged them that Colby was tucked under his chin, letting Colby press his face against Sam's chest.  Colby shuddered, feeling a few rebellious tears escape from under his eyelids. 

"Is this okay?" Sam asked, letting his arms wrap around Colby comfortingly.

Colby nodded into Sam's chest.  "Yeah," He whispered through a throat that had gone tight.   

"I love you so much," Sam murmured against his hair.  "And I am so proud of you."

Colby swallowed again against the lump in his throat.  "I love you too," He answered, and his voice was raspy as he fought through not just crying.  

"Babe..." Sam hugged him tighter, and he finally stopped fighting the tears.  

He was with Sam.  He was safe here.  He could trust Sam to hold him as he cried.  

And so he did.  

OOO

Elton should have known when his notifications exploded that something was wrong.  Anxiety had been eating him alive, waiting for whenever this "soon" from Sam and Colby's captors would be.  He was terrified.  What the fuck could they be planning?

So when he got back to his phone after a few hours at the gym to about fifty notifications... he knew something had happened.    

Elton didn't see the names when he scrolled through his texts at about a mile a minute;

_Dude, what the fuck_

_Elton why would you post that_

_Elton I think you got hacked_

_You should check your twitter dude_

_Elton check your twitter_

_What the fuck!_

Elton's heart sank down into his feet as he flew across his phone to his twitter app, seeing that the notifications there were just about as exploded.  Anxiety at an all time high, he clicked over to his page and looked at the top tweet, posted about two hours ago:

      

 **Elton Castee** _@EltonCastee_

You guys should totally check out this video I found today... 

 

The video link followed.  With almost five thousand comments.

Dread sat like an icy weight in his stomach, even as panic tried to wrestle it out of his throat.  

Because he knew exactly where that link went and what he would see if he clicked it.  It didn't stop him from clicking it, and as the screen loaded he only needed the first two seconds to know exactly which video it was. 

He deleted the tweet, throwing up a quick statement that he had been hacked and to not follow the link, but Elton knew the internet. 

The tweet had been up for at least two hours. 

The damage had been done. 

Fuck, he needed to go talk to Sam and Colby  _now_.  

He was in the car two minutes later.

OOO

Colby's phone rang as he and Sam were pulling clothes on for the day. They were going to go and film and trip to that park Colby and Brennan had been at the other day. Colby was actually pretty excited about it.  Film a video and then have lunch with his boyfriend?  Sounded like a great way to spend the day.  

Colby picked up his phone without thinking too much about it, seeing Sam already scrolling through his phone absentmindedly. "Hey Elton..."

"Colby, whatever you do, you and Sam need to not go on social media," Elton's voice was panicked, volume and pitch way too high.  "Is he there?"

Colby's chest felt cold.  "Sam's here, why..." 

But Elton was already cutting him off.  "You both need to stay off your phones until I get there, okay?  Some bad shit just happened and fuck, I didn't want you guys to find out this way..." 

"Elton, what the fuck is going on?" Colby demanded, because he was looking at Sam, whose face had turned ghostly white, his whole body frozen.   "Elton, you're freaking me out!"

"Just stay off social media," Elton repeated.  "I'll be right there."  And he hung up.  

Colby's eyes hadn't left Sam's.  Sam's phone slipped from his fingers just as the first tear slipped from his eyes.  "Sam?" Colby asked, the feeling of impending doom enough to swallow him whole.  "Sam, what the fuck is going on?" 

He didn't expect Sam to hit the floor.  

"Oh fuck, Sam!"  

He was still conscious when Colby reached him, his legs had just given out, leaving him to lean brokenly against the side of the bed. "Sam, what the fuck?" Colby begged Sam with his eyes to tell him what the fuck was going on that had Elton and Sam so fucked up, what could possibly have happened this time...?

Sam was shuddering, breaths heaving in and out of him, and Colby wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.  Sam was struggling to formulate words, and with every second that ticked by that no one told him what the fuck was going on Colby felt his blood pressure rising with his heart rate. 

Sam shook his head, looking at Colby with so much shock, horror, and sadness.  "He..." He choked, before swallowing and scrubbing his face with his eyes.  "He... he had a body cam."

It should have been obvious, but it didn't click because of how much Colby's brain didn't want it to be a possibility.  "Who had a body cam?"

Sam's voice was almost inaudible when he answered, "The Hooded Man."  

It all clicked with a deathly certainty.  “There’s a video,” Colby stated, feeling all of the emotion drain out of him, leaving behind a black hole in his chest.  “There’s a video and they posted it.”  

Sam nodded.  “From Elton’s page.  Either they hacked his account or made him post it...” Sam’s voice was quiet, terrified, panic and fear and pain clear in his tone.  

The all too familiar white noise was starting up in Colby’s ears, and he pushed away from Sam, despite knowing that Sam needed the contact because fuck, now Colby was starting to panic and the contact was making everything worse.  He pushed back until he hit the wall behind him, trying so hard to use the hard wall as something to ground him, to keep reality from slipping away with the panic attack...

Fuck, he had been doing so well with them too...  

He vaguely heard Sam talking at him, and he was trying so hard to focus on that, on Sam’s voice, not the intrusive thoughts demanding that he listen to him, that he wasn’t even a little bit over what Hooded Man had done to him and now that video was out on the internet for everyone to see, that his community could watch the most traumatic thing that had ever happened to him, that a video existed and it was out on the internet...

Everything was kinda a blur for a while, and the next really solid thought that he could remember having was, _holy shit when did Elton get here?_

Elton had clearly been at the gym, but that wasn’t the current reason for the sweat across his brow.  He was sitting next to Sam, across from Colby, watching him with anguish in his face.  

“When did you get here?” Colby croaked.

“Colby, I’m so sorry,” Elton whispered.  “I’m so fucking sorry, dude.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Colby asked emotionlessly, not really looking at him or Sam.  “You didn’t post the video, right?”

”No...” but there was something else in Elton’s voice, and when Colby looked up to take a closer look at Sam and Elton’s faces.  And he realized something else was up.  

Sam looked _pissed._   Colby hadn’t seen that level of anger in Sam in a long time.   The look painted across Elton’s face made it look like he had just accidentally killed someone’s dog.  “Guys, what the fuck is going on?” He was just so fucking tired of not knowing things.  

“He knew,” Sam growled, “He knew the video existed.”

_Elton knew what?_

Colby’s eyes widened, a little bit of shock and hurt escaping the void in his chest.  “How?”

Elton wouldn’t meet his gaze.  There was agony on his face.  “So... you remember how they were emailing me?” He asked quietly, and if that tone of voice had come out of Elton’s mouth any time before this Colby would have gotten defensively protective over Elton, because the voice that came out of his mouth was hurt, terrified, and worn down.  But it wasn’t any other time.  “They sent me the file about a month ago.  I’ve been... I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you guys...” 

“You knew a month-” Colby’s voice squeaked out.  So Elton had known when he came to grab Colby from Walmart, had known when... “Did you watch it?” 

Sam’s head snapped over to Elton at that comment.  Elton was still still steadfastly avoiding their gaze.  “Elton, did you watch it?” Sam’s voice was definitely angrier than Colby’s had been.  “Elton?” 

Colby could feel his heart beat in his ears, a rapid staccato that almost drowned out Elton’s next words.  

“I’m so sorry.”  Elton didn’t verbally confirm that he had, but his tone and body language told Colby all he needed to know.  

Elton had watched it.  Elton had _seen_... the whole fucking world had seen... 

His breath caught in his chest again, as bands of pressure started trying to collapse his rib cage.  “Babe... babe, hey,” He heard Sam’s voice again.  “Colby, baby, can you look at me?” 

Colby tried to lift his head, tried to search for Sam’s eyes, and he found Sam much closer to him than he had last been.  “Sam...” He pleaded quietly.  

“It’s okay, Colby, it’s okay,” Sam murmured, “We’re okay, we’ll get through this, okay?” 

Colby shook his head because fuck, he didn’t want to have to why the fuck did those monsters have to...

And then there was a knock at the door.  

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sam snapped, glancing at the door to the bedroom.  

“Got it,” Elton commented quietly, getting to his feet.  Colby briefly looked at Elton walked out of the room, still trying to keep his panic from spiraling further than it already had.  He seemed somewhere on the edge of dissociation, which was a relief at least.  He didn’t panic there.  

“We’re okay, babe, I love you, we’re okay...” Sam continued murmuring quietly.

The next series of events happened way too fast for Colby’s brain to really register them until they were done.  He heard the door open, a gruff greeting from Elton, before a _ffffttt_  noise met his ears, and he could hear as a ragged shout of pain was ripped from Elton’s lungs.  

“Elton!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So begins the last arc of this accidental monstrosity. 
> 
> I finally figured out the sequence of events for the last few chapters. We’re looking at three ish more chapters of the main story, with some extras to follow because there are some things that I won’t be able to hit in the time frame of this story. 
> 
> I can’t believe we finally hit this point. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking around, next chapter coming soon!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was ret-conned a little bit as of 10/18/2019 to make the story flow better and the build feel more worth it. If it's much later, than disregard this message.

_"Elton!"_

Actual adrenaline flooding his body displaced the panic that had been quietly clawing it's way up his spine.  He shifted his weight onto the balls of his feet, letting Sam move defensively in front of him.  He heard a thud of impact on flesh and another pained yell from Elton.  "No, get the fuck... Sam!  _Close the goddamn door!_ " 

Sam stood, moving to the door of their room, trying to get to the door to follow Elton's command, but they hadn't moved fast enough.  The barrel of a gun was the first thing Colby saw as someone shoved their way into the room, pushing Sam back without any actual contact.  Sam's hands came up defensively, and Colby registered the face of the gun wielder.

It was one of the mercenaries from the room.  

Colby's heart dropped into the pit of his stomach, terror turning his resolve to Jelly.  They were here?  In Sam and Colby's apartment?  Oh  _fuck,_ this was bad.  

The man nodded at them, not dropping the gun.  "Long time, no see, boys," He commented, "We missed you."  He gestured with his head and the pistol. "Out, come on." 

Sam reached for Colby's hand, but Colby pushed himself to his feet by himself.  The remains of his panic attack didn't really want the contact, and something told him that letting on just how close he and Sam had gotten over the past few months would be the opposite of helpful for their case.  

Colby didn't want it used against them.  

They were prodded out the door, seeing instantly why Elton had cried out.  He laid on the ground, hands pressed against his stomach, where Colby could see blood seeping through his fingers.  Another one of the mercenaries stood over him, his hand gun featured what Colby recognized as a silencer from one too many spy movies. 

Someone had fucking _shot_ Elton.

Elton's eyes were red, tears of pain, frustration, and fear.  "Guys, I'm so sorry..." He gasped, before shouting again as the mercenary kicked him in the stomach, more blood leaking onto the ground.     

"Shut the fuck up, Castee."  

"Elton!" Colby stepped towards their friend, not quite sure what he was doing but then the barrel of a gun was pressed against his back.  He froze instantly.  "Sorry, sorry," He whispered, hands coming up in a defensive position.

"What do you guys want with us?" Sam was the one to finally ask.  His voice was uneven, and when Colby glanced back at his boyfriend, he could see that Sam was absolutely terrified.  Sam's eyes kept darting between Elton, their captors, and Colby.  

"We're here to take you back," The one with the silencer answered. 

"No..." Colby breathed, his chest icing over, terror clawing up his throat with ragged nails.  He couldn't... he wouldn't go back with them.  He couldn't do that again, couldn't live waiting for someone to use him, for someone to force Sam to hurt him again...

"No," Sam repeated, picking up where Colby had faltered.  Colby heard the sobs that were threatening to burst from his throat.   "Please, just... just let us go okay?  You've got the videos, okay, I won't... I won't rape him again.  You can't... you can't make us..." 

The two mercenaries looked at each other, before the guy with the silencer raised his gun again.  He leveled it again at Elton, and the twin cries of "No!" didn't help Elton when another silenced bullet was shot into his shoulder.  Elton shouted raggedly, a hand coming up to press against the new wound.  The mercenary didn't seem affected, looking back at Sam and Colby.

"We're trying to keep you two undamaged, but him..." He kicked Elton in the ribs, and Colby hoped that the crack he heard wasn't one of Elton's ribs.  Elton's vehement swear didn't help assuage his fears however.  "If you two come with us peacefully, he just might make it out of this alive." 

"You can't... you can't kill him!" Colby cried, still afraid to move but unable to say nothing.

"Don't worry about me," Elton rasped, glancing at Colby with fire in his eyes.

"Shut the fuck up." Elton let out some sort of awful noise when a booted foot pressed hard into his stomach, eyes squeezing shut as he tried to process the pain.     

The mercenary behind him chuckled dryly.  "Can't we?" He asked.  "He's the reason we've had to go through all of this effort and money to get you back.  We've been looking forward to hurting him for a while..." Elton was clearly trying to not give them the satisfaction of seeing him in pain, but it was hard when a combat boot kept digging into the bullet wound in his stomach.  

"Please, please don't hurt him," Colby pleaded desperately.  "Look, it's us you want, stop fucking hurting him, please!"

"Colby, no," Elton groaned, "I'm fine, don't..."

_ffftttt_

Another scream. 

"What part of shut the fuck up aren't you getting?" The guy with the silencer glared at Elton, watching a hand fell to his newly bloody thigh as he panted out sobs of pain.  

"Stop shooting him!" Sam cried, "Jesus, please!" 

"You're going to come with us," The mercenary holding a gun to Colby's back spoke.  "And you're going to come quietly, without fighting, and maybe he won't bleed out before an ambulance gets here."  

Colby didn't want to.  He really,  _really,_ didn't want to.  But he didn't want Elton dead more.  "Okay," He agreed through a tight throat, looking at Sam to see that he had come to the same, awful conclusion. "Just stop shooting him, okay?"

"No, don't do it, I'll be fine-" And the mercenary standing over Elton kicked him hard in the head, and Elton fell silent, blood spreading in a pool around him. 

"Elton!" Colby wasn't sure who screamed first, him or Sam, but as soon as he stepped towards their fallen friend, the gun jammed harder into his back and a hand crept up to wrap around his throat.  He froze again, terrified tears leaking down his face. 

"So here's how this is going to work," A voice crooned in his ear.  "You two are going to come downstairs with me while my friend waits up here with Castee.  If you come quietly, and don't try to fight, we might even call an ambulance for your friend here." 

"Why should we trust you?" Sam growled through his own tears, "How do we know you won't just shoot him once you have us?" 

The guys holding Colby shrugged.  Colby could feel it in the way the hand on his throat shifted slightly.  "You don't," He answered honestly.  "But it's your best chance to keep him alive." 

Colby swallowed against the pressure on his throat.  "Okay..." He whispered.  "Okay, we'll go with you, just don't kill him." 

"Good boy." The words made Colby feel nauseous.  "Start walking." 

They were herded out the front door of the apartment, past Elton's prone body.  At Colby's quick glance, it looked like he was still breathing, but with the amount of blood pooled around him Colby had no idea for how much longer that would be true.    

Sam fell into step next to him as they were followed into the elevator.  Sam's eyes were red rimmed, and as the elevator doors closed Sam started pleading, "Okay, look dude, you can do whatever you want to me but you have to leave Colby alone, okay?"

"Sam!" Colby admonished in shock, "You can't just..."

"Shut the fuck up, you two," The mercenary snapped, "There'll be plenty of time for pleading and bargains once we have you two locked down again.  For now, shut the fuck up and walk."

It was at that moment the elevator door opened, and Sam and Colby were pushed out into the lobby of their apartment.  Colby cast his eyes around desperately, hoping that someone would stop them, would stop the man herding the two guys crying from the apartment.  

But LA folk weren't affected by much, and it should't have surprised him that no one said anything.  

He and Sam were on their own. 

A hand landed on Colby's shoulder as he stepped out into the busy LA streets.  He jumped, but a low voice in his ear reminded him to "Just keep walking, Colby.  I'm just providing a little steering." 

Colby nodded and swallowed, letting the hand lead him where it wanted him to go. 

It wasn't far, and he and Sam were lead to a white van sitting on the end of their street.  Colby cast one last, desperate look around, trying to see anyone,  _anyone_ who he could broadcast the fact that they were in so much trouble too... but there was no one.  

"Sam..." Colby whispered, glancing at his boyfriend.  He was sure he looked like a mess, but he absolutely needed to see Sam's face in that moment, not sure when the next time he would be able to see sunlight light up his beautiful blue eyes.  

"We'll be okay," Sam promised through a choked up voice, and Sam looked just as much a wreck as Colby.  "I love you."

"I love you too."

God, he hoped Elton was okay... 

"Come on, in ya go," Colby was pushed into the open back door by a firm hand to the back.  The transition from the bright outside to the dark inside of the van messed with this vision for a moment, and he didn't see the hands that reached out and grabbed his wrist tightly.  

His lungs let out a quiet cry of alarm, and everything seized up and froze as he felt a metal cuff encircle one wrist.  "No, no, please..." He whispered, eyes still adjusting to the darkness, but his body was turned around shoved into the floor of the van.  Someone climbed on top of him, using their body weight and leverage from his already bound wrist to hold him down as his other wrist also secured behind his back.  He struggled to control his breathing as he was bound again, bound and helpless to control or stop anything that was done to him...

He heard Sam make a similar sound of alarm, and the familiar snick of metal cuffs closing.  His eyes had adjusted enough that he was able to see as they shoved Sam down next to him before binding his hands in a similar way.  Over the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears, he heard the door to the van slam shut, their guide from earlier climbing in with them.  Sam met his eyes, and the terror on his face was unmistakable.  "You okay?" He mouthed.

Colby just shook his head mutely.  Every panic response in his body was trying to fire (the ones from this situation and the ones left over from before) and it was only months of practice in controlling his breathing so that he didn't lose control of it that were keeping him in his body right now.  Because he'd be no help to Sam dissociated. Even if it was a lot harder on his brain and lungs. 

Sam scooted minutely closer, pressing his shoulder into Colby's.  Not expecting the contact, Colby jumped, instincts that were already on edge making him flinch away from Sam.  Sam's face crumpled.  "Fuck, sorry," he whispered.  "I didn't..."

Colby shook his head, already feeling bad that he wasn't able to touch Sam right now.  "S'okay..." He breathed back.  

"Hey, who said you two could talk?" 

Colby's jaw snapped shut as he glanced up at the man still sitting on his back.  He didn't know whether to apologize or keep his mouth shut, so he elected to just say nothing.  Sam on the other hand, spoke up. 

"Okay, you got us here," He stated, clearly trying to sound less terrified than he felt, "You're going to call for help for Elton right?"

Colby felt the weight on his back shift before he saw a hard hand wrap around Sam's throat.  Sam's cry of alarm ended in a choked wheeze, and he thrashed on the ground as the pressure severely limited his ability draw a breath.  The man shifting to sit on Sam's back didn't help his situation, the guy easily having a hundred pounds on Sam, and Colby watched as Sam's face got redder and redder as he struggled to breath.  

"Sam!" Colby yelled, trying to get to his knees, to help Sam in some way, but another set of arms wrapped around his bound arms, pulling him into a sitting position.  He glanced back, seeing the mercenary from before, and Colby ceased his struggling at the cold feeling of a blade pressed to his throat.  "Please, please..." Colby begged quietly, trying not to move his throat too much, but unable to just sit there and watch as Sam slowly choked to death. "You're going to kill him."    

The hand pulled back, making it easier for Sam to breath, and Colby watched the redness slowly retreat from his face.  "You don't get any say in what happens to you, or your friends," The voice behind him murmured into his ear, but loud enough that Sam could hear it too.  "You are personal property now.  You don't have any rights.  You will do as told, or someone you care about will be hurt." 

Colby shuddered, fidgeting subconsciously in the restraints wrapped around his wrists.  They had no give.  Of course they didn't.  But his anxiety made him keep checking, as if the restraints might just give at some point... 

Sam looked to be finally catching his breath, looking at Colby with desperate eyes.  That was when they heard the door to the front of the van open, and the mercenary with the silencer finally climbed into the van. 

Only one thought was in Colby's mind at that point.  

_Elton._

"Is Elton alive?" Colby knew he was supposed to be keeping his mouth shut.  It was like the one rule right now.  But he had to ask, he had to get some sort of closure that Elton hadn't gotten a bullet through the skull as soon as Sam and Colby left, that their captors hadn't been lying about keeping him alive. 

There was silence as everyone in the van looked at Colby, and the knife across his throat pulled away slightly.  Then the tip of the blade was pressed against the neck of his shirt, the blade worming itself between the shirt and his chest.  With the sound of slicing fabric, the knife cut down the front of his shirt until his chest was bared to the van. 

Colby was frozen, barely daring to breathe as the blade cut close to his skin, picturing that if that knife slipped just a little bit his organs would come spilling out onto the floor of the van.  Colby didn't even have time to mourn the shirt (he had liked that one).  Having sliced off most of his shirt, the point of the blade came back up to press lightly over the tattoo on his chest, Colby's breathing halting almost entirely as the blade pressed against his skin. 

Not in yet.  Just resting there, barely indenting the skin. 

"No talking," Whisper the voice behind him, before the blade pressed into his skin. 

Colby let out a cry of pain as the blade cut into his chest, only forming a cut about two inches long before the knife drew back.  Colby shook, looking down at the shallow cut.  Fuck, he had thought they were really going to hurt him... The wound bled, red trails falling down the lines of his chest, but it wasn't bad.  Just stung in the aftermath. 

Sam looked like he wanted to say something, demand that they stop hurting Colby, but when the blade was pressed again to Colby's chest, and Colby whimpered, turning his head away from everyone, Sam didn't speak. 

"Look, they can learn," A voice cooed from the front. 

Colby turned tear filled eyes up to the driver's seat, where one of the female mercenaries was looking back at them.  She glanced at the guy in shotgun.  "Hey, didn't you want to film some of this?"

Colby hadn't thought his heart could drop any lower into his gut, but at the nod from the mercenary up front, it did.  He glanced at Sam to see the look of horror mirrored in his face as well.  But they both kept their mouths shut, more terrified of the revenge that might be taken on them if they were to say anything.

Colby heard the van start, and the thrumming of the machine under him forced a sob from his throat, because oh fuck, this was it, they were driving off, taking Sam and Colby from rest of the world and off to... fuck knew where.  He was sure they wouldn't be going back to the same place, so now where?  Would it even be in LA? In California?  In the United States? 

He looked at Sam for support, but his boyfriend wasn't much better off than him.  His forehead was pressed into the floor of the van, eyes closed, but Colby could still see the tears that he was fighting back.  The mercenary was still perched on top of him and watching him with calculating eyes.  Sam's hands had started to turn purple, and his face was still red from the weight on his rib cage limiting his breathing. 

He let out a quiet whimper, hoping that Sam would turn to look at him, meet his eyes in that reassuring way that he always did because Colby  _needed_ Sam right now, needed to feel the support and love that his boyfriend provided for him because while they couldn't talk, they had learned to communicate very well non-verbally.  

Sam looked up at him after his quiet noise, and Colby could see in his eyes that he was planning something.  Colby bit his lip, not sure what Sam's plan was but fairly worried about it because he didn't want Sam to get hurt, didn't want to watch Sam choke and struggle for breath... 

He suddenly  _got_ just a little bit more why Sam had been so reluctant to try blowjobs with him. 

The whole van shifted as it went around a turn, reminding Colby that they were, in fact, moving.  Moving away from safety, and towards something terrifying.  

That was when Colby felt a hand on his abdomen.  He started, looking down at the hand that had started tracing circles across his stomach.  He started to get a very, very bad feeling in his gut.  

"That footage of our friend having his way with you is doing very well, financially," A voice from the front stated, and the breath was stolen from Colby's lungs as he remembered once again that a video of him being fucked existed on the internet.  Another camera was turned to him.  "As content creators yourselves, you should know that when a concept is doing well, that's the time to capitalize on it." 

Oh yeah, very bad feeling in his chest.  The hand that had been tracing his stomach wiggled under the front of his jeans, and Colby couldn't have stopped the cry of dismay if he tried.  "So we'll just go ahead and film another instance of Sam having to watch while someone hurts you, okay?" 

Colby lost control of his breathing when the hand shoved into his underwear and gripped him.  His whole body locked up as someone touched him where he was only now okay with Sam being, and even that he had fought to reclaim, to call his own again.  "God, please," he whimpered, turning his face away from the camera.

"Colby!" He heard Sam shriek, but it was coming from a far away place, as Colby's brain noped the hell out of that situation, doing what Colby could now put a name to as dissociating.  He barely recognized as the the hand stroked at his in no way interested dick, just letting his body exist as his mind retreated somewhere where he didn't have to feel anything that was happening. 

That was when Sam reacted.  His whole body convulsed in a way that the mercenary on top of him didn't anticipate, knocking the man to his side and allowing Sam to get to his feet.  He kicked the mercenary holding Colby hard in the face, and Colby felt the man jerk his hand from Colby's pants, shoving Colby to the side dismissively.  Colby started trying to surface from his dissociation as he watch Sam move to the back door of the van, trying to help, trying to get with whatever Sam was doing because fuck he had to try...

Sam had just gotten his hand around the handle when a shot from the silenced pistol rang out in the enclosed space.  Colby watched an explosion of red come from Sam's left knee, and heard Sam scream.  But the back door to the van opened, and Sam tumbled out, a terrified cry and a honk of car horns the last Colby heard of his boyfriend. 

There were loud swears from the whole van, and Colby was crying out for Sam, because fuck, Sam had just left him.  Sam had... had someone hit Sam?  He had no idea how fast they were going, but Colby had broken his ankle before just jumping out of a car going fifteen.   Colby was crying, he could feel the tears streaking down his face, the sobs ripping at his lungs. 

Fuck, Sam was gone.  And even though he was relieved that that meant that Sam would not be taken with him wherever they were going... it also meant he was going there alone. 

Colby felt someone grab at his hair, his neck, pulling him away from the swinging door.  He was still screaming, could feel the tearing at his throat even if he couldn't really hear it right now.  Something impacted his cheek hard, Colby's face snapping to the side as pain bloomed across his face.  He was hit again, head snapping to the other side,  and he vaguely could hear someone yelling in his face, telling him to  _shut the fuck up_. 

Colby honestly wasn't really aware of what was coming out of his mouth.  Just that one more good clock across the jaw made stars burst across his vision before everything went black. 

OOO

The first time Sam came to, he was high.  

Like, so fucking high.  

Everything in his head was super floaty,like... _suuuuuper_ floaty.  But his arms were heavy, and his legs.  Why were his limbs all heavy?  He turned his head and everything spun like a kaleidoscope, and he groaned.  Wow... he had never been this fuckin’ high in his life, not even when he and Colby had gotten that sketchy weed from that kid in high school...

”Cooooolbbbyyyyy,” Sam called, because he had to tell Colby how high he was, because this was  _crazy_... 

One of the people walking with him-  _was he walking? No, he was rolling on a bed and they were walking... trippy..._ \- looked down at him.  He was kinda pretty, but not as pretty as  _Colby_... 

“Who’s Colby, bud?” The man asked him good-naturedly.  

He seemed nice.  Sam liked him.  

Even if he wasn't as pretty as Colby. 

“Colby’s my boyfriend, he’s really pretty...” He grinned hugely.  “Like...  _really_ pretty.” 

“Good for you, bud,” The guy commented, “Maybe he’ll come see you after we get you back in your room.” 

“Noooo,” Sam shook his head, “Colby’s... Colby’s somewhere else right now... he’s not... uh... he’s not...” His eyes were blinking, eyelids heavy.  “I’m sleepy...” He commented instead, closing his eyes. 

“Alright, bud, you sleep then,” the man chuckled, and that was the last Sam remembered.  

 

When Sam came to again, he was slightly less high, but everything in him was disoriented.  He felt sick, his stomach turned, and a horrible feeling of foreboding permeated his whole body.  Something was wrong.  Something was wrong and he didn’t know what.

And everything hurt.  Why did everything thing hurt? 

“Colby,” Calling for his boyfriend was his first instinct, the first person he wanted in any crisis.  “Colby, babe, where are you?” 

“Hey Sammy,” A woman’s voice, strangely familiar spoke in his ear and he jumped.  There was someone holding his hand, who was holding his hand? 

Panic seized him.  Where was he?  What was going on?  “What do you want?” He called, “Where is he?  Where’s my fucking boyfriend?” 

“Easy there, Sam, you’re okay, sport,” That was a male voice, familiar again, but Sam couldn’t place them.  

“Don’t you touch him, don’t you dare touch him,” Sam called out, thrashing a little bit but the pain that rocketed through him at the movement made him instantly regret it.  “Fuck, please don’t hurt him, please...”

”Sammy, you’re okay baby, you’re okay...” 

There were more voices, and Sam tried to fight them again, fight against the hands holding his because they had Colby, he knew they did, and he wasn’t going to let them have him without a fight.  “Fuck you, Colby, Colby!”

Then something cold rushed into his arm and everything went black again.  

 

When Sam came to the final time it was to a loud, beeping noise to his left.  “Fuck, ow...” He groaned, the loud noise hurting his ears.  At least, he thought he spoke.  What he heard was more like a particularly enthusiastic groan.  

“Hey sport,” Came a voice from next to him.  A voice Sam recognized this time.

”Dad... why are you in LA?” That came out coherent, if a little slurred, and Sam tried to blink open eyes that were so heavy... The shrill beeping noise startled again and Sam jumped.  

“That’s the third time that IV’s done that,” His dad commented quietly.  

“Sorry sir, sometimes they just don’t like where they’re placed,” An unknown female voice commented, and Sam swiveled his head around to try to see who it was, but his head spun in response and he winced.  

The beeping stopped thankfully, and Sam heard a whispered gratitude.  “Mr. Golbach, are you awake?” The unfamiliar voice asked him.  

“Uh... kinda?” Sam winced, something like pain starting to come back to him from... from all over really.  His arms, his legs, his chest... “Owww...” He groaned.  His leg really fucking hurt.  “What... why does everything hurt?”

”What’s your pain on a scale of one to ten?”  He heard the voice ask, and saw someone moving and a computer lighting up.

Sam shifted, groaning as reality sunk back into his bones.  ”Uh... I dunno... eight?  Maybe...?  What’s wrong with my leg?  And everything.  Why does everything hurt?” 

“You don’t remember?” 

“Mom?”

He turned towards the voice, seeing both his parents sitting to his left.  "What should I remem-...?" 

And then his leg burned, and then it came back.  

Getting taken, seeing that piece of loose metal on the van floor, thinking that he could probably just shove his phone in it, and then they could track the van.  Realizing that he would have to place it, and probably get out of the van or no one would know to do it, realizing he would have to leave Colby behind, waiting until they were all distracted with Colby, his heart pounding in his chest, and then the adrenaline rush as it all worked just as planned until his knee exploded with pain and he fell out the back of the van, and then everything went black.  

"Fuck!" He started, looking around frantically for a phone or computer.  "I have to... do you have a... I need to track my phone."  

His mom shook her head, stroking his hair back from his face, "It's not a big deal sweetie, we can look for it later." 

"No!" He cried, "You don't understand, my phone is... I left it in the van that took Colby."

It look a moment for the implications to click with his parents, but when it did, he saw the urgency hit them too.  "Crap..." His father pulled out his phone and selected a contact.  Sam listened to it ring, barely listening as the nurse pushed some medication (he was pretty sure it was pain meds) into his IV and felt the world regain some of that fuzzy feeling that made the pain in his body just a little easier to ignore.  

A phone was held to his ear, and he heard a woman's voice on the other end, asking for his log-in details for his phone's locator program.  Sam listed them off, his heart racing in his chest despite the pain meds that tried to slow his body.  He waited in horrible anticipation as there was silence on the other end, and then a simple response, "We have a signal."  

"Is it close?" Sam asked, "Is it still in the van?"  Questions that of course she had no way to answer, but Sam needed to try to ask anyway.  

"Well, your phone's in Arizona," She said.  "And I doubt it was kicked there."

The statement shocked a laugh out of Sam, a laugh that quickly mutated to a sob.  And that fucking hurt his chest, and his arms, but fuck, his plan had worked and Colby was in Arizona but at least they had somewhere to start.  

Maybe the van was parked right outside where Colby was being kept.  

He registered the assurances that a team would be sent to that location as soon as they could.  He was in some sort of hysterical, panicked joy that his plan had at least halfway worked, maybe.  That maybe he could save Colby, maybe he hadn't abandoned him for no reason...  

He was sobbing for real now, and the phone was pulled from his ear.  His dad said a few, short words into it before ending the call.  His mom had started stroking hair back from his face, but all Sam could think about was Colby.  God... he hoped Colby was okay... 

OOO

Colby had no idea what time it was when he came to next, just that everything hurt.  He shifted, wondering what the fuck he had done to his body this time when something caught at his wrists and he froze. 

Cold cement pressed against the bare skin of his chest.

Metal cuffs.  Cold.  Unyielding.  Holding his hands behind his back. 

And then it all came back.

The kidnapping, Elton getting shot, the car ride, Sam falling out the back of the van after his knee had exploded in a violent splatter of blood...

Colby, left alone with their kidnappers. 

"Oh fuck..."  He struggled past the wooziness in his head and the panic in his chest, trying to open his eyes again take in his surroundings because if he just knew where he had been taken...  

Except everything was black.  He blinked a few times, trying to clear the stars from his vision, wondering why the fuck the light entering his eyes was the same whether he had his eyes open or not.  Fuck, had he gone blind?  Had they hit him that hard?  He'd heard horror stories of people getting hit so hard they lost their vision.  Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...

He sucked in a ragged sob through his mouth, just then becoming aware of the fabric that was sucked again his lips when he breathed in.  That was when he felt it, the cloth bag that was wrapped around his head, held tight around his neck by something, something solid and circular. 

He wasn't blind.  There was a bag over his head. 

"Okay, okay, everything is fine, I’m okay, I’m okay..." he breathed, falling into one of his breathing exercises because he needed to not panic here, relieved to find his mouth uncovered.  "What do I do?  Oh fuck, what do I do?" 

He struggled to keep the same, strained, even breathing because having a panic attack right now wouldn't help anyone.  Not Sam, not Elton.  Especially not him. 

Sam? 

"Sam?" He called out into the emptiness, "Sam, are you there?"   

He was simultaneously relieved and heartbroken when only his own voice bounced back at him.  

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." He still felt the betrayal heavy in his chest that Sam had left him.  It warred heavily with the part of his brain that told him that he was glad that Sam wasn't here.  That there was a chance that Sam was okay, safe.  Had escaped.  That Sam wouldn't have to be tortured again.  

On the other hand, it meant that Colby was here, alone, with no one.  

He would have to face whatever was coming for him on his own.  

Colby tried dragging the bag against the ground, seeing if he could worm it off of his face.  Maybe he could at least try to get his vision back. 

Several minutes of fruitless tugging only served to scratch up Colby's cheek.  Giving up on that endeavor, he sat up, shifting his shoulders as they protested loudly at being forced to maintain this position.  Fuck, they hurt...

He drew his knees up to his chest, pressing his face into his knees.  He heard something jangle at his throat when he moved, and it was that context clue that told him what was wrapped around his throat holding the bag in place.

It was a fucking collar.  

No amount of breathing exercises could stave off the panic attack this time, and Colby was, for the first time, thankful for the bag, for at least when his captors came for him, and he was sure they would, they wouldn't be able to see that he had been crying...      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit as of 10/18/2019:  
> This chapter felt rushed out to me, so I took some time and went back and edited some bits to make sure that the big capture arc we had been rebuilding to didn't feel gypped.
> 
> If you have no idea what I'm talking about, please disregard the above. 
> 
> Regularly Scheduled Post Chapter Message:  
> So... this came a lot faster than I thought it would. Even if Sam went completely off script by jumping out of the van.
> 
> As always, lemme know what you thought. We’re rapidly coming to a close with this story, but stay tuned. There’s already another one in the works.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ! (Update 10/18/2019)
> 
> I rewrote the ending of chapter 20, so if you want this to make sense, then you'll want to go back and reread at least the ending half of the chapter to see where we left off. I moved some of the events from 20 in to 21, so there may be repeats, but hopefully everything will still make sense and will be a little less jarring and sudden.
> 
> Anyway, on with the show!

Colby waited a long time.  Long enough that his tears had dried and he just felt empty inside again.

They were going to come for him.  And they were going to hurt him, in some sort of way.

And there was nothing he could do about it. 

He tried to get a feel for how big the room was this time by walking it, sliding his feet along the floor so that he didn't accidentally hit anything with his face.  This room was smaller than the last one, more of a glorified storage closet than a room and Colby couldn't help but feel claustrophobic. 

His shuffle of the room also confirmed that he was the only one here. 

For better or for worse, Sam had escaped capture. 

God, he hoped he was okay. 

He hoped he and Elton were just fucking alive.

That was the worst part, honestly.  Because not only was he fighting through his own panic at the pain he knew was coming, he had no idea if his boyfriend had even survived jumping out of the van.  Or if Elton had survived being shot three times.  The terror that he was the only one, that there was no one coming for him... Fuck... if he had any more tears to cry over it he would.  

He was here, locked in a tiny room, bound and blind, probably going to be tortured in more ways then he cared to think about... 

He had never felt more alone.

The sound of a door opening reminded him that while he may have been alone, he had not been forgotten.  He turned his body towards the source of the noise as footsteps approached him. 

What happened next... happened in a blur.  He was so close to dissociated that it only took someone seizing him by the hair and shoving him to the ground for him to truly leave his body again.  Something unpleasant was happening, he was sure, something having to do with pain, violation, and _oh fuck I can’t breathe_... but Colby wasn’t there for it.  He just let himself be used because what was even the point in fighting this time?  It wasn’t like he was trying to protect Sam.

Sam was gone.

Sam had left him alone with these monsters.  

And fuck knew if rescue would come this time.

Time was a hard thing to quantify while he was out of his body.  He thought that the violation might have taken a while, but it could have been half an hour or five.  It didn’t really make any difference when Colby was left on the floor again, alone.

And Sam wasn’t there to tell him everything would be okay.  

He kind of floated, for a while.  Reality was a painful thing, and Colby stayed as far from it as he could.   He didn’t know how else to do.  What the fuck else could he do? 

There was nothing.  So instead he floated, and let time pass without him. 

OOO

Sam waited anxiously for an update on Colby. Meanwhile, he tried to take stock of everything that had happened to him.  

He was told, because he didn't remember much after getting shot out of the back of the van and hitting the asphalt going way too fast, that someone had called EMS for him after his falling body apparently caused a small traffic jam.  He had been bleeding profusely from his leg, several limbs obviously broken, but it wasn't until they had gotten him into the OR that they really recognized the extent of the damage.  

Sam knew there were fancy words attached to the bones he had broken, but most of what he registered was that everything was broken, and that his knee was really,  _really,_ broken.  He could feel it even now, throbbing against the bandages wrapped around it.  When the doctors had rounded Thursday morning (it was already Thursday morning and they had taken Colby Wednesday afternoon), the news wasn't great.  

Most of his broken bones (in his arms) and dislocated shoulder (the left one) would heal fine given time.  Their theory was that there had been so much damage to his arms because they had been cuffed behind him and forced into positions of great stress.  Sam just gave them a strained thumbs up.  His legs however... His right lower leg was fractured, which wasn't bad, but his left knee... "When we got you in, your knee was at a ninety degree angle... in the opposite direction..." the PA, a female this time, explained.  "So there was massive amounts of damage."  She listed off some ligaments and tendons that had torn, bone and bullet fragments that had to be picked out and reorganized.  "Basically, we've set everything where it's supposed to go, and supported it with some screws and plates, but your body's going to have to do the rest.  We'll just keep hopeful that it heals well."

"Will this... will I still be able to walk, or...?" Sam looked down at his leg, wrapped up in a brace and bandages. 

She smiled halfheartedly, "Almost definitely.  You'll have to do physical therapy with it, but you may permanently have a limp.  Just be aware that's a possibility." 

Sam nodded, blinking back unbidden tears.  "Okay..."

That had been a hard pill to swallow.  That, plus the news that Elton was in the ICU as well, alive but still heavily sedated after losing a ton of blood, meant that Sam's mental state was not the best.  Sam spent a good amount of time Thursday crying, staring into space, or staring at the TV.  It was fucking massive, something like a 50" display.  There were movies, but Sam had a hard time paying attention. 

He was too worried about Colby.

Colby's parents had come by to see him too.  Colby's dad paced, his mom sitting in scary silence as they both processed that once again, Colby had been taken by people set on hurting him. 

And making money from it. 

Sam tried to remind himself that he had done the right thing here.  That now they knew where Colby was.  Or at least, had a place to start.  Not the total crap-shoot it would have been if they had just taken off with Sam and Colby both. 

It might have been months before they even had a lead.  Might have been years.  Maybe never. 

But he couldn't ignore the voice in the back of his head that insisted that he had abandoned Colby, left him for dead, left the guy he loved to a fate worse than death... 

"Did I do the right thing?" Sam asked his parents quietly, later Thursday evening after a day of mental turmoil.  "Or did I just abandon him?" 

His parents sent each other pained looks before responding.  "I think you did the thing that was most likely to get you both rescued," His mom offered gently.  "And anything that keeps you with us, instead of... gone again..." Her voice caught, and his dad squeezed her close, "Is the right thing to us."

"But he..." Sam shook his head, "God, I swore I'd never let anyone else hurt him again.  I promised myself that I'd do whatever it took to... to protect him, and I just..." He shuddered, closing his eyes because he was so sick of crying, "I just left him." 

"Because you had to, to keep him safe, right?" His dad touched his shoulder gently, mindful of the injuries that lay under the gauze. "Because you're protecting him by doing everything in your power to make sure he gets rescued as quickly as possible, right?" 

Sam nodded halfheartedly.  "Yeah, I guess..." 

"You can't blame yourself, Sammy," His mom chimed back in.  "It's not your fault."  Sam sniffled again. 

"Yeah... okay..." Sam trailed off doubtfully. 

There was silence for a few moments and Sam looked up at what the TV was playing now.  It was the newest Avengers movie.  Sam winced and looked away. 

He had gone to see it in theaters with Colby... 

"So, Sam..." His dad started, looking at him with something in his expression that Sam couldn't quite identify.  "You uh... you came to, for a little bit earlier, before you really came out of it.  Do you remember that?" 

Sam frowned, trying to think.  "I uh... Maybe?"  It was all really fuzzy. He remembered being super high, and then feeling trapped, and trying to fight off someone... "Did I hurt anyone?" He asked suddenly in horror.

"No. no..." His dad assured him, looking again at his mom.  "Nothing like that, we just..." 

"You said some things we'd just... like some clarification on," His mom said evenly.  You uh... you called out for Colby, and then... then you asked where you boyfriend was." 

Sam's spine froze in place.  He had?  He didn't... he didn't remember that happening at all.  But if it hadn't happened... his parents wouldn't be asking about it, would they?  "Uh..." He stammered. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, he knew Colby didn't want their parents knowing about this yet.  They'd talked about it, and both of them knew that their parent would take one look at their relationship and do exactly what Elton and so many of their friends had done... insisted it was a toxic coping mechanism to a fucked up situation. 

"Um..."  His heart raced in his chest, his limbs twitched, even though it was painful, even though there was no way he could even begin to try to escape anywhere right now with all of his limbs immobilized like they were, and Sam started to get horrible, horrible flashbacks of the last time he had been trapped like this, bound down and forced to only watch as Colby was violated over and over and over and over...

"Sammy, baby..."

"Sam, sport, it's okay..." 

"I promise, we're not mad at you, it's okay..."

"Sam, you're safe, you're okay..." 

"Sam..." 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Sam didn't even realize he was sobbing out an apology until he opened his eyes and found his parents way closer than he expected.  He jumped, setting his...  _everything_... to aching again.  He grimaced, trying to catch a hold of his panicked breathing and racing heart again.    

"Sam... I promise we're not mad..." His mom whispered softly.  "So... you and Colby are dating?"

Sam didn't even want to meet their eyes.  He just minutely nodded. 

"Are you still dating Kat?"

A minute shake of the head. 

"Are you happy?" 

Sam looked up, startled.  That was not the third question he had been expecting.  "Yes?"

"Then we're happy," His dad smiled at him comfortingly. 

Sam blinked.  This was not at all how he had expected this conversation to go.  "Uh... you mean... you're not angry that we're like... after everything that happened..." 

Sam's mom huffed out a laugh.  "Sam, we still remember when Colby had a crush on you in high school." 

Sam's eyes widened.  "You... he did?  You did?  What?" 

"The way he followed after you," His dad smiled, looking at his mom, "He was always over, always wanting to do things with you.  You were his whole world, Sam.  I'm not sure his parents saw it..."

"They didn't want to see it," His mom muttered darkly.

"Leslie," His dad commented sharply, and Sam caught a glimpse of discussions that had been happening behind his back for years.  Sam knew Colby's parents were more on the conservative end, but he hadn't realized that they might not fully support Colby being... gay? Bi? What were they even? 

"Either way, Colby's like a son to us too.  And we want you both to be happy.  If this is helping you both heal from everything that happened... then that's the way it is." 

Sam shook his head, still trying to keep up with the fact that not only had Elton known, but his parents had as well... "So even though this all happened after... all of  _that_..." He didn't want to say it.  Didn't have to.  

His parents both winced.  "Even after that..." His mom answered.  "You're both adults.  You can make your own choices.  We trust you."  

If asked, Sam would have said that he had no more tears to cry, but somehow more managed to push out of his eyes as he whispered, "Thank you..."  

The hugs hurt, but they were more than worth it.  Because they meant his parents knew, and they were okay with it.  

Everything would be okay once he had Colby back by his side.   

OOO

The worst part about feeling like Sam had abandoned him had to be that so many of Colby's calming exercises involved using Sam as a rock.  Hearing Sam's voice in his head telling him that everything would be okay, or that he just needed to breathe.  

Now, all those thoughts brought was pain.  So he just stayed dissociated, sinking back down into it every time his brain offered to reattach to his body.  It sure made the violations that kept occurring easier to bear.  Time passed, how much, he had no idea, but it was enough that his body's needs made themselves unignorable. 

The cold water bath and beating he got for that one sucked. 

At least, it might have if he could do anything more than watch his body from the corner he had curled up in.   

He watched as time passed, and his body was used again.  There was a camera this time, but it didn’t seem to be the primary purpose of the visit.  There was more pain, pain that came from his chest and back - _sharp and burning-_ but it was still easier to ignore it, easier to watch than to experience.

Sam wasn’t here.  

He didn’t have to care.  

It took a while, but something in him shifted, something that brought his brain a little bit closer to the surface.  The door.  The door had opened again.  Oh god dammit, this couldn't be good.  He was just starting to come back into his body when someone wrapped a hand around his throat. "Get the fuck up," A voice commented, and dread mixed with the panic and fear in his chest.  He knew that voice anywhere. 

The Hooded Man was back. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

He tried to slip back into his happy space, but something in his brain had decided he was staying conscious for this at least (because he should probably at least know where he was being taken) and peaceful dissociation would not come.  

Fuck... they were doing this.  

Something grabbed the front ring of the collar around his neck, forcing him to get to his feet lest he be dragged across the concrete, and Colby followed the pull blindly, unable to see what was going on in order to defend himself.  He stumbled more than once, almost choking himself as the collar was pulled hard to urge him to keep moving.  Finally, the pull on the collar halted, and Colby struggled to find his footing before someone grabbed the hood and pulled it off of his head. 

All of the mercenaries were there, with cameras already set up, lights blinding after the total darkness he had been in.  He was in some sort of warehouse again, but this one was massive, ceiling stretching up twenty or thirty feet.  There were boxes and old shipping crates everywhere, an open space having been cleared for the lights.  

He flexed against the cuffs, his shoulders absolutely screaming with pain now.  He had no idea how long they had been bound, but he didn’t want to think about the damage that had probably already been done.  "What do you want?" It wasn't meant to be combative, or aggressive.  Colby was just exhausted, and so, so tired of trying to keep a strong face in front of these monsters. 

One of the mercenaries gestured at the cameras.  "What does it look like?" She asked, "We're here for another video."

"And since dear Samuel couldn't be here," Another picked up, "Looked like you get to be the star." 

Colby fidgeted with his fingers.  He should have cared.  He should have been terrified.  But right then he couldn’t find it in him to care at all.  "Fine," He whispered, "Just get it over with then."  He was so tired of fighting.  Maybe he could just hurry up and dissociate and call it done.  

A ripple of surprise passed through the group.  "No fighting?  No begging this time?" The Hooded Man strode into his field of view, reaching over to touch his face again.  "Colby, that's very unlike you." 

He didn’t even cringe at the touch.  "What does it fucking matter?" Colby asked emotionlessly, "It's not like it's going to change what you're going to do it me.  You're going to rape me whether I cry or not."  

The Hooded Man sighed, "You're not wrong," His grip shifted to Colby's throat, tightening enough to impede Colby's breathing.  “It’s just so much more fun when we can hear you.”  Colby's hands fought against the cuffs instinctively, before logic reminded him that there was no way the cuffs were going to give.  So he sagged into the grip, accepting that he just wasn't going to breathe as easily as he wanted to right now.  

Hooded Man growled, backhanding him across the face.  Colby didn't fight it, letting the pain just be there, and not fighting against it.  It wasn't easy, with every instinct screaming at him to fight back, but... 

But he was slowly starting to notice something.  The more he didn't fight back, the angrier the Hooded Man got.  The more unsettled that the people around him got.  They wanted him to fight, to scream.  But doing what people told him he had to do had never been Colby's strong suit.  And as he let the Hooded Man choke him, a plan started forming in his head. 

Because maybe everything in him wanted to give up and call it a day, but there was still something that spoke from deep inside of him, urging him to not give up without one last ditch effort to escape.  He needed them to think that he was done. 

And it wasn’t that he wasn’t close, wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about it, but Colby had seen a glowing red exit sign.  He just needed everyone to let their guard down.

Because he wouldn’t let himself get stuck with them again.  Not if he could help it.

This was just gonna suck.

He didn't let his body react when he was shoved to his knees on the hard concrete, didn't let himself react as hands gripped his hips and a camera moved closer to him.  It was hard, so fucking hard, but he didn't let his body react as something was shoved inside of him as far as it could go, even though this time he could feel it, could feel the violation and pain and humiliation of someone holding him down and fucking him as hard as they could. 

So much worse, because he had been dissociated the last times and he hadn’t had to feel how awful this was to actually experience.  He had to fight to keep his brain from retreating, because his plan wouldn't work if he wasn't with it.

Everything hurt, his ass, his arms, his knees, his throat, his face, but he kept his limbs minimally tensed, waiting for the right moment, waiting, waiting...

He knew when his body was roughly discarded to the ground that the Hooded Man was done with him.  He even kicked Colby a few times, to try to get him to react, but Colby kept his body lax. 

They would give up at some point. 

Everything hurt, and he struggled to keep himself aware enough to know when he could go for it.  It was then that the opportunity struck him.  Several of the mercenaries had cleared from the immediate area, and Hooded Man was talking to the guy with the camera.  None of them were focused on him, and Colby saw his opening. 

With a burst of adrenaline he didn't know he still possessed, he was on his feet and running before anyone could react.  He heard shouts behind him, people screaming at him  _get the fuck back here_ but Colby paid them no mind.  They couldn't stop him.  He was going to fucking escape or die trying.  He vaguely heard a gunshot, and thought he felt something hit his back, but most everything was cancelled out by the adrenaline racing through his veins.  He reached the exit door, able to get his hands around it, praying that it wasn't locked and in a burst of good luck it wasn't and he was through, running through a darkened hallway until he hit another door and there were bright lights shining through that one, and he knew he was naked and he didn't care, because that door meant freedom and he refused to go back to where he had been before.

He burst through the door into a circle of police cruisers, flashing lights bright against a night sky.  Colby froze, completely shocked at the sudden turn of events. 

"Uh..." He started, before someone yelled

"Get down!" And Colby hit the sand under him, hearing the fire of bullets into the doorway behind him.  Someone screamed, Colby didn't think it was himself although between the adrenaline and endorphins rushing through his system right now nothing really seemed real until an officer had hurried up to him, a blanket already in her hands.  

She was saying something, something along the lines of "Colby, you're safe, you're safe, we've got you" but Colby missed most of that. 

As soon as his body registered that it didn't have to fight anymore he promptly passed out. 

OOO

The news came late Friday afternoon, when Sam had just woken up from a nap badly needing a fresh dose of pain meds.  

His mom had just gotten off the phone, and she and his dad were holding each other and crying.  Sam immediately feared the worst.  "Is he dead?"

"No..." His mom's voice was tearful when she told him, "They found him, Sam.  He's coming home."

Elation and relief rushed through Sam with a forced he didn't know how to handle.  And then his mom was hugging him tightly, and then Sam was crying, and he didn't even care that his whole body hurt.

They had found Colby.  He was coming home...  

OOO

Colby surfaced several times before reality made itself a constant rather than a variable.  There were people touching him, loud noises, lots of moment, and all sorts of other unpleasantness that he didn't know how to tolerate given where his brain was at.  Luckily, someone else seemed to know that it was all too much for his brain, and someone kept drugging him out.  Colby wasn't even sure who.  He just prayed that they would be better than the people who had him before.  

It was sometime later that Colby awoke on a scream.  “Fuck, no, please...” He could still feel the fingers on him - _in him_ \- holding him down and he shrieked as he felt someone else grab his wrist because fuck that, no, he couldn’t do it again, he _wouldn’t_  do it again he had gotten away and he was never, ever going to let anyone do that to him _ever_  again and...

”Cole-Bear...” 

And everything in his juddered to a stop because there was only one person who called him that, only one person who was allowed to call him that.

”Mom?” 

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to take in the environmental cues that would tell him where he was, because he was sure that _they_  didn’t have his mom so they must be somewhere else... 

There was soft fabric under his body, air conditioned air hitting his skin, and the smell of cleaning products filled his nose.  There was a constant beeping noise sounding in his ears, and that more than anything told him where he was.  

Hospital.  He was back in the hospital.  

He opened his eyes, seeing his parents sitting at his side and confirmed to himself visually that he was out of that room because he could fucking see his parents and the hospital room surrounding him.  Fuck, he could see.  No bag covered his vision.  “Ow, ow, ow...” He groaned as he moved his shoulder, white hot pain radiating down his arm from his right shoulder.  He pressed his other hand against the shoulder, feeling bandages wrapped tightly around it.  “Ow, fuck...”

His parents cringed.  Colby knew they hated it when he cursed.   

Probably half of why he did it so much when he was a teenager.  

“Take it easy, Cole-Bear,” His mom whispered, “Don’t hurt yourself.”  

Colby winced, shifting his shoulders again.  He knew why they were sore (something about being bound behind his back for who knew how long) but his shoulder, why...? 

And then he remembered; something slamming into his shoulder as he ran from his captors, being too high on adrenaline to notice anything... “I got shot...” He realized.  And then the synapses connected, and he suddenly remembered what should have been the first thing out of his mouth. “Sam!” He cried, “Fuck, and Elton, are they okay?”

“They’re both okay,” His dad soothed him, despite his wince at the language, “A little roughed up, but okay.”

”Oh thank God,” Colby breathed.  God, he had been so scared.  That had been the one thing that he was really worried about the entire time they had him, that Sam and Elton were... “How...” He swallowed, suddenly recognizing the dryness in his throat for what it was.  “How long did they have me?”

His parents both tensed, exhausted worry on their faces.  “We found out they got you Wednesday afternoon,” His dad said quietly.  “You got here last night, and it’s Saturday afternoon now, so...”

“About 48 hours...”  Colby did the math grimly.  That made sense for the vague timeline he had in his head.  He swallowed against his dry throat again.  “Can I have some water?”  

“Sure,” His mom nodded, reaching for a water bottle Colby hadn’t noticed before.  She passed it to him.  He nodded his thanks, cracking it open and taking several swallows.  It was a very pleasant surprise that there was no IV restraining him this time.   Good.  Colby really, really didn’t think he could handle being restrained right now.

His parents were looking at him with continuing concern, and he shifted in discomfort under their heavy gaze. ”How’d they find me?” He asked quietly.  “I thought...”. He swallowed.  “I thought it would take a lot longer.” He had expected to be held for months this time, certain that their captors would have found a new, locked down location that no one would ever find. Hence his decision to run for it when he thought he had the chance.   

His mom smiled then, a small, thankful smile. “Sam,” She answered.  “He told us he left his phone in the van they took you in.  They were able to track that.”  

Colby’s eyes widened, and he looked away, not wanting his parents to see the tears that had started to push at his eyes.  

So Sam hadn’t just abandoned him.  Not that Colby really should blame him for wanting to just get out of that situation, Colby sure as hell didn’t want Sam to get hurt, and he wouldn’t have been able to pull the crazy stunt that he did, because he would have had to worry about Sam, but... fuck, it had still hurt when Sam left him alone in that van... “Sam always was the smart one,” He murmured.  Fuck... he needed to talk to Sam, needed to see him, because he had known that Sam would never abandon him but God he had been so scared and in so much pain... “Can I go see him?” He asked.

Instantly, his parents' demeanor changed.  They looked at each other, a look that Colby didn’t like one bit.  “Cole...” His dad started and Colby’s stomach dropped. 

“What’s going on?”  He went to twist at his rings, rings that weren’t there.  “Guys, what’s wrong?” 

“We just...” His mom looked at his dad before she continued, “We don’t think that you seeing Sam would be... the best idea right now.” 

“Why?” Now Colby was really worried, “Is he not okay?  Does he...” And a horrible thought struck him.  “Does he like... does he not want to see me?” Fuck, had Sam finally come to his senses?  Or did he not want Colby now that he had been... that they had... 

“Cole,” His mom started, reaching for his hand before pausing mid move.  “Can I hold your hand Cole?” 

Colby cringed.  The list of people who he could probably tolerate touching him right now was limited to one person... Sam... And that was only if he was super slow and careful and talked to Colby the whole time and promised... Fuck, they were going to have to play this whole desensitizing to touch thing again weren’t they?  So he shook his head, drawing his hands back slowly.

His mom looked hurt, but she nodded, drawing her own hands back.

His parents hold their silence for a long enough time that Colby thought he might actually die from anxiety.  “Sam’s not... dead right?  Or like... brain dead?” He barely spoke the words, not wanting to put those thoughts into the universe, “And you just don’t want to tell me, right?” 

“Oh God, no,” His dad was quick to reassure, “No, he’s... he’s beaten up but he’ll heal fine.  Promise,” He smiled weakly at Colby but Colby wasn’t taking it.  

“Okay, then what the fuck happened?” He snapped desperately, running his fingers through his hair even through his shoulders screamed at him, “Why the fuck can’t I go and see him?”

His parents cringed again at his language, but he got his point across.  His mom glanced at his dad, before speaking quietly, “When were you going to tell us that you and Sam were dating?”

Colby blinked, a hole opening up in his stomach.   _Fuck, this was not how he wanted his parents to find out._ He and Sam hadn’t even seriously discussed telling their parents yet.  Obviously it would have to happen before they told their fans but that was months down the line, hell, maybe a year.  They hadn’t wanted their parents to know until they had to.  

And it wasn’t that he didn’t think his parents would accept him for being... not straight, Colby hated to put a label on it, but that he knew his parents would have concerns given the... history... of his and Sam’s relationship.  The same reason that hadn’t told the fans really.

And besides, with everything that he had been forced to share, it felt good to have something to himself.   

But not anymore.  

“Uh...” He started.   _Wonderful start, Colby._  “Uh... what are you talking about?” 

His parents both sent him disbelieving looks.  Colby forced himself to laugh a little bit despite his racing heart.  “Have you two spent too much time on the internet recently?  You know our communities...” 

“We didn’t get this from the internet,” His dad said firmly, “Sam’s parents are here too, we flew over with them...”

That was new information.  “They’re here too?  Are they with Sam?” 

“Don’t try to distract us, Cole,” His father cut him off gravely, and Colby’s face fell.  “They are.  But Leslie mentioned that Sam called out for you when he was still confused after surgery.” 

“That doesn’t mean anything... Wait, surgery?” Colby’s chest ached for Sam.  God, what had happened to him that he needed fucking surgery... 

”He was calling for you, and then he called for his boyfriend.”  

 _Oh shit..._ And then he got it. “Uh...” He closed his eyes, falling almost instinctively into one of his breathing patterns, trying to keep himself from losing control of his body to panic.  “Um...” 

”Cole-Bear...” His mom whispered, “We’re not... we don’t care that you’re gay-”

”I’m not gay.”

”We don’t care that you’re interested in... men then,” His mom corrected, not really stopping, “And we always kind of thought with how close that you and Sam were that there might be something... going on...”

”Mom...” Colby felt heat rise in his cheeks.

”But then Sam had Kat and that was great and you never really showed any interest, and then...” She paused, thinking over her words for a few moments,  “Then everything happened.”

There it was.  Exactly what Colby had thought the problem was going to be. He shook his head, still focusing on his breathing.  “It’s not like that, Mom.”

”It’s not like what, Colby?” His dad piped up.  “How long have you two been dating?” 

Colby shut his mouth again.  His dad still pressed, “Since you were kidnapped?” 

Colby shuddered, looking away.  He was not having this conversation right now.  “Can I go see Sam now, please?” He pressed out through clenched teeth.  

“We’ve seen the videos, Cole,”  And Colby’s heart stopped.  

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, breathe, Colby, breathe..._ He could hear Sam’s voice in his head, and for the first time in a few days he was able to latch onto Sam’s voice as his anchor.  Because it had hurt just so much the past two days to use it but now that he knew that Sam hadn’t  _really_ abandoned him... he could do it.  And it was only because of that that Colby didn’t completely lose his grip on reality with the sickening news that his parents _knew_...

”Cole-Bear...” It was his mom’s voice again, but she wasn’t his anchor anymore.  Hadn’t been for years.

That was all Sam.  

“I need to see Sam,” He whispered, the only volume he trusted his voice at.   

“We just worry,” His mom continued, “That your feelings... may be complicated by the fact that Sam ra-”

”No!” Colby cut his mother off vehemently, his voice coming out louder than he expected and startling all of them.  “Don’t... don’t finish that sentence.”  Colby was still checking his breathing, taking a few breaths before he continued, “Sam didn’t do anything to me that he didn’t have to.  Sam was keeping me safe... the best way he could.”  

“He kept you safe by...” His father trailed off, looking at his mom.  

“Yeah,” Colby nodded, and he was trembling.  He felt it for the first time in his hands, and he pressed them together, ignoring the ache that caused in his shoulder.  “Because if he didn’t do it, they were going to.  And they...”  He looked up, looking between them, making sure that they were watching him.  Because they brought this up so Colby wasn’t going to hold back any information.  “They were so much worse.”

Both of his parents flinched harshly, looking away from his and pressing together.  It was cruel.  Colby knew it was, but he felt a little vindictive that his parents had sprung this on him without warning right after he had been kidnapped and rescued... again.  

“This... Sam and I need this,” He continued quietly.  “I know... I know that he loves me.  And I love him, and I trust him.  We’re happy... Just...” He blinked, ignoring the part of him that just wanted to cry.  “Just let us have this, okay?” 

”Cole, we’re just...”

”Dad.” Colby cut _him_ off too.  “I want to go see Sam.  And you can take me or I’ll just go and try to find him myself.”  He pushed the blankets off his legs, not even waiting to see his parents’ reactions.  His shoulder and ass fucking hurt, but he needed to see Sam more than he needed to be careful with his shoulder right now.  

He’d gotten pretty good at ignoring pain.

His dad was at his shoulder when he went to stand.  “You know we love you, right?” He asked quietly, and his eyes were just a little bit damp, “And we only say this because we love you.”  

For some reason, that was what made the tears come.  “I know,” Colby whispered.  “Just... just trust me okay?”

”We’ll try,” His mom was on his other side, and Colby fought his instinctive reaction to feeling trapped there.  “Promise.” 

Colby took a deep, calming breath.  “Okay... thank you.”

Their trip however, was delayed when someone new came in the room.  Colby’s nurse, a harried looking woman named Carol, insisted on getting Colby’s vitals and asking him about a million questions before she let him leave the room.  Colby anxiously sat through the readings, watching the monitors and begging for them to move faster.  Luckily, after she had gotten her numbers, and a few medications into Colby (one that really did make his shoulder feel better) she let his parents help him walk to Sam’s room, only a few doors down from Colby’s own.  

When his parents had said that Sam was just a little beaten up, they had neglected to mention the mess of gauze and plaster that he would be covered in, the bruises and cuts that the bandages didn’t cover.  Colby also didn’t anticipate the way his heart would seize and cause his entire body to stop the moment he saw Sam’s face.  

Because that was his boyfriend, yes.  That was his Sam.  The one he trusted.  The one he had to keep reminding himself had not truly abandoned him.  Even if he hadn’t been there in the aftermath of too many violations to hold him...

”Colby?”

The voice was weak, pain-stricken, but unmistakably Sam’s.  Blue eyes fought to meet his form across the room. Sam’s parents, sitting at his bedside, had taken a respectful step backwards, not saying anything as they waited to see what would happen.   

Colby had taken a step forward before he had time to really register if he was even okay touching Sam.  This moment was so reminiscent of a few short months ago that Colby got an almost painful flashback to that time, when he and Sam didn’t know where they stood with each other.  

It was almost worse this time, because he knew so much more, and had so much more to lose.  

“I’m here, Sam,” And his voice was so much dryer than he would have wanted it to be, feeling like it had scraped out of his throat.  

Sam shuddered.  And then tears were running down his face, and he whispered, “I’m so fucking sorry, Colby.”  

Colby wanted to say something, willed something to come from his mouth, but he had no idea how to even respond to that.  His body was warring between wanting to press himself as close to Sam as he possibly fucking could... and to run at top speed from the room.  

“Sam...” Colby breathed instead, the only thing that seemed able to come from his mouth.  

A long, strained, moment passed between the two.  He trusted Sam.  He knew Sam wouldn’t hurt him, and he knew that if  Sam hadn't jumped out of the van that day, they would both likely still be in the hands of those people.  It seemed like Sam had fared worse in the physical injury department, and Colby knew his boyfriend was already beating himself up about leaving Colby.  He just didn’t...

“Babe...” Colby was taken aback by the word that fell from Sam’s lips, looking to see if Sam’s parents were taken aback, but they didn’t seem to be.  Instead, he watched as Leslie smiled, looking up at Colby.  Sam’s parents knew too?  Sam was fairly stuck in bed by the mountains of gauze, but Colby saw his right hand, mostly uncovered, reaching for Colby.  

And Colby thought he might cry again.  It was that simple gesture that reminded him who Sam was to him, and he was moving forward before he could think any more about it.  

Sam tasted like soap, and blood, and something hospital but still Sam.  Still the safety and warmth and protection he had come to associate with his boyfriend.  Sam’s arms were trapped up in their various dressings, but Colby thought that might have worked better for his brain.  It was Sam, but Colby’s brain wasn’t always great at remembering that.  

Sam whined against his mouth, and it took a few pointed coughs from one of their parents, Colby wasn’t sure which one, for Colby to pull back.  But not far, maybe a few inches, close enough that Colby could still feel Sam’s panting against his face.

“We’ll leave you two, for a moment,” Sam’s mom said, and there was an iron in her voice that Colby hadn’t ever heard out of Mrs. Golbach.  “We’ll be outside, if you need us.” 

Colby’s parents tried to protest, but Sam’s mom corralled them all from the room.  Colby’s dad pulled over a chair for Colby, passing him one more significant look before finally leaving Sam and Colby together, alone.  

Colby’s brain tripped over words, and Sam looked to be having about the same struggle. “Colby, I’m so...” Sam started again but Colby shook his head.  

“It’s okay, Sam, really,” He sat down, taking Sam’s hand gently with his own.  “I’m uh... I get it.  And I think you made the best choice you could given what was going on.”

Sam sniffled, blinking hard to tear the water from his eyes.  “I was so scared, I didn’t think it was going to work,” He whispered.  “There was just this bit of floor loose and they hadn’t taken our phones yet, so if I could hide it there and then track it...”

Colby smiled quietly.  “No, that was uh... a really good idea.  You always were the brains of the operation.” 

Sam returned a half-hearted smile.  “I just kept seeing both of us, taken again, and both being afraid to do anything because we were afraid the other would get hurt... I figured, even if they found my phone, you could... you’d be able to pull some sort of crazy stunt to get out.  Or at least find help... if you didn’t have to worry about me.”  He looked away for a moment, shifting slightly in bed and wincing.  “Still really sucked leaving you.”

Colby nodded, wincing sympathetically.  “Really sucked being left,” He answered honestly, squeezing Sam’s hand.  “And like... it really hurt, at the time and then, later when...” He cringed, and Sam’s face twisted with hurt.  “But I get it dude.  I do.  I wouldn’t have been able to escape them if... if I had to worry about you.”  

Sam’s eyes fell downcast.  “I’m sorry...” He whispered again.  He squeezed Colby’s hand, a question he didn’t look like he wanted to ask sitting across his face.  “Colby... did they...?”

Colby let out a long breath.  He knew what Sam was asking.  What he didn’t want to say.  “Yeah,” He answered, his voice barely a whisper.  

Sam swallowed down a sob.  Instead of apologizing again however, he asked, “What do you need from me?” 

Colby thought for a moment, before answering, “Just uh...” Tears were still streaking down Sam’s face, and Colby ran his good arm across Sam’s cheek, wiping some of them away.  “We’re gonna have to take it slow again, for a bit, okay?” 

“That’s fine,” Sam said instantly.  “Whatever you need.”  He shifted again, wincing and groaning in frustrated pain.  “Fuck, I wish I could give you a hug right now but everything  _really_ hurts when I move.” 

Colby looked over Sam again, happy to change the topic.  “What all is going on with you?  How bad are you hurt?” 

Sam sighed, his eyes unfocusing as he thought, “Uh... my left shoulder dislocated, left arm’s broken in a couple of places, right one is too,” He grimaced, “Broken ribs on both sides, and I’m scraped all to hell but man, the worse thing has gotta be my left knee.  They shot it,” Colby nodded, because he was there for that part, “And then I fell on it.  So, there was a bunch of medical mumbo-jumbo I didn’t get but like, it’s fucked... badly.”  He pressed his lips together, looking back at Colby, “Like, they’re not sure they can fix it fucked.”

Colby felt a bolt of worry lance through him.  “What do you mean, they can’t fix it?  Like, you still have that leg right?” 

Sam laughed unexpectedly, “Yeah, my leg’s still there,” He said, “But like, they’re not sure how well it’s gonna heal and how that’ll affect how I walk.”  He shrugged weakly, “Apparently falling on something that’s been shot is really bad for it.”

”Shit, Sam,” Colby breathed.  “I’m so sorry.”  

Sam shrugged again.  “I’ll be fine,” He insisted.  “Just uh... really fucking hurts.”  

“No shit.”  Colby had only broken one bone at a time, but he remembered that hurting like hell.  He couldn’t imagine having that many.  

“Hey, at least I’m getting some crazy good pain meds,” Sam grinned, “They’ve eased off of them now, but I was so high yesterday.”  He flushed suddenly.  “I might have accidentally given away to my mom that we were dating...”  

”My parents asked about that,” Colby said, “They said you were calling out for me while you were drugged out.”  

Sam looked embarrassed.  “I uh... maybe?” Sam’s cheeks flushed pink was just so goddamn adorable.

“Although they just might not have wanted me to know that you told your mom and she told them,” Colby reasoned.  He tapped his fingers on his knees.  ”I know we hadn’t really discussed... telling them.”

Sam nodded, still looking vaguely mortified.  “My parents were actually really understanding,” He said.  “I uh... I panicked of course, after I figured out what I had said but like... they were pretty supportive.”  

“Really?” Colby asked, but then again, that sounded like Sam’s parents.  “That’s... that’s good.” 

“How about yours?” Sam must have seen the darkness in his eyes.  

Colby groaned, letting out a long breath.  “They uh... they weren’t thrilled,” At Sam’s questioning look, he continued, “About what we worried about.  Because of... how we started dating.”  Realization came over Sam’s face and he nodded, grimacing.  “I told them I was happy though, and they...” He shrugged, “I think they’re going to let it happen.” 

Sam rolled his eyes.  “They don’t really get a choice.  That’s on us.”  Colby nodded his agreement, standing to kiss Sam again.  Sam sighed in contentment, and Colby felt his own soft groan pass between them.  Sam pressed for more, but Colby drew back, smiling at him.  “Babe...” Sam groaned, chasing after him with his mouth.  

Colby felt an uncomfortable little wiggle in his stomach, but he tried to ignore it.  Of course Sam wanted him.  Colby himself was almost in the mood for some heavy rediscovering and reminders of Sam’s body and Sam’s love, but once again, he found himself fighting his brain for it.  “Maybe later, Sam,” He murmured, letting Sam down gently.  

Sam searched his face, and nodded.  “Okay,” he nodded back.  He glared at his arms.  “This is gonna be annoying to not have arms for a while.”

”I mean... that means that I get to take care of you right?” And Colby let just enough of the right tone slip into his voice for lust to shoot into Sam’s eyes.  “Might uh... work well for my brain anyway, if you can’t grab me easily.”  

Sam winced at the reminder, but his face told Colby that he got it.  

“Oh shit,” Colby felt really awful when Elton’s finally popped back into his mind.  “Have you heard anything about Elton?” 

Melancholy took over Sam’s face again.  “Yeah.  I guess someone called the cops when they heard all the chaos in our apartment, so EMS got there pretty soon after they took off with us.  He uh... he lost a lot of blood, but he’s... he’s stable.  I obviously haven’t been able to go see him but I think... I think he'll be okay...”  

“Oh thank God...”  Everything was... mostly okay.  Everyone was alive.  Sam was hurt but healing, Colby much the same.  “And the uh... the mercenaries.  Do you know...?

”No one’s told me anything...” Sam shook his head.  

“But there were... a whole bunch of cop cars when they rescued me, and they were right inside, so I wonder...” Colby’s gaze fell away.  “I hope they got them this time.”

Sam nodded.  “Me too.”  He squeezed Colby’s hand again. 

Colby squeezed back.  “I love you,” He whispered, needing to say it after he had been so afraid that he would never get to say it again.

Sam caught his sentiment, ”I love you too,” he murmured back.  "I missed you."  

"Fuck, I missed you too..." Colby closed his eyes at the memories.  "But I'm glad... mostly... that you weren't there."  

Sam nodded, but he didn't say anything.  He didn't have to.  Colby pressed a kiss to Sam's shoulder, just glad to have his boyfriend with him again.  

Everything else could wait.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit. So that was a monstrosity. Coming in at the longest chapter we have chapter 21 clocks in a 8104 words. I almost split it into two chapters, but figured since I had it, I may as well just post it all. 
> 
> Thank you for bearing with me with the whole retcon situation. I had someone point out in the comments that 20 had come across as a little jarring and short and underwhelming. It felt that way to me as well, so I decided, meh, let's see what I can do. 
> 
> We're looking at about one or two more chapters after this, with maybe some extras to come later. 
> 
> This story has been with me through some really rough times. That being said, it's time to bring this thing in for a landing. I'm trying to finish off this monster story that started as a torture scene reaction to a bad day in a way that still feels satisfying, because you don't always get happy endings in real life, but you can get them in fiction. 
> 
> Thank you to all of y'all who are still reading and staying with me and this coping-mechanism-of-a-story, and I'll see you in the next one!


	22. Chapter 22

“Hey boys!”  Colby immediately recognized the voice that walked into Sam’s room.

“Jackie!” Colby grinned widely, remembering the nurse from the last time he and Sam had been admitted into the unit.  “How are you?”

“I’m good,” She said cheerily, “I’d ask how you two are doing but…”

“Well, we’re here, if that tells you anything,” Sam said dryly, glancing at Colby.  Colby squeezed his hand. 

“Well, I definitely wish I were seeing you two under different circumstances,” She said, but it still came across good-naturedly.  “At least only one of you is admitted this time?”

Colby shrugged, wincing at the pain that shot through his shoulder at the movement.  “No, I was admitted too, they just released me yesterday and I didn’t want to leave Sam.” 

“That makes sense,” She responded, logging into the computer at the bedside. 

Two days had passed since Colby was rescued and he and Sam had been reunited.  Colby had been discharged yesterday with strict instructions on the care of his injured shoulder and his… other injuries.  Sam however, they had wanted to keep for further surveillance.  They had managed to get the gauze and bandages organized a little bit more so that Sam didn’t look as much like a mummy.  Now it was just the knee they were watching.  There was nothing more they could do for his arms except wait for them to heal. 

“I heard your friend down the hall has been a favorite of the unit,” Jackie commented, grinning at the two of them, “You want your pain meds, Sam?”

“Please,” Sam groaned.  The team had eased off on the sedative for Elton yesterday, and Colby had been in the room with Elton when their friend had finally come to. 

 _“Colby?”_

_A rush of relief blew through him.  Elton’s nurse, Colby couldn’t remember his name (John?  Tom?) had said that they were easing off the sedatives they had been using on Elton while they waited for the worst of the damage to his stomach to heal.  Sam had sent him to Elton’s room so that Elton wouldn’t wake up alone.  Thankfully, Colby had been discharged officially that morning so he could go where he pleased, even if his parents begged him to please take it easy._

_Wasn’t like Colby was going to leave his boyfriend and pseudo-older brother anyway._

_Colby turned from the TV to see Elton squinting at him from the hospital bed.  “Hey Uncle Elton,” He said, a smile stretching his cheeks because Elton was awake.  It had been too wrong, too weird to see Elton’s normally insufferably energetic self so still._

_“Colby, what the fuck are you doing in my room?” Elton mumbled, still squinting at him in confusion._

_“We’re not in your room, Elton,” Colby said easily, creeping a little closer to Elton’s.  “D’you remember what happened?”_

_Elton blinked at him, shifting slightly.  A look of pain passed over his face, and he lifted a hand to touch the hospital grown across his chest.  “You… Oh fuck…” A panicked look passed over his face, fighting off the effects of the sedatives.  “I got shot.  They were gonna take you and Sam…”_

_Colby glanced up at the vitals monitor hooked up to Elton, watching his blood pressure and heart rate rise.  “Elton, hey, it’s okay.  Me and Sam are safe, okay, we’re okay.  Sam’s just down the hall.”_

_Elton’s eyes widened incredulously.  “Uh… how?  What the fuck happened?” He shifted again, trying to sit up, grunting in pain and pressing a hand against his stomach._

_“Elton, take it easy, dude,” Colby stood, pressing a hand against Elton’s chest, urging his friend to lay back down, “You lost like, a lot of blood.  You’ve been sedated for like four days.”_

_Elton’s good hand flew to his wrist, and Colby pushed down the instinctive fear at the grip.  “Four… four days,” Elton’s face was disbelieving.  “I’ve been… " A resigned look passed over his face, and he flopped backwards, releasing his hand from Colby's wrist.  "God dammit, someone’s been wiping my ass haven’t they?”_

_Anxiety aside, Colby couldn’t suppress the shocked bark of a laugh that escaped his mouth.  “Yeah,” He chuckled at the horrified look on Elton’s face.  “Hey, at least you were sedated.  Sam’s been having to deal with a bedpan.”_

_There went Elton’s eyebrows.  He snorted out a giggle, "Oh God…” He breathed, “That’s… wow.”  Then his brow furrowed, sobering. “Wait, why does Sam have to use a bedpan?  What did I miss?”_

_Colby cringed, but quietly filled Elton in on the events of the past few days.  He was interrupted, however, when Elton’s nurse came in, alerted by the shift in Elton’s vitals, to ask him about his pain and if he was aware of the date and where he was._

_Colby glanced at his name badge._

_John! He knew he had been close._

_“No opiates,” Elton said firmly when he was offered pain meds.  “I’m not fucking with those.”_

_His nurse nodded in understanding, glancing at the computer screen and grimacing.  "I’ve only got Tylenol ordered for you then.”_

_“That’s fine,” Elton groaned, “I’ll be okay.”_

_He passed him the pills and some water, and Elton took them gingerly, his left shoulder reminding him that it had been shot too._

_After John left, Colby filled Elton in on the rest of everything that had happened while he was out.  He glazed over the events of his second captivity, and Elton must have seen the look on his face and decided not to press.  His only comment to that section of the exposition was a quiet, “I’m sorry, dude.”_

_Colby shrugged, continuing on with the subsequent events.  Elton was shaking his head by the end of it, and he whistled out an apologetic, “shit,” when Colby had finished._

_“God dammit, I get shot and I miss all the fun stuff,” Elton murmured.  He met Colby’s eyes again, having looked away during the anecdote.  “How are you and Sam doing?”_

_Colby looked for the usual apprehension and distrust that used to come when Elton would ask about him and Sam’s relationship.  It was justified, he knew it.  His parents had the same thoughts, but this time he saw no such misgivings in Elton’s expression._

_Maybe Elton had finally come to accept their relationship._

_“We’re… we’re okay,” He murmured.  “He’s uh… we’re gonna have to take the uh… the physical stuff slowly for a little bit but… I think we’re actually okay.”_

_Elton smiled at him, and it was a genuine smile.  Colby couldn't help but smile back.  “I’m glad,” He nodded.  “You two deserve some happiness after all of this bullshit.”_

_Colby sure as hell agreed._

“You’re gonna have to change the dressing on my knee in a little bit too, right?” Sam’s voice was apprehensive when he asked. 

Jackie sent him an apologetic look.  “Yeah, it’s that time.” 

Sam cringed, “Okay, let’s get it over with then.  That sucks so bad.” 

Jackie nodded, passing him some pills in a cup.  “I’ll go grab the gauze while the meds kick in, okay?”

Sam nodded, pressing the little cup against his lips before washing the meds down with a swig of water.  Jackie nodded, promising she would be back soon before she ducked from the room. 

Colby turned eyes to Sam after Jackie left, watching as Sam started mentally preparing himself for the dressing change.  It wasn’t that the nurses weren’t all as gentle as they could be, but that Colby knew that every time Sam’s knee moved it was an exercise in agony.  “Sorry, love,” He murmured.

“It’s fine,” Sam grimaced.  “I want it to heal as well as it can.  If this is what it takes then… well, I’ll deal.” 

Colby nodded, squeezing Sam’s hand gently.  Sam hadn’t learned to block out and ignore pain the way Colby had.  Hadn’t had to learn it as hardened flesh ripped into him, as knives sliced his skin, as hot iron seared into his back…

Those memories had come back slowly.  Colby supposed they had happened while he was dissociated and while all he had registered at the time was pain, his brain took the time to put labels on the causes after he was safe. 

They had been so angry with him for escaping the first time.  It was only natural that they would want some way to vent their fury.  Colby knew that Sam would eventually see the marks, would ask where they were from and Colby would have to tell him. 

But he would worry about that when they were alone together again.

For now, he would do his best to talk his boyfriend through the agony of his dressing change. 

The door opened again, but instead of Jackie returning with packets of gauze, it was two people in police uniforms, a woman and a man.  Anxiety lit up his chest again, jump-starting his heart rate and making his breath come faster than it should.  Colby stood at Sam’s bedside, hand fumbling for the call bell because while police shouldn’t be a threat these were still unfamiliar people, and Colby didn’t trust easy anymore. 

And Sam couldn’t hope to defend himself in this state. 

“Samuel Golbach?  Cole Brock?” The woman spoke.  Her short brown hair was pulled into a bun, and she was the only one to approach while her colleague stood at the door.  Sam and Colby both nodded, Colby still uneasy. 

She held her hands up, showing that they were empty.  Colby’s eyes flew to both their tool-belts, seeing that no guns sat in their holsters.  He didn’t entirely let his guard down, but he relaxed it slightly. 

“My name is Jody, and this is my colleague Dean,” She said evenly, “We just have an update for you two, regarding the individuals responsible for kidnapping you.” 

Colby nodded for them to continue, anxiety and nerves knotting up in his stomach.  Sam squeezed his hand, and Colby traded worried looks.  This could go one of two ways.

Luckily, it went in their favor.

“We apprehended everyone at the location Cole was retrieved from.  They all plead guilty to multiple accounts of kidnapping, assault and battery, sexual assault and battery, and a few other things that have landed them in a lot of trouble.”  Jody tried for a comforting smile, but it came across as just a little bit satisfied.  “We’ve got them this time, boys.  I don’t think you’ll have to worry about them again.”

Colby released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.  He was trembling violently, but he didn’t feel it at first, because Sam was shaking just as hard.  “So… that’s it?” Sam asked, his voice quiet and shell-shocked.  “They’re going away?  To jail?”

Jody winced slightly.  “You may be asked to appear in court still, unfortunately,” She murmured, “It’s unlikely to be a long trial, but unfortunately our legal system still has hoops for you to jump through.” 

There was more that came out of her mouth, more about legal proceedings and expectations and likely chances of conviction, but Colby felt like a small mountain had just fallen from his shoulders.

They had arrested them this time.  They hadn’t gotten away.

They could never come for Sam or Colby again. 

He didn’t even realize he was crying until his legs gave out and he fell into the chair at Sam’s bedside.  But these tears were like any other he had shed before.  These were tears of happiness, of relief, of Thank God because it was finally, finally over. 

For real this time. 

Jody and Dean left not long after that, and it was by Sam’s gentle urging that Colby ended up in bed next to Sam, pressed lightly against him, light enough to not trigger pain in Sam, or anxiety in Colby. 

“It’s over,” Sam murmured quietly, “They’ve got them and it’s over.” 

And Colby nodded, knowing that while the trials would probably still suck, and cause panic attacks and terror, he would never have to wake up from a nightmare again in which someone took him or Sam, and fear that it was real.  

Because it was over. 

 

Sam was released a week from the time he had been admitted, wheelchair bound and Colby with detailed instructions on how to take care of Sam outside of the hospital. 

Elton, having been discharged a little bit before Sam, let them stay with him for a little while while they figured out moving.  They had taken one step inside Sam’s apartment when they were released and the crippling flashbacks had sent them out the door almost instantly. 

Which really sucked.  Colby had really liked their apartments. 

But it was easier for Sam, stuck with a wheelchair for mobility, to not have to deal with an apartment building.  Elton’s house only required a few modifications before it was easily traversable for all parties. 

The first time Sam saw him shirtless after they were rescued was... rough.  

"Colby..." Sam spoke his name from the bed, as they had already gotten him tucked in before Colby stripped, hoping that Sam wouldn't be able to see the marks well enough to realize what they were.

He didn't give his boyfriend enough credit.  

"What are those marks on your back?" 

Colby cringed.  "Uh... which ones?" 

Sam didn't seem amused by his deflection.  "The red and white ones on your lower back, fuck, Colby, are those burns?"  

Colby sighed.  "Uh... yeah... yeah they are."  

He turned to look at Sam, hearing another broken noise at the knife marks on his chest.  Sam's face was twisted with anger, pain, fury, helplessness, and desperation.  "Colby... why..." 

"They wanted to hurt me," Colby shrugged weakly.  "Burns uh... well, they hurt." 

Sam made a wounded noise, reaching out for Colby with one, heavily bandaged hand.  Colby climbed back into bed with Sam, leaning down and kissing him gently.  Sam's fingers pressed against his side and chest, holding him back as well as he was able to given the casts.  

"I'm so sorry, Colby..." Sam sounded like he could cry when he broke the kiss to speak.

"I'm okay, Sam," Colby promised him. 

"No, you're not," Sam retorted brokenly, pulling Colby against him to the best of his ability. 

Colby still supported most of his body weight, not wanting to hurt Sam's ribs.  "Okay," he amended. "Then I will be okay.  Okay?" 

Sam only nodded jerkily against his chest.   

And so life went on.  It was a bit of an adventure in PTSD having them all under one roof.  Not only were Sam and Colby back to trying to work through new trauma, they had Elton, and he was pretty messed up about the whole thing too.  Colby caught him limping into Sam and Colby’s temporary room on a fairly regular basis, just to make sure that the two of them were still there.  Sam and Colby didn’t begrudge him that need, but it did mean that Elton walked him on some things he probably wished he had never seen. 

Getting back into being sexual with Sam was easier than he had thought it would be.  There were a few moments of misgivings, but Colby had already been fighting his brain for two months before all of this, and he had a lot of practice in reminding his brain what was real and what wasn't.  It also helped, and Colby felt really bad about it but it was a fact nonetheless, that Sam was pretty goddamn helpless in the weeks following his attempted kidnapping.  It was hard to see Sam as a threat when he had to help the guy just to use the bathroom.  

Colby knew Sam hated it though, hated that he had to rely on Colby so much for basic things, but Colby was refusing to let Sam do anything that might fuck his body up more.  "It just fuckin' sucks," Sam whispered.  It was two weeks post hospital release, three weeks post rescue, Colby was carefully helping Sam navigate the bathroom situation.  The main problem right now was that Sam didn't really have a weight-bearing limb, and he even had to bend the rules a little bit using his fractured right leg to support him while Colby lifted under his shoulders. 

"I know, love, I'm sorry," Colby murmured back.  "It's only temporary though." 

"Thank fuck for that," Sam grimaced, whining in pain as the transfer jostled every broken bone in his body.  Being with Sam these past few weeks had really changed Colby's perspective on being jealous that Sam hadn't been taken too.  Because he wasn't sure he would take this drawn out helplessness and constant pain over the rape and torture.  Because those had sucked in the moment, make no mistake, but Colby knew Sam had at least one more month of this before the casts would come off of his arms, longer before he would start being able to even try to walk.  

It was an interesting mind-fuck.  

"Would you feel better if I got you off?" Colby offered offhandedly.

Sam put on his puppy eyes.  "Please?" 

Colby laughed, "Okay, love." 

They were pretty limited to handjobs and blowjobs because Colby didn't want to do anything that would jostle Sam's knee.  Which was fine, except that Sam really, really wanted Colby inside of him in some way.  At least fingers, even if Colby knew that Sam had started eyeing his dick in a considering way. 

But neither of them wanted to hurt Sam's knee more than they wanted to have sex so... the stalemate continued. 

It wasn't like they didn't have enough going on. 

They tried hard to only take a month off from regular posting on YouTube and social media this time. They had posted a quick vlog on their shared channel from the hospital quickly filling their communities in on what was going on.  There were no details, just a

_"Some stuff happened, and Sam's in the hospital again"_

_"Because I fell out of a car"_

_"Yeah, we'll tell you more later."_

_"But anyway, we'll keep you guys updated, things just might be a little slow for a moment."_

Naturally, their communities were worried, but seemed glad that they were at least, alive.  They had both missed uploads the previous weekend and most of them were convinced that they had both been taken again.  They weren't entirely wrong, but they didn't need to know that right now.  When Sam finally got released, they had tried to post at least something.  Sam had done a house tour with Colby, Colby had (good-naturedly) pranked Elton by filling his room with flowers and thank you cards ("to thank him for letting us stay with him, obviously").  

Unfortunately, Sam had to switch to more podcast style videos for a little while while he waited for everything to heal.  Colby mostly uploaded vlogs of him hanging out with Brennan, or dragging Sam places because Sam got too stir crazy if left alone for too long.  It was also a great way to surprise Sam with mystery dates.  He caught on after the first two, but he never complained.  It let them keep up with their upload schedule while still taking time for them.  

And it was stressful, but it was what they felt like they had to do, the one thing they had total control over because everything else they were dealing with... sucked.   

Colby had been right.  The legal side of resolving everything was a process.  Their parents and lawyers were involved, and Colby and Sam were forced to have way too many detailed conversations about the details of their captivities.  The trials did suck.  And while the media coverage did wonders for Sam and Colby’s subscriber count, it was absolutely awful for their mental health.  Because now not only did videos of the actual events exist, but videos of them having to talk about the events existed too.    

It was a fucking process, a process that Colby knew would take many more months to resolve. 

Luckily, their communities seemed more than happy to let them take their time to heal.  Theories ran rampant on twitter, but Colby never felt overwhelmed by any of it.  They would come clean at some point but... it would be after everything got resolved and Sam and Colby had a chance to process.  Right now they still needed to actually deal with the situation.

At least at the end of two months Sam's doctors felt comfortable taking the casts on his arms and leg off.  He was warned to still be careful of the limbs, because they were still freshly healed and fragile, but their removal marked a night and day different in Sam's demeanor.  He was still instructed to use crutches because they were just now starting to work on him using his bad knee, but Sam's mood wouldn't be brought down.  He was fucking jubilant, getting back to Elton's and hollering to Colby that "I'm going to the bathroom... without you!" And gleefully closing the door behind him. 

Colby laughed, flopping back onto the bed and grinning at the closed door.  Colby was fucking relieved.  He loved Sam, he really did, but if he never had to help Sam shit again it would be too soon.  He also knew it would be so much better for Sam's mental health to not be so helpless.  

 _And maybe we can fuck him_... his downstairs brain supplied.  

 _We are talking to him about that first_ , Colby corrected his brain harshly.   _We don't even know if Sam still wants that with us._  

Sam didn't leave him wondering for long though.  "Hey Colby!" He heard Sam call from the bathroom, "Does this mean you can fuck me properly now?" 

A choking sound came from the doorway, and Colby turned to see Elton leaning against the door jam, looking vaguely nauseous.  He burst out laughing, "Hey Elton," He called, giving Sam context for his laugh.  

"Uh... hi Elton!" Sam called back sheepishly.  

"I was just coming to see how you two were doing, but I can see you're doing fine," Elton smirked at him.  Colby chuckled, only vaguely embarrassed.  It was not the worst thing Elton had walked in on.  That had been that awkward time they had had to do borderline Kama Sutra so Sam could get his mouth around Colby's dick. 

It had ended in Sam and Colby giggling until their sides hurt, and Elton fleeing from the room, demanding to know where they kept the brain bleach. 

Colby did end up getting that blowjob though.      

Colby heard the toilet flush, the sink run, and then the clacking of Sam's crutches.  Sam poked his head out of the bathroom, cheeks on fire.  "You uh... you weren't supposed to hear that."

Elton held his hands up, watching Sam as he carefully made his way back to Colby's side.  "Nah, that's my fault, I should have knocked," He eyed them suspiciously.  "Am I going to want to find somewhere else to be tonight?" 

Colby shrugged, still grinning as he wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulders.  "I mean, I don't think you appreciate Sam's noises as much as I do."  Sam rolled his eyes at Colby, his cheeks lighting up pink again, but he still grinned faintly.

Elton made a fake retching noise.  "Alright, understood," He commented.  "But you two call me if you need anything, okay?" 

"Okay, Uncle Elton," Sam was still smiling through his blush.  "We'll keep you updated."  

"Yeah, lemme know when it's... you know,  _safe_ to come home."  He peeled himself off of their door frame, and turned to leave.  He paused before he did so, turning and nailing them both with stern look.  "Be safe, use protection."  

"Jesus Christ, Elton," Colby rolled his eyes.  

"Just because you can't get pregnant, doesn't mean that..." Elton started loftily, but Sam cut him off.

"We know Colby is clean, Elton," Sam interjected roughly, and Colby grimaced as the mood in the room shifted.  Yeah, they knew he was clean, because Colby having picked something up from his time in captivity had been one of their main concerns. 

They had all been relieved when all the tests came back reading negative.

Elton winced, catching his misstep.  "Sorry guys."

"It's fine," Colby shook his head.  

There was an awkward silence for a moment, before Elton said, "Alright then, Imma go.  I'll see you guys in the morning?"  

"Yeah, see you."

"See you."  

And then Elton was gone.  He closed their door behind him, and Colby barely heard his footsteps retreat before Sam had turned Colby’s face towards himself, kissing him hard.  Colby let out a noise of surprise, but it quickly melted into a hum of satisfaction.  Sam shifted, trying to position himself to press closer to Colby, but the fact that he wasn’t allowed to bend his left knee (per doctor’s orders and the brace wrapped tightly around it) made getting himself positioned that much more difficult.  

A frustrated noise pressed out between his lips.  “God, fuck this thing...” Sam grumbled, breaking the kiss and pressing his forehead into Colby’s shoulder.  

“Here, push yourself back on the bed.”  Colby stood, helping Sam lift the brace so that he could push himself further into the bed.  With Sam up at the pillows on his back, Colby climbed back into the bed, holding himself up to kiss Sam like he had so many times before this.  But this time, Sam only indulged him for a moment before he was pressing up against Colby’s chest.  

“What’s up, Sam?” Colby pulled back to look down at Sam’s face.  

Sam reached up to touch Colby’s cheek, while one hand traced down his chest.  “I wanna... I want to touch you,” He murmured.  

“You are touching me,” Colby commented back, just to be a little shit.  

Sam didn’t dignify his statement with a response.  Instead, he reached straight down with the hand not on Colby’s face to reach into his jeans and grip his rapidly hardening cock.  A breath slammed into Colby’s lungs, and his eyes drifted closed, enjoying the sensation of Sam stroking him.  “You know what I mean,” Sam murmured.  “I haven’t been able to like, really do what I want to you.”

”And what do you want to do to me?” Colby opened eyes that wanted to drift shut to look at Sam hazily.  

There was some embarrassment in Sam’s eyes, but they will still full of lust when he spoke next, “I want to touch you, and make you feel good... and then I want you to fuck me.” 

Colby knew Sam felt it when he jumped in Sam’s grip.  “Uh... oh fuck, Sam...” He leaned down, kissing Sam hard, careful to still not put too much pressure on Sam’s body. “You sure you wanna do that?”

Sam nodded immediately.  “Yes.  Please.  I’ve wanted it for like a month now but like...”.

Colby chuckled, remembering a time Sam had basically pleaded for Colby to just put _something_ inside of him but Colby had refused, not wanting to chance screwing up his knee.  “I’ve been too careful?”

”Too god damn careful,” Sam groaned.  “I just... it's been two months, Colby,  _please._ ” 

“Okay, okay...” Colby kissed Sam again, his hips thrusting almost subconsciously to encourage Sam to keep up the stroking motion on his dick.  His hand threaded under Sam’s shirt, climbing up Sam’s sensitive chest.  Sam whimpered, withdrawing his hand from Colby’s pants to scratch down Colby’s lats, drawing a moan from him.  

He didn’t know why they were so sensitive but... here he was.

“God, Colby, just...” Sam’s arms wrapped around him, sliding up his back and brushing over the burn scars on his back.  “Can I... can I be on top?” 

 _What?_  A jolt of panic made him stiffen, his heart starting to race, and he blinked a few times at Sam because what the fuck, why would Sam ask... “Uh...“ 

Sam’s eyes widened and he seemed to realize his mistake.  “No! I mean, I don’t... I like, I want your dick in my ass, I just...” His cheeks were bright red at the wording, but he continued anyway, “I mean like, position-wise.  I’ve been on my back for like... two months.  I don’t... I want to take turns there... shit, I’m sorry, babe...”  

Colby nodded slowly, taking a few deep breaths, because of course Sam wouldn’t ask him for that.  Of fucking course he wouldn’t.  Sam reached up and scratched at the skin at the back of neck comfortingly.  “I would never ask you for that, babe...”

”I know, I know...” Colby murmured, “I just...”

”No, I’m sorry, I should have said that better,” Sam shrugged.   

Colby nodded, able to process Sam’s request now that he wasn’t panicking.  “So... you wanna be on top?  How exactly...?”

”Can you lay down?  Like, next to me?” Colby flipped down onto his back, propping himself up on his elbows to watch Sam.  “Uh...” Sam shifted up onto his right hip, glaring at his left leg.  “Uh...” 

Colby had an idea.  “Here.”  He reached for Sam’s hips, pulling him so that his hips aligned on top of Colby’s but just slightly off to the side, injured leg resting between Colby’s legs, good leg off to the side.  His arms supported his torso so that he could look down at Colby.  “Is this okay?”

Sam nodded.  He had winced as the movement caused a rush of pain to his injured knee, but had settled now.  “How about you?”

”I’m okay,” Colby murmured.  “This is fine.  I’m fine.”  He reached up to thumb over Sam’s nipples.  Sam whimpered, unconsciously grinding his hips against Colby’s, his eyes falling shut at the sensation.  Colby grinned, more than willing to touch Sam until he was begging for Colby to fuck him (because that sounded hot as hell), and he could definitely reach around and get his hand where it needed to be... but Sam opened his eyes, looking Colby in the eyes as pressed his groin hard against Colby’s.  Colby groaned, letting his hands fall and letting Sam operate without distraction.  

"Can you take your shirt off?" Sam asked quietly, and Colby lifted his torso to answer Sam's request as fast as he could, because now that he knew what the plan was, he really wanted Sam to get on with it.  

"You too."  Sam nodded, joining him in being half naked so that they could feel their skin pressed together without the barrier of clothing.  Also so that Sam could let out a little cheer at how easy it was to take his shirt off.  It had been such a fucking ordeal with the casts.  

Sam smiled down at him, his love and adoration clear in his eyes. "Love you..." He murmured.

"Love you too," Colby grinned back up at him.  

Sam loved him.

Sam wanted him.

God, he was finally going to get to fuck Sam. 

"Oh!" Lost in his thoughts, he missed when Sam dipped his mouth to Colby's chest.  Sam looked up at him through his eyelashes, running his tongue along Colby's chest, tracing over the little white lines left behind from his kidnapping, from his torture.  Whether it was all in his head or they actually were more sensitive Colby didn't know, but it didn't stop him from arching his back and groaning faintly.   

Sam had rested his chest on Colby's body so that he could trace his nails up and down Colby's sides in the way Colby liked.  Colby closed his eyes, arching back and thrusting up into Sam's stomach.  He caught Sam's amused noise, before he returned to tonguing and lightly nipping at Colby's chest.  Colby's abs tightened on an exhale as Sam slowly slide down his body, as his cock made it very clear where it would like Sam's mouth. 

"Fuck, Sam..." He groaned, threading his fingers into Sam's soft hair, running it through his fingers and scratching at the scalp.  Sam's fingers traced to the hem of his jeans, dancing along the edge, and Colby let out a rough exhale of breath at the fingertips _just_ above where he wanted them.  "Sam..." He groaned, not wanting to rush Sam but also lying there thinking he could almost beg Sam to get on with it.  

When Sam popped the button on his jeans more blood rushed into his erection, if that was even possible.  He thrust up in a quick, aborted thrust, catching Sam's grin.  God, he knew Sam wanted to be in control of the pace this time but...

"Lift your hips," Sam murmured, and Colby didn't hesitate, letting Sam help him shimmy the jeans down his legs.  Being naked in front of Sam wasn't a problem, and it was even less of a problem when Sam pressed Colby's dick into his mouth.  

"God-" the word choked off in his mouth.  His finger's tightened in Sam's hair, trying not to pull it out as Sam's mouth moved over the heated flesh, lighting little sparks along his dick with everywhere his tongue traced.  

Sam had gotten good at this.  

"Love you," Colby moaned out, "Love you so much..." Because as much as Colby enjoyed this from a carnal standpoint receiving it, he never wanted Sam to forget that he was loved while he was doing this thing that Colby had learned first hand could be so degrading and humiliating.

"Love you too," Sam said, but he said it with Colby's dick still in his mouth, which was not fair at all, and the vibrations ripped another groan from up in his chest.  Sam moaned, almost in answer, and Colby could see him grinding against the bedspread, trying to get some stimulation for his own erection.    

Okay, he appreciated Sam trying to be active, but he  _needed_ to fuck Sam now, please.  

He reached over to their night table, fumbling a little bit when Sam did this little lick suck combination that made his toes curl.  He pulled the lube towards them, before reaching down with his other hand and fisting it in Sam's hair.  "Get up here, love," He rumbled, and he felt the little shudder in Sam's body at his tone.  

Sam climbed back up his body, and Colby pressed Sam's lips to his, kissing Sam thoroughly.  They both groaned as their erections rubbed together again with only the fabric of Sam's sweatpants between them.  "Those need to come off, like, right now," Colby rasped, hearing Sam groan his agreement.  They both fumbled with the pants, wiggling them around the brace still on Sam's knee, and probably looking like a pair of beached fish, but Colby couldn't be bothered to care when he felt their cocks rub directly against each other without the barrier of fabric.  

"Fuck, Sam..." 

"Colby, Colby, fuck me, please..." Sam whimpered, looking at him with desperate, lust blow eyes.  

"Okay, okay..." The lube was cold, and Colby rubbed it between his fingers to warm it up before pressing his fingers between Sam's cheeks.  A high pitched noise of pleasure escaped Sam's lips when his fingertips pressed against the tight muscle, and he pressed his hips back against Colby's fingers.  

"Fuck, more, please," He groaned, closing his eyes and arching his neck back.  That was simply too inviting a target, and Colby pulled Sam's neck to his mouth as he continued to massage the opening.  Sam shuddered at the tongue to his neck, his lips parting to let out a broken noise, some combination between a stuttered moan and cry, but something that was all sex.  

"Sam..." Colby growled, pulling his hand back and adding more lube.  Sam made his displeasure clear, looking at Colby crossly. 

"You need more lube, Sam," Colby said firmly, "Especially if I'm planning on getting my dick in there..." Sam went pliant again, but still wiggled impatiently against his groin.  

"Sam..." It was almost threatening, but he caught Sam's mischievous look and he rolled his eyes.  "Alright then."  He fastened his lips to the hot spot on Sam's neck as he pressed his fingers against Sam's hole again, pressing one finger into him. 

"Fuck!" Sam thrashed against him, and Colby used his legs to bracket Sam's hips, making sure he didn't move so much to injure himself.  But he still grinned at Sam's reaction, breaking the lip contact from what he was sure would be a decent hickey in the morning. 

Sam moaned wantonly, wiggling against Colby and trying to get him to go harder, faster... "Colby..." He whined. 

"I got you, love, I got you..."  Fuck, Sam was tight.  They really hadn't done this in a while.  "I don't want to hurt you, Sam."

"You won't hurt me," Sam growled, "I can take it." 

"I know you can," Colby murmured, turning Sam's head with the grip in his hair, forcing Sam to meet his eyes.  "But if we're gonna try for sex tonight, I don't want to push anything." 

Sam groaned, closing his eyes and flopping his face back into Colby's neck.  He grumbled something nonsensical and grumpy, but a sudden breath was sucked into his lungs when Colby pressed another finger in with the first.  He scrabbled against the bed for purchase, and Colby tilted his head again so that he could get to his neck. 

That's fine, he liked Sam's noises just fine. 

His wrist was cramping a little bit, but he twisted it around as he pulled out again to refill on lube.  Sam was kept sufficiently distracted by the sucking pressure to his neck, letting out another cry as Colby pressed his fingers back in.  His good leg bent up more towards Colby, trying to give him more access and Sam more stimulation.  It actually did help with the angle of his wrist.  Colby focused, twisting his fingers around to see if he could tag Sam's prostate from this angle.  

Sam too seemed to realize what he was going for, "Fuck, please, please..." he whispered, going dead still against Colby as he felt around inside of Sam.  And Colby could feel it, right at the tips of his fingers, but he couldn't get that firm, constant pressure that he knew drove Sam crazy.  Sam whimpered as his fingers brushed it every time, looked at Colby with desperate eyes.  "Colby..."

"I can't quite..." Colby breathed, starting to sweat from the effort and the warmth of Sam on top of him.  "Lemme try..." He pressed a third finger against the rim.  Sam went still again, breathing hard, and Colby imagined that he was trying to relax his body, invite Colby's finger in.  They had done three fingers a few times, but it had almost always been just this side of too much for Sam. 

But Sam would have to be okay with this if they were going to try to go for a home run. 

"Is this okay?" Colby asked quietly. 

Sam nodded jerkily.  "Yeah... do it."  Colby nodded, wriggling his ring finger in there with his other two. 

A groan left Sam's throat, and it wasn't all pleasure.  His head dropped, breath loud in Colby's ear as he processed the sensation.  Colby let the tip of his finger sit there as Sam processed the stretch, waiting until he heard a quiet, "More..." to press his finger further. 

Sam's back arched, hands pressing under him, a faint groan pulling from his chest.  "I can feel that up my spine," he whispered. 

Colby nodded.  He knew the exact sensation.  He twisted his fingers a little bit, letting Sam adjust to the pressure with movement.  Sam shifted a little bit more, clenching spasmodically around Colby's fingers, before he nodded, "You can try moving?"

Colby nodded, starting a slow, thrusting motion.  He felt Sam sync his breaths with the thrusts, and gradually, he felt Sam's body relax around him.  Colby pressed a little deeper, feeling along the front wall, before he finally landed on the little gland he had been trying to hit the whole time. 

"Fuck!" Sam cried, hands pressing his upper body into an arch.  Colby was momentarily worried by the reaction, but Sam shook his head.  "Good, good, keep going!" Colby nodded, continuing the thrusting motion and letting Sam rock back against his hand. 

Sam's body was loosening, relaxing fully into Colby and where they were, and it wasn't long of the deeper, three fingered thrusts before Sam said, "I'm ready." 

Colby's cock jumped in his pants, momentarily forgotten in the joy that was fingering Sam, but now eagerly reminding him of its presence.  "Are you sure?" He had to ask, because he didn't want any part of this to be painful for Sam if he could prevent it. 

Sam nodded, meeting Colby's eyes. "I want this, I want you." 

And Colby could see in Sam's eyes that he was sure.  "Okay," He nodded, "Okay, I want you too.  Okay."  Then a thought occurred to him.  "Wait!" Colby interrupted, and Sam looked at him in bewilderment.  "Do you want to like, use a condom?" 

Sam's brow furrowed.  "Not really?  Why?"

Colby shrugged, trying not to think about those times he had semen dripping down his legs.  "It uh... it would make clean up easier."

Sam took in that information, then shook his head.  "No," He answered finally, "I want to feel you.  All of you." 

Colby nodded.  "Okay.  No condom it is."     

Sam paused for a moment, taking in their positions.  "Okay...  Lemme..." Colby helped Sam position himself on top of Colby, it passing unspoken between them that Sam would take him from their existing positions.  Because then Colby could watch his face, and Sam could watch his.

And Sam's bum leg wouldn't get in the way. 

Sam supported himself, hovering over Colby, legs spread further to allow Colby access, a flush in his cheeks, his chest rising and falling with his breath.  Colby met his eyes, his hands resting on Sam's hips.  The pieces were aligned, covered in lube, just waiting for Sam to drop.  "Take your time," he murmured, "No rush.  No pressure.  This is for us." 

"I know," Sam whispered, "This is for us."  He took a deep breath before he reached down, touching Colby's face gently.  "I love you." 

Colby smiled gently, touching Sam's hand where it rested against his cheek.  "I love you too." 

And Sam lowered himself down. 

They both hissed at the initial breach, Colby in pleasure, Sam in... some mix of pleasure and pain.  "Are you..."

"I'm fine," Sam hissed out, and his eyelids were pressed tightly together.  "Just... just gimme a moment."

"It's better once it gets past the head," Colby offered, not sure how helpful that was.  Arguably Colby's experiences didn't really apply here.  But Sam took his advice, pushing down just a little bit more until his rim finally cleared the head.  Sam's breath whooshed out of him, but his face looked slightly less pained. 

"That is better," He agreed breathlessly. 

"Good," Colby breathed, because he forgot how good sex was from the top, from having his dick in something warm and wet and tight because fuck it had been a hot moment, but he knew first hand how awful it was if rushed, and he wouldn't do that to Sam but fuck this was good... 

"I'm okay..." Sam murmured, almost as if he was reassuring himself as much as Colby.  "I'm okay..." Colby inhaled roughly as Sam slide down again, an the breath came out as a drawn out moan as Sam let himself slide all the way down so that he could press his ass against Colby's hips. 

"Oh fuck..." Sam was panting, looking up at the ceiling, and his internal muscles were twitching around Colby, milking his cock in the most delicious way. 

"Fuck, Sam, love..." Colby breathed, looking up at Sam, pressed as far inside his boyfriend as he could go.  He stared at the point where they were joined with no small amount of wonder.  But he looked up when Sam looked back down at him, and there were tears tracking down Sam's cheeks.  "Oh shit, are you okay?" He asked quickly, because why the hell was Sam crying?

Sam shook his head, laughing out a sob.  "I'm sorry, I just... we did it," He shifted his hips, indicating the way they were connected.  "We did it."  He laughed again, "I'm just feeling a lot of things right now..."

Colby smiled, feeling an answering tightness in his throat. 

"I know what you mean.  We did it."  They hadn't taken sex from them, hadn't taken his ability to enjoy his boyfriend's body in this intimate, sexual dance. 

They took that back.

Sam pressed his hands against Colby's chest, lifting his hips experimentally.  The rush of sensation to Colby's cock was almost overwhelming, but Colby grounded himself by watching Sam's face, watched as he tried to process the new sensation.  "This is a lot more than fingers," He commented jokingly, "But like, in a good way, like..." He rolled his hips experimentally, and Colby rolled his as well to meet Sam.  A surprised noise of pleasure made its way out of Sam's chest, and he watched Sam's eyelashes flutter. 

"Fuck Sam, you're so fucking hot..." Colby breathed, rolling his hips to meet Sam's next movement.  What happened next was he and Sam discovering this new dance together, discovering the movements that made Sam's toes curl, made Colby's hands tighten on Sam's hips, made pants and moans of pleasure escape both of them. 

Sam canted his hips in a new way and he cried out unexpectedly at the next roll.  "Prostate!" He gasped out at Colby's concerned look.  Colby decided that anything that made Sam make that noise was worth repeating, and so he did, letting Sam fall forward against his chest with a cry of pleasure. 

They fell into a rhythm after that, letting their bodies press and rub and just  _be_... together. It just felt so natural, feeling Sam on top of him, around him, pulling his cock in and out of his body... like something that always should have been.  

Colby's orgasm snuck up on him.  One moment he was rocking into Sam, stroking his dick and digging his free hand into Sam's hair, and the next his abs had locked up as his body broke over an invisible summit, pulsing deep into Sam's body.  His hand picked up speed on Sam's dick as his mouth latched on to Sam's neck, and it only felt like a few moments later when Sam's orgasm followed, seeping warm between them, his body clenching around Colby's over-sensitized dick in a way that was  _almost_ too much but... not quite.  

Paying no attention to the semen on his chest, Colby pulled Sam down against him, hugging him tightly against his chest.  Sam readjusted his legs, the movement disconnecting them in a sensation that caused them both to wince.  But the concern was quickly lost as Sam buried his face in Colby's neck, settling against him. 

"That was awesome," Sam commented blearily, "We should... we should do that again..."

Colby nodded breathlessly, wrapping his arms up Sam's back, just taking a moment to come back into his body from the high place that sex had sent him.  

He let the reality of what they had just accomplished sink into his bones, and a small smile grew across his face.  "We did it," Colby breathed quietly, mostly to himself, but he heard Sam's quiet sound of agreement.

If someone had told him four months ago that he would be here right now, holding Sam against his chest after they finally managed to have sex after all the trauma that he had been through, he would have called bullshit.  Would have called bullshit on everything that had happened in the past few months, the bad, and the good, and the fact that he could call Sam his... he never would have believed it.

But here he was.  And it was all true.     

Colby closed his eyes, tightening his grip on Sam.  They would have to get up and clean up at some point, but for now, he was happy to just hold Sam against him and be thankful that he had this now.

 _We'll be okay..._ He thought to himself.   _For real this time..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title card! 
> 
> Whoo, that was a hell of a chapter. Ringing in at 8029 words, we've got about 25% wrapping up from last chapter, 25% time lapse, 50% sex with objective. Porn with plot? I dunno, maybe its gratuitous but like, I've been waiting for these two to have consensual sex since chapter one so we'll enjoy ourselves, okay?
> 
> I hope the time lapse wasn't too confusing. I had a lot of plot to hit before the last half and I didn't feel like fleshed out versions of these events were necessary to make the story work (and in fact would bog it down)(also, also, I have no idea how legal things for this kinda stuff works so I blew through that on purpose). 
> 
> We've got one more epilogue after this and then we can call this story done. Thank you for sticking with me and I'll see all y'all in the next, and last chapter...


	23. Chapter 23

Colby stared into the camera lens, taking and releasing a deep breath.  Sam sat next to him, looking nervous but determined.  

“You ready?” Colby asked quietly.

”Ready as I’m gonna be,” Sam answered.

“Alright...” Colby reached out, tagging the start button on the camera.  He flipped the mental switch that they were filming now.  Filming a long overdue video.  “What up, guys? It’s Sam and Colby.” 

“Today...” Sam looked at Colby before he looked back at the camera, “We’re going to be talking about a thing that we’ve been avoiding for... almost eight months now.”

”We’ve couldn’t talk about it at first, because like, it had just happened and we were both really messed up, but Sam and I just got some news today and... we think we’re ready to talk about what happened.”  Colby’s anxiety was very there, but it was manageable.  He was ready for this video.  

Sam nodded, “Obviously, we’re gonna have some big trigger warnings on this video.”

Colby clasped his hands together, “We’re going to be talking about mental health, trauma, and physical and- sexual assault.”  He almost tripped over the words, but Sam’s foot pressed against him off camera grounded him enough to continue.  Colby continued, “If any of these topics are triggering to any of you, then please click off this video now.  We don’t want to trigger anyone, because trust us, we know what it’s like.”

”Seriously,” Sam elaborated, “Don’t feel obligated to watch this video if it’s going to mess you up.  This video is for everyone who needs closure that we’re okay, and for us to put this out there and kinda give ourselves closure too.  Because what happened was really messed up but... we’re a lot better now, and we want to kinda put this whole thing to bed.”

“Okay, so... let’s get this started,” Colby looked at Sam.  His heart was beating rather heavily in his chest, but he was okay.  Sam was okay.  

They were okay.

”It all started about eight months ago, when we were trying to film another haunted video,” Colby started them off, “This place in LA reached out to us about filming a video in their haunted room.  It was a little weird, but like, it’s not the first time we’ve gotten an email like that since we started doing all of this haunted stuff.  They offered us a free stay in exchange for the video.”  

”We found out later that was all part of a plan to get us there in a place where a group of mercenaries could get set up to kidnap us,” Sam continued, wincing at that part of the story.  That had come out in the trials, and Sam and Colby had felt so stupid in the wake of that discovery.  But, what was done was done.  They would just be more careful in the future.  

“We got set up in the room, got our filming equipment out.  We were getting ready to go check out the rest of the hotel when uh... when we got jumped.” 

“They drugged us out, and Jake too, but they only wanted us I guess, because the next thing we both remember is waking up in  _that room_ , the one you guys saw in the video.”  Sam pressed his leg harder against Colby’s, and Colby wasn’t sure if it was because he or Sam needed the grounding.  Sam continued, “I woke up handcuffed, Colby woke up on that table.” 

They both paused a moment to regroup.  Colby knew that this was going to be the hard part.  They could edit this part out in post, so he leaned in and kissed Sam gently, just because he could.  Sam smiled against his mouth, his hand lifting to rest against Colby’s chest.  “We got this,” Sam murmured, pulling back just enough to rest his forehead against Colby’s.  “We can stop if you need to.”

”We can stop if _you_ need to too,” Colby reminded him.  

Sam nodded, taking another centering breath.  “Okay... okay...” They both separated again, turning their attention back to the camera.

”This first video you guys saw was our first experience with them and what they wanted from us,” Colby restarted.  “Basically they told us that they wanted videos of us... having sex.” He swallowed the anxiety balled in his throat.  

Sam noticed his struggle, and picked up where he left off.  “They told me that I could do it... or they could.” He shrugged shortly, eyes falling from the camera for a moment.  “We decided, together, that the best course of action was for me to do what they wanted, so that Colby didn’t get hurt more than he had to.”

”I know most of you know this, but I’m going to say it clearly for those of you still commenting things about it,” Colby looked directly at the camera, “Sam didn’t rape me,” Colby was proud of his voice for not tripping over the word.  “Sam did what I needed him to do to keep me as safe as we could.  That... what you saw in that first video wasn’t wanted by either of us.  It was just... the best option we had at the time.”  

Sam’s face still looked tortured, but he picked up next, “Same thing goes for the video that came after that,” He said, “Neither of us would have done any of that if we hadn’t been sure that the alternative would be worse.”  

“And it was,” Colby looked at Sam, then back at the camera, “You guys saw the third video.  That was... absolutely awful...” Colby felt his YouTube personality trying to slip, but he wrestled it back up by the skin of his teeth.  

“They found us not long after that video was filmed,” Sam continued.  Elton had asked that his part in all of this be left out.  Elton was still processing the trauma of those two months.  They tried their best to be there for him but... there was only so much they could do.  “They took us to a hospital, and that was the first time we really had the chance to try to process any of this.”

Colby remembered those hours, days following rescue.  God, it had been so bad.  ”I was beyond messed up,” Colby admitted quietly to the camera.  “I couldn’t... like, I couldn’t touch anyone.  I was an absolute mess of triggers and anxiety.”  

Sam nodded, a sad look on his face at he looked at Colby.  “Neither of us were at all okay,” Sam said, “But Colby... seeing him so messed up from what they did to him, what they made us do...” He shook his head, “It was really hard, for a while, for both of us.”  

“What helped both of us out,” Colby addressed the camera again, getting to one of the points he really wanted to address, “Was you guys.  It was your love, your comments and support, and the funny pictures you tagged us in when we were up all night from nightmares... it really made a huge difference, because we knew the Sam and Colby family would support each other through anything.  The stories you guys sent in...” He was getting emotional, and he smiled through the tears that were suddenly pressing at his eyes.  “Sam will tell you, I cried while reading those.”

”He did,” Sam confirmed, nodding and smiling faintly.

”All of you, all of those stories helped me feel just a little bit less alone,” Colby continued, “Because at that point I felt like no one, even Sam, could possibly know how I felt, and you guys proved us wrong... again.”  He chuckled, “I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong.”

Sam jumped in, giving Colby a mournful smile at his words, ”So to all of you who sent in your stories and shared that with our community, thank you.”

”Thank you,” Colby echoed.

Sam started with the next part.  “So for two months, we picked up the pieces.  And it was... it was really rough for a while...” 

“There were a lot of panic attacks, nightmares, days where I was completely dissociated...” 

“And it took a while before we were anywhere close to okay,” Sam added.  “But our friends were there for us, and it’s really because of them that we’re doing as well as we are.”  That, and the whole dating thing, but they had determined the community didn’t need to know that yet.  

“And then, about two months after we were finally back to mostly okay... they came back,” Colby hugged himself comfortingly.  

“They broke into my apartment, while Colby and I were there, and tried to take us both,” Sam narrated, “That’s the real reason why were moved, guys.  We couldn’t handle being in that apartment after all that happened.”

Colby nodded, wincing at the process that moving had been.  Breaking the lease had been expensive, but they couldn’t have stayed there, and he and Sam really needed their own place after Sam was more healed.  A new start.   

“Sam was able to escape them and plant his phone in the van that took us,” Colby still felt some residual emotions at that memory.  He was over it, he and Sam were fine, better than fine... but the ghost of the emotions still lingered sometimes.  

“That’s why the next time you guys saw me I was in the hospital,” Sam explained to the camera.  “I jumped out of a moving car at super high speeds and that’s not exactly good for your bones if you know what I’m saying.”  He readjusted and winced as pain shot through his knee.  Some pain and a slight limp still lingered from that injury.  His physical therapist wasn’t sure it would ever go away. 

“I didn’t escape until later, when the cops came after they tracked his phone,” Colby looked at Sam as he spoke, letting Sam’s eyes ground him through this next bit.  “There was... more of the same, in the meantime.  Torture and... other stuff...” The words caught in his throat, coming out choked and malformed.  Sam’s face twisted in pain, and he wrapped an arm around Colby comfortingly.  Colby turned into Sam, changing the half hug into a proper one, because in that moment he needed Sam’s grounding contact.  It would probably only read as platonic on camera, but Colby felt the love and support that came from the embrace.  He released the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding, relaxing into Sam’s arms.  He would cut this part until they started talking again.  Or maybe he wouldn’t.  Maybe it could come across more genuine to the fans.  

Colby finally detached from the embrace, and he didn’t look right at the camera, arm coming up to scrub the tears from his eyes.  He’d probably leave this part in.  

He trusted their fans to see him being vulnerable.  

If the previous videos hadn’t made them turn their backs on him this one wouldn’t.  

Colby took a deep breath and released it slowly, centering himself again.  “The only good thing that came out of that was... when they rescued me, the police finally caught the people who has taken us.  So I knew... we knew that they couldn’t come for us again.”  

“Which is the best news we’d gotten in a long time,” Sam smiled wryly, and Colby nodded his agreement.  

”So these past six months since then, we’ve been in and out of the court system trying to get these people put away for good.”  Colby was shocked how easily the last six months of drama, panic attacks, and way too much exposure of his own ordeal was described.  It felt almost wrong.  

“And today, we found out that they’ve all received life sentences,” Sam smiled then, a full on joyous smile at the camera.  “So, today... everything that‘s happened over the last eight months... it’s over.  It’s finally over.”  

Colby smiled too.  “It’s done.  Sam and I finally got closure on everything that happened.  And now, we’re trying to give that to you guys too.”

Sam looked at the camera earnestly.  “We just wanted to make one more video so we can finally just... put this all behind us and focus on the stuff we really want to do.”

”Guys, we have so many plans and projects in the works for the next few months, you guys are going to love it!” Colby finally grinned, letting his excitement show.  

”We’ve been working with some really cool people on some really cool stuff,“ Sam elaborated, ”And I swear we’ll tell you guys about it as soon as we’re able but... just keep a lookout on our channels for our next series, because it’s like nothing you guys have seen us do before.”  

“You won’t want to miss it,” Colby nodded, looking at Sam, and happiness sparked out of his eyes and Colby swore he could get lost in them.  

“Thank you again, for sticking with us through this really tough time,” Sam brought the mood back down to the real message of the video.  “We really appreciate you guys, and we couldn’t have gotten through it without you.” 

“For real,” Colby added, “We have the best fans, seriously.  We’re so thankful for all of you and the family that we’ve created here.”  And Colby really felt that way.  Because no matter what happened, he knew their fans would stand behind them.  There would come a day to tell them about Sam and Colby dating, but it was not this day.

He was just happy to have Sam here, as his.  Having a little privacy for the first time in eight months would be nice.

Sam grinned at him before turning back to the camera.  “And on that note, make sure to like, comment, subscribe!”

Colby tagged in, “Thank you for all your support, for sticking with us through everything, and we’ll see you in the next one.”

”Peace!” And Colby ended the recording.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, it’s over. 
> 
> I debated adding more after the video ended, but I liked the way that it read, so I decided to leave it. 
> 
> I can’t believe this monster is finally done. This story’s been with me through a lot, and very much was a way to deal with a lot of trauma in my personal life, but now that all of that has resolved for me... it’s time for this story to resolve too. 
> 
> I may still add some writings still in this universe because there are a few things that I wanted to get to that that the timeline of this story didn’t allow. Those will go in a separate writing but I’ll put it in a series with this one. So keep an eye out for that and a new universe that’s been brewing in my head for a few weeks now. I’d say it’ll probably be shorter, but I didn’t think this piece would turn into what it has, so I’ve been wrong before. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my little project. I hope you all enjoyed.
> 
> I’ll see you all in the next one. 
> 
> Cheers,  
> Nova


End file.
